Stay With Me
by Dell-Indilwen
Summary: Hi! This is my story, about Peeta and Katniss growing back together after Mockingjay. I hope you will like it. First chapter is partly taken from Mockingjay, because I wated to continue in it smoothly :) Characters from The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
1. Hard Beginning

**Hi everyone! This is an opening chapter of my fanfiction about Peeta and Katniss after the Mockingjay. This first chapter is kind of boring, because there are not many new things happening. I used part of the last chapter from mockingjay to continue in it smoothly. I promise that the other chapters will be all written by myself and they will be more interesting than this one. I hope you'll enjoy my fanfiction. I also got inspirated from a fanfiction story Grow Together (by Miss Scarlett 05) so a few situations may sound familiar... Thanks for your reviews, favorites and follows, I appreciate it greatly! :)**

Chapter 1: Hard Beginning

It's night when we land on the green of the Victor's Village. Half of the houses have lights in the windows, including Haymitch's and mine. Not Peeta's. Someone has built a fire in my kitchen. I sit in the rocker before it, clutching my mother's letter.  
>"Well, see you tomorrow," says Haymitch. As the clinking of his bag of liquor bottles fades away, I whisper, "I doubt it."<br>I am unable to move from the chair. The rest of the house looms cold and empty and dark. I pull an old shawl over my body and watch the flames. I guess I sleep, because the next thing I know, it's morning and Greasy Sae's banging around at the stove. She makes me eggs and toast and sits there until I've eaten it all. We don't talk much. Her little granddaughter, the one who lives in her own world, takes a bright blue ball of yarn from my mother's knitting basket. Greasy Sae tells her to put it back, but I say she can have it. No one in this house can knit and more. After breakfast, Greasy Sae does the dishes and leaves, but she comes back up at dinnertime to make me eat again. I don't know if she's just being neighborly or if she's on the government's payroll, but she shows up twice every day. She cooks, I consume. I try to figure out my next move. There's no obstacle now to taking my life. But I seem to be waiting for something.  
>Sometimes the phone rings and rings and rings, but I don't pick it up. Haymitch never visits. Maybe he changed his mind and left, although I suspect he's just drunk. No one comes but Greasy Sae and her granddaughter. After months of solitary confine ment, they seem like a crowd.<br>"Spring's in the air today. You ought to get out," she says. "Go hunting."I haven't left the house. I haven't even left the kitchen except to go to the small bathroom a few steps off of it. I'm in the same clothes I left the Capitol in. What I do is sit by the fire. Stare at the unopened letters piling up on the mantel. "I don't have a bow."  
>"Check down the hall," she says.<br>After she leaves, I consider a trip down the hall. Rule it out. But after several hours, I go anyway, walking in silent sock feet, so as not to awaken the ghosts. In the study, where I had my tea with President Snow, I find a box with my father's hunting jacket, our plant book, my parents' wedding photo, the spile Haymitch sent in, and the locket Peeta gave me in the clock arena. The two bows and a sheath of arrows Gale rescued on the night of the firebombing lie on the desk. I put on the hunting jacket and leave the rest of the stuff untouched. I fall asleep on the sofa in the formal living room. A terrible nightmare follows, where I'm lying at the bottom of a deep grave, and every dead person I know by name comes by and throws a shovel full of ashes on me. It's quite a long dream, considering the list of people, and the deeper I'm buried, the harder it is to breathe. I try to call out, begging them to stop, but the ashes fill my mouth and nose and I can't make any sound. Still the shovel scrapes on and on and on...  
>I wake with a start. Pale morning light comes around the edges of the shutters. The scraping of the shovel continues. Still half in the nightmare, I run down the hall, out the front door, and around the side of the house, because now I'm pretty sure I can scream at the dead. When I see him, I pull up short. His face is flushed from digging up the ground under the windows. In a wheelbarrow are five scraggly bushes.<br>"You're back," I say.  
>"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," Peeta says. "By the way, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone."<br>He looks well. Thin and covered with burn scars like me, but his eyes have lost that clouded, tortured look. He's frowning slightly, though, as he takes me in. I make a halfhearted effort to push my hair out of my eyes and realize it's matted into clumps. I feel defensive. "What are you doing?"  
>"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her," he says. "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house."<br>I look at the bushes, the clods of dirt hanging from their roots, and catch my breath as the word rose registers. I'm about to yell vicious things at Peeta when the full name comes to me. Not plain rose but evening primrose. The flower my sister was named for. I give Peeta a nod of assent and hurry back into the house, locking the door behind me. But the evil thing is inside, not out.

Trembling with weakness and anxiety, I run up the stairs. My foot catches on the last step and I crash onto the floor. I force myself to rise and enter my room. The smell's very faint but still laces the air. It's there. The white rose among the dried flowers in the vase. Shriveled and fragile, but holding on to that unnatural perfection cultivated in Snow's greenhouse. I grab the vase, stumble down to the kitchen, and throw its contents into the embers. As the flowers flare up, a burst of blue flame envelops the rose and devours it. Fire beats roses again. I smash the vase on the floor for good measure. Back upstairs, I throw open the bedroom windows to clear out the rest of Snow's stench. But it still lingers, on my clothes and in my pores. I strip, and flakes of skin the size of playing cards cling to the garments. Avoiding the mirror, I step into the shower and scrub the roses from my hair, my body, my mouth. Bright pink and tingling, I find something clean to wear. It takes half an hour to comb out my hair. Greasy Sae unlocks the front door. While she makes breakfast, I feed the clothes I had shed to the fire. At her suggestion, I pare off my nails with a knife. Over the eggs, I ask her,  
>"Where did Gale go?"<br>"District Two. Got some fancy job there. I see him now and again on the television," she  
>says. I dig around inside myself, trying to register anger, hatred, longing. I find only relief. After the breakfast, Greasy Sae leaves me alone again.<br>My head snaps around at the hiss, but it takes awhile to believe he's real. How could he have gotten here? I take in the claw marks from some wild animal, the back paw he holds slightly above the ground, the prominent bones in his face. He's come on foot, then, all the way from 13. Maybe they kicked him out or maybe he just couldn't stand it there without her, so he came looking.  
>"It was the waste of a trip. She's not here," I tell him. Buttercup hisses again.<br>"She's not here. You can hiss all you like. You won't find Prim." At her name, he perks up. Raises his flattened ears. Begins to meow hopefully.  
>"Get out!" He dodges the pillow I throw at him.<br>„Go away! There's nothing left for you here!" I start to shake, furious with him.  
>"She's not coming back! She's never ever coming back here again!" I grab another pillow and get to my feet to improve my aim. Out of nowhere, the tears begin to pour down my cheeks.<br>"She's dead." I clutch my middle to dull the pain. Sink down on my heels, rocking the pillow, crying.  
>"She's dead, you stupid cat. She's dead."<p>

A new sound, part crying, part singing, comes out of my body, giving voice to my despair. Buttercup begins to wail as well. No matter what I do, he won't go. He circles me, just out of reach, as wave after wave of sobs racks my body, until eventually I fall unconscious. But he must understand. He must know that the unthinkable has happened and to survive will require previously unthinkable acts. Because hours later, when I come to in my bed, he's there in the moonlight. Crouched beside me, yellow eyes alert, guarding me from the night.

In the morning, he sits stoically as I clean the cuts, but digging the thorn from his paw brings on a round of those kitten mews. We both end up crying again, only this time we comfort each other. On the strength of this, I open the letter Haymitch gave me from my mother, dial the phone number, and weep with her as well.  
>Peeta, bringing a warm loaf of bread, shows up with Greasy Sae. She makes us breakfast and I feed all my bacon to Buttercup. When Sae is done with cooking she goes home and we're left alone. But only for a second, because in a moment someone cracks the door open loudly. I even don't have to look and I know it's Haymitch. Who else could it be.<br>„So I heard you're back Peeta." he says cheerfully and sits between us. „You're okay together?" he asks and examines both of us. Neither of us answer.  
>„Well if you have a problem, I'm just over the lawn." he says. Then he stands up and wants to leave, but he turns back at the door.<br>„As your mentor I have an advice for you two." he says.  
>„You" he points at me „be nice to him and if you feel like screaming at him, just remember our phone call, when you were on a Capitol mission." he says and gives me a strict glare. I remember that one. I know what he means. Try to do what Peeta would do if it would be the other way around. Be nice and calm. Then he points at Peeta.<br>„You..." he hesitates for a second. „just try not to kill her." he chuckles while going home.  
>And suddenly I'm afraid. Peeta is looking at me intently with those blue eyes again and I'm not sure how I feel about him being here. I'm afraid he will get some flashback or that he will bring terrible memories to me and I will lose my nerves. My heart starts beating faster and my head goes a little dizzy. I close my eyes for a moment.<br>_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten._  
>When I open my eyes he's still there, still looking at me. He doesn't look angry, but it's also not that old kind Peeta. I stand up quickly and go to the living room, where I sit on the couch and hug the soft pillow again. I hope he will get the hint and go to his own house now. Unluckily he doesn't and he comes to the living room and sits into an armchair across from me. Again his eyes locks on mine. I try to avoid them as much as I can.<br>„Katniss?" he says quietly. Finally I get all my courage and look him in the eyes.  
>„Dr. Aurelius let me go home, because I'm not dangerous for other people any more." he says „I still have flashbacks, but they are much different than during the war. I just have a bad memory in my head, but I can control what I do." he looks at me pleadingly. I know he wants me to be okay with him around.<br>„I will not harm you okay?" he says.  
>„Okay." I say barely audible. He smiles slightly.<br>„You know my memories are still a mess..." he says and hesitates for a moment. I don't say anything. I have a bad feeling that he will want me to discuss something, but I don't feel for those terrible questions right now.  
>„...I will probably need your help." he finishes finally and keeps looking at me. I dare to look at him too.<br>„Okay, but not now." I say pleadingly. „I don't feel very well." I admit and look down at my bare feet to avoid his gaze.  
>„Could I have just one question?" he asks. I dread his questions about love, kisses, nights in the trains, interviews and not existing babies... But I can survive one question.<br>„Yeah." I say. He smiles at me.  
>„How are you? What were you doing all these weeks?" he asks and I'm staring at him in awe for a moment. I'm happy that he doesn't push on me and make me tell him about our painful past. I think about his question, but I really don't know how to answer.<br>„I don't know." I admit quietly, hugging the pillow more tightly. „I was kind of like my mum after my dad died. Just sitting by the fire and eating what Sae cooked for me. Nothing else." his look is worried now.  
>„You should do something Katniss. Hunt or something else." he says. I know he means it well, but I'm so deep in my depression that this doesn't help.<br>„Why?" I ask and look at him hopelessly. „I have no purpose to live any more. There is nothing for me in here. Everything what meant something for me is gone." I say, my throat tightens and I feel tears welling up in my eyes so I look down again.  
>„Don't speak like that Katniss." Peeta says calmly. „There's plenty of things to live for."<br>„No there is not!" I scream at him, tears in my eyes. It's not an hour since Haymitch was here, telling me to be nice at Peeta and I'm yelling at him already. But I can't stop it.  
>„Everything I loved is gone Peeta" I say desperately and those tears finally stream down my face.<br>„My mum is in 4, Gale is in 2... They both abandoned me." I say and a loud sob escapes from my lips. Peeta just looks at me sadly. „My dad is dead and you don't love me any more." I say quietly. „And Prim..." my voice catches before I finish and I start crying. „ She's gone forever!" I get out between my sobs and I run up to my bedroom and lock the door behind me. Peeta runs up after me, knocks on the door and calls at me to open.  
>„Go away! Leave me alone." I yell between my sobs.<p>

I come back to my old habit from District 13 and I huddle in my wardrobe. Hugging my knees tightly, I cry my grief and pain out in its darkness. After few minutes Peeta gives up and he goes away. I used to hate crying. In fact I almost never cried before Hunger Games. Only when my dad died. I thought it will make me weak, but now, there's nothing else left than crying. It's the only way I can survive this pain I feel in my heart. I'm so alone. They are all gone and I'm left here with drunken Haymitch and mad Peeta. In some moment I doze off and I'm woken up by loud pounding on the door.  
>„Katniss? Are you in there? Open the door!" Peeta calls at me. I really don't want to speak with him.<br>„Katniss are you okay?" he asks and I can hear desperation in his voice.  
>„I'm fine." I say loudly enough for him to hear. I found out, that it's dark outside and I'm also feeling hungry. It seems that I was in that wardrobe all day long.<br>„Open the door. Please." he says.  
>„Why?" I ask.<br>„I brought you dinner." he says. „And I will not go away until you eat it." he says stubbornly and by the shadow under the door I can see he sits down on the floor. Finally I sight, unlock the door and sit on my bed hugging my knees to my chin. He looks worried. A lot. He lays the plate on my bedside table and he sits on the edge of my bed looking at me sadly.  
>„Katniss please don't do this again." he says and looks at me pleadingly.<br>„Please don't lock me out, I don't want you to hurt yourself." he says.  
>„I won't" I say finally downcasting my eyes.<br>„Thanks." he says and gives me a slight smile.  
>„Eat this." he says handing me the plate with two slices of bread and some cheese. I look at it suspiciously at first.<br>„Come on, I know you haven't eaten all day." he says and gives me a knowing look. I give up and start eating. „and I also know you hide in closets and small spaces. Sae told me."  
>„And what? Am I not allowed to do that?" I say offensively.<br>„You can do whatever you want Katniss. It's okay to be upset, you have plenty reasons to be. But we have to get you better. You have to get out of these depressions." he says quietly.  
>„I don't know how to do that Peeta." I say and I feel how my hands shake a little. I think I will loose it again when his hand touches my shoulder and I feel warm spreading all over my body from that spot. It's weird.<br>„For starters, you should take the pills Dr. Aurelius sent you." he says and hands me two white pills and a glass of water. I sight, but swallow them obligingly. Maybe he's right. He always used to be.  
>„Then you must do something, not just lay in bed. Keep busy. Go hunting, or just go for a walk to the forest. Plant a garden behind your house or come and help me bake, it doesn't matter what you'll do, just do something to occupy your mind." he says and gives me an intent look.<br>„I don't know if I'll be able to do that. Everything reminds me of her in here." I sight.  
>„It will get better, you'll see. I'll help you. We'll start tomorrow okay? Now get some sleep." he smiles at me and tucks me under the covers.<br>And suddenly a memory comes to my mind. My heel was injured and he tucked me into my bed just like this. Then I told him to stay with me and he held my hand until I fell asleep, promising he will be here for me. Always. Those three words are already on my tongue, when I stop myself and swallow them instead. No. He's not that boy anymore. He doesn't love me like that any more.  
>„Good night, Katniss." he says quietly and gives me a sweet smile before he turns the light off.<br>„See you in the morning." he says while closing the door.  
>„Good night." I say quietly wishing the old Peeta was here. Wishing he was holding me in his arms again. Protecting me from nightmares which will surely come. But he's not. Well at least I hope he's right that it will get better. I will try it his way tomorrow and we'll see if I'll be feeling better. I feel optimistic about it.<p> 


	2. Just Keep Busy

The optimistic feeling in the evening was absolutely wrong. After night with three terrible nightmares full of mutts and dying friends, knocking on the door wakes me up in the morning.

"Wake up Katniss, it's a new beautiful day!" Peeta sings out and I feel the urge to throw a pillow at him. Instead I just groan and put the pillow over my head and ears, but it's pointless, because he gets it away immediately.

"Come on, get up you sleepyhead!" he says strictly, when I pull the blanket over my head.

"Leave me alone Peeta. I was wrong, I don't want you to help me." I say annoyed by his cheerful morning mood. How can anyone be this happy in the morning?!

Finally after another 10 minutes of coaxing, I get up and swallow the pills he gives me. When he makes sure I won't go back to bed, he goes down and in a while I accompany him in the kitchen for the breakfast. I eat some eggs and bread and I must admit I feel a little better. When we're done with breakfast, I wash the dishes and Peeta dries them. When we're done I look at him expectantly.

"So?" I raise my eyebrows at him. "What should I do?" I ask.

"Well you could start with that." he says pointing at the huge pile of letters by the front door. I sight.

"Can I just throw them into the fire?" I ask pleadingly. "I'm sure there's nothing important." He gives me a strict look.

"First sort it and then you can destroy the useless ones. But there are also letters from Dr. Aurelius too. You should read those. And I'm sure there would be some letters from your mum, or Annie or Johanna. I got a letter from both of them." he says. My stomach turns with Annie's name. I feel so sorry for her losing Finnick.

"And pick up the phone when it rings. I had my therapy hour with Dr. Aurelius today and he said he will call you during the day." he informs me. Great, more speaking about my feelings and moods.

"Okay." I say resignedly and I sit cross-legged on the floor and start sorting the letters. It's surprising, that it takes me almost all the morning to sort them out. Buttercup is not making it any easier when he keeps strolling between my hands or in the pile of letters. I make a pile for letters from my friends, which I want to read, second pile for doctor Aurelius, which I don't want to read, but I should and third one for the letters I really don't want to read. Those are mostly from Plutrach, reporters or TV crews. I hesitate holding a letter from Cressida and Pollux, but then I add it to the friends pile. Those two are my real friends after all we've been through during the rebellion.

Peeta shows up for lunch and brings me sandwiches. He checks if I'm doing something and he was happy when I proudly showed him my system of sorting the letters. There is only few left so in the afternoon I plan to read them.

"I'm going to the town, to help with clearing some rubble, but I will come back soon okay?" he says.

"Okay." I say absentmindedly sorting the last letters, while he goes out. I find out, that he left me some cookies in the kitchen so I take it to the living room together with the letters I want to read. At first I decide to deal with the letters from Dr. Aurelius. To be honest there's nothing new in them. Mostly all the things Peeta has already told me. Except the last one, where he writes me that he sends Peeta to District 12. He assures me he is not dangerous for me and I should call or write him if whatever happens.

When I'm done with Dr. Aurelius, I move to letters from my mum. There is four of them. In the first one she writes about District 4, about how she likes the sea, the warm weather and how she enjoys the sea food. In the other letters she writes me all about building a hospital in there and how she will start working there as a nurse. She also mentions that she met with Annie and they became friends. She says that I should answer Annie's letter and that she's said I haven't done so until now. I'm feeling a little bad for shouting them all out. Peeta was right again, I should not shout out the world around me. But sometimes it helps so much...

Then there's a letter from Effie, who wastes four pages on describing what she's been doing in Capitol and how people like to hire her for being a party manager. Cressida and Pollux wish me to get better soon and they ask how are we getting along with Peeta. Cressida softly mentions that if we need a camera crew for shooting something, they would be more than happy to oblige. Well I don't long for being in TV these days. I think all the Panem is sick of me. Beetee is back in district 3, but he often visits Gale in 2, while they discuss and invent weapons or other things. I can't miss the fact that there's no letter from Gale. He's probably still angry with me, that I haven't forgive him, but I'm really not angry with him. It was not his fault. I feel shivers going through my spine, when I remember their deadly bombs. Bombs, that killed my sister. I shake my head to scare away such a thoughts. I open a letter from Johanna, which is just half of a page in a scribbled words. She asks how am I doing and if we're back together with Peeta. She's back in District 7 and she's trying to live normally too, but it's probably hard because she's so alone in there. She suggests that she would like to visit 12 some day. Well I don't mind that, I'd like to see her.

But what really takes my breath away is a letter from Annie. It starts casually, but I'm not prepared for her news.

_Hi Katniss!_

_How are you doing these days? I hope you are healing well and you're coming back to normal life. I met your mum in here and she's really amazing women. Everyone likes her. She's worried about you a lot though. I'm trying to go back to my old life, but it's hard without him. But I don't want to upset you with Finnick so I have more thrilling and happy news for you. Just a week ago, I found out, that I'm pregnant with Finnick's child! I'm so happy about it. Even though Finnick is not here anymore, at least his child will be with me in 7 months. I'm happy about it. I'll certainly let you know, when I find out if it's a girl or a boy. I hope for a boy. I would name him Finnick. It's a pitty you are restricted to 12. I was talking to your mum and we would both like you to come here for a visit. Well let's hope they will let you travel soon. Be safe and try to be happy Katniss. You deserve it._

_Your Annie_

_P.S. Feel free to call me anytime! 905326855_

I have to read the letter twice to assure myself I understood it well. Annie is pregnant! She's carrying Finnick's child! That's big news. But I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, I'm happy that she will have at least a child to remind her Finnick. But won't it be painful for her? And what about the child? Poor little child, being born without a father. And suddenly I see an image of Finnick, with a little boy with Annie's dark brown hair and Finnick's beautiful green eyes. He would be such a great father. I hug the soft pillow again, leaving the letter fall down and huddling down on the couch. I'm so consumed by my guilt about Finnick's death that I even don't realize that Peeta has come back. A silent tear is sliding down my cheek when his voice startles me.

"Katniss?" he says and when I look up I find out, that he's standing over me, looking down and examining my face.

"What happened, why are you just lying here? Aren't you supposed to finish your letters?" he asks and I feel angry with him. But I take a deep breath and push the screams down and away. Instead another silent tear runs down my cheek. He notices it and looks at me sadly immediately.

"What happened?" he asks softly.

"I read Annie's letter." I say quietly. "Did you know that she's pregnant?" I look up at him.

"Yeah, she wrote me too. But that's good news, there's nothing to cry about." he says and smiles a little.

"He would be a great father." I say quietly and another tear goes down. Peeta is looking at me sadly. I look up at him.

"And that poor child will grow up without him, because of me. He even didn't know he'll be a father..." I say and another two tears go down. Peeta extends his hand and wipes them away. It startles me, when his hand touches my cheek and suddenly I don't know what to do. After such a long isolation from people, this is something unfamiliar. But even though his touch is gentle so I don't turn away and let his hand linger on my cheek for a while. After a moment he seems scared too and he let's it slide down. But his eyes keep staring into mine.

"It is not your fault." he says quietly "He fought for a world without hunger games, which is best for his child. The child will understand it sooner or later." he says and somehow it calms me down. He observes me for a while and then he stands up.

"Let's have a dinner, I met Sae and she gave it to me." he says and gives me an encouraging smile. I put Annie's letter back to the envelope and I stand up too. We eat the dinner and do the dishes very quietly. Then I head to the living room again and he follows me. I hug my favorite soft fluffy pillow and stare into the flames.

"So are you feeling better today?" Peeta asks quietly, while he sits next to me. I think about it for a while.

"I guess so." I admit. There's a long quiet until I finally take my eyes away from the flames and look at Peeta. He's observing me.

"Thanks Peeta." I say quietly and give him one slight smile. It feels weird. After so much crying and scowling and screaming, it feels strange to move the corners of my mouth up. But the effect it has on Peeta is incredible. It brings a huge smile on his own face.

"I'm glad you're smiling again." he says. The phone starts to ring and I dread the worst. I dread it's Dr. Aurelius. When Peeta sees my hesitation, he gets up and answer it.

"Hello! It's Peeta here." he says and he has a smile on his face again.

"Yeah I'm back. Just a few days. Yes I'm pretty well. What about you?" he's silent for a while, listening to the person on the other side of the device.

"Yeah she's here. She finally did her mail today and she actually smiled!" he says kind of proudly. Then he turns to me.

"Come on, it's your mum." he smiles at me and I get up slowly to take the phone.

"Hi mum." I say tiredly.

"Hi honey, how are you doing? Peeta said you are better." she says.

"A little." I answer.

"Well what about him? Are you okay with him around?" she asks worried.

"It's fine so far." I say.

"Do you need anything ordered?" she asks. Even though she' s so far away, she does my orders. I don't know why am I not able to do them myself. And I don't know why she want to do it. Maybe she feels better doing it for me. At least she has some way of taking care of me even though she's so far away. She has not abandoned me so much after all.

"I think I have to go back to work honey. Call me whenever you need okay?" she says with a cheerful voice.

"Okay, I will." I promise and put the phone down.

"I think I'll go to bed." I say quietly and look at Peeta who is sitting in my couch. I don't know why he's still here. Why does he want to be so much with me.

"Okay, I guess I'll go home then." he says "Night, night." he smiles at me.

And suddenly another memory comes to my mind. My dad leaning above me and planting a kiss on my forehead.

"Sweet dreams my little flower." he says. "Night, night" I say "Sleep tight." he winks at me "And don't let the bed bugs bite." I add with a giggle. And suddenly as the door close behind Peeta I realize how much I miss my dad. How much I miss his arms which used to hug me when I was small. How much I miss his beautiful voice singing lullabies for me. How much I miss the safe feeling he was always giving me. One time, Peeta was making me feel so safe too. But that's past. I huddle under the covers in my bed, imagining my dad planting a kiss on my forehead.

"Night, night Daddy." I whisper and a single tear spills out of my eyes before I drift off to my dreams. Tonight, my nightmares are about mine accidents, my dad running and me trying to safe him. Unsuccessfully of course.


	3. Fever And Nightmares

Mornings are so hard for me. Sometimes I have to put a lot of effort to resist the temptation to lock my bedroom so Peeta could not come in there in the morning. But I keep my promise and leave it unlocked for him. He keeps his promises too. Every morning he's standing over me, waking me up and coaxing me out of the bed. It's often a fight to get me out. I keep pulling the covers over my head to shout him out and I keep moving away from him. But that only makes him come up with more clever ways how to get me out like tickling so finally I decide to get up on my own before he goes for such a solutions. He always makes me take my pills and we eat the breakfast together.

He usually bakes in the mornings and he keeps me occupied. One day he makes me clean up the house, other day he finally makes me do my laundry, one crazy day I'm even made to clean up Haymitch's house! That turns out as not a one day task but a week task. But finally during one nice, but still chilly spring morning he shoves me out of the house and sends me to the forest. At first I'm hesitant, but when I'm behind the fence it's like some new blood in my veins. I'm walking through the familiar places, but I'm still to weak to go too far. And my hands are too shaky to shoot anything. Damn pills, makes my hands shake. At least I set a snare line and I gather some edible plants, some onions and I find a dill, which I plan to give Peeta, because he uses it for baking.

As I turn to head back home, I'm surprised by the dark clouds on the sky. They appeared so quickly, that it surprises me. And it is not good. If I'll get caught in the storm in the forest it won't be good. So I start running home. Unfortunately the rain starts when I reach the fence. It's so hard that I'm soaked in a minute and there's no point in hiding somewhere. Luckily it's just rain and not a storm. So I just run home as fast as I can. But as I approach the victor's village, my head starts to go dizzy and I had to stop at the entrance. I hold onto the little wall and take deep breathes. I feel like on some sea boat, with all the water and dizziness.

By the time I reach my door, my legs are weak. As I come in, I close the door and lean my back against the wall. I close my eyes and breath deeply, but I feel even worse. My head keeps spinning and I feel like vomiting. I think I will faint soon.

"I hope you don't mind I bake in your kitchen!" Peeta calls cheerfully. But when he peeks out of the kitchen door and looks at me, his face changes into concern immediately.

"Peeta..." I start and my legs betray me. He's not quick enough and I meet the carpet on the floor. When I open my eyes again, I'm sitting in the chair in the hall in front of the my open bedroom door. I don't know how I got here until I notice some flour on my arm and by my knees. He must have carried me then.

"Peeta." I say weakly. He comes from my bedroom.

"Katniss. What happened to you?" he asks and again he scoops me up and carries me towards the bathroom. His hands leave even more flour tracks on my wet sleeves and I can smell fresh bread and dill from them.

"I got caught in the rain in the forest and I couldn't hide anywhere." I say weakly, trembling in his arms. I don't know if it's caused by cold or the anxiety, that they touch me again. "So I run home."

"Okay" Peeta says and looks at me scared. "You need to get out of this damp clothes." he sits me on the edge of the tube.

"Here's a towel and your pyjamas. You take it all off, dry yourself and put the pyjamas on okay?" he looks at me "Then call me and I'll help you to your bed." he says. He closes the door and I do as he says obligingly. I carefully take all my damp clothes off, let it fall on the tile floor, dry my skin and put a warm pyjamas on me. I feel sick as I sit back on the tube, my body shaking and my head terribly dizzy. I think this trip to the forest was not such a good idea.

"I'm done." I say weakly and Peeta comes back. He scoops me up again and I'm just woozily aware that I wrap my arms around his neck thankfully and I rest my face on his shoulder. He lays me into the soft blankets and I finally let go of him. He puts a warm blanket over me and sits on the edge of my bed.

"I'm going to make some tea and I'll bring you some dinner too okay?" he says.

"Okay." I whisper and close my eyes. I don't feel cold any more, but I can feel how my body still shivers. I pull the blankets to my chin, close my eyes and wait for Peeta to come back. He does in five minutes and lays a tray on my bedside table. He examines me with a careful look.

"You're shivering." he says "are you cold?" he asks. I just shake my head. He puts his hand on my forehead and immediately I see an alarming look in his eyes.

"You have a fever Katniss." he says. " What other symptoms do you have?" he asks and examines me closely. We agree on running nose and I feel pain in the muscles on my back. And a headache. Peeta puts a cold cloth on my forehead and goes downstairs. He comes back quickly with a phone in his hand.

"Yes, she got caught in rain and she was absolutely soaked. A fever, running nose, headache and a pain in muscles on her back." he says. I assume he's talking to my mum.

"Yeah I think I have those. Okay, I will take care about that. Yes, I'll keep an eye on her, I'll call you if anything else happens." he fishes and puts down the phone.

"Your mum says it's a bad flu." he informs me "I'll get some pills for the fever from my house, I'll be right back." he promises. "Meanwhile you eat this and drink some tea." he says and points at the tray. There's two fresh cheese buns and some hot tea. I take one of the cheese buns and I bite little pieces from it. I feel worse and worse with every minute. I eat half of the bun, drink a little bit of tea, but then I collapse back into the bed, muffling up in warm blankets to get away that shivering, but it doesn't help. It seems that it's only getting worse. I close my eyes and wait until Peeta comes back. In a few minutes, he's back with a box of different pills and a glass of water. For a moment he digs in the box until he finds a small blue box.

"This should help with the fever." He says and hands me one pill and water. I swallow it hardly and sink back down into my blankets, covering me from ankle to my chin. Even though I feel warm, I still shiver. Peeta looks at me concerned.

"You should sleep. I'll stay here to keep an eye on you through the night." he says. I'm so weak that I don't even try to protest. I close my eyes and try to fall into sleep. But it's hard when your body is shivering and your head is pounding with pain. Somehow I manage to fall asleep, but only to wake in the evening feeling even worse. A cold wet cloth put on my forehead startles me. When I open my eyes, I see Peeta and he looks even more worried.

"How do you feel?" he asks. I realize all my clothes are covered in sweat and I can feel the heat radiating from my body.

"Could I change into something without sleeves and long pants?" I ask weakly. He hands me black undershirt and gray shorts.

"Tell me when I can turn back." he says and looks out of the window. I have never thought changing your clothes could be this hard. Every movement is painful for my muscles and I'm still shivering.

"You can turn back." I say as I lie back down into the blankets.

"Think you can eat this?" he asks, holding up a bowl of broth which smells like chicken. I wonder, where Sae could get chicken in here. I'm not very eager to eat it, but Peeta coaxes half of the bowl into me until I reject to eat more. He puts it back down on the bedside table and to my surprise he gives me a smile.

"I remember you feeding me with broth in the cave." he says quietly while he wraps the blankets around me. It is not exactly a question, but even a mention about our past makes me feel anxious.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten._

I count my breathes slowly in my head. When I open my eyes, he is looking at me.

"Don't worry I don't want to talk about it now." he says and brushes some hair from my eyes.

"I just wanted you to know." he says "That I remember." he adds and I can't help but feel nervous about the way how he looks at me. It seems almost like the old Peeta. Almost like the one who loved me.

"Okay." I say quietly.

"Sleep now, you'll feel better in the morning." he says and finally his hand is out of my hair. I close my eyes and try to sleep. But he's wrong. I don't feel much better in the morning.

When I open my eyes in the morning, I feel exhausted. It was a wild night. The fever made me feel dizzy, confused and I don't even remember all the things I've done or said. All I can remember is Peeta's hand brushing my hair or a wet cloth on my face or neck. What I remember clearly is waking up around three in the morning, pain and cramps in my stomach. I made it to the bathroom just in time to reach the toilet before the broth went out of me. Peeta was crouching next to me all the time, holding my tangled hair so it would not get dirty from vomit. When everything went out, I just collapsed on the floor, tears in my eyes, my body shaking and unable to move anywhere else. Peeta gave me a glass of water to wash my mouth with and then he carried me back to my bed. Then I felt a little better and fell into unsteady sleep full of dizzy dreams.

So in the morning, when Peeta comes up with toasts and some tea, it takes a long long time until he coaxes one half of a toast into me. He brings his sketchbook and he draws through the morning when I'm just sleeping or resting in the bed. He gets me another bowl of broth for the lunch and I feel a little better when I empty it. I hope it will not go out again. In the afternoon, I feel quiet better when I wake up. Peeta is sitting in the chair by my bed, focused on drawing in his sketchbook. I don't say anything and just watch him draw. It's so calming. Again, he looks almost the same like the old Peeta now. After a while, I find out, that again I linger on his long golden lashes. He looks up at me and smiles.

"Feeling better?" he asks, putting the sketchbook away and putting his hand on my forehead.

"A little" I say.

"That's good." he says. "Look I need to go to the town for a while, will you be okay?" he asks concerned. "I should be back within two hours." he promises.

"I'll be fine." I say.

"Okay, you have water and some toasts in here if you are hungry or thirsty." he says and points to the bedside table. "See you soon then." he waves and goes away. Suddenly I feel so alone without my guard by my side that it surprises me. But after half an hour, my solitude is interrupted when I hear a crack of door, someone going up the stairs and then knocking on the door. It's not Peeta though. I know his knocking too well. There's only one person it could be.

"Hey, sweetheart." he says and gives me a smile.

"Heard you are not feeling well in last days." he says while sitting on the chair by my bed. The smell of his clothes makes me feel sick.

"I've been feeling better in my life." I say flatly. For a while we're silent.

"Do you need anything?" he asks then.

"I'm fine." I say and look up at him "Did Peeta tell you to come?" I ask suspiciously.

"Well he just asked me to check on you if you don't need anything." he admits.

"Are you okay with him around?" he asks after a while. Now he really looks like he's concerned.

"I guess I am." I say thinking about it. "He didn't get some flashback because of me so far, so I think we'll be fine."

"Hmm." Haymitch hums. After a long while of staring at each other, he just sights.

"Okay, I'll go back to my house then." he says "Let me know if he upsets you or if you need anything." he offers and looks at me again.

"I will." I promise and close my eyes.

The crack of the front door snaps me out from my sleep. I hear footsteps on the stairs and this time I know it's Peeta. His way of walking is quite memorable since he has the artificial leg. I realize I feel worse again. My cheeks are burning, I can feel the heat radiating from me. I quickly drink up half of the glass of water and put it down quickly so he could not blame me I wasn't drinking. I lie back down just in the moment he knocks on the door and opens them.

"How does our patient feel?" he asks in a cheerful voice.

"I think I'm getting worse again Dr. Mellark." I play his game and get a smile for that. But it vanishes just in the moment his hand touches my face.

"Katniss you're burning up again. Have you been drinking?" he eyes me suspiciously.

"Yes I have" I say offensively. But the truth is revealed as he looks at the bedside table and half full glass of water.

"Yeah, just a few seconds ago, when you heard me coming, am I right?" he asks and eyes me reproachfully. My scowl only confirms his theory.

"Don't try to fool me Katniss. Maybe my memories are messed up, but after all those months I figured you out pretty well and I remember much about you." he eyes me knowingly.

He makes me drink the rest of the glass and then refills it twice again and waits until I drink it all. I hate his punctual way of taking care of me. He makes me swallow the pills for fever again and then he brings the wet cloth. I try to sleep again, but it's hard. The shivering comes back and the fever is only worse. Peeta even calls my mother asking if he can give me more of the pills. She confirms that he can so I get another one.

I think that the pills have no effect. I'm sweating all over my body and even though I'm in uncontrollable shivers. Peeta is upset because I'm not getting better and my vision gets blurry. In some moment during the night, Peeta takes my hand and holds it in his, caressing it tenderly with his thumb. It feels so good, to have someone who cares about you. He runs his other hand through my messy hair and he reminds me of my dad, who used to do this to me, when I was ill. He held me in his arms, sang me lullabies or just held my hand or stroked my hair until I fell asleep. I can't shake his face and voice out of my head until I fall asleep.

But sleeping is not helping. I'm thrown into a chain of nightmares about my dad, dying in the mines. I can't save him any time. The only thing I'm aware of when I wake up few times from my nightmares is a hand, which I'm clutching firmly. It is like an anchor for me. Sometimes I hear Peeta's voice from distance. I try to answer, but I don't have any idea what words come out of my mouth. The situation changes, when I wake up around two at night. Peeta's hand is not there any more. And my fever isn't either. Finally my head is clearer and I open my eyes to find out where is Peeta. In the dim light, I see him sitting under the window, his back leaning against the wall, clutching his head in his hands and muttering something.

"Peeta?" I ask carefully. This doesn't seem right. I sit in front of him and watch him closely. His muscles are tense and his hands shake, covering his face, but I can see that he's in pain.

"It's not real, she's not a mutt. She's my friend." only when I catch these words, I realize what happened. He is having a flashback! For a moment I hesitate. My instinct tells me run away from him, but I remember Haymitch's advice and I do what Peeta would do with me. I slowly extend one of my hands and place it on his shoulder.

"Peeta. Can you hear me?" I ask quietly. "Peeta, look at me, I'm real." I say more loudly and squeeze his shoulder. For a moment, he looks through his fingers at me. I can see the wild and painful look in his eyes.

"Katniss?" he says weakly and his hands shake even more.

"Peeta whatever is in your mind, it's not real." I tell him reassuring. "I am real. You see?" I say and as a proof, I take his hands and put them down from his face. He looks scared.

"You are real?" he asks slowly. "You are my friend, real or not real?" he asks with a shaky voice.

"Real." I say. He looks down at his shaking hands and he closes his eyes. I don't know how long it will take or what should I do, so I sit next to him and put a blanket over both of us.

"You can hold my hand if you don't believe that I'm real." I say and extend my hand towards his. He takes it cautiously and examines it for a while. He strokes it and turns it and in the end he entwines his fingers with mine and close his eyes in concentration. I don't know how long it takes him to get out of a flashback, because I doze off with my head on his shoulder.

"Katniss?" his voice startles me. He sounds normal again. I jerk my head up and immediately find a sharp pain in my neck. Not a good position to sleep, I think.

"Hmm?" I groan a little confused. I'm surprised by the approximate distance of his blue eyes and I jerk my head further away. The bedroom is full of morning light now.

"What happened? Why are you out of bed?" he asks confused.

"Uhm" I hum hesitantly while remembering the wild night. "I woke up, I was feeling better, but you were sitting here and you looked in pain and you were also muttering something." I say slowly. "I think you had a flashback, cause you were asking me a real or not real question if I'm your friend." I continue and I can see surprise in his eyes.

"And so I sit by you to help you and I probably dozed off." I say "You wanted to hold my hand to be sure I'm real." I add when I look at our still entwined hands. He is silent for a moment and looks nervous.

"You should take a shower and meanwhile, I will change you bedsheets." he suggest and as a good patient, I oblige and do as he says. A shower is really refreshing and I wash my messy hair too. When I come out of the bathroom, The bed is already done and fresh smelling bedsheets are waiting for me. Peeta tucks me in and he brings a towel to dry my hair. When I take a comb out of my bedside table, he looks at it longingly.

"May I do that?" he begs me. He did exactly the same thing in the train during our victory tour. And to be honest I can't say no to this sad puppy eyes. So I sit cross-legged on my bed while he starts combing my hair. It takes him very long time and I can see that he's sad because it's done.

"I'll let you do it again." I smile at him weakly.

"Really?" he asks with happy sparks in his eyes.

"Maybe." I say "If I'm in a good mood." I smile at him and lay down. As I do, I turn my neck and I hiss over the sharp pain in it.

"Are you in pain?" Peeta asks concerned.

"My neck hurts" I admit. "That was not a good pose for sleeping." I say and surprise even myself when I smile at him slightly. He looks so sorry about me. He puts a wet warm cloth on my neck to relax my muscles and he massages it a little too. He takes a good care of me all the day and I feel much much better than during last two days. It helps. In the afternoon, my neck is okay and it hurts only a little.

In the afternoon, he sits and sketches again and I don't feel like doing anything else then lying in bed and staring at his beautiful eyes. Those loving eyes, which takes such a nice expression when he concentrates on drawing. He almost makes me jump, when he looks up at me. He gives me a smile. After a moment I see that special expression on his face. It's there when he tries to sort out some memory in his mind.

"Is this what we did before the quell?" he asks with far away look. "I remember drawing in here, while you were ill or something." he says and finally locks his eyes on me. This is one of the memories which actually coaxes a smile from me.

"Yeah, almost." I say "I have broken my heel and you were coming here every afternoon. We were working on my family plant book. I was writing down information about different plants and you were drawing them in the book. And the evenings you carried me down so I could have dinner with mum and Prim. Usually you stayed too and then got me back into my bed." I say and those memories are flying in front of my eyes. Those were few of those happy days I had here. I remember that one day he made me laugh out loud by tickling. He's looking at me closely now, eating up every word I tell him.

"So we were good friends in that time?" he asks carefully. I appreciate that he asks like this and it is not some terrible question like _Did you love me?_

"Yes, you were one of my best friends." I smile at him. "Not that I would have many friends." I add.

"Could I see the plant book?" he asks.

"It's in the study room I think. On the table." I say. He goes for it immediately and comes back in a few moments holding a big book full of papers More than half of it is still blank. He gives it to me and looks at me expectantly. I don't know exactly what he wants, but I find the page where we started. It is the Katniss flower. This one was actually redoing because the old one teared out and the colors on the drawing were pale and badly visible.

"We started here." I say and scoot the book towards him. "We remade this one because the old one was damaged. And then we continued with the new plants I got to know mostly in Hunger Games." I say.

Then he's silent for a long time. Laying on his belly on my bed, the book laying on my legs and he thumbs through it. He stops at the drawings and examines them, sometimes he touches the drawing with his fingertips. I wonder what's on his mind, but he doesn't speak until he reaches the page with Rue's berries. I didn't know their real name so I named them after her. For a long time he examines them, he even reads my description and then he suddenly looks up at me.

"Are these the ones we ate in the first arena? Those sugar berries you knocked me out with?" he asks. His slight smile hints me that he's not angry at me.

"Yeah." I say. Then he's silent again and continues in examining the book. Sometimes between looking at those pages I doze off.

When I wake up again, it's getting dark outside and Peeta is not here anymore. As I look at the bedside table, there are two slices of bread with cheese, some tea and a note from Peeta.

_I'm downstairs, if you need anything, just call me._

I don't need anything, but I wonder what is he doing downstairs. I don't smell baking bread so my curiosity gets the best of me and I tiptoe down the stairs without being noticed. He's sitting in the living room, watching television. A voice of Caesar Flickerman and Claudius Templish reach my ears.

"I think we have a nice selection of tributes in 74th Hunger Games." says Caesar. "There are all kinds of them, careers, clever ones, strong ones and special ones like the girl from district 12, who volunteered for her sister." he continues.

"Yes I wonder what she will be like." Claudius says "she looks like a fighter."

"Well we'll see in a moment how their costumes will look like. They have this new perspective stylists Cinna and Portia, they are young and full of new ideas so..." he doesn't finish his sentence because of Caesar's shriek. I take the last step, hit a squeaky board and Peeta turns around while stopping the tape.

"Hey." he smiles at me. "You're feeling better?" he asks.

"Yeah, quite better." I say and my eyes look at the TV again. "I see you're watching our games." I say.

"Do you want to watch it with me?" he asks. I'm not sure if I want to see it again. But for some reason, I sit at the couch next to him and he turns the TV on again.

We watch how we ride through the Capitol, holding our hands for the first time. Peeta skips most of the interviews, except for ours. He watches his interview closely and I can see ho he watches my reaction closely. Then the games start. I get the orange backpack and I run off into the forests, while he hides in the edge of the forest until the end of the bloodbath. At twilight he comes to the careers and suggest an alliance to them. After some talking and beating, they accept it. We watch how they hunted through the night and then there's the moment when I'm in the willows and I find out he's with the careers. My scared face is enough to confirm, that I was angry with him. He stops the tape just in that moment and he turns to me.

"Did you really think I was with the careers?" he asks sadly. I just shrug not saying anything. "I didn't tell you about my plan?" he asks. I shake my head.

"Okay." he says and we continue in watching the games. There's me, looking for water for so long, then there's the big fire and finally we reach the moment when the careers find me. I can see horror in Peeta's eyes. On the tape, it is obvious, how I look down at the careers before I send the nest down. I look down and obviously seek for Peeta, who were just going out from his sleeping bag. He probably heard me. Suddenly I'm scared that it could trigger his flashback, but he looks calm. Then I drop the nest and the chaos starts. I get the bow from Glimmer and in the moment when Peeta on the tape turns and head towards me, I feel my hands shake and I hug my knees tight to my chest. I see Peeta noticing it by the corner of his eyes. He scoots a little closer to me and he puts one arm around my shoulders. I permit it now, because I'm so anxious and it feels so good to feel his arm around me again. I feel safe.

Then Peeta on the tape shouts me away, while Cato comes through the bushes. They make some weird fight, both confused with tracker-jacker venom, but both still able to hurt each other with their weapons. In the end, I close my eyes tightly, squeeze my fingers into tight fists and without realizing it, I hide my face in Peeta's shoulder, when I hear how he screams on the tape. Peeta's arm around me tightens and his hand goes up and down my arm slowly like if he wants to say _It's okay._

When I dare to look out again, Peeta is already decorating himself into the river bank and I am already teamed up with Rue. I feel the anxiety again, when I hear Rue calling my name desperately, while being trapped. I see Marvel killing her again and myself sending an arrow through his throat. Peeta silently watches as I sing my last goodbye to Rue and then the rest of the days before they announce the rule change. As I call out his name during the night of the rule change, I can see how carefully he examines my expression on the tape. For some reason he smiles a little.

As I start looking for him, a calmer part of Hunger Games starts for us. I try to heal his wounds and I clean him up from all that mud. We watch how I take care about him in the cave, how I give him my first kiss and many other kisses later. He carefully examines my fury over the fact that he won't let me go for the feast and then we watch how I drug him with syrup. As he finally realizes it on the tape, the Peeta besides me smiles a little.

"And there I go. So easily." he says with a smile. I can't help but smile too. Then there's the feast, I find out, that my head wound looks pretty terrible on the tape. I can feel Peeta's anxiety as I dive the needle into his arm and them fall down next to him, unconscious. We silently watch the fight between Cato and Trash an again I think it seems much more terrible than when I saw it in Capitol. In the end, there comes the moment, when we abandon our cave and go towards the Cornucopia. As I sing Rue's melody, anxiety starts creeping up on me again, cause I know the mutts will come soon. And as they do, my hand finds Peeta's unconsciously and I grip it tight. I see how we run away from them, I see how we climb the Cornucopia and how scared we are on the tape. When the mutt catches Peeta's calf I hide my face again, while his sharp cries fills the living room. Then Cato holds him up and I hesitate with my bow ready.

"I must have trusted you a lot." Peeta says quietly, when he makes a bloody X on Cato's hand in the tape. That hand is only inches from Peeta's face. Yes he had to trust me with his life. Then there's that long, freezing and painful night, when Cato dies. I don't watch it much. His cries are enough to scare me. When the morning comes and I run my last arrow through his head, our last moments in the games come.

And there we are, standing by the lake, when Claudius announces that one of us has to die.

"If you think about it, it's not that surprising," Peeta says softly and I start to tremble suddenly. Overwhelmed that I could turn my bow at him that day. So I do but in a moment I drop it on the ground and we start arguing about who's going to die.

"No," he says. "Do it." Peeta limps toward me and thrusts the weapons back in my hands.

"I can't, I say. "I won't."

"Do it. Before they send those mutts back or something. I don't want to die like Cato," he says.

"Then you shoot me," I say furiously, shoving the weapons back at him. "You shoot me and go home and live with it!" I remember that feeling. Imagining a world where I would come back home without Peeta. It was unthinkable for me. Right now, the Peeta sitting next to me has his eyes locked on the TV. I guess this is an important moment for him. Finally I reveal my true feeling for him in this moment, when I reject to kill him.

"You know I can't," Peeta says, discarding the weapons. "Fine, I'll go first anyway." He leans down and rips the bandage off his leg.

"No, you can't kill yourself," I say. I'm on my knees, desperately plastering the bandage back onto his wound.

"Katniss," he says. "It's what I want."

"You're not leaving me here alone," I shout at him weeping and he seems so tragically sad at the tape, looking down at me. Still thinking that I truly love him. Didn't I truly love him?

He starts to declare his love and finally the breaking moment with the berries comes.

„On the count of three?" I ask him.

„On the count of three." he says and kisses me for the last time.

We stand, our backs pressed together, our empty hands locked tight. I tighten my grip of his hand right now, scared of the power of the moment which comes next. It will change all the Panem.

„One, two, three." and we shove the berries into our mouths just in the moment when Claudius stops us. Then we watch how they rescue us from the arena, Peeta examines how I get him up and hold him, determined to keep him alive. The tape ends with me, behind the operation room glass, pounding loudly and screaming his name.

And suddenly as I come back to our reality, only now I realize how close we are. I'm not only holding his hand, I'm almost sitting on his lap, my head on his shoulder and his arm around me protectively. Suddenly I'm back in Capitol, sitting on a stage in a yellow glowing girly dress.

„Is this how we watched our Hunger Games for the first time?" he asks and looks at me. As his blue eyes dart into me, I feel anxiety. I pull away a little, but I still keep his hand in mine.

„Yes, something like this." I say quietly.

„And..." he hesitates, but then continues. „was it real or only for show?" I see the unsure look in his eyes.

„I remember it being very real." I admit. „It was the only thing that kept me on the stage. Otherwise I would run away from there." I say truthfully. I don' want to lie to him. Not any more.

„Okay" he smiles at me slightly. There's a long silence between us then.

„Thanks for saving my life." he says quietly and gives me an intent look.

„Thanks for saving mine." I smile back at him slightly.

„Well I think it's just what we do." he gives me a happy smile „we're protecting each other." he finishes and my stomach turns into nervous knots as I realize how close his nose is to mine. For a short moment, I'm hypnotized by the shade of his blue eyes. Then for some stupid reason, I look at his lips and I feel longing in my chest. Longing to taste them again. They seems same as before. They seem soft and warm and I'm sure they would be sweet. Just as they were before.

„You should go to bed." he finally says as he moves his face away from mine.

„Okay." I say quietly.

„I'll stay here only in case that something happens to you." he says quietly and I leave him on my couch. Still lost in my thoughts about his lips. Why did I thought about them? They are behind the friendship line. I'm not allowed to touch them. But something about that makes me want to do it even more. Tonight as I fall into my dreamland, I dream about his lips. Warm, soft and sweet, kissing me. And when I wake up in the morning, I feel sad that it was only a dream. But Peeta is only my friend now. Nothing more. He doesn't love me anymore.


	4. Pains And Closets

Chapter 4: Pains And Closets – Katniss's POV

When my flu is finally over, I'm almost eager to jump out of bed and go out. After so many days spent in my bed, I long for fresh air. Peeta is obviously happy, that I'm feeling better so he gives me my bow and quiver and I go out of the house. I take long breathes of fresh air and to my surprise, I smile as I take the familiar route through the forest. I check the snare line, finding out, that after a week, when I was not here it's full of haul. I get 2 rabbits and to my surprise even one turkey. I dig some onions too. It almost feels like the old days. Almost.

In the afternoon, I slowly make my way back and stop by at Greasy Sae, to give her the haul. She's enthusiastic about having meat again and she promises to do the turkey for dinner. I tell her to make more than usual, because I decide to invite Haymitch. I must be in really good mood then. When I finally come home, I find out, that Peeta is not in my house anymore. I feel a little alone without him around me. But I never minded solitude. I take a shower and wash my hair well, because it's full of dirt and ashes. Then I sit on my bed and comb the tangled knots out, while Buttercup jumps up into my lap and starts playing with my hair. When I'm finally done and my hair is at least partly dry, I cross the lawn to Haymitch's house. There's no answer when I knock on the door so I let myself in.

I cleaned the mess in here about a week ago and it is almost all back again. He needs a housekeeper. Or a wife. Who could we put him up with? What about Effie?! I quietly laugh over my thoughts. I can't imagine Haymitch and Effie together. What a hilarious joke!

"Haymitch?!" I call into nowhere particular. He could be lying anywhere. I'm lucky because I find him in the living room, lying on the couch, passed out absolutely.

"Haymitch wake up." I try it and shake his shoulder. Nothing not even a growl or snore.

"Haymitch!" I shout right into his ear. He falls down from the couch muttering under his breath.

"What are you doing?" he huffs at me, trying to stand up.

"Waking you up I guess." I say calmly. "I wanted to ask you if you want to come for a dinner." I say. He eyes me suspiciously.

"What's the occasion?" he asks.

"Nothing special." I say "I just got a turkey from the forest and Sae is going to roast it. Come if you want, stay here if not." I say and head towards the door.

"And if you'll come, change into something that doesn't smell like liquor!" I warn him and go out.

In an hour, Peeta comes to me and finds me lying on couch in the living room with buttercup on my chest purring contently. I can't believe he's happy with me. Prim would be so proud of us. This of course leads me to think about her and that sharp pain starts in my heart as usual when I miss her. I stroke buttercup and as if he feels my anxiety, he turns around and extends his ugly nose towards my face, caressing me with his soft fur.

"You miss her too don't you?" I ask quietly. He just meows sadly and it's like he understands me. Finally I can see why Prim liked him so much. Just in the moment when the first tear goes down my cheek, I hear the door crack and Peeta comes to the living room. I don't even try to hide my sadness, I just hug buttercup close to my chest and he floods me with his soft and warm fur.

"What's wrong?" Peeta asks and looks at me sadly.

"I just miss her so badly." I say weeping, but I want to hold my tears in this time. Peeta sits next to me and puts his hand around my shoulders.

"I know how does it feel." he says sadly.

And suddenly I'm overwhelmed by my guilt again. I keep weeping about losing Prim and he lost both of his parents and two brothers. What a terrible and selfish person I am. I see one silent tear coming down from his eyes and it hurts me so much to see him cry. My strong Peeta. And suddenly it's me who puts arm around him and suddenly it's him, who's crying on my shoulder. I have not expected this. It just happened. And after a moment, he lies down and puts his head into my lap with his face in his hands. In the first moment, my heart starts beating fast and anxiety consumes me. But the I tell myself that I have to be the strong one this time. So I let him cry in my lap, while I run my fingers through his wavy hair and my other hand is caressing his back. After a few minutes of crying, he calms down slowly, I don't stop calming him down and even Buttercup sits next to us and licks his face. When he finally stops his tears, he just looks up at me and I can see his wet face. And I can see the pain in his eyes. However big my pain of losing Prim is, his is four times worse. I slowly slide my hand over his face and wipe away all his tears and give him one sad smile.

"Hey. It will be better." I say quietly. "You'll be happy again." I smile at him encouragingly.

I don't know where that came from. I'm telling him, that he'll be happy? That's so not me. He's the optimistic one and I'm the depressed one so how come we ended up like this? I'm surprised, that I can play the other role too. He closes his eyes and sights deeply. I know what could make him feel better. I would only have to lean down a little and press my lips against his. They are so tempting. But then he opens his eyes and I give up my thought.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly and sadly.

"What are you sorry about?" he asks confused.

"I keep weeping over Prim and you lost all your family. I'm so selfish." I say sadly and avoid his eyes. He sits up and hold my chin up so I have to look into his eyes.

"You are not selfish Katniss." he says firmly. "You are just the best person I know." he says and I feel my stomach tightening with nerves.

"Peeta, you should tell me when you're upset." I say firmly too. "You take care about me, but you don't tell me when you're upset." I say reproachfully. Now it is him, who avoids my eyes.

"Will you promise that if you need me, you'll tell me?" I ask and rise up his chin. He gives me one intent look.

"I'll try." he says.

"Because that's what we do you know. We protect each other and take care about each other too." I say and a slight smile appears on my face. Finally his face lights up with a smile.

In the evening Sae comes and brings the turkey. Her granddaughter comes too and to my surprise even Haymitch shows up. And to my even bigger surprise, he's not smelling badly as usual. We share this good dinner and it almost feels nice and happy. But still deep down in my heart, there is depression. I'm not sure it will ever go away.

When we're done with dinner Peeta and I do the dishes, while Haymitch and Sae talk. When we're done with Peeta, Sae is saying goodbye and that leaves only Haymitch with us. He looks at us with a curious smile on his face.

"So, how are you two doing? Already kissing or just hugging?" he asks and laughs at his words. But for me and Peeta, they are humiliating. I see a blush coming up his face as he puts the dishes into the kitchen cabinets.

"Shut up Haymitch!" I bark at him and he takes my hint.

"So what are you doing this evening?" he changes topic.

"Nothing special, what about you?" asks Peeta still avoiding my eyes.

"Well I was thinking about some cards, but I need someone, who can play them." he says and eyes both of us importantly.

"Don't look at me." I say offensively. " I have never played cards."

"Well I will happily play with you." Peeta say and there is a real smile on his face. He takes the cards from Haymitch and they move to the living room. I go after them too.

"I used to play cards with my brothers often." he says and with one smooth move he mixes the cards like a professional. You should see Haymitch's face when Peeta did it. It really made me laugh. And when I say laugh I mean laugh out loud and long. It feels good.

After a half of hour, it's obvious, that Peeta is really skilled in this and Haymitch sucks. I lie down on the couch, Buttercup jumps at my chest and I'm content just lying like that and staring into the flames, while listening to Haymitch's coursing as Peeta beats him over and over. Buttercup's purring somehow makes me feel better and it's like a lullaby so in the end I doze off.

When I wake up again, I'm startled by a hand, which slowly runs through my hair. I don't doubt it's Peeta's hand. I don't know what to do, because I feel anxious about it again. So in the end I count in my head quietly. Peeta sights.

"She seems so happy." Peeta says quietly, probably talking to himself. I don't dare to open my eyes.

"If only she would be this happy all the day." he adds.

"If only I could finally figure out what we are." he sights again. I don't like to listen to this, so I move slightly. He stays silent and his hand moves away from my hair. When I open my eyes, I'm surprised. He's not sitting on the couch as I thought. He's sitting on the floor, his face close to mine and he's smiling happily. It seems like only watching me sleep could make him happy.

"Where's Haymitch?" I ask sleepy.

"He has gone home fifteen minutes ago." he smiles at me. "Finally, got fed up of me winning all the time so he went home." he adds.

"Hmm." I hum and close my eyes. I feel so warm and safe, that I don't plan to go to my bedroom.

"You're not going to your bed?" Peeta asks. I half open my eyes to look at him.

"No." I say lazily. "I'll stay here, I don't feel like moving." I say and close my eyes again sleepily.

"You can't sleep here, you'll end up with pain in your neck again." he says quietly and then I feel his arms under my legs and around me. He scoops me up and I'm too sleepy to react.

"What are you doing?" I ask and look at him sleepy, while I wrap my arms around his neck to steady myself.

"Getting you to your bed." he smiles at me.

"Aah whatever." I sight sleepily and I press my face on his shoulder. I think I could easily fall asleep in his arms again. I wish he would stay with me. He lays me down into soft and warm blankets. I'm already slowly falling asleep, when he puts the blanket to my chin and his last words echo in my head as I'm falling into my dreamlands.

"Night, night, sweetheart." he whispers and then he's gone.

But these almost happy days are still very rare. Days when I get up from my bed voluntarily and head to the woods with clear mind. Because usually my nightmares hunt me in my sleep and then the mornings are terrible. Peeta still keeps coming every morning, coaxing me out of the bad. Putting blankets over my head becomes something like signal for him, that I have a bad morning. Even though he always gets me out somehow. I admire his patience.

On the worst mornings I hide in my closet again. One morning I hide in a closet, in the other bedroom, which is full of Cinna's clothes. I hide in rows of silk dresses and fluffy coats, crying over Cinna's fate. Other morning, after a row of nightmares about Prim, I hide in her closet. It's good to hide from all the world around me and from my nightmares. Not from Peeta though. When he found out I'm hiding in closets, he always finds me, wherever I hide. He comes and sits in front of the door, waiting for me to come out. He doesn't coax me or talk to me much. He learned, that I'm feeling better when there is silence.

One day he brings his sketchbook and draws something. And as I watch him draw, I find out, that it helps me to focus on his hand and pencil. It calms me down to watch him draw. And in the end, I peek out, only to see what he's drawing. For that I get a slight smile of victory from him and since then, he always brings his sketchbook.

It seems, that every day, he dares to sit closer to me. Eventually, he sits into the closet with me if it is possible. Sometimes, he stops drawing and strokes my hand, arm or hair. But we're still just friends. I don't want to cross a line of friendship. I'm not ready for it, even though sometimes I feel desire to kiss him. I'm not sure, how that would end up. We haven't even hugged like normal couple would. The closest we were to a hug was his arm around my shoulder. But that barrier is going to be broken one particularly bad morning.

I had eight nightmares at one night. Really tough night even for me. After the last one where the mutts from Capitol tore Peeta, I can't stay in my bedroom anymore. I'm all wet and sticky from sweat, I'm trembling terribly and I can't stop my sobs. I run downstairs, as far from my bedroom as I can. Finally I end up in a closet under the stairs in basement, trembling in the corner and hugging my knees. Lost in its dark. I sob uncontrollably, when I hear him call my name. I want to stop crying so he would not hear and find me, but it's useless. One loud sob is enough for him to find out that I'm in the basement. And he knows my hiding spots too well to miss this one.

I hear him, running down the steps and his footsteps are closer and closer. Finally he stops and for a fraction of a second, there is no sound at all. But then he slowly opens the door of my closet.

„Katniss?" he says quietly.  
>I see horror in his eyes when he looks at me. I must look really terrible then. He seems like deciding about something for a few seconds. Then he sits down next to me and extends his arms. He offers me a hug, but he's not forcing me into it. He lets me decide. I don't hesitate for even a second. I'm too desperate for hesitating about this. I press my trembling body next to his and he puts his arms around me. Those strong, warm and safe arms. I start crying again and I can't stop the trembling too. After a while he scoots me onto his lap and pulls me even closer to him. I hide my face in his chest and try to breathe calmly. It helps me a little, but I think it's mostly Peeta who calms me down in the end. Like during the old times in the train<p>

Chapter 5: Pains And Closets – Peeta's POV

Katniss seems so much better these days. She's going out hunting, it's much easier to get her out of her bed and she also seems a little happier than before. I'm feeling better too. Sometimes it's enough to see her going home, with a content face, not full of fear. Sometimes it's our dinner that makes me smile. Because I'm such a talkative idiot, talking about everything I did during my day and her only words are I went hunting and saw a lynx. But even that is a progress.

But I have my bad days too. Sometimes, it's just some memory from past which makes me depressed, but I know how to deal with that. Flashbacks are worse. They are not coming very often now, but it's like once a week. Today it's not a flashback though. I see Katniss walking home with a bow over her shoulder and with a smile on her face. It's so rare to see a smile on her face. I hope it will happen more often now. I finish baking the bread for our dinner and I head to her house a little earlier than usual.

I leave the bread in the kitchen and look into the living room if Katniss is there. She is. Sitting on a couch and hugging Buttercup tight to her chest. As I come closer, I see few tears on her face. What could have happened with that smile I saw only an hour ago?

"What's wrong?" I ask carefully. She looks up at me with her tragic sad eyes.

"I just miss her so badly." she says weeping. I know she means Prim. I miss my family too. I'm sure she feels as lonely as I do.

I sit next to her and put my arm around her shoulder. I want to say something comforting, but to my horror the sadness from losing my family overwhelms me so much, that the only thing I'm able to say is "I know how does it feel." my throat tightens as I remember my Dad and Rye. Even when I remember my mother and Bannock. One silent tear escapes from my eye. I want to hold my tears in, but it's so hard. I don't want her to see me like this. But my plans are spoiled, when she gives me one extremely sad look and she puts her arm around my shoulders. And as she does that I lost control over myself and start crying my pain out.

Today, she's the rock and I'm the broken one. It's kind of surprising for me, that she didn't run away. I even don't remember how did it happen, but I end up lying on the couch, with my head in her lap. Her hand slides over my back and her other hand is running through my hair. And it feels so comforting. I remember the night on the Capitol mission when she stroked my hair. It calmed me down too. After a few minutes, I'm finally able to stop my crying. She still keeps running her hand through my hair though.

When I look up at her, I can see the sad look in her eyes. She's probably sorry for me. Then she extends her hand down and she wipes my tears away from my face. I close my eyes and wish she would touch me more often with her soft hands. I sight and when I open my eyes, I see something so intense in her eyes, that it surprises me. But it's away in a second, exchanged for a sad look again.

"I'm sorry." she says quietly and sadly.

"What are you sorry about?" I ask confused.

"I keep weeping over Prim and you lost all your family. I'm so selfish." she says sadly and avoids my eyes. I sit up and hold her chin up so she has to look into my eyes.

"You are not selfish Katniss." I say firmly. How can she even say something like that?

"You are just the best person I know." I say. She looks nervous.

"Peeta, you should tell me when you're upset." she says firmly too. "You take care about me, but you don't tell me when you're upset." she says reproachfully. I know that she's right, but she's so depressed and fragile even without my problems. I don't want to be a burden.

"Will you promise that if you need me, you'll tell me?" she asks and rises up my chin.

"I'll try." I say finally and promise myself I really will.

"Because that's what we do you know. We protect each other and take care about each other too." she says and a slight encouraging smile appears on her face. And I can't help but smile at her too.

This day gets better as we have our dinner together with Greasy Sae, her little granddaughter and even Haymitch. Katniss brought a turkey from the forest today, so it really is a feast. After the dinner Haymitch suggests to play cards and I don't protest, because I used to play cards with my brothers. And I was pretty good in it. And so we play, for almost an hour, but finally he gets annoyed by my winning so he says his goodnight.

"You know, we could do this more often." I tell him "I could tell you some tricks." I smile. He gives me a suspicious look.

"We'll see." he says and goes away.

I go back to the living room and go to the couch. Katniss has dozed off, Buttercup lying on her chest. It's really surprising how these two got closer. They used to hate each other. I sit on the carpet and watch her as she sleeps. She looks so calm. So happy. I dare to extend my hand and I play with her silky hair.

"You seem so happy." I say quietly "If only you would be this happy all the day."

"If only I could finally figure out what we are." I sight.

I can't help than think about the two of us. What are we? Only good friends? Could we be more than friends? I don't know. Sometimes, I would like to hug her or maybe even kiss her, but I'm afraid that she would run away and never come back to me. I'm surprised, that she is able to spent time with me. After what I've done to her.

Suddenly she moves slightly and I move my hand away from her hair. Then she slowly and sleepily opens her eyes.

"Where's Haymitch?" she asks.

"He has gone home fifteen minutes ago." I smile at her. "Finally, got fed up of me winning all the time so he went home."

"Hmm." she hums and closes her eyes again.

"You're not going to your bed?" I ask. She half opens her eyes again and gives me one sleepy look.

"No." she says lazily. "I'll stay here, I don't feel like moving." she says and closes her eyes.

"You can't sleep here, you'll end up with pain in your neck again." I tell her. But she still doesn't seem to move. So I scoop her up and I carry her towards her bedroom.

"What are you doing?" she asks and her sleepy eyes find me again and she wraps her arms around my neck. It feels nice to hold her in my arms.

"Getting you to your bed." I smile at her.

"Aah whatever." she sights and buries her head into my shoulder. I think she must be still half asleep when she doesn't protest.

I carefully put her into bed and tuck her in the blankets.

"Night, night, sweetheart." I whisper and go to my own bed. Even though I won't mind to stay here with her.

Even though she's better now, I keep checking on her and keeping her busy. For some reason I know, that she would just lie in her bed if I would not help her out. So I'm being very patient with her. Sometimes it doesn't take much effort to get her out, but sometimes it seems impossible. She just throws a blanket over her head and for some stupid reason she thinks that will solve her problems. I know better. So I get her out every day. Pushing her out of the door, making sure that she will do something if she wants to stay at home.  
>But her real speciality are closets. I clearly remember the first morning when I found her there. She was not in bed, neither everywhere else. I was sure she was not in the forest because her boots were in her bedroom. Only then I heard a little noise from the closet. And when I opened it, I saw two teary silver eyes looking at me fearfully. She was sitting in a corner, hugging her knees and crying silently.<br>"Katniss?" I asked quietly "What happened?" she just shakes her head and continue crying.  
>I keep persuading her to come out, but it takes me more than hour until she is out. Well and from that time I know that she hides in closets really often. I don't know why. Maybe it makes her feel safe or something, but for me it's alarming. She's not as well as I thought. She starts to do this very often, so I start to get used to it. I sit at the closet door, stroking her hair or arm, until she comes out. I start to think about something what could get her out. I go down to my house and bring my sketchbook. Well I will occupy myself until she goes out. But eventually it's my drawing which gets her out, cause she wants to see what am I drawing. So I start bringing my sketchbook every morning just in case she's in a closet. And I also don't sit in the door any more. I started to sit next to her. Just to be closer to her and to make her feel safer. To let her know that I'm here for her if she needs me.<br>One night I have a nightmare about Katniss. She's in Capitol with me, but they are torturing her, not me. My torture is to watch. I try to move, but I can't. The only thing I can do is to scream „Noooo" and in the next moment I'm woken up in my bed. I can still hear her screaming in my head. Wait?! It's not in my head I really hear her screaming. I go to my window and see hers just over the backyard. It's open. Her screams has stopped now, but I hear her loud sobs. But after a while it seems that she's quiet again. But I can't sleep any more so I decide to bake some cookies. I spend 2 hours baking and decorating cookies. I decorate them with a special flower. It's Katniss flower. And the cookies are of course for her.  
>I come to her house a little later than I usually do. I go to her bedroom, but to my surprise she's not there. And right in the moment I look around, I know something is wrong. Her bed is a mess of covers, pillows are on the floor. Her clothes are still on the chair where she left it yesterday and her slippers are here too. I look into her closet but she's not there. I start to panic, but I hope she's in some different closet in the house. That's the best option I can hope for. I run down the stairs into the hall.<br>„Katniss?" I call loudly.  
>At first I hear no response, but then I hear something like a half sob from downstairs. The basement. So I run down the stairs into the dark basement. Now I have no doubt about her being here because I hear another sob which leads me to the closet under the stairs. I slowly reach for the door and open it.<br>There she is. Hugging her knees in the corner of the dark closet, trembling all over her body, her eyes red and puffy, her cheeks wet from tears, her robe wet from sweat and her feet bare and cold. But the worst thing of these are her eyes. Usually, when I find her like this, she's shooing me away and she's angry. But this is not that case. It must have been really terrible morning for her. Her eyes are full of fear, tears and such a pain and desperation, that I know I can't fight my urge of hugging her any more. I take a few seconds to consider if it will not make the situation worse. So I sit down next to her quietly and I just reach out my arms for her. That's a good way to let her decide if she wants to come in or not. But I long for her touch so much. I often try to remember the nights in the trains. I remember the images but not the feeling.  
>To my surprise, she doesn't hesitate, not even a second, to press her body into my arms. And it's such an overwhelming feeling. Suddenly I remember it from those nights. It's like they all are flying in front of my eyes just in this second. And then I come back to reality and close my arms around her small trembling body. She's like a little scared bird. My little mockingjay. So fragile, so broken and so hurt. But on the other hand so strong and so brave. I scoot her on my lap and hug her tight to my chest. She is so small but she fits so perfectly into my arms. She always did. I finally remember how it felt to hold her in her nightmares. She still trembles terribly, so I stroke her hair and arms, not sure if she's trembling because of her fear or cold. Sometimes I whisper some soothing words into her ear, but most of the time I'm silent. After like half an hour she's much calmer and I decide to get her out.<br>I scoop her up and to my surprise she doesn't protest. She just resignedly hides her head in my chest, wraps her arms around my neck and lets me take her wherever I want. I consider what to do with her, but I finally get her back to her bedroom. I put her down to a chair by her bed and tell her to wait. She sits there, staring at me blankly while I change her bed sheets for fresh ones. When it is done, I give her a fresh pyjamas and I turn around while she changes. When she tells me I can turn back, she is already in her bed under the warm blankets. But she's still frightened. I see the fear in her eyes. Fear that she will be back in her nightmares, when she closes her eyes. I know that very well.  
>„I got you something today." I say with a smile, trying to cheer her up. I get the plate of cookies from the window, where I left them and place it in front of her. She looks at them for a long while, then slowly takes one and takes a little bite from it. Like if she's testing if it is good or not. Then she looks at me and surprises me with a weak smile.<br>„Thank you" she says and looks back down at her hands.  
>„ I'm glad I can help you." I smile at her and she smiles weakly again. Her head is resting on a pillow now and I can see, how tired she is after all those nightmares.<br>„Sleep Katniss." I say, worrying about her. „You need a rest." she gives me such a fearful look that I know exactly, what's happening in her head. She's already scared what will come to her nightmares. "I'm scared to sleep." she says in a trembling voice. I believe her. I feel exactly the same.  
>„Take your pills, it should help you." I advise her.<br>„No I don't want them. They just make it worse to wake up from the nightmares." she says and looks at me hopelessly. I would like to suggest her, that I will stay here to keep an eye on her and wake her if she has a nightmare, but I'm afraid it would scare her too. But after a minute she surprises me with her request.  
>„Would you stay here with me?" she says and she avoids my eyes. Immediately I see a memory in front of my eyes. Almost the same situation, only Katniss had an injured ankle. I smile a little at her. „Always." I whisper.<br>That makes her look into my eyes. She seems surprised by my response, but finally she smiles a little too and lies back down into her pillows. I sit on her bed, right next to her and I stroke her hair. She takes my hand and keeps it in hers for a long while. It seems that she inspects every inch of it and strokes it carefully. I watch her calmly when she suddenly looks up and it almost makes me jump. She gives me a weak smile, than she just holds my hand and looks at me all the time. I give her a smile and keep stroking her hand with my thumb and her hair with my other hand. And slowly I see, how she dozes off, her eyes closing slowly, but still looking at me. After a while, her breathing is calm and she's soundly asleep.  
>After a half an hour, I decide to bring my sketchbook so I go into my house. I get my pencils and my sketchbook and bring it back to her bedroom. She's still calmly asleep. I sit back next to her and start sketching her. Her face unusually calm in her sleep, her hair spread on a pillow like a dark veil. I'm surprised, how much she trusts me. Few months ago I tried to strangle her, I screamed she's a mutt and a lot of other terrible things and now she trusts me so much that she calmly falls asleep in my presence. And maybe even much more when I remember what she said when she had the fever.<br>I was putting cold wet cloth on her forehead and face. She seemed so bad, she was mumbling and trashing. So I took her hand to calm her down. And then she started talking in her fever. But what she said surprised me. I found out, that she was calling her dad. Probably having a nightmare about him.  
>"Dad." she mumbled quietly.<br>"Katniss." I whisper. "It's me, Peeta. Can you hear me?" she half opened her eyes and looked at me weakly.  
>"Peeta?" she said.<br>"Yeah, I'm right here. You have a fever, you only had some dream about your dad." for a moment she looks at me weakly.  
>"I thought..." she trails off "You remind me of him so much." she finally mumbles. I have no idea how can I remind her of her father, we have nothing in common.<br>"You take care of me..." she says weakly "You put up with me every day... You make me feel so much better." she finally says. Do I really have such an effect on her?  
>"You make me feel safe." she finally says barely audible as she falls into unsteady sleep again. And that's what surprises me. I can make her feel better and even safe.<br>And as I watch her closely during my sketching now, in some point I put my sketchbook down and I feel the urge to kiss her. She won't know about it if she's asleep. I want to feel it again so much. So I slowly and quietly bend down to her and kiss her little hand which was holding mine so firmly, before she fell asleep. And then, when I'm defeated by my temptation, I move closer to her head and kiss her hair. Then I lie next to her and watch her for a while. It seems that she's almost smiling. For a second I'm thinking if she felt my kisses in her sleep and if she has a nice dream thanks to it. And suddenly I want to kiss her on her mouth, I want her to kiss me like she used to before. But I have to fight with this because I would ruin everything. So with all my strength I force these feelings away and I give her my last light kiss on her forehead. Then I sit back up and continue in my sketching. She wakes up some time after the lunch, without any nightmares, rested and quite happy that I'm still sitting next to her. This day is in the end a big success, even though the beginning was so terrible.


	5. The Book And Flashes Of Past

Chapter 5: The Book and Flashes of Past

The spring weather is getting warmer with every day and I feel a little better, when I'm out in the forest. The fresh air is making me better, watching the animals and hunting makes me feel better too. I'm finally getting back to my old hunting habits, finally my hands are not shaking so much and I'm able to shoot straight again.  
>Today I feel so good, that I even make it to the lake. I'm surprised myself. I don't swim though. It's too cold for that. But I sit at the bank, take off my shoes and dip my feet in the cold water. The sun is warming me, I close my eyes and inhale the beautiful clean air. I stay there for like half an hour, just sitting on the bank, then I dig some Katniss flowers onions and I head back home. During the way, I surprise myself again, when I sing Rue's melody while few mockingjays fly around me. The beautiful harmony fills the trees in a moment and it rings in my ears all the time.<br>As I walk through the town, I can see different people working on removing the rubble of the buildings. Yes, many people has come back to twelve. It seems that even though it is burnt down, it's still home for most of us. So about hundred of people came back and they work together on building the district. There are also people from different districts who came to live here, but there is not so many. Well now it is more clearing the rubble. When that will be done, they will start rebuilding with the help of heavy machines from Capitol. I must admit, that people from our district don't give up easily. Most of them rebuilt their houses already, many of them are planting gardens and vegetables, which they sell on a temporary market.  
>Today I head to the market with my haul, I have four squirrels, two rabbits and some Katniss onions. It's almost like the old Hob. Greasy Sae is here selling her soup, there's also my old neighbor from Seam Leevy. She sells some baskets she made herself. She and her younger brother were lucky to survive the bombing. Now they rebuilt their old house in the seam and they are living on their own. I trade two squirrels for one of her baskets and we talk for a while.<br>I stop by Greasy Sae and she gives me a bowl of her soup. I reward her with a rabbit and one squirrel. I sit on her counter, while eating the soup and suddenly I'm overwhelmed by a memory. I sat just like this and our old peacekeeper Darius was making fun of me. He wanted to trade one of his kisses for my rabbit. And then a lot of memories run through my head. Darius standing in the training center as an avox, Darius in prison with Peeta and in the end Peeta's words on our Capitol mission.  
>"<em>It took days to finish him off. Beating, cutting off parts. They kept asking him questions, but he couldn't speak, he just made these horrible animal sounds. They didn't want information, you know? They wanted me to see it." <em>  
>And suddenly my head goes dizzy. I put down the bowl and head home, while my hands starts to shake. I want to stop thinking about it, but it's impossible. I keep seeing images in my head. Images of silent Darius, being cut, tortured and beaten. Because of me. I collapse into a heap by the Victor's Village entrance and I can't help than cry. I'm all shaking and I realize Peeta is by my side only when he puts his arm around me.<br>"What happened Katniss?" he asks quietly.  
>"I... I was in the market, eating with Sae..." I stammer "And I remembered how Darius used to make fun with me, and then I remembered that they made him avox and tortured him so badly and so long. And all of that because of me." I say hopelessly and cry my grief out. Peeta just sights and tightens his hug. It feels so good to have his arms around me again.<br>"You should find some way of releasing your feelings. It helps me to paint out my feelings when I'm sad or depressed." he says.  
>"But I can't paint." I say hopelessly.<br>"We'll think about something." he says encouragingly and gets up.  
>"You're coming?" he asks and offers me his hand. I accept it and he leads me home. He sits me down on a couch.<br>"I'll be back in a minute." he says. And in a few minutes, he's back with one of his sketchbooks and sits next to me.  
>"You see?" he says and puts the sketchbook in front of me. "When I'm sad about someone who died during the Games or rebellion, I draw him or her." he says and thumbs through the sketchbook. There is Portia, Mags, Finnick, Boggs and in the end, there is Prim. My sweet little sister, with a blue ribbon in her hair, hugging her goat Lady, which is licking her face. I stay in awe looking at it. I think about how could I release my feelings. I was never an artistic type of person. The only artistic thing I have ever done was writing into the plant book, while Peeta was drawing flowers in there.<br>And that's when the thought hits me. We could do a new book, Peeta would draw people and I could write about them. What were they like, what we've been through with them, how they behaved or how we loved them. We could release our grief together and maybe, we could get a little happier. It is such a perfect idea, that I'm not able to speak for a moment. All that time, Peeta observes me closely.  
>"I have a perfect idea Peeta!" I say and I even give him a slight smile. He seems confused.<br>"You remember our family plant book?" I ask. "We will do a new one, something like a memory book. We will put all our friends in there. You will draw them and I will write about them." I say. Suddenly I see an amazed look in his eyes.  
>"Katniss, that's just perfect idea!" he says with a smile. Enthusiastic about my idea, I run to the phone and dial Dr. Aurelius's number. He's absolutely surprised, that I call him. The biggest success until now was, when I started to pick up my phone when he called. When I tell him my idea, he's excited too. He says it is a good way, how we could channel our emotions and get over all the trauma. He promises to send me a special leather book where you can add as many sheets of paper as you want.<br>In two days a huge box is delivered to my house. There's the leather book and a huge pile of papers. And so we start our new routine. In the mornings, I usually go hunting when I feel well and Peeta usually bakes. In the afternoon, when I come back home, Peeta comes to my house and we work on the book. He always draws a painting of a person on one page and I write on the other page. We start with Prim, which is so painful for me, more than one tear falls down and damages the paper, but I think it's good. It will make the book even more valuable for us, when it will be enriched with our tears. I find out, that writing my grief out really helps a lot.  
>In the evenings, we dine together and we talk about what we've been doing in the morning. Usually it's Peeta who talks a lot. I'm not as sharing person as he is. But eventually even I tell him some of my moments from the forest. I saw a few mockingjays, I was by the lake, I had to run from a pack of wild dogs, I met a lynx. Then we usually end up in the living room. Sometimes Peeta plays cards with Haymitch, sometimes we keep working on a book, sometimes we watch the news from Panem, sometimes we take an evening walk in the spring sunset and sometimes, we just sit together, watch the flames and enjoy a quiet evening, with Buttercup purring between us. These quiet days, makes me feel so much better, that I'm almost happy. Almost. There are still bad days in our lives though.<p>

One day, when Peeta doesn't come in the afternoon, I go to check on him in his house. I find him cursing in the kitchen. There's a baking tray of burnt cookies on the counter and he is bandaging his left hand.  
>"Peeta? What happened?" I ask coming closer to him. He looks at me and I see, that he's angry.<br>"What happened? I burned my hand in this damn oven! And I burned the cookies!" he says in an angry voice.  
>"Ohh it's just cookies. It's not that bad." I try to comfort him. He shoots me such an angry look, that it stops me. Suddenly I see that angry Peeta from district 13 and I feel an urge to run away. But instead I take a deep breath and take one more step closer towards him.<br>"Hey, calm down, it'll be okay. I'll take a look at you hand" I suggest and extend my hand towards him. But he seems a little afraid and takes a step back.  
>"Katniss go back home, I don't want to say something I would regret later." he says in a shaking voice. I hesitate for a moment.<br>"Come with me and we can work on the book or something. You'll feel better, you'll see." I try it again.  
>"Katniss leave me alone!" he yells at me now. And that's when I lose my nerves too.<br>"Peeta I'm just trying to help you!" I say angrily, almost yelling too. "You are coming with me whether you want or not!" I say firmly, I grab his right hand tightly and pull him out of his house.  
>"Katniss what are you doing?" he asks angrily. "I don't want to go anywhere!" he says annoyed.<br>"I don't care if you don't want to go. You're going with me!" I say stubbornly.  
>I hold his hand tightly and reject to let it go. I pull him behind me, leading him towards the meadow and then into the forest. He doesn't talk much, he mostly just mumbles something under his breath. I don't say anything too. I stop when we arrive on a little clearing with soft green grass and moss. There are big oaks around and you can see a beautiful valley under us. Mockingjays are flying around and a soft warm spring wind is blowing through the new leaves.<br>"Lie down." I order him still a little angrily. He just sights and lies down with still annoyed face.  
>"Now close your eyes, breathe deeply and count your breathes until ten." I order him. He obliges and slowly as he takes deep breathes, his annoyed face calms a little.<br>I lie next to him and let myself relax too. I watch the beautiful valley under us, the trees and birds hopping on the branches. Suddenly the lines of Valley Song come to my mind. I close my eyes and before I can stop myself I let them fly out of my lips quietly.

_Down in the valley, the valley so low_

_Hang your head over, hear the wind blow_

_Hear the wind blow, dear, hear the wind blow;_

_Hang your head over, hear the wind blow.  
><em>

_Roses love sunshine, violets love dew,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love you,_

_Know I love you, dear, know I love you,_

_Angels in Heaven know I love you._

Suddenly I realize, that there's strange silence around. When I open my eyes, I see that all the birds are sitting on the lowest branches and they are curiously looking at me. One of the smallest mockingjays lands in the grass next to me. I extend my hand and it hops on my fingers. I'm surprised that it's not afraid of me.  
>"You want to hear the third verse?" I ask quietly. The little bird sings one short tone of agreement, which really makes me smile wide and I happily oblige to sing the third verse for it out loud.<p>

_If you don't love me, love whom you please,_

_Throw your arms 'round me, give my heart ease,_

_Give my heart ease, dear, give my heart ease,_

_Throw your arms 'round me, give my heart ease._

When I finish the third verse, this little mockingjay sitting on my finger, starts singing the song on its own. It's a beautiful melody and soon, the other birds join in. It's like a nature choir. Slowly I extend my point finger of my other hand and I stroke the bird's head softly. It stops singing and flies away quickly, but the smile still lingers on my lips even though it's gone.

By the corner of my eye I see, that Peeta is not lying with closed eyes anymore. I look at him. He's lying on his side, his head propped on his right hand. His face is not angry anymore. Quite the opposite. It's full of admiration and the look in his eyes makes me anxious. It's full of love. Suddenly I see my old Peeta looking at me. The one who loved me unconditionally.  
>"You know you're amazing?" he says with a sweet shy smile. A blush comes to my face, I lie down, close my eyes and count to ten to calm down. I don't say anything.<br>"I'm sorry." I say quietly and finally open my eyes.  
>"What for?" asks Peeta confused.<br>"I shouted at you." I say quietly. "I should be nicer to you." I admit sadly. He gives me one intent look.  
>"Katniss..." he says in unbelieving voice. "I was mean to you." he says "Other people, would run away if they were you. Especially after I tried to kill you and hated you so much" he says and he leans closer to me. His face so close to mine makes my heart beat fast.<br>"But not you." he says in a quiet voice looking into my eyes. That look is so intent that it's hard to bare it. I don't even dare to blink. "No, you're too brave to run away like that. Instead you took that mean boy's hand and led him here and made him feel happy." he whispers and his nose is just inches from mine. Not even talking about his lips, which look so tempting. But I'm too coward for doing that. I blink and pull away a little. I sit in the grass with my back leaning against a rock, hugging my knees. He looks at me a little sadly, but that sweet smile still lingers on his face.

"You had a bad day." I say quietly, calming my heart down "I didn't want you to get..." I hesitate and look at him. "…some flashback." I finish and pick a dandelion, which is growing by my feet. I twirl it between my fingers so I would not have to look at him. After a moment he sits next to me.  
>He picks a yellow plant with five little flowers on it. Then he takes my braid and tucks each one of those little flowers into it. In the end, it looks like my braid is in bloom. It makes me give him a slight smile.<p>

"Katniss, I'm sorry I have to ask you about such a thing, but I need to figure this out." he says. He looks at me and then he looks down nervously. I have a bad feeling I know what will he ask about.  
>"What were we?" he says "Were we just friends or more?" he asks and finally looks up at me.<p>

"I think I loved you a lot, I'm not sure what's real and what's not." he asks and takes my hand into his. He traces his fingers over it slowly, like if he wants to paint on it. It tickles. I take a deep breath to calm down my heart which started to beat fast again. I knew this will come sooner or later, I can't avoid it forever, I can run away even though I would like to.

"You loved me from the beginning." I start slowly downcasting my eyes. "To be honest I have never seen someone with such a big love. In the first games, I thought you're just playing it. I guess I didn't want to believe someone could love me so much." I say. He still holds my hand, but I know he's watching me closely. He doesn't interrupt me and lets me talk.

"After the games I told you I was playing my love partly and you were angry with me." I say. For some reason my throat tightens a little. I gulp and take a breath.

"During the Victory Tour, you asked me if we could be friends. And so we were. You became my good friend, but we had to pretend love in front of cameras. We were kissing and hugging and everything in front of cameras and in the end we got engaged, because Snow threatened to kill our families and friends." my voice trembles a little, I look up quickly and see, that his eyes are still looking at me. Okay I need to finish this quickly or I'll lose my composure.

"Since they announced the Quell, it was only you and me. We were left alone with our tragic fate. If I am honest, you were the only one, who was able to calm me down during those days before the Quell. I... I really don't know if I loved you truly. The only thing I know is, that I was determined to keep you alive through the Quell. I was ready to die to save you." I admit and a blush comes to my cheeks. But I know I own him this truth. At least this once.

"You can't imagine, how painful it was, when Haymitch told me, you were captured by the Capitol. I jumped on him right in there and I scratched his face as much as I could. They had to sedate me until we were in District 13."

"Then I was slowly going mad." I say as I remember those days. "Your first interview calmed me down a little. You seemed healthy and normal and for a little while I believed you could be all right until we save you somehow. But then the second interview came. I was in the Hospital and we watched it with Finnick." shivers goes through my spine as I remember that evening.

"In just a few days, you looked so much worse, that I couldn't bear to look at you." I say "I started to tremble and I started to lose my sanity. Finnick was my only rock, because he was in the same situation with Annie. He understood me."

"Shooting the props kept my mind busy from worries about you. But then your third interview came. We were all watching it in the command. My mind went crazy as I saw how bad condition you are in. When I saw how they beat you. Finnick was the only one who shared my madness. As you warned us from the bombing, they evacuated us deep down under the ground. Those three days, was worst in my life. I realized, that everything I've done, every victory of the rebels, everything was taken out on you. I couldn't sleep, because I couldn't take my mind off. I used to tie knots with Finnick all night. Then we were supposed to shot a prop, saying that we're alive and that was the moment when I lost it." my fingers shake when I come back to that memory.

"Instead of marveling in front of cameras, I had a crush down, because I knew that you would be tortured because of that prop. And that was the reason why they went to rescue you. That was the moment when I felt how truthful is the saying that 'You realize what you have only when you lose it.' I realized how important your love was for me. How much I needed it." okay I'm almost done. I can do this I tell myself as I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath.

"When they came back, I saw how Finnick met Annie again and I wanted to see you so much. And so I went to see you, wanted to hug you again. I was so happy, that you're safe." I cut off. Why is it so hard?

"You know what happened that night." I say quietly "When they told me what Snow had done to you, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that you could forget your love. Your unconditional love, which was always there when I needed it." My breath shakes a little.

"When I really saw how much you hate me, I told Haymitch I must go away from 13. To fight in some other district. And so they sent me to 2. I was there and I was trying to forget what happened, but it was impossible. Haymitch was always informing me about your progress. When we came back, it was only worse. You were allowed to move around 13 and I met you few times. Every time you were cold and hating me." I hesitate, not sure if I should continue and open my heart. But finally it's Peeta. I trust him with my life, and I can trust him with my heart too so I continue. "And every time you did, I felt like it broke my heart into smaller and smaller pieces." one silent tear escapes my eye now and slides down my cheek slowly. "Usually I ended up in some closet, hiding from the world around me, but there was nothing and nobody to calm me down." I say quietly. I see how tragic his face is now.

"During the Capitol mission, I was finally able to do something with you. To answer some of your confused questions. And I longed to go into your mind and untangle the mess in there. But I couldn't. And then few times people requested to kill you. Even you begged me to kill you. But I couldn't. I could never do that. And in the end after I killed Coin, you kept me away from eating the nightlock so I guess we were still trying to protect each other from death all the time." I finish.

I keep looking at the dandelion and breathe deeply to calm down my emotions. After a while I dare to look up to see his painful look.

"That's all I guess." I say and give him a sad smile.

"I'm sorry Katniss." he says with a heartbreakingly sad expression on his face. "I'm sorry that I caused you so much pain. It was not me. I would never say something like that" he says in a painful voice and when he looks up at me, I can see tears welling in his eyes. I can't let him cry over this.

"I know." I say quietly. "It was not your fault Peeta. He drugged you for a several weeks, you went through so much pain, it was not your fault." I say again, give him a slight smile and now it's me, who strokes his hand. He smiles sadly at me.

"Nothing what I said was true. You're amazing and beautiful, you know that, don't you?" he says and gives me a sweet smile. I don't say anything, only try to hide my blush.

"What now?" he asks. "What are we now?" I think about it for a moment.

"Close friends." I say, downcasting my eyes. "Best maybe." I give him a slight smile. I can't help, but I think I see a little disappointment in his eyes.

"Okay." he says after a little while. "Thanks for being honest with me." he says. I just smile at him, happy that this conversation is over. There's a long silence between us.

"I think we should go back." I say quietly.

"Do we have to?" Peeta asks sadly "I like it here." he says and looks around. That makes me smile.

"We can stay for a little while if you want." I oblige. Peeta stands up and goes towards the edge of the clearing. He's looking right down at the valley below us.

"It's beautiful." he breathes out. "I can see, why you like it here so much." he smiles at me.

"You know, some day you can come with me if you want." I suggest.

"Me?" he says unbelieving "Hunting with you?"

"Well you don't have to hunt exactly." I smile "You can gather some plants or herbs for your baking. There is a lot of things like that, you just have to know where to look for them." I say. For a moment he looks at me lovingly.

"I would love to come back here with you." he smiles.

"So this is your favorite place?" he asks.

"Well one of them." I say "There is so many beautiful places in here, that it's hard to choose one favorite. There is only one, which is best by my opinion." I smile at him secretly.

"Where is it?" he asks curiously. I give him one shiny smile and lean closer to him.

"That's a secret" I whisper in true Finnick's style. "Maybe one day I will show you." I wink at him with a wide smile.  
>I turn around and look down into the valley. It's beautiful, when the trees are filled with new green leaves. Everything is starting to bloom and animals are preparing to have young ones. It's one of my favorite times in the year.<br>Eventually, we head back home. We go through the town, stopping to greet Greasy Sae at the market. While we're there, I buy three strawberry lollipops from the "Candy Man" how I call him. He's selling homemade sweets like lollipops, different candies and sometimes even chocolate. They can't compare with the Capitol ones, but for district 12, this is a luxury.

"You know, if you eat too much of these, you will get fat." Peeta smiles over three lollipops in my hand and pokes me into my belly with a playful smile on his lips.

"I'm not eating them all at once." I say offensively. "And besides, I hike into the forest every day! You're the one sitting and baking in the kitchen all days long." I say with a same playful smile and I poke him in return. He just laughs and puts his arm around my shoulders. I'm feeling so good, that I allow it just for this once. I don't want to spoil this beautiful day.


	6. Dreams And Kisses

Chapter 6: Dreams and Kisses

The days slowly move from April to May and they are warmer and warmer. Peeta still wakes me up in the mornings and shoves me out of the house. He says he can't let me stay in my depressions, but I think he also likes to busy himself by taking care of me. But he still can't help me with my nightmares. They come almost every night, making me trash, sweat and scream. I think I can't do anything with that. The only thing which used to work was Peeta's arms around me. But that is out of the question now.  
>One night a nightmare about Peeta hunts me. The terrible thing is, that it's neither from Hunger Games nor from the rebellion. He's here in 12. I'm in my house and I see how the Capitol mutts run into his house. I'm locked in my house, so the only thing I can do is watch and listen how his painful screams fill the air. It's agonizing for me.<p>

"Peeta! Nooo!" I scream as I open my eyes.

I sit up in my bed, tears on my face, my breathing quick, my heart racing and blankets tangled all around me. I jump up from my bed and look out of my window at Peeta's house. It looks as usual. There are no lights on, but I can't hear any screams or mutts. But I'm so consumed with my fear, that I lose control of my legs. I run to his house. When I open the door everything looks quiet and normal. But what if they're already gone? What if he's lying here dead?  
>As quietly as I can, I tiptoe up the stairs and towards his bedroom. I open the door without any loud sound and I walk towards his bed. There he is. Lying calmly in his bed, his artificial leg on the chair with his clothes. I can see, how he's breathing calmly so he's surly alive. I let my breath out and stay by his bed for a while. How I miss him next to me. How much I miss the calm nights by his side.<p>

"Katniss?" his voice makes me jump. I didn't notice, that he opened his eyes and I'm not sure what to do.

"Katniss, what happened?" he asks sleepy. "Why are you crying?" he asks concerned when he looks at my face.

"I-I had" I stammer "a nightmare. There were mutts coming to your house and killing you, while I was locked in my house." I say unsure if it is the right thing to do. "I-I had to check that it was not real." I say quietly, my voice cracking in the end, my body trembling and silent tears going down when I remember the lively nightmare. He's looking up at me sadly.

"Come here." he says quietly and extends his hands.

I absolutely lose control over my emotions and I sit next to him, I let his strong arms pull me on his lap and embrace me in a tight reassuring hug. It feels so warm and so safe. He's not dead. It was not real.

"Shh. It's all right, sweetheart. I'm right here with you." he whispers into my ear as I cry on his shoulder. I notice, that for a first time since he was hijacked, he addresses me like this. And for some reason, it makes me feel warm deep in my heart. It makes me believe, that he's really becoming the old Peeta. My Peeta.  
>His hot breath sends shivers all over my arms as he whispers right into my ear. He even kisses me into my hair, but somehow, I'm able to dismiss it because of my current anxiety. Because I tremble so much, he wraps a warm blanket around us. He rocks me in his arms, until I cry out from my terrors. I don't feel like going out of his arms though. And gradually, I doze off in this safe heaven.<br>When I wake up, I'm confused. I'm in an unfamiliar room and someone's hand rests over my waist. Then I remember what happened at night and I'm consumed with anxiety imediatelly. This is not my bedroom. It's Peeta's bedroom and the arm, resting on my waist is also his. What have I done?! I didn't want to go this far. We're supposed to be only friends.  
>Suddenly I don't feel right lying next to him. As carefully as I can, I slip out of his arms. I tiptoe out of his room and I run to my own house. It's close to dawn and I don't plan on going to sleep again. I take my hunting clothes on and I hurry to the forest leaving a note for Peeta on my bedside table.<p>

_Gone hunting._

I don't know how to deal with this. We've been sleeping together in the past. I missed it badly, but we're not the same anymore. He's not that old Peeta and I'm not that Katniss. I'm afraid to cross the friendship line. I'm not ready for long tight hugs and kisses. Besides, if people would find out, we're back together, it would only lead the cameras in here. They would not go away until the shoot something and that would mean we would have to pretend again. I don't want to do that. I'm happy just like it is. With Peeta as my best friend.  
>I spend all morning in the forest. Lost in hunting and gathering herbs for Peeta's baking. But I can't shake away the anxiety of coming home. What will he tell me? What will he think about what happened? Finally in the middle of the afternoon, I go through the fence and head towards the market. I trade a squirrel for a few lollipops with the Candy Man and I stop by Greasy Sae. She tells me that Peeta is cooking the dinner today. That makes me feel even more anxious.<br>As I close the door behind me, I carefully listen if Peeta is there. It doesn't seem like that. I go upstairs to get a shower. It takes long time until I finally comb my tangled hair out. Because it's still wet, I leave it loose for now. I go down, planning to do something in the living room when I almost run into Peeta under the stairs.

"Katniss!" he says with a wide smile. I stop scared what comes next. "What happened to you today?" he asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask hiding my uneasiness.

"Well when I came to wake you up, you were already gone." he explains. "That's not usual." he says. That's strange. He's speaking like he doesn't remember what happened.

"I couldn't sleep anymore." I say and wait for his answer anxiously.

"Hmm. Still I think it's good, you got up all by yourself" he smiles at me and we go to the living room. There's our memory book open, And Peeta's half-done drawing of Darius is on the table. Is it really possible that he doesn't remember?  
>"I had such a good night today." he says happily. "I had a most beautiful dream." he says.<p>

"What was it about?" I ask even though I probably know what the answer will be.

"You came to me at night, because you had a nightmare and you thought I was dead. I calmed you down and you fell asleep in my arms. So I lied you down into my bed and you slept all night with me." he says. And the expression on his face is so happy, that it almost scares me.

"Oh." is the only thing that gets out of me. I don't talk much this afternoon. Before the dinner Peeta vanishes into his house, saying he has to bring the dinner. As he comes back, he sits me down to the table and says that he will do everything today.

"I hope you will enjoy this dinner." he says with an enthusiastic smile, which hints that he's up to something. I'm surprised, when he brings me a plate of Capitol Lamb Stew with rice and dried plums.

"Oh Peeta, where did you get this?" I smile happily and dive my fork into the soft meat. It's delicious.

"Well I let them sent it." he smiles. "Since I can't exactly cook it in here." he really makes my day, so I forget about my previous worries. He seems so happy. I still can't shake the feeling, that he's up to something.

"I have a dessert for you today." he smiles at me. A dessert?

"Is tonight somehow special?" I ask a little confused.

"Yes it's very special." Peeta says and leans over the table, closer to me. "You know what day is today? I mean the date." I think about it hard. I don't count days that much. The only thing I know it's May.

"Not exactly. beginning of May." I say.

"And what's in the beginning of May?" Peeta asks with a sweet smile, giving me a look. "On 8th May to be exact?" he adds and watches my reaction.

8th May. It sounds familiar. There is something special about it, but I can't remember what it is. And then I hear my father's voice in my head.  
><em>"8<em>_th__ May. I will never forget that day Katniss. How could I forget the day, when I held my little girl in my arms for the first time in my life?"_

And then it hits me. It's my birthday! To be honest, with all the terror in my life, I have absolutely forgotten that there is something as normal as birthday. Peeta laughs when he sees the expression on my face as I realize it.

"It's your birthday." he smiles at me. "I can't understand how you can forget that." he says and laughs a little.

Then he stands up, goes away for a while and in a moment he lays a cake in front of me. It's small, but it's beautiful. It has a spring green color and there are little mockingjays all over it together with a black number 18. I haven't realized it until now, but I'm turning 18! That means I'm officially becoming adult. I stare at the cake blankly, while Peeta lights up 18 candles.

"Make a wish" he smiles at me widely.

I'm not good at this. When someone said this to me, I always wished that Hunger Games would be gone. But now, when that wish is fulfilled, what should I wish? In the end I wish I could be happy again. One day. I close my eyes and blow the candles down.

Peeta cuts 2 pieces of the cake and presents one of them to me. It's delicious. The dough is light and soft and the cream filling is sweet and full of strawberries. I have no idea, where he got them in this spring time. Probably Capitol. When we're done with eating it, Peeta takes the dishes and puts them into the sink.

"I have a little present for you too." he says with a shy smile.

"Oh, you didn't have to give me anything." I say with a smile and reward him with a hug before I can stop myself. He puts his arms around me too and we stand like that for a moment. Then I want to pull away, but his arms stay locked around me. I look up at him and see a strange sparkle in his eyes.

"I wanted to." he whispers and gives me a happy smile.  
>Our faces are too close to my liking now, but for some stupid reason, I don't pull away. Which is a mistake. It all happens so quickly that I can't do anything. He just leans in and presses his lips against mine. They are warm and soft and they taste like sugar and strawberries. At the first moment I remember the kiss during the Capitol mission. But then all the terrible future scenarios about cameras and pretending fly through my mind and this time it's me, whose hands start to shake and I pull away quickly.<br>"No." I say in a shaking voice. I see the alarm in Peeta's eyes.  
>"Katniss?" he says carefully.<br>"I can't Peeta." I plead "I'm not ready for this."  
>"I'm sorry I wasn't thinking straight" he says in a sincere voice, but it only makes me worse.<br>"Go away." I say angrily  
>"Katniss calm down." he says and his voice shakes too.<br>"Leave me alone!" now I'm really yelling at him. I don't know why this made me so furious.

"Katniss I just wanted you to have nice birthday..." he starts but I don't let him finish.  
>"Go away!" I shout at him.<br>Then he shots me one half angry and half disappointed look and goes to his house. And that's when I lose my sanity. I crush down in the kitchen, crying loudly, my hands shaking and my mind consumed by fear and anxiety. Later I end up in the living room, where I find neatly wrapped present lying on the table. I unwrap it with my trembling fingers and find a painting. A painting of me and Prim, holding hands, walking home from school probably and laughing together. It makes me cry even more. I spent the night hidden in a closet in Prim's bedroom, crying and shaking, eventually falling asleep somehow.  
>When I wake up, my neck hurts, but I know I can't stay home. He would come back and speak about everything and I can't stand that. So I put my clothes on and run into the forest even before dawn. I hunt and gather, today I make it to the lake. It doesn't improve my mood though. I still can't shake the bad feeling from shouting at Peeta. I know he deserves so much better. This continues for another two days. I always go to the forest early in the morning and come home by twilight. I see lights at Peeta's house, but I'm not ready to face him. Not yet. Even though I miss his presence so badly. My dinners are terribly silent and lonely without him, I don't work on the book anymore and I think I haven't smiled at all in the last three days. I'm a coward.<br>When I come home the third night, I find a plate of four cheese buns on my kitchen table and there is also a letter addressed in a neat handwriting. _"For Katniss"_ it says. I'm afraid to open it. I'm afraid what he wants to say. Will he say sorry? Even though I was the one who screamed? The old Peeta would certainly say sorry. But I know deep in my heart I'm afraid it will contain something like goodbye, when he will tell me he's going back to Capitol because he doesn't want to upset me. So eventually I take it, open it with trembling fingers and read.

_Dear Katniss.  
>Since you avoid me all the time, I had to leave this letter for you, because there's something I wanted to tell you. I'm really sorry I upset you so much with that kiss. I was not planning to do it, it just happened, I don't know why I did it. I'm sorry! I just wanted you to know, that if you want to be only friends, I will be only your friend, but I don't want to lose you. Katniss you help me so much in my recovery, discussing my memories, helping me out with everything. Please don't be angry with me. I need you...<em>

Peeta

When I finish reading I feel even worse than before. Not even he says sorry. He says that he can be only friends with me. I remember that first day on the victory tour as he talked to me. _"Katniss I can't go on acting like this. Pretending in front of the cameras and then just ignoring each other. If you want to be only friends, I will be only your friend." _That's what he said. And now he writes me exactly the same. _"I can be only your friend I just don't want to lose you."_ He's really almost my old Peeta.  
>I spend hours crying over how selfish and insensitive person I am. How terribly mean I am to Peeta. He makes me dinner and cake, he brings me a present and the only thing I do is shout him out. I'm so terrible. Sometime during this long night I doze off on the couch in the living room, with Buttercup lying by my head and guarding me.<br>When I wake up, the sun is already out. The first sunshine tickles me on my face. Somewhere between my cries during the night I decided to go to Peeta in the morning and apologize. So I rebraid my hair and go to his house. I knock on the door, but nobody answers. I even look inside, but he's not anywhere. So I go hunting and decide I will stop by after the lunch.  
>As I'm coming back from the forest, I stop at the market and get some soup from Sae in exchange for 2 rabbits and a squirrel. To my surprise she seems a little angry with me.<br>"You should go and see him." she says and gives me a reproachful look. When I don't say anything, she continues.  
>"He was here this morning and asked if you got some food from me. He said you're angry with him. And he looked really terrible. I doubt he slept much." with every word she makes me feel worse and worse.<br>"I wanted to see him this morning, but he was not home." I say. "I'll check on him now." I promise as I give her the empty bowl back.  
>As I walk home, guilty overwhelms me and tears are streaming down my face before I can stop them. There's not such a word which could describe such a terrible person as I am. I scream at him, he says sorry and he still cares if I'm eating enough. Oh, my, how could he ever love me?! As I enter the Victor's Village, soft spring rain starts to come down. I'm thankful for it though. It masks my tears. When I reach Peeta's door, I'm a little wet, but not soaked. I take a deep breath and open the door.<p>

"Peeta?" I ask quietly. There's no response. The kitchen is empty so I go to the living room. He's sitting there in front of an easel with a paintbrush in his hand, focused on his painting. But by the way he sits and his hands moves slowly, I can see that he's very tired.  
>"Hey." I say loud enough for him to hear. It makes him jump.<br>"Katniss?" he says and focuses his tired unbelieving eyes on me slowly. He puts down the brush and stands up.  
>"What are you doing here?" he asks. I hesitate for a moment, deciding what should I say. And the right words come to my mind in a moment.<br>"I need my best friend." I say that with a sad pleading voice, which I even didn't intend. Only now I realize how badly I've missed him. How much worse my life is without him around. He smiles tiredly, coming to me and he hugs me tightly. I don't protest. Obviously he missed me too, even though I'm such an idiot. It's nice to feel his arms around me again.  
>"I'm sorry." I mumble pleadingly into his shoulder.<br>"It's okay." he whispers into my ear. After a moment we pull apart and he smiles at me. His voice changes into playful.  
>"So no more kisses?" he asks.<br>"Please." I say begging, not wanting to talk about it anymore. He just smiles and releases me from his hug.  
>"Do you want to help me bake some cookies?" he asks happily, while putting his apron on him. I will happily invite a change.<br>"If you do the baking, count me in." I smile at him and he laughs a little.  
>I sit at the kitchen table, while he takes out the ingredients. He lines them on the table and puts a big plastic bowl in front of me. Then he's handing me a white apron. I raise my eyebrow at him in a question. He obviously doesn't understand my puzzlement.<br>"Why are you putting that in front of me?" I ask. "You're the baker." he gives me a sly smirk.  
>"You will make the dough today." he says. I laugh at that idea.<br>"I'm serious." he says in a serious tone as I take the white apron from him. "Wash your hands and I'll tell you what to do."  
>I oblige and wash my hands in the sink. "You know that you risk, that it will all end up spoiled?" I ask him, while putting on the apron which is obviously too big for me.<br>"That's not possible." he smiles. "Cookies are the easiest thing ever." he says while I still fight with the apron.  
>"Oh, come here, I'll adjust it for you." he laughs at me. He makes a few knots so the apron is shorter. Then he reads me the recipe, while I add the ingredients in the right order.<br>"In the end, you can add some special ingredients like berries, raisins or chocolate." he reads.  
>"Chocolate!" I exclaim enthusiastically. He eyes me with an amused look.<br>"I have not prepared that." he says and shakes his head slightly.  
>"Didn't you say that I'm the baker today?" I ask.<br>"Yes you are, but..."  
>"I want chocolate cookies." I say stubbornly. He just laughs and in five minutes he chops little pieces of chocolate, which I add to the mixture of ingredients. Then I'm supposed to mix the ingredients with my hands and make a smooth dough. When I try to do so, It's sticky and hard to mix.<br>"Eugh." I say angry over the consistency of the dough. "It's impossible to make it smooth." I complaint towards Peeta. He laughs at me.  
>"Oh come on Katniss, you can't mix it properly, when you don't sink your hands all in. And you have to be patient." he says "I'll show you." he says and comes to me.<p>

He stands behind me and takes my hands. Then he sinks them deep down into the sticky cold dough. He makes my fingers press the dough and it's becoming to look a little better. I feel his warmth around me, his strong arms almost embracing me, his tender hands on mine, and his hot breath on my neck. Involuntarily I look up at him. His face is concentrated like during drawing. I'm hypnotized by his long blond lashes again, when he looks down at me with his blue sincere eyes.  
>"You see?" he smiles at me without noticing my blush. "Work on it like this for five more minutes and it will be okay." he smiles and takes his hands out. He probably noticed my strange look, because he smiles at me widely and leans closer.<br>"You can do it, sweetheart." he says, pokes my nose with his finger and leaves a flour track in there. I laugh a little and keep kneading the dough. After five minutes it's smooth and it looks really good. I take a bit of it and taste it. It's so sweet and good, that I take another bit.  
>"Hey!" Peeta says with pretended reproachful voice. "A true baker doesn't taste the dough like that! If you want to taste it, use spoon and don't lick your fingers!" he lectures me.<br>"And that's why I will never be a true baker." I give him a charming smile and he laughs.  
>"I guess that's true." he says.<br>With Peeta's help, I make round cookies, put them on the baking sheets and in a half an hour, the kitchen is filled with sweet smell of chocolate cookies. To my big surprise, they are not bad at all. When Peeta takes out the last baking sheet, I taste one of the already cooled cookies. It's sweet, it's crunchy and it contains chocolate, so I'm content with it. I give Peeta a smile full of crumbs and he laughs at me.  
>"You know that the work doesn't end with taking them out of the oven." he says "we have to decorate them too."<p>

"Why?" I ask. "They are pretty good even without frosting and besides, when you frost them, I feel guilty to eat such a beautiful things." I say sadly.  
>"Then you decorate them with your unskilled hand and it will be okay." he says with a smirk. I reward him by throwing a dish towel at him. It's incredible how he can make me feel better.<br>Peeta makes the frosting and we start decorating the cookies. Well I try my best, but I can't compare with Peeta in any way. His cookies are like little masterpieces, while mine look like frosted by a 5 year old.  
>"They're cute." Peeta smiles over my ugly cookies.<br>"I'm not eating that." I say in a cold voice.  
>"Okay, I would frost them better when I was 5 years old, is that comment better?" he asks.<br>"Much better. And I don't mind. At least I have a reason to eat them." I say and put one of the ugly cookies into my mouth.  
>"Well everyone has their own talents." he says.<br>"Yeah. I can sing, you can't do that." I smile at him smartly.  
>"I can do that." he says.<br>"Oh but I guess not very well. I have never heard you singing, which is suspicious. You have to have a reason for hiding it." I say playfully. He turns to me with an amused face.  
>"If you don't want to end up with frosting on your face, stop making fun of me." he says in a serious tone.<br>"Oh I'm not afraid of you." I smile superiorly. I pay for that, because he really just squeezes the bag with frosting and suddenly I have smudges of frosting on my chin, cheeks, nose and forehead.  
>"I warned you." he laughs while drying the dishes and I'm pretending to be offended. Just in that moment a huge thunder strikes so close, that everything shakes and it makes me jump up from my chair.<br>When I recover from the shock, I see that Peeta is standing by the sink with a knife he was just drying. His hands are shaking and his eyes look cloudy. He's having a flashback!


	7. The Flashback

**Hi! I hope you'll like my next chapter. I won't be here for a few days so please don't be angry that I won't update for a while. Next chapter will be called **  
><strong>Letters From D(e)ad<strong>

Chapter 7: Flashback

"Peeta?" I call his name carefully. He takes one sharp breath, looks at me with a fearful look and takes one step back. Like he's afraid of me. I'm sure he has a flashback, but I don't know what to do. Especially, when he has a knife in his hand.  
>"Peeta it's not real." I say quietly while approaching him. "Put the knife down."<br>He starts trembling all over his body, but he still clutches the knife firmly. He closes his eyes and he has a painful expression on his face.  
>"I'm your friend. I'm real." I say clearly.<br>He opens his eyes and looks at me again. There's pain in his look. And then he slowly lowers his hand with the knife. He's breathing sharply and I can see how he fights the Capitol memories in his mind. Before I realize what is he doing, the blade of that knife rests on the palm of his other hand. I realize what he wants to do just a second before he does it.  
>"Peeta no!" I shout and jump towards him just in the moment when he runs the blade over his palm with a sharp cry and then he drops the knife on the floor. I reach him in the moment, when he clutches the chair in front of him. His blood is dripping on the floor and pain is written all over his face. I don't know how to help him, so I just hug him tight.<p>

"Peeta it's okay, I'm your friend, I'm the real one." I whisper towards him. "I'm not a mutt." he opens his eyes and looks at me again. His eyes are back to normal now. They are just very sad and ful of pain. He lets go of the chair and shakes in front of me. I wrap a dish cloth around his hand immediately.

"It's okay." I whisper into his ear as I hug him. His arms hug me so tightly, that I think he will break my ribs. But he seems so bad, that I don't dare to pull away. He hugs me like that for a few minutes. Then he finally loosens his tight hug and he looks at me with such a sad look that it almost makes me cry.  
>"Come on." I say and take his hand. I sit him down on a couch.<br>"What do you need?" I ask him. He looks me in the eyes tiredly.  
>"My pills." he says weakly. "They're in the bathroom, it's the little blue bottle." he says.<br>I go to the bathroom and dig through his medicine cabinet. He has a big collection of medications I must say. I find the blue bottle with a neat word "Flashbacks" written on it. I take it, I also take the first aid kit with me and I take a wet cloth too. I leave everything on a coffee table in front of Peeta and go to the kitchen to bring him a glass of water. He obligingly takes the pills and collapses weakly on the couch.

"I'll look at your hand." I say and take his injured hand carefully, crouching nect to the couch. I unwrap it from the dish cloth, clean it with the wet cloth and take a closer look at the gash. It's long and quite deep. It needs stitches. And there's only one person in 12, who can do it.

"It needs stitches." I say with a shaking voice and give him a fearful look. The only time I did this was on the Capitol mission when I stitched up Gale's neck.

"Go on, I've been through worse things than stitches." he says with encouraging tired smile.

"I'm not a healer." I say unsurely.

"You're the best healer in 12." he says. I sight and take out the needle and the sterile thread. Suddenly Peeta tenses and looks uncertain.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"Needles." he says quietly, looking at the stitching needle in my hand. "They trigger my flashbacks too. They used to put the venom into me with syringes." he says and his voice shakes in the end. The last thing I need is him getting another flashback while I stich his hand. I sight.

"Okay, lie down and close your eyes, if you calm down, it'll be okay, it's a different kind of needle than the syringe one." I say. He looks at me fearfully. I lie him down and stroke his hair. I need to calm him down and I have just the perfect idea how to do that. I take a deep breath and start singing quietly.

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
>A bed of grass, a soft green pillow<br>Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
>And when you awake, the sun will rise.<em>

While I sing he closes his eyes and starts breathing deeply to calm down. I take his hand and carefully pierce the skin on his palm for the first time. He jerks his hand a little, but I think he will be okay. I don't stop singing though. It's not calming only for him, my heart beats more calmly too when I sing this.

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
>Here the daisies guard you from harm<br>Here your dreams are sweet and  
><em>_tomorrow brings them true  
><em>_Here is the place where I love you._

_Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
>A cloak of leaves, A moonbeam ray,<br>__Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
><em>_And when again it's morning, they'll wash away._

Before the last chorus, I'm over the half of his gash. He doesn't move at all. It doesn't seem, that he will get another flashback. He's lying so calmly, that I almost think he's asleep.

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
>Here the daisies guard you from every harm<br>Here your dreams are sweet and  
><em>_tomorrow brings them true  
><em>_Here is the place where I love you._

I finish the stitching and cut the thread. Then I carefully wrap his hand in a sterile bandage and tie it softly.  
>"I'm done." I say quietly. Peeta takes a deep breath and opens his eyes. He rises his hand up and looks at the bandage.<br>"Did I tell you, that you're amazing?" he says with a tired smile. I don't say anything, but a slight blush comes to my cheeks.  
>"Why did you do such a thing?" I ask sadly, while caressing his injured hand. He looks up at me.<br>"You remember how those handcuffs were helping me in the Capitol? Keeping me in reality?" he asks. I just nod.  
>"It was the same now. I was scared that I will lose control and hurt you with that knife. So I run it over my palm instead, so the pain would keep me in reality." He finishes. My heart aches because of this.<br>"Please don't do this ever again Peeta. I don't want you to hurt yourself. You would not harm me." I say firmly. He just sights and closes his eyes tiredly.  
>"What else can I do for you?" I ask concerned about him and sit on the couch next to him.<br>"I don't know. Tell me what you've been doing through the last three days." he says.  
>"Well I was mostly wondering through the forest. Hunted some animals, digged some onions and picked some herbs for you. I'll give it to you tomorrow." I say. He just smiles at me.<br>"What have you been doing?" I ask.  
>"Baking mostly." he says tiredly. "I baked a big pile of bread, too much for us and Haymitch so I went to the market to trade some. And then I gave some to Sae and some seam families." he says. Now he's laying on the couch and his head rests in my lap while I run my fingers through his wavy hair. For some unknown reason, it calms me down. He looks up at me.<p>

"I missed you." he says sadly. It makes me feel guilty, that I left him alone. I realize, that solitude is the worst thing for him. He's friendly and sociable person, who hates lonliness. And in his case, while he lost all his family it's even worse, when his closest friend leaves him for three days.  
>"I'm sorry I left you alone. I shouldn't have done that." I say quietly. "Can you forgive me?"<br>"I already did." he smiles up at me. I smile slightly too.  
>"Haymitch is so right." I sight.<br>"In what?" He raises his eyebrow at me.  
>"He was right just from the beginning. He always told me 'Sweetheart, even if you would live a hundred lives, you would not deserve that boy.'" I quote him. "He is so right. You deserve so much better than me." I say sadly looking down into those sincere blue eyes, which get a sad look now.<br>"That's not true Katniss." he says.  
>"Ohh yes it is. I'm a selfish idiot and I cause you only pain." I say stubbornly.<br>"Stop saying such a things Katniss. You are not selfish and you help me so much in my recovery. Just today you helped me through flashback, you calmed me down and you stitched my hand. You're amazing girl." he says a little angrily and so I remain quiet. But my opinion about myself is not changed. Peeta sights quietly and closes his eyes. I can see, how tired he is.  
>"Come on, let's get you to bed." I say quietly. He slowly gets up, I take his hand and lead him up into his bedroom slowly. He changes into his pyjamas and I tuck him into the bed. I pull the blanket to his chin and he looks at me with a tired look.<p>

"Sleep." I say quietly. "I'll keep an eye on you."

"You'll stay with me?" he asks surprised.

"Always." I smile at him.

He takes my hand and keeps it in both of his while he closes his eyes. I let him hold me, until his breathing slows down and I know he's asleep. After some time, even I doze off in the chair. I'm woken up, in the middle of the night, when Peeta trashes and mumbles something about needles and venom.

"Peeta" I shake his shoulder, sitting on the bed next to him. He opens his eyes, covered in sweat, looking around in panic.  
>"It's all right, it was just a nightmare." I sooth him. He looks at me unbelievingly, then hugs me tight, probably to assure I'm real. I bring him a glass of water and he drinks it thirstily. He looks at me for a while and to my surprise a slight tired smile appears on his face.<p>

"You look cute." he says quietly. I can't understand what he means.

"What?" I ask.

"You look cute with all that frosting on your face." he smiles tiredly. "Thanks for making my day. It's nice to have my best friend back. And it was nice to see you laugh." he adds happily. Only now when I look into the mirror in his bathroom I see, that I'm still in the dirty apron and I still have those frosting smudges on my face. So I wash it away and come back to him.

"You didn't have to wash it." he says sadly. "It really looked cute." he says.

"Am I not cute enough even without it?" I ask with a playful smile.

"Sometimes." he says "but sometimes you are scary." he adds. I smile at him and brush some hair from his forehead before I sit back down into the chair by his bed.

"Sleep. You'll feel better in the morning." I say. He keeps looking at me.

"You should sleep too." he says "And not in that chair." he adds. I don't say anything to that.

"You know my bed is big enough for two people." he continues "and we have slept together in past haven't we?" he asks. I look him in the eyes and think about it. Isn't this too close to crossing the friendship line again? But finally I decide to oblige and I lie down next to him. He shifts closer and puts his arm around me. For a while, we're just looking into each other's eyes.  
>"Night, night, Katniss." he says quietly and finally closes his eyes.<br>And then I do it. I don't know why. Maybe because I feel so safe with him, maybe because I saw him so broken today, maybe I just wanted him to feel better or happier. I lean down and plant a soft kiss on his forehead. Great! I brake my own rules just the first day I set them. He opens his eyes in surprise as I put my head down on the pillow. Then he just gives me one small smile, he pulls me a little closer to him and he closes his eyes again. That happy smile lingers on his face as he falls asleep which makes me feel quite content. Maybe I'm not such a bad person after all when I make him smile like this.


	8. Letter Fron D(e)ad

Chapter 8: Letter From D(e)ad

When I wake up in the morning, I still feel his arm around me. I turn around and open my eyes to see if he's still asleep. He's not. His incredibly blue eyes are looking at me happily. That happy smile from yesterday is still on his face and it is even bigger than at night.  
>"Did I already tell you, that you're amazing?" he asks with a happy smile.<br>"Yeah, several times actually. It's starting to be corny" I smile at him too. After all those months when I was sleeping without him, I almost forgot what it feels like to wake up with him beside me. No fear, no worries, no crying, no nightmares. Just warm, safe and happy feeling.

"Thank you for taking care about me." he says. Then he leans closer and kisses my forehead softly. I permit it, just this time, because I'm so happy and because it's a thank you kiss.

"I'm glad I could help you." I say quietly. I don't want to get up yet, so I scoot a little closer to him, rest my head on his chest and close my eyes. And as he locks his arms around me, I feel so happy, that I know I could stay like this forever. We stay like that for a long time. His arms holding me, his hand stroking my hair, my head lying on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeats.

"I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now and live in it forever." he says quietly.

Suddenly, I'm lying on the roof of the training center. My head is in his lap and he twirls my hair between his fingers. But when I open my eyes I'm back home in his bed. I look up at him and a slight smile appears on my face. We have developed a new game for him. If we're in a situation similar to something that happened to us, or if we say something we've already said, I ask him if he remembers. This is a good opportunity.

"You've said these exact words once already. Do you remember where and when?" I ask. For a short moment he gets that concentrated face, which he always has when he tries to remember something. Then a smile appears on his face and he looks down at me.

"I remember. That was one of the rare memories, Capitol didn't know about so they didn't change them." he says quietly. "It was two days before the quell, while we spent all that day off on the roof of the training center." I just smile at him in response.

"And I remember very clearly that you said you would allow it." he says and looks me in the eyes intently.

"Yes I did." I say quietly.

"Would you allow it today too?" he asks.

"I think I would." I smile and hide my face into his chest again. For a long time we're silent. Listening to each other's breaths and heartbeats.

"I wonder" I mumble into his shirt "where that annoying boy is. The one who used to kick me out of bed every day." I hear his soft laugh "He used to come early you know. I think he's late today."

"I'm pretty sure he will oversleep today." he says, hugs me even more tightly and then sights happily. I know I should get up. This is probably a thing which friends would not do. But it feels so good that I can't make myself leave his safe and warm embrace. I don't know how long we remain in this quiet silence, but eventually he's the one, who speaks first.

"I think we really should get up." he says quietly. I just groan in disagreement, cuddling even closer to his chest.

"Ohh look at you." he says with a soft laugh, amused by my behavior "You keep saying how we're only best friends, but you don't mind lying in bed with me so close that I could give you a kiss if I wanted to." he says in a playful lecturing voice.

"Kiss, which you don't want." he says in a little offended way. I know he's playing it though. This makes me annoyed so I scowl at him. He just laughs when he sees it.

"Oh I was just joking." he tries but my scowl doesn't seem to go away.  
>"You are not getting up, until that scowl changes into smile." he threatens me.<br>Even those words make it hard not to rise the corners of my mouth, but I stay with a scowl stubbornly. But since I'm still embraced by his strong arms, it is too easy for him. Too easy to find my weak spot and tickle me. Too easy because he's much more stronger than I am and I have no chance to escape his tender fingers. So eventually I end up, laughing uncontrollably, trashing in his arms, kicking around and trying to run away. But his arms are too strong. Finally he has mercy on me and he stops tickling me. Still I keep laughing for a while, because I can't stop.  
>He's one of the few honored people who know my weak spot in tickling. I was always proud, that I'm not ticklish. The only two people who could make me laugh by tickling was Prim and my Dad. Well and then Peeta found my weak spot too, during those afternoons before the quell. Even Gale didn't know about it.<p>

So I keep laying on his bed, breathing heavily, my lips curved into a huge smile. So huge, that it actually almost hurts, but I can't help. When I look at him, there are happy sparkles in his eyes as he watches me.

"Am I allowed to get up now?" I ask pleadingly.

"Hmm let's see." he says, he lies on his belly and his head hovers over mine. His huge grin slowly grows smaller and his eyes get more intent look every second. Then he looks at my lips.  
>"I think," he says and he runs his thumb tenderly over my lips, which are still curved into a smile.<br>"that this is a big enough smile. And sincere one too." he leans even closer so our noses are almost touching each other. I almost think he will kiss me again, when I see his longing and tender expression. But then he just smiles widely, kisses my nose softly and gets up immediately.

"Let's start the day." he says excitingly and he vanishes into the bathroom.

I remain, lying in the same pose he left me for another few minutes. Actually I have to compose myself. My heart started beating so fast and I almost thought that I would not mind him kiss me. It almost made me feel sad when he went away. But I remind myself that I didn't want to be more than friends. I sight and close my eyes.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eig..._

"Oh get up, you sleepy head!" he says with a smile and throws the sheets off me. I sight, get up and accompany him in his kitchen. He decides to do waffles for our breakfast. To my surprise it's done in ten minutes and it's so delicious, that I polish off about ten pieces.

"Your appetite is always so surprising for such a little person." he laughs slightly.

"Well I didn't have enough food all my childhood. I have to catch up with you." I give him a smile.

"What are you planning to do today?" he asks while serving another waffle to my plate.

"I don't know. Probably same as usual." I say. "You?"

"Well, I don't know if I've already told you, but I plan on rebuilding the bakery..." he starts and looks up at me.

"You haven't told me, but it's not very surprising for me." I smile at him.

"Tomorrow, they are gonna destroy the rest of the building and they are gonna remove all the rubbles." he says and I see a nervous look on his face.

"So what are you doing today?" I ask. He sights and looks up at me with that nervous look.

"Well. I wanted to go down and look at the bakery for the last time." I see the fearful look in his eyes. "But I'm not sure I can make it by myself." he says finally and looks down at the table. He should get better in asking for help.

"Would you appreciate company?" I ask "Maybe a good friend?" I smile slightly and put my hand over his soothingly. He looks up and smiles sadly.

"I would appreciate that." he says shyly. I give him a smile. "But you don't have to do that if you don't want to or if you think you can't..."

"Peeta that's what I'm here for. We help each other you remember?" I ask and smile at him again.

"I told you to ask if you need help. I'm glad you do." I assure him. Finally he sights, looks me in the eyes sadly, but in the end a smile creeps up his face again.

"Thanks." he says quietly.

"You're welcome." I say.

So in an hour, we slowly walk down into the town. As we approach the square, Peeta's hand grabs mine anxiously. I know he needs something to hold on to, so I don't protest. There's not much left from the bakery. The walls are still holding up, but the first floor is down and there is no ceiling in the ground floor. So it's just the side walls and a lot of rubble.

Peeta brings his sketchbook too, but he doesn't feel like drawing now. Instead I use it to write down everything Peeta is saying to me. I decided we will add a page about the old bakery into the memory book. So I write down as he tells me how did it look like, where was the ovens, how they worked in there. I write down, what was upstairs and where was Peeta's room which he shared with Rye. Peeta is not as happy as usual. He's sad, but still he holds his tears in. That won't last for long though.

When we arrive to the part where the bakery office used to be, he stops as he tells me about it. Suddenly he looks into the rubble with surprised eyes.

"Look!" he exclaims and points into it. I can't see anything special until he pulls out a metal box.  
>"It's our safe! We used it if we earned a lot of money and we put our family recipe book in there too!" he says enthusiastically. To our surprise, the safe looks unharmed and working. Peeta moves the plastic button few times until it clicks and he's able to open the safe without any problem. And to our shock there really is a little pile of money and a huge book filled with papers. Peeta's looking at it in awe for a few seconds.<p>

"I can't believe it." he says quietly with a shaking voice. "It's not damaged!" he says and I see two tears stream down his face.

He looks at me with such an expression that it's hard to describe it. On one hand it's happy, because he found this treasure. On the other hand there's so much tragic in it, that it almost makes me cry too. I put my hand on his shoulder and give him a smile.

"That's good. You can take it home." I say and give him a smile. He smiles back sadly and runs his fingers over the hard cover of the book. It seems really old. It must have been inherited through few generations. Just like our plant book. As he carefully turns the pages, something slips out and falls on the floor without his notice. It's a yellowish envelope.

"What's this?" I ask and take it. There are just four words written on the envelope in a nice handwriting which I recognize as his father's. _"For my big boy."_ I hand it to Peeta.

He looks at it carefully and when he turns the envelope and reads the words, his eyes go wider and another tear escapes out of his eyes. He takes the letter out with trembling fingers and he starts to read. As he reads through I know it must be something really terrible or really touching, because tears start streaming down his face and he's not trying to fight it. He breathes deeply to calm himself, but in the end, he can't hold it in anymore and he starts sobbing. I don't wait for him to ask for it and I hug him immediately. He hugs me tight and I can feel how his body trembles with sobs. After a while he hands me the paper.

"Read it." he says between his sobs. I'm unsure though. "Please read it." he says again and so I straighten it in my hand and start reading.

* * *

><p><em> 23. June 3017<em>

_Peet,_

_if you're reading this, it must be a miracle. I don't know, what you just did in the arena, but I keep hoping you'll both get out alive with Katniss. Whatever comes after it, I know it won't be good. They may punish you, they may punish all the district. That's why I'm writing this letter immediately. If you're reading it, it means you got out alive somehow. You survived the games and whatever came after it. And I'm probably gone, because otherwise I would say this to you personally.  
>I just wanted to tell you, how proud I am, son. You had enough courage and strength to fight for your only love even though she didn't love you. You are my hero. I'm glad you got closer before the quell and as I saw you both in the quell, I can tell, that she loves you too. I don't know in what way, but she certainly does. The way she acted when your heart stopped is a clear proof.<br>I hope you both survived it, because you both deserve happiness after what you've been through. If she survived too, don't give her up Peet. She loves you and you love her and that's the biggest gift in this world. Don't be a fool like I was when I gave up her mother. Keep her happy and safe and one day, when you're both ready, marry her and make a family. Continue in baking in our name, make our family count. Even though you were my youngest son, you were always my favorite. I was always hoping you will be the one to inherit the bakery, because you put your heart into it. That's why I leave the recipe book and the baker's token in the safe for you too.  
>That's all I wanted to say. If you read this, we'll probably never meet again. Please don't be too sad about it. Things like this happen in life. You have to get over it. I'll keep an eye on you from above and I want to see you and Katniss happy so do your best about it and don't grief because of me for too long.<br>Be safe, be happy and keep baking as well as you always did, my dear son. Put your heart into it._

_Yours always loving_

_ Dad  
><em>

_P.S. I want to see my grandchildren too!_

* * *

><p>I can hardly read the last words through my tears. If my loss of Prim and my friends was painful, this is heartbreaking. I remember how painful it was, when my Dad died. But if I imagine, I would get a letter like this from him, I can't imagine how painful it must be for Peeta. He's sitting by the side wall, still trembling with sobs clutching something in his hand. When I look at it more closely, it's a leather string, with a little wooden loaf of bread pendant on it. It must be the token his father wrote about.<br>I sit next to Peeta and put my arm around him tightly. Now I'm really glad he asked me to come here with him. I would not like him to go through this alone. We sit like that for a long long time, our tears falling into the ashes of the bakery. Peeta ends up half lying, half sitting with his head in my lap and I just keep running my fingers through his hair, because it seems it comforts him. It must be something around lunch when our stomachs start to rumble.  
>"I'll be right back okay?" I say and stand up carefully. He remains sitting in there. I walk to the market, which is just around the corner of the bakery.<p>

"Oh, hi." Sae smiles to me. "What happened to you?" she asks when she sees my red eyes.

"Peeta is saying goodbye to their bakery." I say quietly. "Tomorrow they will take it down and remove the rubble."

"Want some lunch?" she winks at me and handles me two bowls of broth.

"Thanks" I smile at her. "I'll bring the bowls back." I promise and head back. Peeta is still sitting, where I left him five minutes ago.

"Hey, Sae sands her greetings." I smile weakly as I sit next to him and handle him the bowl.

"Thanks." he says and gives me a sad look. We eat it without speaking. I dare to speak only when we put our empty bowls down and I still see his tragic face.

"It'll be okay you know." I say quietly. His eyes don't change though. They're still full of pain and sadness. I have to cheer him up somehow.

"You know, I'm not very sure and eager about that marriage and children making, but we can work hard on being safe and happy." I smile at him and finally, finally a little chuckle escapes from his lips and he gives me a teary smile

"And I'm sure you'll marvel in running the new bakery." I add. He sights deeply and squeezes me in a tight hug.

"Thanks." he whispers into my ear.

"Do you want to go back home?" I ask him carefully. He looks at the rubbles around.

"I think we should. There's nothing else left in here I think." he says.

And so we stand up and I take his hand without hesitation and squeeze it tightly in mine. I know how much he needs me in this moment. I'm the only family left for him. He puts the baker's token around his neck, takes the recipe book into his hand and we head out. We stop at the market, giving the bowls back to Sae. She gives me one sad smile and we slowly head home. Peeta is unusually quiet, but I'm not surprised after what he's been through today.

When we get home, he puts the book into his kitchen and he heads to the living room. I sit on the couch next to him and he immediately lays his head into my lap. I let him do whatever he wants. He deserves to be happy. I play with his hair again.

"Could you imagine, that he wrote that letter just before the firebombing?" he asks and his voice catches in the end.

"Don't think about it now Peeta. I know it's hard for you, but try not to think about it. You have to get over it." I say quietly.

"How?" he looks up at me and I see tears in his eyes again.

"I don't know exactly." I admit. "Give it some time and it will heal. The pain will go away slowly and you'll get used to it." I say quietly. "That's what happened when my Dad died. Only I had to start hunting that time so I didn't have so much time to think about it."

He sights, closes his eyes and one silent tear slides down his cheek slowly. Without thinking about it, I lean down and kiss it away. He doesn't deserve tears. He deserves to be happy.

_Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
>A bed of grass, a soft green pillow<br>Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
>And when you awake, the sun will rise.<em>

_Here it's safe, here it's warm  
>Here the daisies guard you from harm<br>Here your dreams are sweet and  
>tomorrow brings them true<br>Here is the place where I love you._

I don't know why I started singing this lullaby quietly into his ear, but it helps. When I finish the chorus, his breathing is steady and he's soundly asleep. It's like a magic. But these last 24 hours were so emotional and hard, that I need to talk about it. I carefully lay his head on a pillow, take his phone and dial the number. After few beeps it is answered.

"Hello Peeta?" A man voice speaks to me. I take a deep breath.

"Hello Dr. Aurelius, it's Katniss here." I say quietly.

"Oh, but this is Peeta's phone isn't it?" he asks puzzled.

"Yes it is." I say.

"I'm glad to hear you though." he says "May I conclude then, that you're speaking to each other again?" he asks.

"Yes, actually we made peace yesterday already." I admit.

"Why are you calling? What happened?" he asks. Oh, where should I start?

"Well we made peace yesterday afternoon, then he got a bad flashback, he cut his hand to stay in reality and I had to stitch it, I took care about him through the night and today, we went to say goodbye to the old bakery, which will be taken down and cleared tomorrow and he found a goodbye letter from his Father." I spit it all out in one long sentence. It feels good to share these emotions with someone.

"Wow, sounds like an emotional roller coaster." he says interested.

"Don't tell me." I say a little ironically.

"How is he?" he asks.

"Well what do you mean? After we made peace? After he got flashback or after he found a heartbreaking letter from his dad?" I ask feeling hopeless.

"Just tell me how is he now." he says.

"Well after he cried out in the bakery rubble, I took him home. I tried to cheer him up, but it didn't work much. He just lied on the couch so I sang a lullaby for him and he's asleep now." I finish.

"That's good." Dr. says "That will calm him down. How do you feel?" he asks. I think about it for a moment.

"Exhausted." I say at first. "And emotionally drained." I add. "We were so happy yesterday afternoon and then the flashback spoiled it all. And then this tragic morning. It really feels like roller coaster." I admit.

"Well let me say, that you handled it very well." he says.

"What should I do with him now?" I ask.

"Well, let him grief if he wants. It must be so hard for him. But if it lasts too long, keep him busy somehow okay?"

"Okay, I'll try." I answer.

"Well if that is all, I need to go now." he says.

"I guess it's all. Have a good day." I finish.

"You too Katniss." he says and hangs up.

I can't shake the feeling that I need to cheer Peeta up somehow. It is so terrible to see that usually happy and sunny person so broken and sad. And I have just the right idea how to do it. So I slip out of his house and get the package from my house. I had ordered this a week ago, I wanted it to be a surprise, so I didn't tell him and I think now is the right time to use it. I also bring the memory book with me.

I come back to Peeta's kitchen and I put the kettle on. After a while I hear something between a moan and growl from the living room so I go and check on Peeta.

"Hey. Already awake?" I ask quietly. He gives me a sad look and I can't stand it.

"I've got something special for you. Be right back." I say with a smart smile and he sits up slowly.

I pour the water over the powder in two cups and I carry them to the living room together with a plate of my ugly cookies we baked yesterday.

"I wonder, if you remember this." I say with a hopeful smile, putting the cup of hot beverage in front of him. He eyes it suspiciously at first. He takes it into his hands carefully and smells it. As the sweet smell reaches his nostrils, I can see how his mouth curves into a smile.

"Hot chocolate." he whispers with closed eyes and his smile makes me feel better.

"Mmm." he hums as he takes a sip of the sweet chocolate. I sit next to him and sip my chocolate too. It's really delicious. He looks at me with a sweet smile and we both put down our cups. He looks into my eyes with a mixture of sadness and warm love and he hugs me tight for a long moment. Then he releases me, but only a little so I could look into his face. Again our faces are dangerously close for the rules I set yesterday. I don't jerk away only because of the sadness in his eyes and because I know how badly he feels today.

"Thank you" he whispers while he keeps looking into my eyes.

I see how his lips come closer, my heart starts running like crazy and I close my eyes because I'm scared what comes next. But his lips just softly brush my forehead and that's all. When I open my eyes, he gives me a sweet shy look and he pulls away from me. My heart still pounds quickly and I keep looking at the cookies on the table until I compose myself. Then I take my hot chocolate and take a few sips, while we silently sit next to each other.

"Katniss I don't know how to get over this pain." he says and his voice is sad again. I go into the kitchen and bring the memory book.

"Paint it out." I give him a sad smile. Same appears on his face.

"I thought that we could write about your brothers and parents. And we could give a page to the old bakery too if you want." I suggest.

"That would be good." he says.

"Okay, just check if this is all okay or if you want to add anything to write about it." I say and handle him my paper.

He does a few notes into my writings and then he goes to his painting. We're both very quiet today. He's lost in his drawing and I'm lost in my thoughts. As I'm writing about the bakery and about his family, I realize I will never know them, which makes me feel sad.

The only person I knew a little better was his father, who was always so kind to me. I remember how surprised he was, when I showed up in their back door, eleven years old with a dead squirrel in my hand, offering him a trade. He gave me two loaves of bread that day. I knew it was too much for one squirrel, but I accepted it. Few silent tears of sadness slide down my face as I write all these words, but I don't try to stop them. It's a long time since I learned that tears help sometimes. I'm not that same girl I was three years ago. Girl who didn't want to cry. Girl who thought that crying makes her weak. Now I know it doesn't. Crying is really a part of healing.

We spent all evening over the memory book and when my eyes start to feel heavy I give up.

"Peeta I think we should go to bed." I say yawning. "I can't keep my eyes open anymore."

"Okay." he says quietly. I lead him up and wait until he's in bed. He holds my hand and doesn't seem to let it go.

"Will you let go of my hand or do I have to chop it off to go to my bed?" I ask with a smile. He gives me a serious look.

"You'll have to chop it off." he says so seriously it makes me smile. After a silent while he speaks again.

"Katniss would you stay with me tonight?" he asks pleadingly. I hesitate. Yesterday, the circumstances were different. He was ill and I stayed to keep an eye on him. Today he's just sad.

"I'm afraid of my nightmares tonight." he whispers. "Please stay with me." he says and gives me such a painful look that I can't reject his request. I know that feeling very well. When you are scared to close your eyes, because you know your dreams will be terrible. I sight and give him a small smile.

"Okay." I whisper. His mouth curves into a small smile and I think that one night in his bed is worth this smile.

"But I need to take a shower, so you really have to let go of my hand." I say.

"Feel free to use my bathroom." he says.

And so I do. But even though I lock the door behind me, I feel strange. Because I know he's in the room right behind it. So I strip down my ash smelling clothes as quick as I can and I step into his shower. But as I step out and use one of the towels which are neatly folded on the cabinet I realize, I don't have any pyjamas.

For a moment I panic. I can't go to bed in that dirty clothes and I can't go there only in my undergarment either. That would feel wrong. For a while I consider what to do. I put my undergarment on and I wrap the towel around me securely. Then I unlock the door and hope Peeta is already asleep.

"Peeta?" I say in a quiet voice.

He says nothing, so I think he's asleep. I tiptoe to his dresser and pull out first shirt I can find. Lucky he's so big in compare with me. Thanks to that his shirt is so long for me that it almost reaches my knees. As I step out from the bathroom, I turn the light off immediately, because I feel silly in his shirt. So I just lie down next to him and I feel a little weird. I know we used to sleep together before, but now, it feels like I'm crossing the line again.

Peeta must be only half asleep, because as soon as I lie down, his arms embrace me, he pulls me closer to him and plants a kiss into my hair which is now loose.

"You smell so beautifully." he whispers with his face in my hair in a sleepy voice. "Like pines and forest." he whispers barely audible.

For a moment, I'm anxious about his behavior. He's so much like the old Peeta. It almost seems that he loves me again. Why I feel so anxious about that? Who knows... After a while, as I listen to his quiet breathing, which means he's asleep, I calm down too. I let myself relax in his safe arms and I slip into my dreams.


	9. Memories

**Hi everyone! This is not exactly new chapter. I'm working on another fanfiction - Hunger Games from Peeta's point of view. And in my new chapter for Stay with me, Peeta and Katniss will discuss some of their memories from Catching Fire, which I made up. So here I give you three memories, they will talk about in the next chapter so you would know what are they talking about :)**

* * *

><p><strong>First memory from Victory Tour Nights<strong>

I don't have to say that Katniss is stressed about all of this more and more as we travel through the districts. She's not eating much and she has circles under her eyes. During the day, she's stressed by our tour, at night by her nightmares. It all started when we get out of district 11. As we stepped into the train, we went to our bedrooms to get some sleep. After some time I woke up from my own nightmare and I didn't have any strength to face it again so I just went to the sitting room between our bedrooms and I started to sketch something. After a few minutes I heard something strange. Like a quiet moan from Katniss's room. I went to her door and heard it again.

„No" she cries quietly. I hesitate. Should I go in to see what happened to her? Wouldn't she be angry with me? I'm not sure what to do. But just in that moment she starts to scream more loudly and I don't care if she'll be angry with me and go in quietly. The room is slightly illuminated by the safety light and I can see her in bed. She's surely still asleep. Tangled in the covers, thrashing and screaming painfully.

„No! No! Aaaaa!" I can't stand it any more, I go to her bed and give her a huge shake.

„Katniss! Wake up! Wake up, Katniss!" I say. After a moment she jumps up so quickly that I take a step back from her. She looks around in panic and only then she sees me.

"Peeta?" she says in a trembling voice. Looking at me, tears start streaming down her face.

"I heard you and I had to wake you." I say quietly hoping she's not angry with me. Her only response is that she starts sobbing and crying. She trembles terribly and struggles to get air into her lungs. I sit next to her and run my hand over her arm.

"It's okay. You're safe. It was only a nightmare." I sooth her. She looks at me.

"I couldn't save her!" she cries. "Why I couldn't? Why did she have to die? She was so young!" I know she's speaking about Rue.

"You couldn't do anything, sweetheart. You did your best to save her." I say.

"But didn't you see her family? They hate me!" she cries.

"Oh no, they don't hate you. They are glad. Glad you gave her a descent goodbye." I say, but it doesn't seem to help her. She's now sitting on bed, her arms hugging her knees and she's still trembling terribly.

"Come here." I say quietly and extend my arms to offer her a hug. To my surprise, she doesn't wait even a second. She climbs on my lap. Putting her little trembling body into my arms, hugging me tightly and crying on my shoulder. I run my hands over her back and I stroke her hair. I put my lips next to her ear.

"Sssh. It's okay, you'll be fine." I whisper quietly. Giving her light kisses into her hair. After some time, she calms down, but she doesn't seem to want to let go of me. I don't mind that. But finally I tuck her back under the covers. She looks me in the eyes and I can see the fear in hers.

"Will you stay here until I fall asleep again?" she asks quietly. Like a little child who is afraid of dark.

"If you want me to." I smile at her and keep her hand in mine. I keep stroking it and I watch how her eyes close slowly. After a while she's asleep and I quietly go back to my room. Luckily I get some sleep too, even though it's not much.

Second night is same like this, the only difference is, that Katniss had 4 nightmares, not just one. Her nightmares are getting worse and her prep team keeps complaining about the circles ubnder her eyes. Effie gives her some sleep pills, but as we confirm the third night, it is useless. They make it only worse, because it is harder to wake her up from the nightmare. But that third night something else happens. I'm woken up third time, dozing off in the sitting room. I hear her screams again. I run to the bedroom and only now I realize that this nightmare must be different. Surely worse than the others. She's thrashing much more than before, screaming "No" or "Run" every moment. But as I come to her I see tears on her face. She usually cries after her nightmares, but I haven't seen her crying in a dream. It must be a terrible one then.

"No! Peeta! Don't die!" she screams painfully just in that moment. For a split of second I stay in awe. Did she just call my name? Am I dying in her nightmare? But then I realize why I came. I give her a shake.

"Katniss! Wake up!" after a few moments she sits up quickly, breathing heavily, crying already and trembling so much, that I'm afraid if she is actually not ill or something. She panickly looks around and when she sees me her eyes grow bigger.

"Peeta." she says and there is audible relief in her voice. "I… I thought…" she stammers but she's not able to finish her thought through her sobs. I sit down to her, scoot her up into my lap and hug her.

"You're okay, you're safe." I say my usual soothing words. For a moment she stops her cries and looks up at me.

"It-it was not me I was concerned about." she says and starts crying again. She just confirmes that her dream was about me.

"Well I'm okay and safe too." I say with a smile. "I'm right here with you." I whisper into her ear and hug her even tighter. After some time, she finally stops crying and trembling, but she still lingers in my arms, unwilling or afraid to leave.

"What about you get back to bed, hmm?" I ask quietly and look down at her. She looks up, her eyes red and puffy, fear reflecting in them.

"Will you stay with me?" she asks pleadingly, not breaking eye contact.

"Until you fall asleep." I confirm with a smile. She keeps looking at me desperately.

"Until morning?" she asks. This surprises me. She wants me to sleep in her bed? With her?

"You want me to stay in your bed until morning?" I ask. I can't believe this. Of course it would be easier. I could wake her up when I feel her threshing already and maybe finally I could get some sleep too.

"Please, stay with me." she begs. I think about it for a while, but I don't see a reason why not.

"Always." I whisper with a smile and climb into her bed, settling down next to her, resting my arm around her waist as she settles next to me. We look into each other eyes for a moment.

"Thank you." she whispers quietly. I smile at her.

"You're welcome, sweetheart. Now, close your eyes and sleep. I'll keep an eye on you and I'll wake you if you have a nightmare okay?" I say soothingly.

"Okay" she says but keeps looking into my eyes. After few minutes, her eyes close sleepy and she's sleeping soundly. I can't fall asleep though. A part of me (the on which is crazily in love with her) is too excited to sleep. I watch her carefully, examining her beautiful features, her hair laying around her head in waves, smelling her pine scent and feeling her little body next to mine. I could live like this. Happily ever after. After some time I start to feel sleepy too. I pull her closer to me and hug her and like that I fall asleep and remain like that until knocking on door wakes me up.

"Get up, Katniss! The breakfast is ready!" Effie sings behind the door and then she goes away. I open my eyes and find Katniss sleepily opening hers too.

"Hey you!" she says and a smile creeps up her face.

"Hey you." I answer quietly and smile widely. "How did you sleep? Any nightmares?" I ask.

"Not after you stayed with me." she says and cuddles up to me. It seems that she doesn't want to get up just as much as I don't. After 5 minutes like this, I go back to my bedroom to get dressed and I go for breakfast. The day goes as usual and we board the train around 10 p.m. We head towards our bedrooms immediately. We stop in front of Katniss's door and I give her a gentle hug.

"Sweet dreams." I say and kiss her into her hair. Then I want to let go of her, but she obviously rejects to let go of me. She gives me an intent fearful look.

"What?" I ask even though I know what she wants.

"Stay with me?" she asks barely audibly.

"Always." I whisper and hug her tight. She smiles slightly.

"I'll just go for my pyjamas and get some clothes for tomorrow." I say and she finally lets go of me and goes to her room.

As I'm going back to her bedroom, I'm startled in the sitting room.

"Caught red handed, huh?" Haymitch's voice comes from the armchair.

"What?" I ask surprised.

"I know what you're doing." he says suspiciously. "You two." I feel a blush coming to my face.

"And what?" I ask. I honestly don't know what's his point. "Would you rather hear her screaming all night?" I ask.

"No of course not." He says and eyes me curiously. "But you be careful. We don't want to have her pregnant before the marriage do we?" he asks.

"Haymitch we're not doing anything like that. I'm just sleeping next to her to wake her up, when she has a nightmare. Nothing more." I say angrily.

"Hmm. If you say so." he hums.

"Good night." I say annoyed and head to Katniss's room.

"Sweet dreams lover boy." Haymitch says and I smile over my old nickname.

When I come back to Katniss's room, she's already lying in bed. I can't miss the fearful look in her eyes. I know how does it feel to be afraid of falling asleep. I put my clothes on a chair next to the bed. I also brought a special lotion for my leg. Sometimes, when I'm walking too long, it hurts or it is just uncomfortable so I have to take it off and give it a rest. I would need it today, but I'm not sure if it won't make Katniss feel bad. She notices it.

"What is it?" she asks.

"Special lotion. For my leg. I use it when it hurts or scratches." I say quietly.

"Why don't you just take it off then?" she asks looking at me. I examine her closely.

"I..." I hesitate "I don't want you to feel bad for me." finally I tell her the truth. She gives me an angry look.

"I won't feel bad because of it. Take it off!" she orders me angrily and I have to smile over that.

"Okay" I say. I pull up my pant leg above my knee and carefully take down my prosthetic leg. And suddenly I can see the painful look in her eyes as she looks at it. I know she blames herself for this but it is pointless.

"You are feeling bad for me." I pretend to be angry. "And you promised not to!" I say. She immediately looks away from the stump on my leg and looks me in the eyes.

"I'm not, I promise." she says and sits cross leged next to me examining, how I open the lotion and apply it on the stump. She's really trying to hide her bad feelings, but I can see it. So as I close the lotion I look at her.

"Katniss, you saved my life. This is not your fault." I say quietly and brush some hair from her eyes. She looks at me.

"It is my fault. You lost a part of your leg and you can't walk properly because of me." she says a little angrily.

"I'm walking pretty well." I say calmingly. "And I rather lost my leg then you." I whisper into her ear. She smiles shyly and looks down. Then we settle into her bed, cuddle together and slowly we both doze off. Her nightmares wake me 3 times during the night, but it seems that it is easier like this. I wake her up soon and she calms down more quickly. I like this new arrangement. So since that night, I leave my pyjamas in her bedroom. When we board the train we always go to sleep hand in hand and in the morning we appear for the breakfast together too.

One night when my leg hurts again, I take the prosthetic leg down and want to apply the lotion, but she takes my hand.

"May I do it?" she asks and I'm surprised by her request. I don't protest though and let her do it. She lays down on her stomach, her head hovering over the stump on my leg and carefully examining it for a long moment, running her fingers over it carefully, which tickles a little. I guess she takes her time to get used to it. Then she puts the lotion on her fingers and she carefully and softly spreads it around the stomp. I lay my head on a pillow and close my eyes. Imagining we're not in the train. Imagining we're living in a happy word without hunger games and imagining she's my beloved wife. _What a beautiful idea._ I tell myself.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks and I suddenly realize she's not treating my leg any more. She's sitting next to me and looking down at me.

"Just imagining what it would be if we were living in a better world." I say quietly. "Why?"

"You looked happy." she smiles at me. _I bet I did. Who would not look happy with you as a wife._

She lays down next to me and leaves her body in my arms again. Believing that I will keep her safe.

She keeps looking at me again and as her eyes keep closing more slowly every time, I get all my courage and tell her, what I wanted to tell her for so long.

"I love you." I whisper quietly, maybe secretly hoping she will not hear it. I see how her eyes opened and found mine again. For a moment she stares at me, but then a small smile appears on her face.

"Okay." she says and closes her eyes again. I smile widely. _This is an improvement! She didn't try to kill me for saying it this time! _I pull her closer to me and fall asleep happily.

After 5 days of our new arrangement Katniss entertains me with a story about Effie giving her a lecture about it. It is obviously the biggest gossip of our train. I don't care since it is making Katniss feel better.

We're getting so much closer every day. I get to know new things about Katniss. Things she would never tell me before. I know now, that even without nightmares, Katniss is quite dangerous even when she's soundly asleep. I get a bruise on my right leg during one night, because she kicks me. I also find out, that she has this bad habit of going into bed with socks and losing them in the blankets during the night. You can be sure that in the morning at least one of her socks will be missing and you could found it under your own pillow. How did it get there you ask? I have no idea what is that girl doing during her sleep and how can her sock end up under my pillow. I get to know that she likes cheesebuns most and same as me she loves hot chocolate (I'm sure she also likes the solid one). I know she likes all flowers, but her favourites are Dandelions. Even though she doesn't want to tell me why Dandelions, I'm sure there's something special about this flower. She also lets me brush her hair in the mornings. I love that so much. Her beautiful silky dark brown hair. I could play with it all day long. And in return she learns some of my habits. Like how I doubleknot my shoelaces, that I like to sleep with windows open because of fresh air or that I don't like to take sugar in tea. She likes to watch me, when I'm drawing something and I often catch her staring at my eyes. I have no idea why. I also noticed, that she likes to run her fingers through my hair. She also insists on taking care about my leg, taking my prosthetic leg down every night and putting lotion on it. I'm glad about this new friendship between us. It means we are getting better friends every day and that's what I always wanted.

* * *

><p><strong>Second memory from the night when they finish the Victory Tour.<strong>

The night in district 12 goes quite well. We have a dinner with the major, it's all much easier because we know each other so it is almost like home. We have a victory tour rally on the square tomorrow, but we can finally sleep home tonight. The dinner is finished around 11 and we can finally go home, while our prep teams are staying at majors house. As we walk out of the majors house, I take her hand and we walk towards the victors village slowly. For a long time we're just silent and then I have to ask the question which is bugging me.

"Katniss?" I say quietly. She seems like thinking about something.

"Hmm?" she looks at me.

"Will we still be friends here?" I ask worried that she will shut me out like last time.

"I hope so" she says quietly looking down. I smile.

"I know this all must be confusing you and it must be hard for you." I start. I thought about this long time and I want her to know I want her happiness.

"I know that you liked Gale before the Games." I say quietly even when it is painful for me. She looks at me suspiciously. "I just want you to know, that if you decide to stay with him, I will respect it. I don't want you to be unhappy with me. If he's the right one, go for it." I finish and I feel how my stomach turns with nerves. She stops and examines my face for a while.

"Well you're right. I'm confused about my feelings, but there's nothing to decide." She says.

"President Snow decided it for me." She adds.

"But I don't want you to be with me only because of the Games. I want you to be happy." I say sadly.  
>"As Haymitch use to say, I could end up much worse." She says, gives me a smile and starts to walk again.<p>

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"Well, imagine, that my partner in Games would be some violent career like Cato. Imagine I would have to marry someone like that." She says. Well that would be really unpleasant.

"I'm glad it's you Peeta. I don't even deserve such a person like you." She says quietly.

"Love is never about deserving." I say and we continue in our walk quietly until we're in victors village. Katniss stops in the entrance.

"I hate this place." She says with pain in her voice.

"Why? You got a new big house and you have enough money to feed your family." I say.

"Yes, that is the only bright side." She says. "Except that, I hate it. It is a piece of Capitol in our district. A Piece reminding us of Hunger Games. I have no chance to sleep calmly in here, when everything is reminding me Hunger Games." She says and I feel her trembling a little. We quietly come in front of our houses. We stop in front of her door.

"I guess this is goodnight then." I say quietly and I pull her into my arms. She doesn't protest. She obligingly presses her little body against mine and rests her head against my chest. I would like to stay like this forever, but we can't. And I know she's too desperate to let go, so I have to do it.

"Sweet dreams Katniss." I say, kiss her head and want to let go, but she keeps her hands around my body. I raise my eyebrows and she gives me a desperate look. I know what it means. I know it very well.

"Stay with me?" she whispers barely audibly. _Why is it so hard to say no?!_

"Katniss we can't do it. Not here." Her look seems sad. "Your Mum would be angry. We're only sixteen and everybody would think we are doing some improper things." I say quietly.

"We were never doing something like that!" she says a little angrily.

"I know, but you must admit, that it can look like that." I say. It seems like it only makes her worse, because she hugs me even tighter and hides her head in my chest.

"You'll be okay." I whisper into her ear. She takes a deep breath and looks up.

"You know I won't. " She says and trembles a little. I run my hand through her hair.

"When I lie down into my bed, I'm already thinking what will be in my nightmares." She says and almost cries.

"Then you have to think about something nice before you fall asleep. Think about some happy memory." I say quietly.

"I don't have much of those." She says.

"Let's see. What about the day, when you got Prim her goat?" I smile at her. And like a magic,

Katniss has a slight smile on her face. But then it vanishes, she sights and looks up at me.

"So we stay good friends?" she asks and looks intently into my eyes.

"Well I don't have a problem being more than a friend, but if you want to be just friends, I will be just your friend." I say. She smiles at me sweetly and finally releases me from her hug. I take both of her hands into mine for a while. We stand like that for a long moment. Like a tragic statue of district twelve star-crossed lovers. Then I break it.

"Sweet dreams, sweetheart." I whisper and kiss her softly. When I pull away, her eyes are still closed and as I'm closing my door, she's still standing there and looking at me. And that's the end of our victory tour. Since then, we remain good friends.

* * *

><p><strong>The last memory is from Quarter Quell. It is from the night when Katniss and Peeta kissed on the beach. I know it was different in the book, but I just had this idea about how it was. <strong>

Katniss and I volunteer for the first watch because we're better rested, and because we want some time alone. The others go out immediately, although Finnick's sleep is restless. Every now and then we hear him murmuring Annie's name.

Katniss and I sit on the damp sand, facing away from each other, my right shoulder and hip pressed against hers. She watches the water as I watch the jungle. I think she's still shaken from the jabberjays. I think this is the right time for my plane. I know she's trying to protect me, but I have to break her determination. And I have just the right thing with me. After a while she rests her head on my shoulder and her hair tickle me on my face. I brush hit away and stroke it softly. _Maybe this is the last time, I will touch her hair. Maybe we will never sit like this anymore._

I know this conversation won't be easy, but I know this is maybe the only chance we have.

"Katniss," I start softly. "it's no use pretending we don't know what the other one is trying to do." She remains silent.

"I don't know what kind of deal you think you've made with Haymitch, but you should know he made me promises as well." I say. She still remains silent.

"So I think we can assume he was lying to one of us." I feel how her muscles tensed. Finally I got her attention. She raises her head and looks me in the eyes. I can see dangerous sparkles in her silver eyes, showing me she's not giving up easily.

"Why are you saying this now?" she asks.

"Because I don't want you forgetting how different our circumstances are. If you die, and I live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life," I say. "I would never be happy again." She opens her mouth to object, but I quickly put a finger to her lips. Her soft, sweet lips. "It's different for you. I'm not saying it wouldn't be hard. But there are other people who'd make your life worth living." I continue.

Finally I take out the locket and hold it in the moonlight so she could see it. She stares at it in awe as I open it and it reveals it's secret. On the right side, her mum and Prim, laughing. And on the left, Gale also smiling.

"Your family needs you Katniss." I say quietly. I mean it. They need her and my family can go on without me pretty easily. If she dies, they will be in the seam again. And Gale… Well I know she loves him too and if I won't be here, I'm pretty sure he would became her husband. Even though it hurts to admit it, I want her to live that happy life. She remains silent and I see the hard decision in her face.

"No one really needs me." I admit truthfully. I see the sadness in her eyes as she looks up at me.

"I do." She says and I see how her eyes water a little. "I need you." She whispers and looks at me desperately. _No you don't sweetheart. You can survive even without me._

I take a deep breath to take out my arguments. To brake her, but she does something I didn't think about. As I open my mouth I see a determined spark in her eyes and she presses her lips on mine. I'm so surprised that at first I don't know what to do. I haven't thought about this option. It is a strong argument I must admit. When I compose myself, I try to speak for a few times, but it only causes her to kiss me even more fiercely. So in the end I give up. But I can't miss two tears silently going down her face.

She climbs on my lap, one of her hands ends in my hair and the other on my back. I can't resist her invitation. I pull her as close as I can and kiss her as much as I can. My hands in her beautiful hair and on her soft neck. Right now, I feel that warm thing in my chest again. Spreading all over my body in desire for her. If we wouldn't be in a hunger games arena, nothing would stop us now. My stomach is in knots and I don't want this moment to end. The more desperately she kisses me, the more I want to kiss her back.

Her lips are hot and soft, but they taste salty, like tears, which only adds more sentiment into this absurd situation. We're probably gonna be dead in a few hours and instead of hunting the other tributes, we sit here on a beach, snogging intently. I don't remember any tributes kissing in hunger games like this. Why not? Let's show them, we're not going to kill each other. Let's show them we're not just a piece in their games. Let's make a history again.

Too soon the first crack of lightning brings us back to the painful reality. Finnick sits up with a sharp cry, raised from some nightmare for sure.

"I can't sleep anymore," he says. "One of you should rest." He eyes us curiously with his sleepy eyes and only then does he seem to notice our expressions, the way we're wrapped around each

other and how we both breathe rapidly. "Or both of you." He gives us a wink and a smirk appears on his face "I can watch alone." He adds. I can't let him though.

"It's too dangerous," I say "I'm not tired. You lie down, Katniss." I tell her and she doesn't object when I lead her over to the others. I put the locket around her neck, looks her intently in the eyes and I put my hand on her belly.

"You're going to make a great mother, you know," I say, kiss her one last time and go back to

Finnick. I saw her painful expression and I know it will be hard for her, but I want it this way.

„I don't envy you Peeta." Finnick says quietly.

„What do you mean?" I ask.

„This situation. You and Katniss in the games. I can imagine how terrible it would be if Annie would be here with me." he says quietly. I don't know what to say. In the end I just sight.

„She doesn't want to accept my sacrifice." I tell him. „I'm afraid she will do everything to keep me alive. I plan to do the same, so I don't know how it will end." For a long time we're just silently watching the water and jungle.

„I thought, that she was just acting her love." Finnick says quietly. „But after what I've seen here, I know I was wrong. She really loves you Peeta." says Finnick and my heart starts to beat faster.

„If you could see how she acted when you hit the forcefield. Those who saw her face know that she really loves you." Finnick says. „Maybe she was trying to hide it, but her eyes betray her."

I don't say anything to this. It only makes me feel worse then before... It will be painfull for her.

We stay on our watch for the rest of the night. We're rested and agree to let the others sleep as much as they want. When the sky starts to lighten a little, suddenly I hear a scream.

„No, Peeta! Nooo!" Katniss screams. We both turn alarmingly with Finnick, but find out that it was only her nightmare. She sits up quickly, breathes rapidly and looks around. Her eyes stop at me and then she falls back down into the sand and puts her hands over her face desperately. I see how she trembles.

„I'll be right back." I whisper to Finnick and go to Katniss. It's a miracle she didn't wake anybody else.

She lies in the sand, tears streaming down her face, her body trembling slightly. She rejects to look me in the eyes.

„Katniss... I'm right here with you." I say quietly. She gives me one angry look and looks away again. I know she's angry with me, but I just can't let her die. She turns away from me and I just stroke her hair for a while. In the end I give it up, give her a kiss and go back to Finnick.

„Is she okay?" asks Finnick quietly.

„Yeah, she'll be fine. We're both used to our nightmares... She's just angry with me." I say and I can't get the sedness from my voice. If there would be any other option then dying for her, I would do it, but there is not.

„I know how does nightmares feel." Finnick says absentmindedly.

„I think all the victors do..." I say. As we continue in our watch, I keep peering at Katniss, if she's sleeping. But unluckily, she doesn't sleep. I see her open eyes and I'm almost sure I can also see the tears. After some time she turns away again so I would not see into her face.

„I'll be right back." I tell Finnick and go towards Katniss. I have to make her feel better. But how? How in the world can I sooth her, when I'm planing to die for her? When her most terrible nightmares are becoming reality?

She lies in the sand, looking into the light horizon. The sun will rise soon for sure. She doesn't look at me, when I come and sit next to her. I don't make her speak or look at me. I just stroke her hair softly.

„Katniss it's okay." I say softly. „It's gonna be alright." I know it's a weak try, but at least I tried to calm her down. For a while, there's silence and she still looks at the horizon. Then suddenly she looks me directly in the eyes. And that's the most painful moment for me, because I finally see the tears streaming quietly through her face, the indescribable pain in her eyes and desperation.

„Wake me up Peeta." She beggs me. „Please come to my bedroom and wake me up from this nightmare." _Why?_ I ask myself in this situation. _Why do we have to die like this? Why can't we have a happy future?!_ I have to put a lot of effort to keep my tears away.

„I wish I could." I say with audible pain and desperation in my voice. I wish this was only a nightmare. She looks back at the sea, but the pain in her eyes seems even bigger and more desperate.

„It's gonna be alright, sweetheart." I say softly again.

„No it's not." she says bitterly. I can see that she's still angry.

„Don't look at me like that" She says offensively and gives me angry look. „It's not gonna be alright and you know it. Most of us is probably gonna die today." she says with tragic finality.

„Katniss don't speak like that." I say calmly. Like this she will only make the gamemakers angry. But she sits up and her anger doesn't go away.

„I will speak whatever I want!" she raises her voice. „I'm not just their piece in the games!" she spits at me and I know we're in truble. Her anger is too big for her to keep it in and I have a bad feeling that she even doesn't want to.

„Katniss calm down" I try it and catch her hand. But that only makes her anger bigger. She jumps up and jerks her hand away from mine.

„I won't Peeta! Because this world is unfair and I have a right to say it!" she shouts at me and the others wake up too, all of them looking at Katniss.

„And you don't argue with me about who is going out of here alive! It is you, because everyone knows he would not let me survive this! From our couple it is me who's the rebel! I was the one who was not in love in the begining! I was the one who made Rue's goodbye with flowers! I'm the one who pulled out the nightlock!" she shouts angrily, tears in her face and she pierces me with her most killing look. _Please stop saying these things in here._ I tell her telephaticly. But it doesn't help. Maybe she crossed some line in her anger and there is no coming back.

„I'm the reason of these Games Peeta! You know that Snow made them to punish my acts in games! And because of me all these victors have to die too!" her face is wet with tears and she's trembling. I would like to hug her and calm her down, but I don't dare to do that in this moment.

„Do you think that I'm some heartless killing machine? Something like Cato or Brutus or Clove? Do you think that I'm able to kill people who are my friends?" she screams at me. I know she's not angry with me. This is mostly her anger against Capitol. But I'm afraid about how openly she says these things.

„I am not! I would not be able to kill Rue or even Tresh when he spared my life! And I would never ever be able to kill you!" For some stupid reason this makes my heart feel warm. I don't know why. Of course I know she won't kill her friends.

„Do you think that I would be able to kill Wiress or Beetee or Mags, whom I like just from the begining? Do you think that I would be able to kill Seeder or Chaf, when Haymitch made us friends? I would not be able to kill even Johanna who is such a pain in the ass!" she gestures towards Johanna, who has a slight smile on her face now.

"Thanks for that." Johanna comments, but Katniss doesn't care.

„Do you think I would be able to look into Finnick's beautiful green eyes and kill him, after how he got you back from death, after he sacrificed Mugs and after he saved us in the mist?" she looks at me again. In the end her voice cracks and she starts to sob. But her anger is not over yet. She turns her head towards the sky and makes me terrified with her words.

„I won't kill any of them." she screams like crazy „Better kill me right now, because I will not do any bloody show!" I finish

„Katniss stop it" I try, but she steps away from me again.

„I don't care Peeta. I'm dead anyway. Snow wants to see me die in here so they will kill me. I guess he has some slow and painfull death prepared for me." she says angrily.

„Everyone knows it! They all knew it when we said goodbyes! My Mum, Prim, Gale, Haymitch! Even my Prep Team knew it! And Cinna! Poor Cinna who was killed in front of my eyes just the minute before they put us in the arena! Poor Cinna, who was murdered because of one silly dress!" she cries and screams towards the sky. _What? Cinna is dead?_ This last thing knocks the air from me so I'm not able to speak for a while. Snow killed him in front of Katniss? Oh my, that must have been terrible.

„Peeta you know it as well as I do, that our enemy is not in the arena. They are not our enemies!" she shouts pointing at the rest of our group. „You know that our enemy is out there, sitting in the chair in his mansion and enjoying the show. Enjoying how we die, one by one." tears are dropping down from her chin and I start to prepare for the moment when they kill us for her words. I think it won't took long until they send some mutts.

„What is wrong with this world, when they sent innocent kids into this slaughter. Kids like Rue or my sister. Or kids who have not been born yet." she finishes tragically and looks down towards her belly. And finally she looks at the rest of us. There's a dead silence now and we all stare at her in awe. Then she starts sobbing terribly and runs away at the far end of our beach. It took only about two minutes until she shouted out, so I don't know how much the audience heard. But I'm sure they heard something.

"Wow." beathes out Finnick, who stands next to me. "That girl is really fierce. How do you deal with her?" he looks at me.

"It's not easy." I give him a slight smile. "You have to know how to put that fire down. I'm a baker, I know how to handle fire pretty well."

"Well she's pretty right." says Johanna and it seems that Katniss finally made impression on her. I see how Katniss finally crushes down into the sand and trembles with cries, her face in her hands. I think it is safe to sooth her now so I go to her and sit next to her quietly. She even doesn't look up at me so I just put my arms around her, hug her tight, stroke her hair and don't say anything.

„I'm sorry." she weeps quietly. I just kiss her forehead to tell her it's okay. And right then I found the right words which would calm her down. Which would calm me down too.

„It's all right Katniss. It will be over soon." I say quietly. And it really seems to work. It is the only thing which can be calming for us. In less then a day, it will be over I think. She keeps looking at me so I hug her tight and we stay like that for a while. Then she looks at me again and I see something in her eyes. A sparkle. An idea. Some plan. She slowly looks down and puts her hand on her belly. That is puzzling. Is she gonna use the baby for something? Well in real she's not even pregnant, so I don't have a clue, what her plan is.

„She will die even before she is born. She'll never see the world outside. The sky, the forest, the meadow, mockingjays." she says quietly and sadly. _She? What is she talking about? _Suddenly I know that she means what she says. Really means it. I see it in her eyes. And my throat tightens.

„See."I say sadly. „That's the reason why it is twice as terrible for me to see you dying." I say and put my hand over hers on her belly. I'll play in this with her, even though there's no baby now. But there could be if they would let us live. And the thought is painful for me. For a while we're sitting like that. Tragic lovers from district 12.

„I think it's better like this. When she dies now" she says quietly. I don't quite understand her now.

„What do you mean?" I ask confused.

„Because if we would get married and they would let us live our lives, I'm sure we would have more kids. And I'm sure the year they would turn 12, they would be reaped." she says hopelessly. And I'm astonished and overwhealmed by the truth in her words.

„And then we would have to be their mentors and we would have to watch our kids dying in the Games. That's the way how Capitol punishes people." she finishes. I don't say anything, just look into her eyes sadly. I can feel the tears coming to my eyes and I know I won't be able to keep them in. She's usually not a good speaker and that's the reason how I know she's confessing her truth feelings now. She's a bad speaker when she has to make up things. When she's expressing her feelings she's quite good. Like on the victory tour in 11, when she spoke about Rue. You just know it's from her heart. And that's what makes me cry. She really was thinking about us together and she was imagining having kids with me. She looks at the sea now.

„It's better, when she dies calmly under my heart, inside of me, protected by my body. Not feeling much pain. Much better then dying alone in the forest, at night, murdered by some bloodthirsty career." I'm taken by the beauty and power of her words. And by the love in her voice. She would be a perfect mum for my children. I know that Katniss would carry my child in the future, if I'll have some and I know she's right. It's better when they die like this. I can't keep the tears away though, they are silently falling down from my face, into the hot sand. She turns back to me and gives me one sad and painfull look. Then we crush into each others arms and we cry together. Desperate about our fate, without any happy future. Star crossed lovers without any odds in their favor. That will kill the Capitol audience. After like five minutes of crying we're finally out of tears I think. We just sit sadly and watch the sunrise.

„That's it." Katniss says.

„What?" I ask.

„The orange color in the sunrise. It's almost the same like during sunset, it's your favourite color isn't it?" She surprises me with a smile. I look at the sunrise. She's right. It's beautifull.

„Yes it is." I say and smile too. We stay there for another five minutes and then we go back to the others. Finnick gives us something to eat and after a while he sits next to Katniss, while I go for some water.

„Sooo" he says with his favourite saducive voice, when I'm coming back. „You said you like my eyes?" and he gives her a charming smile. She laughs and smiles back at him.

„Only because my favourite color is green." she responds looking at him. „But I prefer Peeta's though." she says and his smile gets down.

„Well I guess he's a hard competition for me in your case." he finishes.

„Yeah he is." she smiles when I sit next to her and give her the water „He has no competition anywhere." she finishes and gives me a light kiss. I love her so much.


	10. New Beginings

Chapter 9: New beginnings

When I wake up in the morning, I feel tired even though I didn't have any nightmares. I try to figure out what woke me up. And then I feel it again. A tender hand, stroking my hair and brushing it behind my ear.

„Thank you, sweetheart" he whispers and I hear a happy smile on his face. I hesitate what should I do. Pretend I'm sleeping or open my eyes? I definitely decide for pretending sleep, when his lips touch my cheek from behind. My heart starts beating fast as I feel his breath so close to my face.

„You're so amazing" he whispers again „and so cute in that shirt" he adds and he half-laughs softly. I still think he's whispering more for himself than for me. And then...

„I think I fell in love with you again." he whispers so close to my ear, that his lips touch my earlobe and ghoose bumps erupt all over my arms and chest. I have never put so much effort to control my face and try not to move any muscle in it. But in my head I'm freaking out.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten._  
><em>One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.<em>_  
>One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.<br>One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.  
>One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.<br>One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten._

When I count to ten six times, which should make a minute, I move slightly, turn around and then slowly open my eyes to pretend that I just woke up. The only thing I can see are blue eyes, full of happiness partly hidden in blond hair. And a smile. Wide, happy and loving smile. Oh my, what will I do now?!

"Good morning sweetheart." he says in such a tender and soft voice, that it makes me anxious. Could it be truth? Could he love me again? I almost don't want to believe that.

"Hey." I say nervously and pull away a little. I sit up and lean my back against the headboard, pulling Peeta's shirt over my knees and then hugging them tightly. I try to remember why am I feeling so tired. Then I see the memories in my head.

Peeta had few nightmares during the night. Always thrashing and mumbling until I woke him up and then I had to sooth him. Most of them were about his dad running from bombing. I know how such a nightmare feels. I saw my dad dying so many times in mine. But now he looks almost happy. Like he doesn't remember them. Like if they didn't have any power over him. Like just looking at me is more important than seeing his father die.

"How are you feeling?" I ask him quietly and finally stretch my legs in front of me.

"Happy." he says quietly stroking my left bare foot tenderly. "I remembered so many things about you through the last months. Many things from the victory tour nights." he says absentmindedly and keeps stroking my foot and calf. "I remember, that even though you're sleeping calmly, you're dangerous, because you kick and thrash in your sleep. Sometimes you ended up with your head in the legs of the bed." he says and looks up at me.

"I remember that you have a bad habit of wearing socks into bed and then you lose them during the night. We were always looking for them in the mornings and sometimes we found them under my pillow." he says and laughs a little "I can't understand what you can do in your sleep that they end up in there." he says and strokes my bare foot with his fingers. Only now I see, that my left foot is missing a sock while the right one is still there. How typical.

"I remember that you like cheese buns most and you favorite flowers are Dandelions. Your favorite color is green. And you love hot chocolate. And strawberry lollipops." he adds and gives me a sweet smile.

"You used to let me brush your hair and braid it. You liked watching me while drawing and you always liked running your fingers through my hair." he says and sits up cross-legged next to me.

"And since the first night we slept together, you insisted to take care about my artificial leg. You always put it down and applied the lotion on my stump." he finishes and looks me in the eyes. I'm overwhelmed by these memories coming back to me. By the memories of those sweet nights we spent together in the trains. Even though it was a terrible time in my life, Peeta was making me feel at least a little happy during the nights. I look at him now.

„I'm glad you remember it all." I smile at him. I really am glad that he's able to remember it all.

„Thanks to you." he says softly and he looks at me a little shyly now. „Being around you helps so much." I don't say anything to that.

„Katniss?" he says quietly and I look up into his eyes, which are looking expectantly now.

„Yes?" I ask.

„I need to know something." he says and I see his anxiety over his question. „I remember all of this, but there's one thing about those nights I'm not sure about." he says.

„What is it?" I ask, my stomach tying in knots nervously.

„Snow made me believe, that it was more than just sleeping next to each other. He made me believe, that we were really lovers." he says and in the end he finally dares to look up at me. The last world resonates in my head. Lovers. „Was that real or not real?" he asks, when I remain silent. I look down and have to take a few breathes before I'm able to answer. I play with my own fingers to release my anxiety.

"There was nothing like that between us." I say quietly. "You would never force me into it." I add and look up at him. His eyes linger on my words hungrily.

"You were just helping me through the nightmares. You were always there to wake me, but we never did anything..." I don't know how to call it so I hesitate. "...anything improper." I say finally my voice shaking a little in the end.

"You only hugged me tight, sometimes you gave me a little kiss to calm me down, but most of our star-crossed lovers relationship was for the cameras. Most of the kisses and everything was for cameras." I say. He stays silent so I look up at him. He seems that he thinks about it hardly, but then a slight smile appears on his face.

"I thought it was not real." he says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because if something like that would be between us, I think it would be so beautiful and so strong, that I would not be able to forget it entirely." he says in a sincere voice.

And I know he's telling me truth and it makes me blush immediately. Because I can see, that he would love to do those things with me. I can see that he's still the same in this. I look down to hide my blush, but I'm sure he noticed it, because he shifts closer to me and he rests his hand on my cheek tenderly which makes me look up at him. His face is again too close to mine, his eyes looking at me seriously now.

"Katniss I know, that my questions are freaking you out sometimes." he says softly "You're trying to hide it, but I can see it in your eyes. But even though you answer them patiently." he says and I feel my heart beat fast when his face is so close again. "Thanks for being so brave." he says and his lips touch my cheek softly as a reward for my bravery. It makes me feel unexpectedly warm and I close my eyes to compose myself again. Why he keeps doing this? Why he comes so close, when it seems that he wants to kiss me and then he just gives me a small kiss, even though I know he would love to kiss me on my lips. Why he keeps doing this?! And why I allow it?!

"We should get up." he smiles at me as I open my eyes again.

"And I should get changed into some normal clothes." I mumble under my breath as I get up from bed. He turns to look at me.

"I think you look cute." he says with the sweetest smile, which only he can give me. And that makes me blush again.

I just shake my head and lock in his bathroom while I change into my yesterday clothes. I run to my house, where I take a shower and change into some fresh clothes. Then I go back to Peeta's house to have breakfast with him. When we finish the dishes, he says that he's going to watch how they take down the town center. I can't let him go alone of course. I take two of his sketchbooks. One for him to draw and the second one for me to write.

Since they won't let us go too close to the center, we just walk down half of the hill where the Victor's Village is. We spread a blanket on the grass and sit in there, having a nice view all over the town. At first we silently watch how the big heavy machines arrive and how they start taking down buildings. They start with the old justice building and continue with all the buildings around which are damaged. Peeta draws the old outline of the town, adding an orange light from a sunset.

"Peeta?" I ask quietly.

"Yes?" he looks up from his drawing.

"What is that baker's token, that your father left you?" I ask and hope it will not upset him. He reaches under his shirt and he takes it down from his neck. He hands it to me. I look at it closely while he explains it to me.

"It's a sign of head baker in the bakery. Usually there were two of us during a shift. One in the kitchen and one selling to customers. One of us had this, which was a sign of leader. Leader of the shift. Usually Dad or Mother had it. But when they were free from the shift, they left it to one of us. I remember, how proud I was, when Dad gave it to me for the first time." he says and I can see the faraway look in his eyes as he remembers the day.

"One day, I had a shift with Rye and Dad gave it to us and said we decide who will be the leader, because we are both good bakers. Well it naturally led into a fight and we tore the string in the end. Immediately it changed into 'Okay, you can have it' argue, where we tried to make the other to keep it." Peeta laughs a little and I smile over the image in my head.  
>"Finally I run to buy a new string, while Rye stayed in the bakery. I had to go to the Hob, to a man, who was selling leather things and luckily he had almost the same string. Eventually we agreed that I will have the token for the first half of the shift and then Rye will have it. When we handled it back to Dad, he luckily didn't recognize any change." Peeta finishes and goes back to his drawing. For a while, we're silent and I think about his brothers and parents. About how I'm sad, that I don't know them better.<p>

"Tell me about them." I say quietly.

"Whom?" he looks up at me.

"Your family." I say quietly and I lean my back against a tree.

"Who do you want to hear about first?" he asks.

"You choose." I smile at him.

"Okay, first my Mother." he says and sighs. "What would you like to write about?" he asks.

"I don't know, everything you would like to keep in the memories." I smile at him. I'm not sure that his Mother has done many things he would like to remember.

"Well I'll start with a little description of the person." Peeta says, he puts his sketchbook down and he lies down so his head is next to me. I look down at him and see his melancholic expression.

"My Mother..." he says and closes his eyes. "She was always a strict one. She always knew how to put all her three sons in line. She was not very kind type of person, the only people she treated nicely were customers. She was professional in making false smiles at them. But even though she had her good qualities too. She could knead most loafs of bread from one dose of dough. More than any of us. She was always best in keeping the accountancy. And she thought us all to keep everything in the kitchen perfectly clean. The only time we had nice days with her was our birthday. We were spared from any beating or cursing, we didn't have to work, we got a present and we had a good dinner. And something sweet from the bakery." he says and opens his eyes again.

"What's your favorite memory about her?" I ask and wonder if there is some happy memory about her. Peeta thinks about it for a while.

"Probably when a first cake frosted by me was sold." he says and a little smile plays on his lips. "I was almost ten and it was the first time, I felt that she appreciated my work and that she was even proud of me. That day, she gave me the baker's token for the rest of the shift, which was the highest sign of appreciation from her. Only Bannock had the privilege to get the token from her twice." he says quietly. "Since that time, it was my privilege to frost cakes with my Dad, because Rye and Bannock were not as artistic as I was. It was the first time I knew, that she's thankful for my work. Even though she never said that. You know because the cakes were so expensive, so each one which was sold meant a lot of money." he finishes.

"Anything else to add?" I ask.

"Not now. I'll tell you if I remember something to add." he says. So I leave the rest of the page blank and turn to a new one.

"Who's next?" I ask.

"Let's do my eldest brother, Bannock." he says and I write his name on the top of the page.

"My eldest brother. He was 20 when he died. What could I tell you about him? From the three of us, he was the only one, who was like our Mother. He didn't show his feelings much and he was very calculating person. Same as my Mother, he didn't like people very much and he was my Mother's favorite. His favorite work in the bakery was making rolls. He could do them so well, that they were all looking almost the same. Same length, same width and same shape. That's what our mother liked about him so much. He wasn't a very talkative person and he didn't like to sell goods in the bakery. I always happily obliged when he wanted to bake in exchange for me selling. He liked reading a lot. He was a hard studying type of person. Teacher's pet actually. And my mother's pet too." he says and I keep my pencil moving through the page. He sits up next to me now and he watches as I finish his last sentence. I turn the sketchbook to a fresh page.

"Rye now?" I ask and look at him.

"Rye." he sighs and I see the sad expression on his face. I think he was much closer to him than Bannock.

"Rye was 18 when he died. We were very close." he says and confirms my though. "Because Bannock was always so serious, he didn't want to play with Rye, so Rye spent his time with me mostly. He was a true older brother. He was the one, who thought me wrestling. When we were free from the bakery, we were practicing wrestling in our backyard. He taught me everything that older brother should. He showed me how to set pranks for Bannock or other people. He taught me, how to sneak cupcakes from the bakery. But when he got older, he started to be distracted by girls." he chuckles a little and I can't help than smile too. I met Ray in the bakery few times and it was enough for me to get a general idea about what is he like. To be honest our first meeting was quiet enough for me to see his character.

It was one day short before they announced the Quell. One of the weekend afternoons, I met Peeta, who was heading to town and I decided to accompany him. When we got into the bakery, Peeta's Dad and Rye had the afternoon shift. When we came there, we had a little talk with Peeta's Dad. He was really kind, he has asked how are we doing and he gave both of us a muffin. We kept talking for a while and then Rye came out from the bakery kitchen.

"Hey! Look who pays us a visit!" he said cheerfully. "My famous little brother!" he exclaimed and gave Peeta a little shove into his shoulder. Then he finally noticed me.

"You brought you're little girl." he sais enthusiastically and eyed me with a provoking smile. "Well welcome to our family, kitty." he said and gave me such a tight hug that it blew all air out of me and I thought he will crack my ribs. I sent a desperate look at Peeta and he just gave me one sorry look. When Rye finally released me, somehow he conjured up a cupcake and presented it to me.

"Leave her alone Rye." Peeta said and stand next to me.

"I had to welcome my future sister in law." Ray said and gave me a shiny smile. I remember that even though he resembled to Peeta very much in his features and hair, he had brown eyes. Like chocolate. Just like Peeta's Dad. It was something unusual in 12 and maybe that was the reason why he was so popular between girls.

"Well it was nice to see you Peeta." he said and gave his brother a nod. Then he turned towards me with a dazzling smile. "And nice to see you Kitty." he said giving me a wink and planting a kiss on my hand like true gentleman. I remember, that I couldn't help than give him a small giggle amused by Peeta's annoyance with his brother. Typical sibling's love.

"I'm sorry." Peeta said then.

"It's okay." I said "I guess I should get used to your affectionate brother."

That's how I remember Rye. I met him a few times later too, but this meeting made the biggest impression on me.

I come back from my memory to reality only to catch Peeta's next words about him.

"He was always acting like my protective older brother. He always helped me, when I needed it, he was always there when my mother hit me and I cried or something. As I already said he was kind of skirt chaser. That's why he liked to do cupcakes and little cakes most. He usually made more than he was supposed and he sneaked some cupcakes out of the bakery. Then he would give them to girls with a wink and they were always falling at his feet. He taught me, how to impress girls and how to charm them so they would fall in love with me." Peeta smiles a little. "The problem was that it didn't work, when I was not able to talk to you. Even though I doubt those things would work on you much. You were always so different from the other girls." he says and gives me a smile.

"It was always so annoying, when we had a shift together and he kept telling me about his girls. I hated to listen to his love stories about kissing and even much more intimate things with girls. I hated it but he wouldn't stop. I don't remember a month, when he would date just one girl. But I think that if he would find the right one, he would be faithful with her." he says with a hope in his eyes and smile on his face.  
>"He was good-hearted and always cheerful. He actually liked singing and making poems, but I guess he liked it because it's something girls like." he says finally.<br>"I miss him." Peeta says sadly.  
>"I think it's all about him for now." he adds after a silent while.<p>

The justice building is down already and they are clearing the rubble away. They start to work on the other buildings too, but they haven't reached the bakery yet. And we move to Peeta's Dad.

"I told you a lot about my Dad already, but let's revise it. He was always the kindest person I have ever seen." he says.

"Have you ever looked into a mirror?" I ask amused and he gives me one sincere smile before he continues.

"I have always felt that I'm his favorite. He liked making cookies best and he always sneaked me one. He was always there when I was sad or upset. He always cheered me up. He was special between the town people, because he had brown eyes, which were very unusual here in 12. As I already told you, he loved your mum, when he was young, but he gave her up, when he saw how much she loves your dad." he says.

"Like father, like son." I mumble quietly before I can stop my words. He looks at me a little puzzled.

"What?" he asks

"After the victory tour, when we went home, you told me, that you don't want me to be unhappy with you and that if I want to choose Gale over you I should." I say quietly and look up at him.

"Oh but I did not lost you though." he smiles at me. I smiles back at him.

"I still don't know how you could have loved me so much." I say my thought out loud. He gives me a sweet smile for that.

"Then he married my mother and they continued in our bakery. He always liked to sell goods to customers, because he liked contact with other people. He liked to sneak goods for free to his favorite customers. He always knew the right thing to say to people so it would calm them or persuade them about something."

"Another thing you inherited from him." I comment while writing. He chuckles a little.

"He was the only one in our family who had enough courage to stand up to our mother. When she beat one of us much, he was always angry with her. We were so close, because we used to decorate cakes and cookies together. He was drawing nicely too." Peeta finishes.

"I think it's all for now." Peeta says.

"And he was always a fair trader too." I say quietly and my voice cracks in the end. All of these stories and talking about his family makes me feel sad and two tears go down my face.

"What's wrong?" Peeta says in a soft voice noticing my tears.

"I'm sorry." I say in a shaking voice. "I'm just so sorry, that I will never meet them again. That I will never get to know them better. Because I would like to." I say quietly and I can't stop a quiet sob coming out from my lips. Peeta sits behind me with his back against the tree, he hugs me from behind and I lean my back against his chest and close my eyes.

"It'll be okay." he says "I'm sorry you couldn't spend more time with them. I'm sure they would love you." he smiles at me encouragingly. "My Dad did already like you. And I'm sure Rye did too. Only the most beautiful girls were called 'Kitty' by him." he smiles at me and it makes me giggle quietly.

I sigh quietly and remain in his embrace, while we watch how they started to take down the bakery. It's quite quick since there was only the side walls left. Then they start clearing the rubble. As the place start to look more and more clear, Peeta tightens his hug and I can feel his anxiety. I place my hands over his and stroke them softly.

"And it's gone." Peeta says quietly as the last rubble of the bakery is cleared. "My childhood is gone." he adds. The place seems empty now. The entire square does. But in a week, they will start to lay the foundations of the new buildings. There will be new justice building and new shops all around the square.

"I think your childhood was already gone when Effie pulled out your name two years ago." I say quietly.

"True." he says and tightens his hug. I close my eyes and sight. It's sad, but it's not as bad as yesterday.

"Let's go home." Peeta says quietly. We stand up and go back home.


	11. Past And Future

Chapter 10: Past and Future

We're spending most of our free time together with Peeta. We have most of the meals together. I find out, that our routine is calming me down. I find out, that I like to have dinner with him. Even though he keeps rabbiting on about baking, the bakery rebuilding or drawing, I like it. It may look idyllic, but it's not always so sunny. There are bad days, when I'm drowning in depressions or when a flashback hits him. But together, we survive and help each other. When one of us has a bad day, the other one is there to help with it.

In these spring evenings, we grew fond of walks around the district. I was hesitant the first time, but it was so nice and calm, that I started to like it a lot. And after the second walk, I got used to holding his hand. It's calming me down when I know I have him next to me. When I can hold his hand and be sure he's okay.

One evening in the end of May, we go to our usual walk again. I let him lead me wherever he wants and I get lost in my thoughts. I'm lost in memories about my dad. I don't know why. I just remember how we used to spend so much time together, hunting and walking around the forest. I miss him so badly. When I finally come back to reality, I realize, we're standing on the Meadow. It is full of dandelions and it makes me smile wide. We sit down and for some reason, Peeta is examining me carefully.

These yellow flowers are making me so happy, that I allow myself to change into a little girl again. I start picking them and making a flower crown. I smile over my memories. Memories of making flower crowns with Prim and dancing together in the Meadow. Memories of my dad chasing me in a Meadow full of dandelions. But they are both gone and my heart aches for them. All those feelings must have been written in my face, because I see Peeta looking at me in concern. I give him a small smile and keep making the flower crown. Peeta picks one of the Dandelions and he examines it closely. Smelling it, looking at it and turning it around between his fingers. Then he looks up at me.

"Katniss I know, they are your favorite." He says quietly. "I know, they have some deep meaning for you, but I can't remember what it is. Could you tell me?" he asks and I consider it. It would mean that I have to open my heart to him. Tell him one of my deepest secrets. Well I plan to show him the lake soon, so I guess I can share this secret with him too.

"I will tell you, but you have to promise, you will keep it a secret." I say.

"Okay." He says and gives me a sweet smile. "You know your secrets are safe with me."

I give him a little smile, while waving the flowers together and think about their meaning for me.

"Dandelions mean hope and life for me." I say quietly. He waits for a further explanation.

"You remember the day, when you gave me the bread, when we were kids?" I ask. He just nods.

"And the day after it?" I ask.

"Yes, I remember that you picked a dandelion at the school yard, you really smiled after all those sad months, you took Prim and run away laughing together." He says and I'm surprised how detailed his memory is.

"Yes. Well that day, those dandelions fed us. I remembered, how my Dad taught me, that dandelions are edible and you can make a salad from their leaves and flowers. And so we run to this Meadow, we picked a whole bucket of dandelions and we had a great meal that evening. We ate it together with your bread." I give him a smile. I finished the dandelion crown, he takes it and puts it into my hair carefully with a happy smile in his face.

"And that is how we started to live again. I started to look for other edible plants, then I started to go behind the fence. Not far at first, but eventually, I took out my bow and I started to venture further into the woods. In the end I brought my first rabbit together with all the plants and for the first time, I felt hope that I could take care about our family. And since then, we have always had something to eat, even in the worst winters." I finish my speech. I think I have opened up more than I wanted, but the words keep going out of my mouth as I lie down into the soft grass.

"They are first flowers blooming in spring, announcing that the winter is over. I have so many happy memories filled with dandelions. Happy days spent in the woods with my dad, happy moments here in the Meadow with Prim." I say and I feel that little pain in my heart. Pain that always comes when I say her name or remember my dad. Finally I'm able to stop my mouth. Right in time too. Because my next association with dandelions is Peeta. He's my dandelion. My hope and my life. He gives me hope, that one day I could be happy again.

"What are you thinking about?" he asks still looking down at me.

"Hope." I say quietly and look at the dandelion. "I'm asking myself, if I still have a hope to be happy one day." I'm not lying to him. I'm just leaving out the fact that my happiness may somehow depend on him.

"Of course you do." He gives me a sweet smile and he strokes my hair softly. "Aren't you happy now?" he asks and he looks a little sad.

"I don't know Peeta." I admit. "Sometimes, I'm so close to happiness, but I can't forget my sister or my dad. I miss them both so badly and I don't know if I can be happy like normal people after what I've been through."

"Katniss, you can't change things which are in the past. You can only learn how to live with them. I'm sure both your dad and Prim would like to see you happy." He says and lies down next to me, taking my hand into his. It feels good. "I'm sure they are looking down at you and they will be happy only when they see you happy." He says. And as usual his words are powerful.

"I like stars." Peeta says quietly and only now I realize that the sky is dark and stars had come out.

"My dad always used to tell me, that people who die go to heaven and at night they shine on the sky as stars. He used to show me different constellations when I was small." He adds and his blue eyes are darted into the skies.

"You see those three stars in row?" Peeta asks.

"Yeah." I breathe out.

"That is part of constellation called Orion. It's named after an old mythic man, who was a famous hunter. I bet your dad is one of that stars." He says and keeps looking up. I look up at the sky, following his finger as he points out those stars.  
>"And that one," he points at a few bright dots on the night sky. "That one is called Asclepius. He was an ancient god of medicine and healers. I think that's where Prim is." He says. And I'm mesmerized by his words. I don't care if it is true or if he just made it up. It's like they heal my aching heart. It makes me feel happy when I imagine my dad and Prim looking down at me from the night sky. I smile wide and realize that Peeta has done the impossible. He made me feel happy! Really, truly happy.<p>

I turn my head to look at him, only to find his eyes searching for me. I scoot closer to him and I give him a smile.

"Thanks for making me happy." I whisper and as a reward, I plant a soft kiss on his cheek. He just smiles and hugs me as I lay my head on his chest. We stay like that silently for a long while, looking up into the skies, looking towards our loved ones. Hoping, that they can see us and they are happy for us.

Another evening, while we're preparing dinner, Peeta turns to me.

"Katniss, I wanted to watch the Quarter Quell tonight. Would you join me?" he asks. I'm not very eager to see it. I have not seen it on tape and I'm sure it will be terrible. But I really can't let him watch it alone.

"I know it'll be hard for you, but I'm sure I will have some questions and I would appreciate if you would answer them." he adds. I look up at him and manage a small smile.

"Okay." I say quietly.

"Thanks." he says quietly.

So instead of eating dinner in the kitchen, we take it to the living room and Peeta turns the tape on. We skip the reapings and start at the opening ceremony. Our costumes are most popular again. Everyone screams and calls our names, but we look ahead coldly.

"We look pretty deadly." Peeta comments and I just smile slightly. He skips most of the interviews and we watch only ours. He watches as I change into a mockingjay.

"You are breathtaking." he says without knowing it as his eyes are darted at the TV.

"It's all Cinna's work." I say quietly, which he probably didn't hear. He watches his own interview so closely, that it surprises me. He stops the tape after the interviews. He looks at me and seems a little nervous.

"We were not married and there was no baby. Real or not real?" he's looking at me a little sadly.

"Real." I say quietly. He just nods and starts the tape again. And there it starts. The recording starts by the cornucopia as we rise up on our plates. As I see myself, my hands shaking, trying to compose myself, as I remember the moment I saw Cinna die, I hug my knees to my chest in my anxiety. Then the gong starts and the games begin.

"Wow." Peeta breathes out as I jump into the water. "You didn't even hesitated before you jumped." he says with admiration, but his eyes stay on the TV all the time. I keep watching without any big problems until we start walking through the jungle with Finnick and Mags. And as the painful scene approaches, my hands start to shake and I turn to Peeta.

"Please." I beg him quietly. "Let's skip this scene." he looks me in the eyes examining.

"Katniss I need to see it all." he says.

And so he keeps watching and as the Peeta on the screen is approaching the force field, as his sword swings more closely to it, I scoot closer to him, he puts his arm around me and I hide my face in his chest just in the moment when I scream on the tape and a loud buzz sound hints that Peeta's heart just stopped. My hands shake even when I only listen to myself begging Peeta to wake up. When I glance up at Peeta secretly, I see how painfully he watches the scene. How carefully he examines my reaction. Then Finnick starts reviving him and after a moment I hear how Peeta coughs a little, which means his heart is beating again.

I have to take few deep breathes, before I finally dare to look at the TV. When I do, Peeta is already trying to stand up and he's trying to calm my hysterical sobs. The Peeta sitting next to me strokes my hand tenderly and tightens his hug.

"It's okay, I'm right here." he whispers into my ear. Shivers go down my back as his lips brush my ear as he whispers.

I stay close to him as we watch our way through the first day and night. Watching our struggle through the fog is painful, watching Mags sacrificing herself is even worse. Then the monkeys come and again, Peeta's life is almost lost. There comes the moment, when I jump towards Peeta desperately in attempt to save him. Even though I was not quick enough to save him, it surprises him. He stops the tape and looks at me.

"Why did you jump towards me like that?" he asks, looking at me intently.

"I wanted to save you." I beep quietly. "But I would not make it in time."

If it were not for the morphing women, he would be dead. Peeta turns the tape on again and watches how he's saved by her. Then we team up with Johanna, Beetee and Wairess. We discover the clock layout, we lost Wairess and then we move back to the beach. Later I'm trapped in the jaberjay's area with Finnick and Peeta watches it all with painful expression. And there comes the night of our watch. I guess this will be interesting for Peeta. And full of painful questions for me.

Huddled in his arms, I watch how he persuades me to take everything from him, including his own life. And I remember how I felt. It was the first time I realized, how much I would mind if I would lose him. Then we kiss fiercely until the thunder hits the tree and wakes Finnick. And then, there comes the morning, when I lost my sanity for a few minutes and I scream out everything which is on my mind. Not caring if they will kill me for that.

"You really are without any fear." Peeta says with admiration, when I finish my speech.

"I thought I'll die that day. I thought that I will die within hours, so I wanted to do anything to make things in districts move." I say quietly.

He just nods and keeps watching, because another important moment comes. Moment when we sit on the beach and I talk about our unborn baby. I'm sure that is one of the confusing things for him. But to my surprise, he just watches the scene and doesn't say anything.

Then the final night comes. We arrive to the tree, we're forced to split up with Peeta. When I see our scene on the screen it looks almost heartbreaking. We look into each others eyes and I'm the one who leans in for a kiss.

"See you at midnight." I say and we go away with Johanna.

"That was such a mistake." I say quietly. "I should have never let you go out of my sight."

"What's done is done." Peeta says quietly and we continue to watch our last moments in the arena. Johanna hits me and cuts my tracker out, then I slowly make it to the tree where I find half dead Beetee. I start calling Peeta's name and he's calling mine. The Peeta sitting next to me seems puzzled, when I stop calling his name after the canon fires, even though I'm still alive. Then I shoot the coil into the force field and then the tape ends with black screen.

That's the end. For a while there's just silence between us and I close my eyes in hope I'll be spared from questions. I'm not that lucky.

"Katniss, why did you stop calling my name, when the canon fired?" he asks and looks down at my face. I sigh and take a moment to think about it. I remember it exactly.

"I wanted you to think, that I'm dead." I say quietly.

"Why?" asks Peeta looking scared.

"I thought that if you would stay where you were, you would not be killed by the blast. I though, that they could think you didn't know about anything and that they could let you be the victor." I say quietly and look down. I feel how intently he watches me.

"That's all." I say.

"Okay." he says.

"Any other questions?" I ask and look up at him again.

"One more." he says quietly. I think I know what it will be about, so I sigh, lie down and put my head into his lap. I think this will be a long conversation. He looks down at me with a soft expression on his face.

"I know, there was no child, but why did you say those things on the beach? I mean when you were talking about the baby." he asks quietly. "Because it looked real. Like you mean it." he says and watches me carefully. I close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm down.

"You must understand how I felt." I start quietly. "First Snow made me to engage with you. I thought we will get married, have children and we will have to live happily ever after as Haymitch once said. And maybe I was even able to accept it, get used to it, maybe I would even be able to be happy with you." I admit and close my eyes again. I keep telling myself that he needs to know this. He deserves to know it. Even though it's hard and painful for me.

"He plans our wedding, put me into fancy wedding dresses, which I don't like, but I do it because I don't want him to kill anyone. And the very same evening he announces, that he will kill us in half a year." shivers go down my body as I remember that night.

"I really believed that if I marry you and we would have kids we would be safe and our families and friends would be safe too. And then you told everyone that I'm pregnant and I couldn't help then think about, how it would feel if it was true." I say and my throat tightens a little. All this time, Peeta is looking down at me sadly, running his hand over my hair, staying quiet to make this easier for me.

"Snow was ready to kill me even if I would be pregnant and it was so..." I look for the right word for a moment "barbaric." I say finally.

"I wanted the audience to feel how terrible he was, by sending potentially pregnant girl into Games. But what I said was truthful. Even though I was not pregnant, I really meant it. I would be happier if our kids would die in me instead of dying alone in games." I say and close my eyes again. One single tear slides down my face as I remember the painful feeling. I feel his hand touching my cheek softly as it brushes the tear away.

"You're so brave, Katniss." he says quietly. And I think about what a coward I can be sometimes. Running away from my problems. Hiding in closets instead of fighting.

"Am I?" I ask tiredly.

"Yes, you are. Bravest girl I have ever met." he says firmly. I sigh and open my eyes only to see his tender expression. I can't stop the words which form on my tongue in the next moment.

"One day, you will be the best dad for your children." I say and a smile creeps up my face, when I imagine him with his own children. His face lights up with a smile too.

"Why do you think so?" he asks and looks at me.

"You will be same like your father. Kind, loving and caring. You will teach them how to bake or draw. Or wrestle." I say quietly. "They will have blond curly hair, blue eyes and they will look like little angels. And you will be just a perfect parent." I smile and look up at him.

"And what about you? Won't you be the best mum for your children?" he asks. I sigh.

"I never planned to have kids." I admit. "Not that I would not like it, but I never wanted to bring a little innocent child into hunger games world. That's why I decided not to fall in love with men."

"Well that's usually not a decision." he smiles at me. "If it is true love, you fall into it and you even don't know how."

"I'm sure you'll be great mum one day. You proved it by your words in the arena. Only a loving mother could say something like that." he says and gives me an intent look.

"I'm sure your children will be as beautiful as you and as brave as you." he says.

"Yeah and troublemakers like me?" I joke.

"Maybe." he laughs quietly.

"Could you imagine that I would have children as stubborn as me? That would be terrible." I say and he just laughs.

"Besides, I would have to stop hunting if I would be pregnant. I would carry a baby in me for almost a year and then I would have to deliver it. Tell me, can you imagine ME pregnant?!" I ask more in a joking way than serious. But as I see his expression, I know his answer. Yes he could. And in his mind it would be his child.

"One day, you'll meet a man, who you'll love truly and you will change your mind." he says quietly.

"How do I recognize him?" I ask sitting up. He looks at me intently again. For some reason, I can't look away from his eyes. I'm drowning in their blue shade.

"You have to feel it, Katniss." he says seriously and he turns his body so he's facing me. Then he takes my hand.

"In here." he adds and presses my hand on his chest right over his heart. I feel how his heart beats fast and strong. It's like he's saying: _You feel how my heart beats fast? It beats for you._

It's almost as powerful as if he says _I love you_. It's strange that, when I feel his heartbeat, almost immediately my heart starts beating faster, reaching exactly the same rhythm as his. Like if my heart wants to be with his. I gulp and move my hand away, anxious. What does it mean when my heart beats same as his? Isn't that a sign of love?

"I think I should go to bed. I'm tired." I say. It's only a partly truth, but I need to calm down.

"Okay" he says and gives me a small smile.

"Good night." I say and head to the door.

"Night, night, sweetheart." he says quietly.

Ten minutes later, I lie under the blankets in my bed. Even though the blankets are warm, I feel cold and lonely. I'm afraid, when his arms are not around me. There is no protection from nightmares now. No one to wake me and calm me. What does he mean for my life? Is he only a friend or do I love him? I certainly need him. I could not bear it if he would die. I would go crazy. He makes me feel happy and safe, he can sent goose bumps all over my body with one whisper into my ear. He can make my heart run in a few seconds and it was nice when he used to kiss me in the past. Does it all mean that I really love him? Is it even possible? Isn't it too dangerous to love him? If someone would want to hurt me, Peeta would be the first one they would use. Just like Snow did. Why did Snow use him anyway? Did he saw that I finally fell in love with him? Did he know this even though I didn't? Will I put Peeta into this big danger by loving him? What if something bad happens and my heart will be broken again? What if he dies? What will I do?

There is too many terrible scenarios in my head and I feel dizzy. My hands start to shake slightly and few tears slide down my face. Why is it so hard to figure this out? Why am I so afraid of it? I fall into unsteady sleep and I'm hunted by my nightmares again, as usual. The only two nights I slept well, was when I slept with Peeta. Today, a little boy with blond curly hair and seam grey eyes dies in my dream. In the second one, it's a five year old girl, with dark hair and bright blue eyes. She's laughing at first, but then mutts hunt her down and tear her. The only thing I can do is scream and cry.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading my fanfiction. I would appreciate your opinions in reviews, thanks a lot for the favs and follows :) I have not expected you all to like this so much. I'll try to add the new chapter soon. The title of the next chapter is "The Cameras".<strong>


	12. The Cameras

Chapter 11: The cameras

"Wake up Katniss." I hear his usual cheerful morning welcome. I hide under the blankets, before he can reach me. I huddle tightly, hugging my knees to hide my anxiety. After all those terrible nightmares about little kids, I don't feel like doing anything.

"Katniss!" Peeta says again in a strict tone, which hints he's not very patient today.

"I'm not getting up!" I growl angrily.

"Katniss I don't have time for this today. I must be down in the town in half an hour." he says.

"Then go and leave me alone." I say and tears are coming to my eyes. But I'm determined to keep them in. I have cried long enough during the night.

"Come on, it's a nice day, you've not been hunting for two days, you should go." he persuades me.

"I'm not going hunting." I say stubbornly, but in the end my voice betrays me and shakes.

"Katniss?" suddenly Peeta changes his voice into that soft one, he uses when he's calming me down. I start to tremble. Then he pulls the blanket off me and looks at me with concern. He must see the tears in my eyes, which I try to keep in so hard, because he looks at me sadly.

"What happened?" he asks softly, sitting cross-legged on my bed and stroking my hair.

"Nightmares." is the only thing I say. He just sights and keeps stroking my hair. He gently forces me to swallow my pills and leaves a plate with some breakfast by my bed.

"You don't have to hunt okay?" he says softly. "Just do something. Don't just lie in here. Write your sadness into the memory book okay?" he brushes some hair off my forehead and eyes. The problem is, I can't write my sadness down since my nightmares were about our non-existing kids.

"What were your nightmares about?" he asks.

"Little kids being killed by mutts." I say with an empty voice. _Our kids._ I add in my head.

"I have to go now." he says "But I'll be back as soon as I can okay?"

I just nod slightly and he sighs with a sad expression. He leaves me on the bed and goes to the town. I close my eyes and stay in my bed for a while, but I don't want to sleep anymore. I don't want to see them die again. It seems that it's not enough that I already have plenty of Hunger Games, Capitol and War nightmares. No. I have to develop new ones about my future children.

Slowly I push myself to sit up from my huddled position. I'm persuaded by the sweet smell of waffles, which Peeta left me here and I eat them all. They are soft and sweet and I voluntarily admit that they light up my mind a little. I don't know what to do exactly. I don't feel like going hunting, but I don't feel like staying in this lonely house. So finally I decide I'll just take a walk to the town.

And as I step out of the house into the warm morning sun, breathing the fresh early summer air I feel a little better again. Watching my feet as I put one in front of other, I slowly arrive to the town. The market seems pretty alive. I greet Leevy and I stop by Sae to greet her too. She happily announces me, that there will be a new pub in the new square and that she will work as a cook in there. It will be led by some man, who moved here from District 9. She says he was here just today to arrange the plans and asked her to help him in the kitchen. When I ask if she saw Peeta, she says she saw him in the square with some man. I also stop by the Candy Man, who now knows me pretty well, because I'm his regular customer.

"Strawberry lollipop, hunter girl?" he asks with a smile when I approach his stall and he waves the sweet candy in front of my eyes. It makes me smile.

"Two, Candy Man." I smile at him. Of course I know his real name. It's Edmund, but I know he won't be angry with me, because he likes teasing. It has become something like our little game.

"Here it is." he laughs a little. "How are you today?"

"Thanks." I say giving him the money. "I'm tired." I sight.

"Didn't sleep well?" he asks casually.

"Hmm." I hum "It seems that my dreamlands are more horrid than the real world." I say and my smile fades away. This makes him look at me sadly.

"Then take this little chocolate for free. I guarantee you that if you eat it before you go to sleep, your dreams will be filled with sweet chocolate." he says and gives me a wink. My smile is back again. I must admit that he reminds me Darius a lot. He is a redhead and he has a similar easy way of speaking too. He came here from District 13.

"Thanks, Doctor Candy, I'll try it and let you know how it works." I can't help then smirk at him as I take the small chocolate and turn to go away.

"Have a good day Katniss." he says.

"You too, Edmund." I smile back at him.

I head towards the square. Or the place which used to be square and I hope it will be again. There I see Peeta, standing in the place where the old bakery used to be. He's standing with an unfamiliar man, who has a clipboard with paper and writes down something. They don't notice me until I'm just a few steps from them and Peeta rises his head to see who's coming.

"Katniss?" he says surprised. "What are you doing here?" he asks.

"I needed fresh air." I say casually noticing how the other man looks at me curiously.

"Oh, Katniss this is Liam Moor, supervisor for the construction of the new bakery." Peeta says proudly with a smile.

"Liam, this is Katniss." he says.

"Of course I know who she is." the man says and shakes my hand enthusiastically giving me a smile. "I'm pleased to meet you Miss Everdeen."

"Please call me Katniss." I say and give him a shy smile too. "I don't like people calling me miss Everdeen."  
>"What an honor." he says surprised. Then he turns to Peeta.<p>

"Well I think it's all for today Peeta. We have agreed on the plan, they should lay the foundations in two days and then we can start on building. I will come here with all my crew and it should be done in four or five weeks." he says.

"Thanks a lot." Peeta smiles at him and they shake hands again.  
>"I have to catch my train" Liam says "It was nice to meet you both." he adds and heads in direction of the train station. Peeta is watching me closely.<p>

"I see that you have visited Edmund." he says suspiciously.

"Yeah, Candy Man can always lighten my mood with a lollipop." I give him a little smile as I put one of the lollipops into my mouth. It's sweet and it lightens my mood.

"You know that eating your depression away is not a good solution?" he asks.

"I know." I say in a superior voice. "Do you know it when you leave piles of waffles by my bed?" I ask. He just laughs and I let myself smile too.

"What's that?" I ask pointing at a folded paper in his hands.

"That is, my dear Katniss." he gives me an important look as he unfolds the paper "a plan of the new bakery." the construction has not even started but he already seems so proud and enthusiastic, that I smile over it.

"Look." he says as he raises the sheet of paper in front of our eyes. Then he spends twenty minutes showing me where will the side walls be, where the kitchen will be and the office... The bakery won't have a second floor, but the ground floor will be bigger than the old bakery. He seems so excited, that I hardly recognize the broken boy who cried in the rubble of the old bakery two days ago. I guess, he keeps busy to keep away the depression.

"Sae told me, that some man from District 9 will build a pub in here. She said he wants her to cook in there." I say.

"Yeah I met him. He was here just as we arrived with Liam. His name is Bart and he will move in here with his family. His wife is Teyla and he has two kids too. His pub should be finished during fall. Maybe sooner if there won't be any problems." he informs me.

"I never understood how you're able to make friends so quickly." I say and shake my head.

"Katniss if you're nice to people, they like you and it's easier to make friends." he smiles at me.

"Do you want to say, that I'm not nice to people?" I ask with a playful warn in my voice.

"Well obviously you could get better, when you compare how many friends you have in your life and how many I have." he smiles at me. He gets a playful shove for that. He takes my hand with a smile.

"Your advantage now is that everyone loves you even before they meet you." he says.

"Everyone wants to meet you. And those from 12 already loved you before." he says and makes me blush a little. And as a confirmation of that, someone calls our names out loud.

"Peeta! Katniss!" I see surprise in Peeta's eyes and then a he shoots a concerned look towards me. And as I turn around I find out why. There is a man with camera and a woman with a gaudy pink hair and ugly green dress. And they are heading right towards us. My hands start to shake and I already think about a hiding spot, but where could I hide when all the buildings on the square are down?! Peeta squeezes my hand firmly.

"Calm down." he whispers towards me. "I'll send them away." Even though my body wants to run and my mind screams, I stay by his side, holding to his hand firmly and looking down at my boots.

"Katniss, Peeta! It's nice to see you together again!" the woman exclaims enthusiastically. I hate her already.

"What about your wedding? Are you already planning it?" this first question is so terrible for me, that I keep my gaze down and I just try to control the trembling of my body. This is none of their business. Why do they care? Why do they always have to ask about such a things? I think I'll lose my control soon.

"We'll let people know if we will plan a wedding." Peeta says in a calm voice. "For now, I'm busy with building the bakery." he says and I dare to look up.

The camera is focused on him now. I guess it was his intention to protect me from it. As he charms the reporter women with his smiles and talks about the bakery, I slip my hand out of his grip. While he walks them around the future bakery and shows them where the different parts will be, I flee. I stop around the corner, to take a deep breath and I hear them still talking.

"Oh, when did Katniss go away?" the woman asks.

"She was not feeling very well today." Peeta says.

"So you are back together? Star-crossed lovers happy again?" she says. I start to feel sick, but wait to hear Peeta's answer.

"Well, you know I was in a bad condition after the rebellion. I lost my memories, so I didn't remember anything about her and our relationship" he says and the woman gasps.

"So you're not together?" she asks with a dread in her voice.

"We're close friends." he says. "That's all."

He said it well, but even though I'm angry with him. We could have run away before they reached us. I run home as quickly as I can. I want to hide in a closet, but then I eye the oak tree next to my house. Peeta won't find me there so easily so I don't hesitate and climb it. I sit on one of the lower branches and close my eyes.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten._

I take deep breaths of fresh air to calm down. Why do they keep longing to know everything? Why do they have to come and ask personal questions, when I don't know the answers myself? Why the hell they can't leave us alone?! I don't want to pretend again. Few tears stream down my face and then I hear someone coming.

It's Peeta. He runs straight into my house. I can hear the door cracking and him calling my name every time he steps into some room. It takes him five minutes to figure out I'm not there. He even visits Haymitch's house, but after a while he's back again and stops on my backyard. He looks around and sights hopelessly. I decide to have mercy on him.

"I'm up here." I say. He comes to the tree and looks up unbelieving.

"What are you doing there?" he asks.

"Three guesses what." I say ironically.

"Hiding?" he asks.

"Bingo." I say.

"Come down." he begs me.

"You come up if you want to talk to me." I say annoyed.

"Katniss you know I can't climb trees as well as you." he says pleadingly.

"That's a pity." I say coldly. "Then you'll have to wait until I come down."

He sights and I secretly watch as he places his hands on the trunk. He starts climbing the oak and he's not that bad, but I don't want him to get injured because of me.

"Okay I'm going down." I say and start climbing down. I can see the relief on Peeta's face. As I jump down from the tree, he comes to me immediately, sorry look on his face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know there is some camera crew" he says in a sincere voice. I don't say nothing, just try to keep control over myself.

"Please, it'll be okay. They promised they will let us know if they will want to film something else so we would know they are coming." he says calmingly.

"What?!" I say angrily and look up at him. "They will come again?!" I yell at him.

"I don't know." he says. "Maybe, but they will let us know if they will." he says again.

"That's a relief!" I shout at him and run to my house. Unfortunately he runs after me.

"Katniss wait!" he yells and I stop in the living room, sitting on the couch furious with him.

"What are you so angry about?! I thought you will be glad I made them go away." he says angrily, obviously losing his patience with me.

"I am, but you also said they will come again!" I shout at him.

"Yes, but they will let us now." he argues. "Isn't that better than if they're hiding in the bushes and waiting when you will go by?!" he asks angrily. Maybe it is. But still I'm angry.

"I don't want this Peeta." I say pleadingly and put my face into my hands to hide the tears. "I don't want to be on cameras. I don't want to act and pretend." I say and a quiet sob goes out of my lips. He puts his arm around me.

"You don't have to pretend anything." he says quietly.

"Yes I do!" I say angrily. "They expect us to be the star-crossed lovers! They want to see our wedding." I cry hopelessly.

"I don't care what they want." Peeta says firmly. "I won't marry you because of cameras and I don't want you to love me because of cameras either." he says as I try to control my sobs.

"I told them we're just good friends Katniss." he says calmly and rests his hand on my cheek so I would look him in the eyes.

"Katniss we don't have to start at the same point, where we ended before the Quell." he says "We're not star-crossed lovers anymore. We're survivors and friends, that's all. We can start everything over. I told them that I lost my memory and we're just friends now. No secret weddings, no babies. It will be in TV tonight and all the Panem will know we're just friends okay?" he says and still keeps looking into my teary eyes.

"Okay." I beep. He sighs with relief and hugs me tight. I don't object. After a while a phone starts ringing and I do that big mistake that I answer it.

"Hello?" I say.

"Oh hello, Miss Everdeen! How nice to hear you again!" says the man's vioce. I know him very well and it makes me feel anxious again. My fingers start to tremble as I recognize Plutrach Havensbee.

"Oh, Plutrach, how are you?" I ask nervously, my voice shaking in the end. I see how Peeta turns around, when he hears the name and he gives me a concerned look.

"I'm great! I just saw the shoot you and Peeta did in your district! Even though you went away, Peeta was amazing as usual!" he says enthusiastically.

"A-as usual." I finally stammer out.

"Yes exactly." he says "Well I was thinking, we're doing shoots about rebuilding the districts, they are always done by some special people as reporters. Would you like to host one in 12? You and Peeta as the reporters huh?" my fingers start to shake even more and I have to hold onto the wall so I would not crash down into a heap right now. My breathing is shaky and I feel a little sick.

"I-I don't know, I don't feel very well right now." I stammer again.

"Oh it doesn't have to be right now. It could be in a month or so, when the buildings are in a construction." he says. I have to escape from this somehow. Speaking is not my specialty, so it's not as easy as running away. But finally I find the right words in my mind.

"C-could you give us some time to think about it?" I ask

"Oh of course Katniss. I don't need your answer right now. But let me know as soon as possible." he says.

"Okay." I say and a sigh of relief goes out of my mouth.

"Well I need to go now, so have a nice rest of the day and say my greetings and big thanks to Peeta!" he says cheerfully "You're spot will be in the evening news!"

"Okay bye." I say finally and the beeping hints that he hang up. I put down the phone and finally take a deep breath. I lean against the wall, hide my face in my trembling fingers and slide down slowly, where I start trembling.

"What a day!" I breathe out hopelessly into my palms.

"What did he want?" Peeta asks coming to me.

"He said he wants us to do a spot about the district reconstruction." I say with a trembling voice. "Me and you. In a month."

"That's not that bad is it?" he asks carefully. "There won't be any questions about you and me. Only talking about the district. You don't have to pretend anything." he says. I don't know how he can do it, that he always says the right words to calm me down.

I slide down my shaking hands and he holds them in his.

"It's gonna be okay." he says with a hopeful smile on his face. I just sigh.

"Come on, let's make some hot chocolate." he smiles at me and without asking he pulls me up on my legs and leads me to the kitchen. As he makes the chocolate, I let myself think about what he said. And I know he's right again. There shouldn't be any questions about us so I let myself calm down. When he puts hot cup of chocolate into my hands, I'm even able to give him a small smile as I look up at him.

"I'm sorry, that I'm such a freak." I whisper.

"You're not a freak Katniss." he says quietly sitting next to me. "I understand why you don't like cameras. But you have to realize, that the world is different now. They're not gonna harm you or force you to pretend something." he says calmly. "They just want the entire Panem see, that you are better. Maybe they'll even let you free from this district if they see you're doing so much better." he says encouragingly. I didn't think about that.

"How do you do it, that you always know what to say to make me feel better?" I ask admiring his skill. He just smiles sweetly.

"I don't know. Guess I have a talent for that." he puts one of his hands on my cheek tenderly and I let it linger in there while he gives me an intent look.

"I know you can do this sweetheart." he says softly.

"Even when I'm such a freak?" I ask hypnotized by his deep blue eyes. He leans towards me. At first I think he will kiss me, but his lips end up next to my ear.

"You're not a freak." he whispers. "You're amazing, beautiful and brave young girl." and again my body is flooded by goosebumps as his warm lips touch my ear slightly and his hot breath tickles me on my neck. I breathe my anxiety out with a shaking sigh and close my eyes. Waiting what he will do next. Not running away from him.

Then a loud crack of the door makes us jerk away from each other as Haymitch comes in.

"How are you, kids?" he asks not noticing our embarrassment.

"Fine." I say in a cold voice.

"Heard you will be in TV tonight." he says and eyes us suspiciously. "Some news you want to tell me?" he asks.

"They just met us down by the bakery, nothing more." says Peeta and he gives me concerned look.

"Hmm. If you say so." Haymitch says. He still watches us closely.

"You're both okay?" he asks in an unusually caring manor. "You're getting along with each other?" he asks.

"Yeah we're fine." I say.

"So you're behaving sweetheart?" he looks at me.

"Of course I am." I say starting to be annoyed by his questions.

"Hmm." his eyes linger on me. Then they turn to Peeta.

"And you?" he asks. "Keeping my advice and kissing her?" a blush comes to both my and Peeta's face.

"No!" Peeta says angrily and I know he wants Haymitch to go away as much as I want.

"Hmm." Haymitch hums again. "You should. It'll help. Let me know when you're there." he turns and goes out.

"How he can lecture me about behaving." I hiss angrily and get just one smirk from Peeta before I stand up and go to the living room. Peeta follows me. As I sit on the couch, Buttercup jumps into my lap and I dive my fingers into his fluffy fur.

We turn the TV on and watch the news in hopes we will see the spot and there it is. There's a shot of me and Peeta in the distance. Firs just smiling and talking, then I give him a shove and then he takes my hand, says something to me and I blush shyly. Then there is just the interview with Peeta. No more me. I'm glad it ended up like this. I sigh.

"It wasn't that bad was it?" he asks and looks down at me. I lie down my head into his lap and close my eyes as his fingers dive into my hair.

"No." I whisper. We remain silent for a long time and my eyes start to close. I jerk up my head after I dozed off and blink several times to realize where I am. Peeta smiles at me.

"You should go to bed." he says. I just nod and head upstairs, while he heads to his own house.

Tonight my worst nightmares visit me again. I see Prim dying again and I can't do anything about it. I'm just standing there and can't move at all. I try to struggle, but the only thing I'm able to do is scream. As much as I can. Than I suddenly wake up. Trapped in my blankets, all sweaty, breathing quickly, trembling and crying.

It's too much for me and I have to run out. I even don't take a coat it is warm night. I run out, breathe deeply, trying to stop trembling and crying. The only thing I can notice in the backyard are those primeroses and roses Peeta planted by the house wall. And in that moment I'm angry and so despared, than I run there and start to tear them out angrily. I hate them. Primroses remind me of dead Prim and those red roses remind me of evil president Snow.

I tear all the primroses out, crying and sobing aloud, than I start to tear out the roses too. I feel that the thornes are rending my hands, but I don't care. When they are all out, I look around myself. I'm kneeling by the house, all the plants are around me and I am filthy from dirt and grass. I must be really going crazy. By now, I don't have any other strength so I just crash down into the patch, just lie there in the dirt, two roses in one hand and primrose in another. I just give up any struggling and release my despair in a loud cries. I don't care if anyone hear me or think I'm crazy. I just can't live like this any more.

I don't know how long have I been lying there, but I'm starting to feel cold, when I hear footsteps. I'm still crying and trembling, when my saviour appears. Of course it is Peeta. He has a really worried look and it becomes even more scared, when he sees me laying on the patch, crying and trabling, roses and primroses all around me. He slowly comes to me, when I'm avoiding his eyes.

„Katniss?" he asks with a tender voice „What happend?" he kneels next to me and puts his hand on my shoulder.

After a while, he lifts me up, sits down and keeps me in his arms. Hugging me, cuddling up to me, stroking my hair and whispering quietly to my ear. Somehow it makes me cry again. I can't stop it. Suddenly I realize, that I demaged all his work with the flowers and I feel ashamed. I just bury my face into his chest and in a few minutes his shirt is all wet. He doesn't push on me in telling him what happend. He knows that it won't help. He knows me well enough to wait until I tell him myself. After like a fifteen minutes, I finally am able to speak a little.

„I'm sorry" I say with a cracking voice. My voice doesn't work very well after all the screaming and crying. He looks at me.

„You don't have to be sorry Katniss. You haven't done anything bad." he says.

„I demaged your flower patch. You did such a beautifull thing and I destroyed it all." I start to cry again.

„ It's okay Katniss. It's not so bad. They can be planted again." he says in a calming voice.

„I had a terrible dream" I tell him with a trembling and weak voice. „I saw Prim die again. And there was Coin too. Laughing to my face and I couldn't move so I couldn't help Prim." I loose my nerves again and I start to cry again. He doesn't say anthing just hugs me tight and comfort me as much as he can. But after a five minutes he speaks again.

„Katniss we should go inside or you catch cold." Than he stands up, lifts me up and carries me in. He lays me down in an armchair. I'm still holding two roses and a primrose. I huddle in there and I still feel cold and start trembling, I drop the roses and keep just a primrose. After a while, I put it down on a bedside table.

„Well at first you should change." he starts looking at me. I know he's right. My sleeping gown is all filthy from dirt and grass. He opens the dresser and pulls some sleeping gown out. He throws it to me. I keep looking at him with a shocking glance. _Does he think, that I will be naked in front of his eyes?_ He certinaly doesn't get it from my glance so I have to speak.

„Turn around first" I say in an irritated voice. I can see that he has to put a lot of effort not to start laughing.

„Ohh Katniss..." he starts.

„Stop talking about that PURE thing!" I say angrily before he has time to finish his sentence. Than he just smiles at me and turns around. I quickly change the robes because even when he is turned around I don't have a good feeling being naked when he's in the room.

„May I turn back?" he asks and I'm sure I can hear smile in his voice.

„Yes" I say.

He turns around with a wide grinn.

„You know there was a mirror in front of me when I turned around?" he says with a sparkles in his eyes. That makes me angry, but I don't have any energy to do something, I just huddle back into the armchair and give him just one sad look. The sparkles in his eyes vanishes imediatelly and they are exchanged by worried look. He slowly comes to me and kneel next to me.

„Sorry Katniss, I was just joking. I wasn't looking, I swear I closed my eyes." he admites and gives me a hopefull and sorry smile. I try to smile back, but I'm sure it doesn't look like a smile at all. But he gets that I'm not angry with him any more. He takes my hands into his and squeezes them. And when he does I jerk my hands out of his, because the scratches are painfull.

"What is it Katniss?" he asks, carefully takes my hands and turn them. Now he can see in what shape they are. Dirty from soil and there is a lot of scratches from thornes. He looks terrified.

"Katniss what have you done?" he looks at me shockingly

"Roses" I whisper.

He goes to the bathroom and comes back with a soft wet towel. Carefully he washes my hands and clears it from all the soil and blood. I can see how sadly he looks at the scratches. Maybe he's feeling sorry that he put those roses in there. When he's done he bandages my hands carefully and kisses them softly. When he looks up at me I have to smile. I can't help. Because it's unbeliavable how this boy with bread knows me well and how he can always save my life.

Than he lifts me up again and lays me softly into the bed. I huddle under the blankets. He sets a fire in the fireplace and I start to feel warmer.

Than he wants to go away. And imediatelly I'm scared that he will leave me alone again. I want to call his name but instead I just make a wierd squeeky sound. He turns back.

"Don't worry I'll be right back in a few minutes." he assures me and kisses me on my forehead.

I lay back and watch him calmly. Than I take the little primrose into my hands. And it feels like I'm holding my little sister in them. Again I see her dying in my head and tears are going down my cheeks again. I don't know how long have I been staring at the flower, but Peeta already came back and layed two cups on the bedside table. There must be something hot because I can see a little bit of smoke above it. He looks at me and sees the primrose in my hands and tears on my cheeks. Now his face gets really sad.

"I'm sorry Katniss." he says with a truthfull look.

"It's not your fault" I reply with a weak voice. "I am a freak."

"No Katniss, it is my fault. I shouldn't have planted those flowers. I should know that it is too early for that." he says with a sad look. "And you're not a freak!" he says with a little irritated voice. I keep looking into his eyes because they can make me so calm.

"Will you forgive me?" he asks worriedly. I just smile and nod a little. He smiles back at me.

"I brought you something what could make you feel better." he says and gives me the cup. I put down the primrose, take the hot cup and I can feel the sweet smell. I'm sure that it is hot chocolate. When I taste it my thought is confirmed by the sweet taste. I slowly drink the chocolate and keep looking at Peeta. He takes his own cup and drinks too.

"You should get some sleep" he says. I look at him all scared.

"I'm scared." I admit with a weak voice.

"I'll stay with you." he says.

"Always..." he adds with loving smile. I put down my cup and hug him tightly. I need him so desperately now. He's the only one who can make me feel calm and safe. After a while, I lay back to bed and keep watching him. When he finishes his cup, he puts it down too. He gets his clothes down, until he's only in his underwear and slips under the bedcloths right next to me. He takes my hand and keep looking into my eyes. Then he smiles with that smile I know pretty well. I know that he is up to something. Something which would cheer me up.

"Would you like to hear a bedtime story?" he asks with a sweet smile.

_A bedtime story? I haven't heard one since my Dad has died. _I smile back at him and he understands that as a yes.

"Okay." he says and for a while he's thinking. "Here it goes." he says and smiles at me.

"Once upon a time, there was a girl. Here name was Katy. She used to be a happy girl with a beautifull spirit, everyone knew her and liked her in her village. She was living while the war was finishing. And one day a tragedy happend. All her family were killed, while she was away from home. She was left alone. After the end of war she got a house and some money from the country so she could live easily. But she went mad. Or people said that. Everyday you could see her sitting in a huge window of her house. She stopped speaking and didn't do anything else than looking out of the window and eating. There was just one woman, a friend of her mother, who made her meals every day. People started to call her Silent Katy." I feel strange about this story. It isn't an usuall bedtime story and the girl starts to remind me of someone.

"Then there was one boy. His name was Peter. He also lost all his family in war. His only help was his godfather Hamley, who was a candy maker. Peter knew Katy and he loved her for a long time now. He just didn't have much courage to tell her. But he was sorry for her and told himself that he has to help her come back. So one day he came to her. She was sitting in a window as usuall, looking far away. The women who was taking care about her let him in, but told him, that it doesn't make a difference if he visites her. But he believed it does. He came to her room. and she didin't even turn her head when he came in. He came directly to her, but she didn't pay any attention to him.  
>'Hi Katy' he said to her 'Do you remember me? I'm Peter, we used to go to the same class at school.'<p>

But she was not responding to anthing. He didn't give up though. He started to visit her every afternoon. First just sitting next to her in the window. Then he started to bring her candies from his godfathers shop. He found out, that she likes mint ones most. He started to talk to her. Even when she was not responding, he was talking to her about the village, people in there and specially about the forest and nature around. Because he knew she loved those two. She used to go to forest to pick and hunt a lot of things. She loved it in there. His first success was a smile he got from her. She let him put his arm around her and slowly it became like a habbit to them. He came every afrenoon, sat next to her with his arms around her, kept talking about what he's been doing and what's new in the village. After 3 months, a miracle happend. She talked. She said 'Hi Peter'. But that was all. But for him it was a huge success. She used to say it every day then. She stared to get back slowly. One day, she let him take her hand and lead her out of the house. He led her to the meadow which was just around the corner of her house. They sit in there and looked into the sky.

'You know I lost my family in war too' he said to her. 'I know how does it feel, I could help you to get over it' she looked at him terrified, but than she spoke.

'How?' she asked. It was just one word, but for him it was another huge success.

'Well I realized, that they are on a better place now. They're looking at me from above. And I know they would not like to see me unhappy and sad. I know they would love to see me livivng my life happily, maybe getting married, having children and remembring them all with a smile. And I'm sure, your family would not like to see you like this all your life. They would love to see you happy.' he said to her. She was just looking at him astonished, but then she smiled and looked into the sky again. From that moment she started to get better. She went for walks with him and she started to speak a little. First it was just Yes or No. So he made up a game where he asked her questions and she answered just yes or no. But slowly, she began to live again. And after a year, she was back to normal. And that's the end of this story." Peeta said with a smile.

It was a strange story, but somehow it calmed me down. I'm sure the words which were for Katy in the story were for me too. I'm pretty sleepy now, my eyes start to close, but I have one more question.

"Did they live happily ever after?" I ask. He just smiles at me widely.

"Well happy enough. He proposed to her, they got merried and had children. Sometimes one of them had a bad night with nightmares or bad day, but the other one was always there to help. Their love saved them from everything. The last time I saw them was on a meadow. They were there with their kids. The oldest one was a girl. She was six and she was just as beautifull as her mother. She had dark brown hair and grey eyes and her name was Lilly. Another one was a four years old boy. Grey eyes and blond hair. His name was Rye. And than, there was the smallest one. Just one year old little girl." my eyes are shut now, I'm starting to fly away to my dreams, but I still hear his last words. "She was a blondie with blue eyes. And her name was Rose." after this I smiled a little and that is the last thing I remember. Than I'm in a dream. On a meadow with these three kids and Peeta. He is chasing the two older ones and he catches them both easily. I sit there with a little blondie girl in my arms. Her eyes are blue just as Peeta's. And I'm sure I know her name. It is Rose.

When I wake up, I don't want to open my eyes. I want to stay in my drem forever. Finally I force myself to open my eyes. Sun beams are going in through the window and they are falling on my cheeks and warming them. Peeta is not laying next to me, which makes me a little sad, but I think he's just somewhere in the house. So I go out of the bed. I slowly and still sleepy go down the stairs, where I find him in the kitchen. He does not hear me when I'm walking with my feet bare. So I quietly reach him and then I cover his eyes with my hands. I can feel the muscles on his face move, when he smiles.

"I guess our sleepyhead has finally got up" he says with a playfull voice.

"I'm not a sleepyhead!" I defense myself, but when I find out that it's ten in the morning I must admit he's right "Usually" I add. He turns, smiles at me and hugs me tight for a while. I close my eyes and can't help a smile. I feel so happy and safe with him. Maybe I could bear to spent the rest of my life with this boy.


	13. Breaking The Rules

Chapter 12: Breaking the rules.

As June comes, warm weather comes too and I'm visiting the lake more often than before. Peeta's bakery construction is continuing quickly. The walls are already up and they are working on ceiling and roof now. Peeta doesn't have to work on it, but he likes to go there and help them. He has something to do. And I realize that his birthday is coming too. It's on 13th June. I try to think about what to do to make it special. I have two ideas. First I will take him to the lake and second I will make him a cake. Or I will TRY to make him a cake.

So one day, as he goes to town to help with the bakery, I sneak into his house and find his recipe book. I read how to bake cakes. There are many kinds and ways, but I choose the easiest one, which I won't have to frost much. I write down everything and then put his book back so he would not notice anything. After I check that he will spend all the other day in the bakery, I make my plans. I walk him there in the morning and pretend I'm going hunting. Instead I buy some things on the market and head back home.

I take a deep breath and do the dough step by step exactly how the recipe says. When I put it in the oven, I don't dare to go away even for a second. All thirty minutes, I'm sitting by the oven, watching, how the dough changes structure and color until it is golden. Then I take it out carefully. I put the filling between the two layers of the dough, put slices of strawberries there too and then I put the cream all over the cake and around it. It doesn't look so bad. I put some crashed nuts all around the cake. In the end, I slice the strawberries I bought in the market and arrange them on the cake in circles carefully. I'm no artist so this is better, than trying to frost it.

When I'm quite content how it turned out, I hide it in the cold basement and promise myself I have to keep Peeta away from it. That's not hard since he's in the town most of the days now. So the morning before his birthday I need to ask him.

"Peeta?" I ask as we're having breakfast.

"Yeah?" he looks at me.

"Do you think you could take a break tomorrow?" I ask innocently.

"I think so, why?" he asks.

"Well I promised you I will take you hunting with me and I haven't kept my promise yet." I say "It should be nice weather tomorrow and I would like to show you one special place." I smile. For a moment he eyes me suspiciously, but then a smile appears on his face.

"Okay, I'll arrange a day off." he says.

"And do you think you could bake something for lunch?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'll come earlier today and bake something." he smiles.

"Thanks." I smile at him. My plan is going well so far. In the afternoon I hide the cake in a special box I ordered from Capitol. It's specially created to keep things cool in warm spaces so the cake will not be damaged by the warm weather. I put it on the bottom of a picnic basket and hide it under a dish cloth.

In the evening Peeta brings fresh cheese buns, some bread and little fruit cakes he made. He has to shoo me away very hardly to keep me from eating it immediately. We spent the evening talking about our day and for a while, I look through the memory book. I doze off over it, but only to be hunted by a nightmare about dying Finnick.

"Katniss wake up." I hear Peeta's voice just as the Capitol mutt reaches my ankles. I snap my eyes open and find myself trembling and breathing heavily.

"Hey. It's okay, it was just a dream." he says quietly.

"You should go to bed." he says after a while of soothing.

"I'm afraid." I beep.

"I'll stay with you until you fall asleep okay?" he suggests and I oblige. He tucks me into my bed, lies next to me, holds my hand and strokes my hair. I close my eyes and let my mind relax in his presence. And in a while, I fall asleep soundly.

When I wake up, the sky outside is lightning up, but it's still before dawn. I feel so rested and so good. And in the next moment I realize why. My fingers are still entwined with his and his arm is resting on my waist protectively. I snap my eyes open as I realize it. I turn around carefully and find him sleeping next to me in his clothes. I guess he dozed off. He's still soundly asleep and I think about how should I react. I should be angry because he said he will go home. But in fact I don't mind him. In fact, I'm glad he's here. I relax and watch him in his sleep. I realize, that there's a smile on his face. He used to smile in his sleep like this before. And then, those golden lashes flutter and his blue eyes look at me sleepy. There's surprise in them.

"Katniss?" he says sleepy.

"Peeta?" I say and raise my eyebrows at him in a question. I'm sure he knows the question I'm asking. _ What are you doing here?_

"What happened?" he asks.

"I wanted to ask you exactly the same question." I say. "Last thing I remember is you saying 'I'll stay with you until you fall asleep.'"

"I guess I fell asleep too." he says still puzzled. "Are you angry?" he looks at me in concern.

"Not really." I say and close my eyes again. "I don't mind." I whisper secretly hoping he didn't hear it. Suddenly his arms embrace me tightly and he pulls me closer. I don't resist. Deep in heart I know I was waiting for this hug because it makes me feel so safe and happy.

"Good morning." he whispers into my ear. I smile. It is good indeed.

"We should get up soon." I say "Our walk will be long today."

"Where are we going" he asks. I open my eyes and a sly smile appears on my face. I lean closer to his face so our noses are just inches away.

"That's a surprise." I whisper and give him a wide smile. Then I kiss his nose lightly, slip out of his arms and go to get dressed in my bathroom.

We leave early, the sun is not out yet, which is good. I carry the picnic basket, while Peeta has a backpack on his shoulders. There is a blanket and some other things in it. It takes us two hours, before we are at the lake. And as we are on the edge of the forest, I stop and turn to Peeta. "You remember, when you asked me, what is my favorite place in here?" I ask.

"Yes, you said, that there is only one and it's a secret." he smiles at me. I smile at him.

"Today, my dear Peeta, I'm showing you my most favorite and most secret place in here." I say festively and lead him through the last few yards of the forest.

We're now standing on a meadow, which is around the lake. We can see all the lake and the little house on the other side. Flowers are in full bloom, the sun is warm and the summer wind is blowing lazily. Peeta is just standing by my side in awe.

"Wow." he breathes out finally "This is..."

"Beautiful?" I ask. He laughs a little.

"I don't think that word is good enough." he says still in awe. I smile, take his hand and lead him down towards the lake. We spread the blanket by the bank, next to a huge willow. We sit down on the blanket and for a while, we're just watching the water surface and I feel quite happy.

"I have something for you." I say as I take a little package out of the backpack. He looks at me.

"What is it?" he asks.

"A present." I smile. "It's your birthday today." I add. He smiles at me.

"You didn't have to give me anything." he says.

"I wanted to. Besides I had to if I wanted to take you here. You will use it right now." I give him a smirk as I handle him the package. As he unwraps it, he finds green swimming shorts in it.

"Shorts?" he looks at me with raised eyebrows.

"They are not just ordinary shorts." I explain. "It is specially made for swimming." I say.

"Ohh, you want to make me swim?" he asks and I see the unsure look on his face.

"No." I say patiently. "I want to _teach_ you how to swim. Take them on." I say standing up and turning around. He laughs quietly.

"You're still the same." he says between his laugh. A pile of his clothes appears by my feet and as his undergarment lands on it I hear another soft laugh.

"You're sure you don't want to see me? I'm absolutely naked right now. Standing just behind you. You could take just one little look and you would see everything." he says in Finnick's style.

"Oh, put those swim shorts on!" I say impatiently. He just laughs.

"You can turn." he says after a moment. I hesitate though, not sure if he's not joking.

"Ohh, I swear they're on!" he laughs. So I turn and those shorts fit him really well.

"Are you swimming in your clothes?" he asks curiously.

"No" I say. Even though I'm nervous about his eyes on me, I take my shirt and shorts down and remain in my own swimming suit. Dark red shorts and short top, which ends under my breasts.

"Come on." I say and take his hand. I lead him into the water and see how unsure he is about this.

"Don't worry." I say. "My father thought me to swim in here when I was five." I say "When I was 7, I was able to swim from one side of the lake to the other."

"That doesn't prove it's safe. It only proves how brave you are. Or crazy." he says.

After some time, he relaxes though. I teach him the basic moves and he tries to learn it. It must be harder for him with his artificial leg, but after hour and a half he's able to swim all by himself. Even though he's still afraid to go to the deeper parts.

"Let's have some lunch." I say finally when he becomes so sure he's splashing water on me.

We eat the lunch Peeta baked yesterday and in the end, when there is time for dessert I'm eager to see how Peeta will like my cake.

"I have a dessert too." I say and the proud tone in my voice is too noticeable.

I take out the box and open it in front of Peeta. Peeta is really taken by my work. I'm sure it is not perfect, but I hope he will appreciate my effort. The surface of the cake is made of strawberries and I used some of the cream to write happy birthday on them.

"Ohh, Katniss did you make this?" he asks looking at me in surprise.

"Yep." I say proudly "Stared half an hour into the oven so it would not get burnt." I add and Peeta laughs.

"Thank you." he says moved and looks at me with his tender eyes. Then I cut two big pieces and hand one of them to Peeta. He observes it closely.

"Hmm, you did a good work on the dough, but you could have worked longer on the filling, there are little pieces of..." he trails of as he sees my warning look. Then he gets a huge grin.

"It's absolutely perfect, thanks." and as a proof, he plants a kiss on my cheek.

When we're done, we go back to swimming for another hour. Peeta gets used to water pretty quickly and he starts to like it. When we're tired, we lie down on the blanket and we let the sun dry and warm us. When we're dry I insist on sun cream, because I don't want to get burnt. We apply it on us Peeta spreads it around my back and then he turns so I could spread it on his.

As I touch his back with my fingers, it is hot from sun and I realize it is much different then how I knew it before. There was soft and smooth skin before. Now his back is full of scars, burns and patches of new skin grafts. It is not smooth and soft any more. I don't mind it, but it makes me sad, because I know I'm the reason of these pains. I move my fingers softly over every scar in there examining them slowly and as I reach a long burn scar on his neck, one silent tear goes down my face. I cost him so much pain, both physical and emotional and he still loves me. Snow made him forget his love and he fell in love with me again.

"Why it takes you so long?" Peeta asks and he peeks over his shoulder. He must have seen that tear, because he looks concerned.

"What's wrong?" he asks softly and turns around.

"I'm sorry" I say quietly and look down. "All those scars, all that pain and torture you've been through. I was the reason for it." I say and another tear goes down.

"That's not true Katniss." he says, takes my face in his hands and raises it up so I would have to look at him.

"It was not your fault. Snow was the reason why we both went through so much pain." he states firmly. "But we can forget that, because it's over." he says and wipes my tears away. "Okay?"

I smile in response and he hugs me tightly. When he releases me we lie down next to each other. I lie on my side and watch him. All of his body is full of scars, burns and new skin grafts, not just his back. My body is full of scars, burns and skin grafts too. We're perfectly matching pair of mad people.

I prop myself on my elbows and put my face above his head, examining his face. Brushing his blond hair from his eyes and forehead. There are scars too, but they're not making him ugly. Not for me. For me his scars are proof of his bravery and love for me. I smile as I watch his blue eyes looking up at me. He smiles, puts his hand on my neck tenderly and pulls me closer.

"What are you thinking about, sweetheart?" he whispers.

I don't answer at first. It's one of those moments again, which I almost think he does on purpose. One of those moments, when we're so close, that our noses touch and I can feel his heartbeat. So close that my heart beats in the same rhythm as his. So close, that I could count his beautiful long golden lashes. One of that moments, which were always interrupted by something. Not now though.

"You" I whisper back and I can see surprise in his blue eyes.

And before I realize what I'm doing, I close my eyes and press my lips against his. They are soft, warm and they taste like strawberries and cream. At first they stay still probably because he's surprised, but then they move against my lips softly. That kiss is long, it causes butterflies in my belly and it's so amazing, that I don't want it to end. Only now I realize how much I've missed those lips all the time. How much I've missed their taste and the feeling I get in my belly when he's kissing me. In the end, I linger on his down lip, which I like so much and then I pull away to breathe.

His eyes are still closed and the look on his face hints that he would like to continue in it too. For a moment there's silence.

"You kissed me, real or not real?" he asks and opens his blue eyes in disbelief.

"Real." I beep quietly not sure if it was the right thing to do. He looks up at me and I see the happiness in his eyes.

"Best birthday present ever!" he beams happily.

"Will you do it again sometime?" he asks looking at me. It makes me smile.

"I don't know." I say quietly.

"Please." he pleads with puppy eyes and a small giggle escapes from my lips.

"Maybe. Sometimes. If you ask me nicely." I smile.

He puts his lips at my ear and this time instead of whispering he kisses my earlobe softly, which sends me into goose bumps. Then he continues down. As he presses his lips on my neck I let out a quiet sigh of breath I was holding in and shivers go down my spine. Warm nice feeling spreads all over my body from that spot. He must remember that it is my weak spot. He kisses my shoulder and my neck again and I think I'm gonna lose it, when he stops kissing me, puts his face just inches from mine and looks me in the eyes intensely.

"Please." he says again in a whisper. He didn't have to even say it. My lips are so hungry for him after so much time, that I don't hesitate even for a second. After so many months since the Quell, through the rebellion and mission in Capitol, I have longed to have him back so much. Finally I realize, we will never be only friends. We will never be able to stay out of kisses. We will never be able to stay in friendship lines. I finally realize how much I need him. How much I need his love.

When we come back home, the sky is already dark. We are tired from walking and swimming. He tucks me to bed and rises to go, but I don't let go of his hand. He looks down at me.

"What?" he asks. "Stay" I say quietly. He examines me closely.

"Really?" he asks not sure. "Stay with me." I say again.

"Always" he smiles at me. He brings his pyjamas and he slips down under the blankets next to me. His arms embrace me tenderly and his eyes look at me lovingly.

"Why do you want me to stay?" he asks quietly.

"You know." I say.

"I'm not sure. I want to hear it." he says.

"I can't sleep well without you." I say quietly. "Only you can keep my nightmares away. Only when I wake up next to you I feel happy." he smiles at me.

"You think you could not be happy with other guys?" he asks in a joking voice.

"No. You are the only one who ever slept next to me. I don't want anyone else." I say quietly.

"I..." I hesitate "I need you." I say urgently. I still avoid that certain four letter word. It still feels too dangerous for me.

"I need you too." he smiles at me and hugs me tight. He kisses me softly for good night and we happily fall asleep. No nightmares that night. And since then, my mornings are happier than before, when I wake up in his arms every day.


	14. The District Rebuilding

Chapter 13: The District Rebuilding

"This was a mistake. BIG mistake." I say pacing through the living room consumed with anxiety. "I should have not agreed with this." I say as my hands start to shake slightly. This is a sign, when I start crossing the line to hysteria and Peeta knows it very well.

"Hey." he says, capturing me in the middle of my pacing and wrapping me in his warm embrace to stop me from trembling and pacing around the room. "It'll be okay." he says quietly as I close my eyes to calm down.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten._

I must have been out of my mind the evening when I agreed to do the spot about the district reconstruction for Plutrach. It was beginning of June, quite nice and warm early summer evening. We took a walk with Peeta and talked about it and agreed that we could do it to calm things down in Panem. To let everyone know we're okay and just friends. So as we came back home, we picked the phone and dialed the number.

"Hello?" we hear his voice. Peeta takes a deep breath and starts talking because he knows I don't have the courage to do this.

"Hello Plutrach! This is Peeta and Katniss." he says cheerfully.

"Ohh, I'm so happy to hear from you!" he exclaims "How are you doing?"

"We're fine, we're still healing." Peeta says.

"Are you calling because of the rebuilding spot?" he asks then and I feel knots in my stomach.

"Yes." Peeta says and he gives me a concerned look. "We were considering it really long and we would happily oblige, but we have a few conditions." he says in a business voice.

"Ohh, let me hear it then." Plutrach says in an amused voice. "I'm sure it won't be a problem."

"Well first, we would like our old crew do the shooting. Cressida and Pollux." Peeta says.

"Oh, that's not a problem, anything else?" Plutrach says.

"You know, we're still healing and things like cameras are stressing for us. Especially for Katniss." he says and gives me a look. "You saw how she run away last time." he adds. "So we wanted to do a deal with you. If Cressida and Pollux would be the only crew allowed to come to 12, we would shoot something with them once in a while." Peeta says.

"Hmm... That's a hard decision. I'll agree if you promise that if there's some big news, we will be the first to know." he bargains.

"Don't worry, you'll be the first to know when I'll open the new bakery." Peeta says cheerfully and he gives me a playful wink. I smile a little. Plutrach laughs too.

"Okay then, I think we can agree on that condition too. Cressida and Pollux are the only crew for district 12. Anything else?" he asks.

"Only one last thing" Peeta says. "We would really appreciate it if you let us know when you sent a camera crew in here."

"Ohh, you'll now about it." he says. "So you'll do the District Rebuilding Spot for me under these conditions?" he asks finally.

"Let's call it a deal." Peeta smiles.

"Okay, I'll send more information later, you will shoot it by the end of June." he says "I'm delighted that you agreed, have a great evening!" he says

"You too." Peeta says and they hang up.

Two days later, we got a letter from Plutrach, where he wrote about the spot, what should we do and say. Basically we're supposed to gather some information about the shops and we're supposed to go around and talk about them in the spot. Peeta happily took the task to get all the information. He spent all the day in the town, talking to owners of the shops.

I accompanied him in the afternoon, and I went to the candy man with him and we also visited the man who owns the future pub, where Sae will cook. He's really friendly person. His name is Bart and he happily talked about his new pub for half an hour. Peeta took notes all the time and then he wrote everything about the square and shops into a little script, we were supposed to learn.

Since that day, we have been rereading it every evening, trying to memorize everything about the shops. Peeta doesn't have big problems with it. I'm worse, but in the end of the second week, I have learned it well and I was able to say it all well enough.

Now, it's evening before the shooting and I'm consumed with anxiety. Scared of pretending and walking in front of cameras again. I know that I shouldn't be, because it's not that bad, but I can't help. We've watched spots about rebuilding in other districts in TV. We have seen the one in four, where my mum was speaking about the hospital for a while. She looked well. We have watched the spot from 3, 5 and 1. We have even seen the one from District 2 and to my horror, Gale was the one who did it, because he's still a famous rebel (not even speaking about his camera ready face). It made me feel anxious to see him on the screen. He was looking well though. His hair a little longer than usual, he seemed well and happy. All those spots looked well and easy, but right now, these things are not helping me.

Peeta calms me down and directs me to bed, because we need to be rested for tomorrow as he says. And so I oblige and lie down into my bed, while he goes into my bathroom, which has become his too through the last month. In fact all of this house is becoming his too. Gradually, his things start to appear in here. His toothbrush next to mine, his favorite mug in my kitchen, his pills in my bathroom cabinet, his dirty clothes in the laundry with mine. Eventually I emptied one of the drawers in my dresser for him and now it's filled with his clothes. It seems that I got a roommate.

When he comes back, I'm hidden under the covers, trembling and scared. He slips under the covers and he throws it over his head too when he finds out I'm hidden in there. For a while he's looking at me in the dim light.

"It'll be fine." he says quietly running his hand over my hand. "It's just Cressida and Pollux, they're our friends." he says. I just nod slowly, but my anxiety still lingers in my body. He smiles slightly.

"You need to shake that anxiety away." he says and I see a spark in his eye. He's up to something.

"I don't know how." I say.

"Ohh, I'll show you." he smiles widely, which only confirms my theory that he's up to something. And in the next moment, he does a tickling attack on me and after a few seconds, I can't help then laugh out loud and fight with him. I end up lying on the floor, holding my hips tightly, breathing heavily and still laughing. He offers me his hand and I get back to bed.

"Better?" he asks with a smile.

"A little." I say and manage to smile slightly. He embraces me in his strong arms and my heart calms down.

"Night, night." he whispers and gives me a light kiss.

When I wake up, it's still before down, but the sky is getting light. Peeta is lying next to me, still soundly asleep, but I can't sleep anymore. Carefully I break free from his arms and I go out of bed. In the first moment I think about hiding in the closet, but then I change my mind. I go down and out of the house. I go out to the backyard and sit into the swing bench which is in there. I can see down from the Victor's Village hill, directly at the town. It seems calm in this morning hour. I wrap myself in a blanket I took with me. It's quite chilly morning for June and my bare feet are cold. I think about today and I feel anxious. But still it's better than yesterday. By the evening it will be over. I don't know how long have I been sitting here, but the sun starts to go out when a voice startles me.

"Chocolate time!" he says cheerfully, while he sits next to me. I unwrap myself from the blanket, he scoots as close to me as possible and we wrap the blanket around us again. He hands me a cup of hot chocolate and sips from his own cup. We remain silent as we watch the beautiful sunrise on the right side of our view.

"How do you feel?" he asks and gives me a concerned look.

"I'll deal with it." I say quietly, my eyes staring at the bright sunrise. I don't have and other option than dealing with it.

"That's my brave girl." Peeta says with a smile, while he tightens his hug around me and kisses my temple softly. It makes me smile a little.

When the sun is out, we go back into the house to prepare for the shooting. Luckily, Plutrach didn't insist on a prep team for us. He said we should just look normal. I take a shower and spend a lot of time in front of the dresser. This is my weak spot. Even though I'm a girl, I have never been interested in clothing much. I didn't care about it as much as the other girls. So now I'm trying different outfits and I'm starting to be annoyed, when I don't like anything on me. I don't want to wear dress. I would not feel well in it. Finally I have brown shorts, which reaches above my knees and a yellow empire waist top. The top is a compromise between my usual boring shirt and dress. It's not dress, but it makes me look more girlish. It highlights my breasts and it falls down in folds, which looks nice. When Peeta comes he confirms that my appearance is okay with a huge smile over me.

"You look beautiful sweetheart." he says and rewards me with a kiss into my hair.

"I still have to do my hair." I say annoyed.

"Leave it loose." he says with puppy eyes. I'm not usually leaving my hair loose. But today it could at least mask some of my scars. So eventually I oblige and I leave it loose. The only thing I add is a yellow hairband which matches the top. As I look into the mirror, I'm surprised, who is standing in there. I really look good and like a girl now.

At 9:30, we head to the town, where we're supposed to meet with the crew. Peeta takes his notes into his pocket, just in case we'll need to revise and he takes my hand tight. Probably to unsure that I won't run away. When we arrive at the square, Cressida and her crew are already there. We greet with everyone, Cressida and Pollux both give me a tight hug and I must admit that I'm glad to see them again. Then Cressida tells us how we will shoot it. We'll start with the justice building, and then we'll go to the right and around the entire square. That means that after justice building the bakery will be the first one. We have agreed that we will take turns with Peeta in introducing different shops until we reach the pub, which will be the last.

We're about to start and I'm nervously playing with my fingers, when Pollux comes to me. He tries to tell me something. It's hard to understand his gestures, but after a moment I get it.  
>"Don't say it for cameras, but for me." he wants to say. And it reminds me of other old friend. Cinna, who told me to answer the interview questions for him not for the Capitol people.<p>

"I'll say it all for you." I smile at Pollux and he gives me thumbs up.

"Ready?" Peeta turns to me.

"No, but I'll manage." I answer as Cressida starts to count down until start of the live broadcast. We put on our best smiles with Peeta as Cressida signals that we're on air.

"Hello everyone! This is Peeta Mellark and Katniss Everdeen from district 12!" Peeta says enthusiastically. Okay, now it's my turn.

"Hello! We're here to show you, how is District 12 recovering after the war and how are we rebuilding the town center." I say and fix my eyes on Pollux instead of the camera. He gives me a thumb up, which makes me feel better.

"We'll start with the justice building." Peeta says and we start to say informations about the justice building. Then we move to the bakery, which takes a lot of time. When the bakery is done, we continue around the different shops. The shoe shop, clothes shop, the butcher, the toys shop.

We're just over the half, when I speak about the apothecary. The camera just moves to shot the building, when Peeta grabs my hand. We had agreed we will act like friends on camera, so no handholding. But now, he grips my hand so tight that it almost hurts and I feel how his hand starts to shake hardly. And when I realize what that means, cold sweat comes up on my forehead. Does he really have a flashback right now?! By the corner of my eye I see that he's standing there, shaking and his eyes are fixed on something. Definitely a flashback. What a great timing! What will I do now? I can see, that Cressida and Pollux have noticed it too.

As the camera turns back on me, I put my biggest smile on to hide my panic.

"Okay, we're just over the half, so we will take a short break now and you will hear a few words from our sponsors." I say cheerfully and I don't dare to let my smile vanish until Cressida signalizes, that we're off. When she does, I turn to Peeta scared.

"Peeta?" I ask scared. He doesn't look at me. His eyes remain locked on something. And as I look in that direction I see it. There is a single tracker-jacker, buzzing around.

"Peeta it's okay, it will not harm you." I say calmingly. He looks at me for a while, but then he looks at the insect again, his eyes full of fear. Now it landed at our feet and it is sitting on the ground. Peeta seems so scared. And I hate that little insect for harming Peeta so much. For scaring him so much. So I channel my feelings into one violent stamp right over the tracker jacker. The disgusting cracking sound hints, that it has been destroyed. Peeta looks at me in awe, like I've just done something unbelievable and impossibly brave.

"I will not let them harm you again." I say stubbornly. "Come on." I say quietly and lead him towards the bakery steps. I sit him down in a shade and look at him. He's pale and shaking and he doesn't look good. I take his hands and press my forehead against his.

"Hey, it's okay." I say quietly.

"Katniss, I want to go home." he says pleadingly.

"We will. I promise." I say "But we have to finish the spot. I have to finish it." I correct myself as I realize that Peeta is not able to do it.

"Katniss you have three minutes." Cressida calls at me. My heart starts racing. How the heck I'll finish it by myself?!

"You can't finish it alone." Peeta says scared and he tries to stand up.

"You are staying here." I say stubbornly. "You calm down and I finish the spot."

"Katniss you had problems remembering your own lines, how could you do mine?" he asks.

"I can do it." I say angrily as Cressida calls that I have one minute left. I don't know if I'm trying to persuade Peeta or myself. I hold his hands for a few more seconds then I stand up and go in front of the camera. Both Cressida and Pollux are looking at me with concern.

"What?" I say angrily. "I can finish it by myself!" I say stubbornly. I take one deep breath and let my face light up in a huge smile.

"Welcome back in district 12!" I say cheerfully. "Sorry for the longer break, Peeta was not feeling well, so I have to finish this without him." I say and I start to speak about the sweets shop. Luckily I know this one well, so it calms me down a little. To my surprise I'm able to say everything about the rest of the shops. I'm able to be cheerful and talkative and happy. I have no idea, where did that enthusiastic reporter girl come from. The last building is the restaurant and I feel knots in my stomach as we approach it. It was the hardest part and Peeta was so eager to do it well. Luckily I'm able to say all the important things, by some miracle I even joke!

"So that's all from us, I hope you enjoyed this spot and I hope you'll come and visit 12 one day. Have a great day all around Panem! This is Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark from district 12!" I finish, huge smile still pinned to my face, until Cressida calls cut. Then I lean against the pub wall, I cover my eyes with my trembling hands and I slide down on the ground, taking a deep breath. I can't believe I finished it without Peeta.

"Katniss you were dazzling." Cressida calls enthusiastic. "Plutrach says it was very successful and they will replay it few times during the week." she says. Pollux pats my shoulder encouragingly with a smile and it makes me feel better. Peeta comes from the other side of the square and he sits next to me still a little pale.

"You did it." he says in unbelieving voice.

"Ohh did you doubt about me?" I say with tired and desperate smile and he hugs me tight. We say our goodbyes as the camera crew is picked up by hovercraft and they head back to Capitol. We head home slowly and quietly. Holding hands tight and both feeling exhausted.

As we come home, we head to the living room. Peeta collapses down on the couch and hides his face in his hands. I look at him for a while.

"Chocolate time I guess." I smile slightly. This is something like our signal, when one of us is sad or has a bad day. We just call _'Chocolate time'_ and we make a hot chocolate. When I make two cups and bring them to the living room, Peeta is already sitting and watching me with a careful look. As I sit down next to him, he pulls me to his lap and wraps his arms around me.

"Thank you." he whispers into my ear. "Thanks for being so brave." I sigh.

"I had no other choice." I smile at him.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I was trying to fight it, but as I saw the tracker jacker, I was so scared, that I will get more venom into my system again. And I was scared that I will hate you again." he says desperately.

"It's okay." I sooth him and run my fingers through his hair. "I understand it."

For a long time, we sit in the living room, sipping our chocolate. Buttercup jumps into my lap and I stroke him until he closes his eyes and purrs happily.

"I think we should look at the spot." Peeta says and turns the TV on. It is just announced and we appear on the screen. We watch as we introduce the buildings. In the middle, when I'm at the apothecary, without any blink I announce the brake with a dazzling smile.

"Wow, nobody would say that something bad happened." Peeta says admiringly.

Then the next half comes, where I manage to say everything well and introduce every building including the pub. I end it all in there, with a shiny smile.

"You are amazing." Peeta says and hugs me.

Later we get a call from Plutrach, who's enthusiastic about our success. Then I got another call from my mum, who says we were amazing and she says she was happy to see us. When we lie down into the bed to sleep, I'm really exhausted. I curl up with Peeta and hide my face in his chest.

"Thanks for saving the day." he whispers into my ear.

"You're welcome." I say quietly. "Once in a while it can be me, who is the popular one." I joke and he laughs quietly. I fall asleep on his chest and I hope I will never have to shoot spots again.


	15. Alone In Nightmares

Chapter 14: Alone In Nightmares

Few days after our spot, Dr. Aurelius calls Peeta to have their usual phone session. Or at least I think it's usual. I don't listen to Peeta's words and I'm focused on writing into the memory book. But in some moment, my ears catch Peeta's concerned voice.

"Is it necessary?" he asked "If it would be only me, I would not mind, but I don't want to leave her alone." He quiets his voice and that gets my attention. He's speaking about me and I'm trying to hear Dr. Aurelius's answer.

"I know it is hard for her, but she can manage one week on her own." He says.

"I don't know." Peeta says and his voice is even more worried now.

"Peeta I think you don't have a choice. We have to check your progress, we agreed on visits every six months, you have to come." Peeta just sighs.

After a while he comes to the living room and sits next to me. I can see the sad expression on his face as he looks at me.

"What is it?" I ask quietly.

"Dr. Aurelius needs to check my condition, run some tests and scan my brain. He wants me to go to Capitol for a week." he says quietly looking down.

"It's okay Peeta. You have to go, it's your health. I won't mind." I sooth him.

"Really?" he asks and looks at me "You will get up on your own, eat enough and you will take your pills?" he eyes me suspiciously.

"Peeta I'm all grown up, I can take care of myself." I try to convince him. Even though I'm not sure I can make it. I don't know how I will do without him.

"I don't want to leave you alone." He says sadly.

"I'll be fine Peeta." I say quietly. "It's only a week."

Even though he looked hesitant and not convinced, he eventually decided to go. He said that at least he can order and purchase most of the equipment for the bakery in the best shops. At least there's something positive on this Capitol trip. I thought I'll be fine without him for one week, but the closer Saturday is the more anxious I feel.

On Saturday we spend the morning by packing everything he'll need. In the afternoon, he's supposed to board the train which leaves at 3:00. When we finish the lunch, I end up on the couch, already dreading what I will do without him. But there's still a part of me, which keeps persuading me, that I will be just fine. But as he sits next to me and anxious silence settles between us, that voice is weaker and weaker.

"I don't want to leave you alone." He says sadly and looks at me.

"It's just one week." I say quietly. "We've been through much worse things." I remind him. He just sighs and pulls me to his lap. We hug each other tight and we don't say anything. I didn't want to walk him to the train station. There are too many people and I don't want them to see me saying goodbye to Peeta. I'm not sure if I'll keep my tears in.

As the moment comes and he steps out of the door, anxiety tightens my chest. He turns to me and examines me sadly. Then he just wraps his arms around me tightly. I'm desperately holding to his strong body, not ready to let him go. I'm afraid something terrible will happen and he will not come back to me.

"I have to go." He whispers into my ear. Those four words make my throat tighten and my eyes sting with tears. I let two tears slide down and I hide my face in his chest.

"Please be safe and come home as soon as possible." I whisper desperately. He just sighs and looks down at me. He must have seen the tears, because his expression gets even sadder.

"I'll be okay. And I'll be home before you'll even notice you miss me." He smiles at me. Of course that's impossible, because I miss him already. I sigh as I let go of him and he gives me a soft kiss before he turns around and heads towards the train station. Now I know I probably won't hear from him until he arrives to the Capitol, which will be on Monday. I go back to my house, but I don't feel like doing anything. Suddenly I feel cold and lonely in my house. I just sit down on the couch, with Buttercup accompanying me sympathetically. He's my only comfort now.

My first lonely night without Peeta is already a terrible struggle. It is full of nightmares about mutts, train accidents, our dying kids or Peeta dying because of some terrible brain illness. Or Peeta hating me again. In the morning I'm so exhausted, that the only thing I'm able to do is sitting in the closet and hiding from everything outside. I have no idea, how I will survive seven days without him, when I'm so depressed after the first night already.

I force myself out of the closet and I persuade myself, that I have to do something. I promised Peeta, I'll keep busy so I have to do something. But I don't feel like going hunting. Finally I decide on cleaning the house. I spend most of the morning, cleaning different rooms. After I eat two cheese buns for lunch, I start cleaning all the windows in my house. When the evening is slowly coming, ringing of the phone startles me. I run for the phone eagerly, because I can't wait to talk to Peeta. Actually I run too eagerly, I trip over a bucket of water and I end up sprawled on the floor. I jump up and answer the phone which luckily keeps ringing.

"Hello Peeta?" I say eagerly.

"Oh I will disappoint you Brainless. It's Johanna here." a familiar voice says.

"Oh, Johanna! Hi, how are you doing?" I ask her casually.

"I'm quite fine." she says "But I heard, you are heartsick, because Loverboy has gone to Capitol."

"How do you know?"

"Well I have my informers." she says and I can swear I hear a smirk in her voice.

"Would you appreciate company?" she asks "You remember, how I wrote you I would like to visit your district?" I think about it for a while. Maybe it would be better if I won't be here so alone.

"Well if you want to come, I'll be glad to have company." I admit.

"Okay, then wait me on the train station tomorrow morning at 9:00" she says.

"Okay I'll be there." I promise.

"See you tomorrow then" she says.

"See you" I say and put down the phone.

I slowly finish cleaning the windows and I get some dinner. I don't pay much attention to what I'm eating. Peeta left me a good stock of bread and cheese buns so I just have two slices of bread with some ham. I decide to make hot chocolate too and I hope it will improve my mood a little. Sitting on the couch, I sip my hot chocolate, which makes me feel warmer as Buttercup jumps into my lap. I put down the cup, close my eyes and I burrow my fingers in Buttercups fur imagining it's Peeta's hair. Imagining he's the one lying in my lap. Slowly I drift off and I spent the night on the couch. Well actually on the couch and also on the floor, because I fall down as I thrash in my nightmares. My second night was not better than the first one.

In the morning I slowly walk towards the train station, reaching it exactly in time, when the train stops. After a moment I spot Johanna between the few people who came out of the train. She waves at me enthusiastically. It makes me smile slightly as I wave back and when she finally catches up with me, I give her a quick hug.

"Hey Brainless." she smirks at me.

"Hey." I smirk back at her.

"So what are we doing today?" she asks, throwing her big backpack over her shoulder.

"Well I guess first you should get your stuff into my house." I say and so we walk slowly to Victor's Village talking about what we've been doing since rebellion. To my surprise, we walk into Haymitch, who is in front of his house. It's highly unusual in this morning hour.

"Hey! Good old Haymitch!" Johanna calls at him. "Still holding on your drunken legs?" he just waves her off and huffs something as he goes back to his house.

"Leave him alone." I advise her "I guess he is running out of liquor by now, so in a few days he will start to occupy himself with his precious geese until the next douse of liquor comes in the train."

"He has geese?" Johanna raises her eyebrows at me.

"Yes, don't ask me why, I have no idea. Nor I have any idea, how they survived this long." I say and Johanna laughs. Even I smile a little.

Well inviting a companion was surely a good decision. I set one of the bedrooms for her and she gets all her stuff there. Then we head to town, I show her around and we get some lunch from Sae. We arrive back in early evening and then we just sit and talk about different thing. After some time, the phone rings and I eagerly run to pick it up.

"Ohh, so eager to hear Loverboy?" Johanna smirks at me. I just ignore her and pick up the phone.

"Hello?" I say with hope in my voice.

"Hi Katniss." I hear his voice from the other side of the Panem. Even his voice makes me feel warmer.

"Peeta." I sigh in relief. "How was the traveling?" I ask

"Tiring." he says "And then I had to start with the tests with Doctor Aurelius."

"When will he know the results?"

"Well during the week. We have two more days of scans and tests." he says and he really sounds tired.

"How was your day?" he asks. "What did you do all the Sunday and today?"

I take a sharp breath in and hesitate. I don't want to stress him out by telling him how terribly I feel.

"Katniss?" he can feel my anxiety. "What did you get from the forest yesterday?" he asks. Damn it he got me!

"Nothing." I beep quietly.

"How come?"

"I was not in the forest yesterday. I didn't feel well." I say and hope he will not interrogate me anymore. No such luck.

"Did you have nightmares?" he asks and I can feel the concern in his voice.

"Yes." I finally admit quietly.

"How many?" he asks.

"Six." I beep. I hear him sigh deeply.

"I'm sorry." he says sadly. "I should not have left you alone."

"Peeta it's okay. You couldn't avoid this trip to Capitol." I say calmly. "I have survived without you for weeks in district 13, hunted by my nightmares. I can survive few days."

"You wanna cheer up?" I ask with a smile. "Wait a moment." I say and wave to Johanna. She comes to me and takes the phone.

"Hey Loverboy!" she says cheerfully. "It's Johanna here. Yes, I am. Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on Mockingjay." she says and gives me a smirk as I scowl at her because of that nickname. Then she hands me the phone back.

"So are you having fun with Johanna?" he asks.

"Well she arrived just today, but it's better than being alone." I admit.

"Okay, I will have to finish, I'm so tired I'll go to bed immediately." he says and anxiety comes to my chest again. I don't want him to hang up. I want him to talk to me until I fall asleep.

"Okay." I say quietly. "Be safe and come back soon." I say quietly, not able to get the sadness away from my voice.

"I miss you sweetheart." He says quietly "I miss you too." I almost whisper.

"Night night Katniss." he says his last words.

"Good night." I say and I put the phone down.

"Would you mind if I would go to bed already?" Johanna asks me.

"No, it's okay, go, I'll probably go too." I say "What do you want to do tomorrow? Do you want to go hunting with me?" I ask.

"Yeah we can do some hunting." she smirks at me.

"Then be prepared to get up soon." I smirk at her and we both disappear in our bedrooms. Even though Johanna makes my day less painful, she can't help me with my nightmares. And today they come to me again. Today they're mostly about Peeta. Peeta dying in different ways. Peeta being hijacked again, hating me and screaming at me, even strangling me again. In the morning I don't know exactly how many nightmares I did have. I lost count. But I'm sure I woke Johanna few times.

"Sorry if I woke you up at night." I say my apology during the breakfast.

"It's fine. I'm used to your screaming, we used to share a room in Thirteen remember?" she looks at me.

"Yeah, I remember." I say

Today we go hunting. I teach Johanna shot with bow. She has already tried it before, but she's not excellent in it. We shoot some squirrels and get few rabbits from the snares. I show Johanna how to reset the snares and I also show her how to skin animals. We visit the market and trade some of the meat for other things. I trade a squirrel for a few lollipops with Candy Man and immediately Johanna saves him into her mind, because, using her words 'he's a hot'. I make a mental note to keep her away from him for his own good.

Three more days go like this, we go to the forest, then to the market shortly and we head back to Victor's Village. One day I show Johanna the Seam, another one, I show her the bakery. One day, we decide to get a little bit of fun and our target is no one else than Haymitch. We release his geese into his house on purpose. Then we just sit in our garden swing and wait what will happen. Soon enough, we hear a painful and angry screaming. Then in a few minutes he bursts the back door open and he's getting the birds out. It takes him half an hour until he gets them all out.

"Damn birds! How did you even got out of the pen?!" he shouts and we have to put a lot of effort not to start laughing out loud with Johanna.

Peeta calls every evening, telling me how was his day and in return I tell him how was our day with Johanna, sometimes even she takes the phone and tells him some funny details about the day which I forgot. It really upsets me when we say goodnight with Peeta and every lonely night without him is a struggle of course. My nightmares have no mercy on me and I'm having most terrifying dreams I have ever had. Every day I count down the nights I will have to suffer through without Peeta.

Today it's Friday evening and I still have two more nights until he comes back. We have spent a long time in the woods today with Johanna so we're quite tired. I sit on the couch stroking Buttercup who rests in my lap, while Johanna is looking through our memory book. She likes the idea and she admires Peeta's drawings. Right now she spends long time going through Finnick's pages.

I'm just starting to feel anxious, because Peeta did not call today. I'm afraid what happened to him. I'm lost in my thoughts so I'm just vaguely aware, that someone opened and closed the front door and I guess it's Haymitch coming to lecture us about releasing geese into his house. But as Johanna looks up and stays in awe looking somewhere behind me, I feel that something is wrong. But before I'm able to turn around, two big and warm hands cover my eyes from behind. I can faintly smell cinnamon from them. My heart starts to pound frantically. There is only one person, whose hands smell like that...

"Guess who's home." he whispers into my ear and it sends shivers and goose bumps all over my body. This can't be true. It must be a dream. Only my dreams are usually full of horrors.

"Peeta!" I shriek happily.

I jump up so quickly, that Buttercup, who was on my lap, falls down on the floor with long painful meow. That sends Johanna into uncontrollable laugh, but I don't care about anything else than him. I run to Peeta, wrap my arms around him and press my lips against his. I don't care if Johanna is looking at us. I kiss him with all my desperation and desire, which I developed through this painful week. He's not protesting at all.

"Ehm. Ehm." Johanna clears her throat. "Should I go to my bedroom?" she asks innocently. We both laugh with Peeta, still staring into each other's eyes.

"How come you're home two days earlier? And why didn't you tell me?" I ask him.

"I wanted it to be a surprise." he beams at me. I can't help and I hug him tight again, while my mouth curves into huge smile. Oh, how beautifully it feels to be embraced by his warmth again. To feel safe again.

We make hot chocolate and for a while, we're talking together. Peeta is telling me and Johanna, how was he doing in Capitol, how he went through different shops and how he made orders of different equipment for the bakery. He's eager to share everything he experienced there. Eventually, we all start yawning and we stand up to go to bed. As we head to our bedrooms, Johanna walking up the stairs first and the two of us going behind her, holding hands not willing to let go of each other, she turns around and examines us with a sly smirk.

"So you two now live and sleep together?" she asks.

"Yeah." Peeta says and a slight blush comes to my face. Johanna's grin widens and she turns around to continue up.

"Then I guess I will hear quite different kind of screams tonight." she comments, looks at us over her shoulder and gives us a wink. It makes me blush even more. Then she disappears into her bedroom.

We quite don't care what she thinks and we head to my bedroom. We change to our pyjamas and as I walk out of the bathroom, I see Peeta sitting on the edge of the bed only in his shorts. It's all he sleeps in during these warm days and I don't mind at all. At first his bare manly chest made me blush, but I got used to it very quickly. I let him see more of my body too, because in these warm nights I have only a top without sleeves and shorts. This made our kissing more intent than before, because our hands are more and more curious. Especially his. He likes to tease me and make me blush as his hands wonder to unexplored lands. Now he looks up at me and beams. I give him a big smile too and again I cuddle into his arms, my head resting on his shoulder.

"I missed you so badly." I whisper into his ear sounding more desperate then I planned to.

"I missed you too, sweetheart." he whispers into my ear and he brushes his lips over my earlobe. That sends shivers through my body, but he doesn't stop. He continues along my jaw line, down my neck, which makes me tremble slightly and then he kisses my shoulder. Then he looks up at me and I'm drowning in the blue color of his eyes.

"You're beautiful." he whispers as he moves his lips around my face softly. And it makes me feel so happy. I'm melting in his arms, when he finally meets my lips again and I don't want him to stop. But eventually after a while he does and he looks me in the eyes again.

"We should get some sleep." he says quietly and he lays me down into the bed. He lies down next to me and I cuddle up to him, resting my head on his chest while his strong and warm arms embrace me in a tight safe hug. I get lost in his blue eyes again until he kisses me into my hair for goodnight.

"Night, night." he whispers and closes his eyes.

"Good night." I answer.

For a while we're silent and I'm calmed down by his strong and steady heartbeat.

"Peeta?" I ask quietly.

"Hmm?" he hums softly.

"Thanks for coming home." I say and I press a soft kiss against his lips. He opens his eyes again and he smiles at me.

"Always." he whispers and kisses my nose.

I give him a happy smile for that and then I lay my head back on his chest. I close my eyes and let his heartbeats lull me into my sleep. Tonight I'm not afraid of my nightmares. I have my guardian right next to me. Whatever comes, he will protect me.

When I wake up in the morning, I feel so impossibly happy, that I can't help then smile widely even before I open my eyes. Pretty unusual for me huh?

"There's that beautiful smile." Peeta whispers and I feel his hot breath on my neck. I open my eyes and find his beautiful ones looking down at me happily. He pulls me as close as possible and I'm willing to stay like this for the rest of my life.

"Nightmares?" he asks softly.

"None." I smile happily and close my eyes again.

"Good" he whispers and runs his fingers through my loose hair.

"You?" I look up at him.

"Only one and happy dream." he smiles widely.

"What was it about?" I ask curiously.

"You and me." he whispers into my ear. I search in his blue eyes and consider if I should ask more or not.

"And a cute little girl, who was as beautiful as you. Dark brown hair, dark skin, but she had blue eyes." he says and gives me such a loving look, that I have to close my eyes for a moment to avoid it.

"I saw a similar girl in my dreams too." I admit quietly, opening my eyes again. "Only she was always dying and I couldn't safe her." I whisper. Peeta's hug tightens and he places a kiss into my hair.

"Don't worry, they're just dreams." he whispers. And when I look into his eyes again, I can see it in there. In the way he looks at me. But I had no idea he will say it out loud this time.

"I love you." he whispers and doesn't break our eye contact. My heart starts beating fast and anxiety goes off in my head. I'm not ready to say this to him. It is too serious and too dangerous. It would mean, that I confess that he's a most important person in my life. Most precious one. One that stole my heart entirely. Isn't he? I close my eyes and count to ten to calm down. He must have seen the anxiety in my eyes too.

"You don't have to say it back. I didn't expect you to do so. I know it's hard for you, sweetheart." he smiles at me and again I'm overwhelmed by his kindness. Will he ever stop surprising me with it?

"I'm quite content when I can say it to you and you don't kill me for that." he whispers with a teasing smile. "I love you." he repeats and his smile widens even more.

"You can say it back when you're ready for it." he smiles and caresses my cheek tenderly. I hide my face in his chest, considering what does this mean. How is it possible that he loves me again? How is it even possible that anyone loves me in the first place? I'm selfish, cold and not deserving love and...

My thoughts are interrupted with loud banging on the door, followed by a loud crack of the door, as Johanna walks in. She doesn't hesitate to jump into our bed, placing herself next to Peeta. We look at her with surprised eyes. She just beams at us.

"Isn't it polite to make breakfast for your guest instead of smooching in bed?" she asks.

"We're not smooching." I say a little angrily.

"Well I'm awake for more than half an hour and I'm hungry." she says.

"Johanna, there's still some bread down in the kitchen." I say.

"Ohh I'm sick of bread." she says. "No offense." she adds to Peeta who raises his eyebrows at her.

"We've been eating bread all the week." she whines.

"What about waffles?" Peeta asks with a smirk.

"Hmm that sounds yummy, Loverboy." Johanna says. She examines us for a moment.

"You must be good." she says in a quiet voice and she traces her finger along his muscular arm. That starts to annoy me.

"What?" Peeta asks puzzled.

"Well, she didn't wake me up with her screams even once tonight." she points at me. "You must be amazing companion in bed then." she says, her voice changing into seductive tone as her fingers travel to his jaw.

"Back off Johanna!" I bark and slap her hand away from Peeta's face. She just laughs.

"Don't worry Mockingjay, I don't plan to do any dirty things with your Loverboy. He's all yours" she smiles and stands up. "I'm waiting down in the kitchen." she says as she closes the door of our bedroom. I scowl at the door for a while until Peeta breaks the silence.

"I think someone is jealous in here." he says in a playful voice. By that he earns that scowl for himself and I turn my back to him.

"Ohh come on, you know I'm joking." he smiles and his tickling fingers find their way around the sides of my belly which makes me burst out in laughter and run away from him.

Eventually we come down to the kitchen, where Peeta makes a huge pile of waffles which we polish off easily with Johanna, so he has to do a second dose. Then we walk Johanna to the train station and say our goodbyes, promising that we will visit her someday too.

"I'm glad you're back." I smile at Peeta while we walk to the town to look at the bakery.

"I'm glad to be back with you." he smiles and gives me a soft kiss. And I believe that when he's with me, nothing bad can happen to me.


	16. Green And Orange

Chapter 15: Green And Orange

The summer days continue to go by in the same routine. I go hunting in the morning, while Peeta helps with the bakery reconstruction. I'm surprised how quickly they are able to work. In the afternoons I get used to go to the bakery too and help them if I can. And eventually one day in the beginning of August, it is finished. Well at least the building is done. There's still a huge work on the interiors. The walls are white and the rooms are empty as Peeta, Liam and I stand in the biggest room, which will be an area for customers.

„So Peeta..." Liam says and he turns to Peeta with a big smile. „I guess we're done. The only thing I need to do is to give you the keys." he says and he extends his arm with three keys on a ringlet. Peeta has a big smile on his face too.

„Wow." he breathes out as he looks at them. „I had no idea it will be so quick." he admits.

„So here it goes." he says and takes the keys with a nervous grin. „I have a bakery." he beams. We say goodbye with Liam, promising that he'll get an invitation for the opening and we're left alone in the bright new building. I'm not sure what to say so I just smile at Peeta.

„I can't believe it." Peeta whispers.

„I didn't doubt about it even for a second just from the beginning." I smile. He hugs me.

„There's still a lot of work though." he says. „I have to order the stuff I picked in the Capitol shops and we have to furnish and design this place too." he smiles at me.

„We?" I ask with a suspicious look.

„Well, you're a girl. Girls are good in picking furnishing and other things. You will help me won't you?" he asks.

„Well, I have no idea about designing or latest fashion. I don't know if you've noticed Peeta, but I'm not a typical girl. I'm exact opposite of typical girls to be honest." I say.

„I know that. And that's why I love you." he smiles sweetly and gives me a light kiss.

„Because you are different than other girls." I just smile and blush a little.

„I can help you with everything, but please don't make me advice you in choosing things." I plead.

„Okay." he smiles. „I was thinking about another helper anyway. I will need some workers for the bakery. At least one or two."

„Do you have someone particular in mind?" I ask.

„Not yet. I would take anyone if they are hardworking and reliable. If you find someone who would like to work here, let me know." he smiles.

„Well I was thinking about Leevy's brother Bill. He's only fifteen, but he seems eager to work. You could ask him." I say.

„Hmm, I don't know him very well, but I can't lose anything by asking him." Peeta smiles.

„So what will I help you with?" I ask him. He smirks.

„Tomorrow, you will help me to paint these rooms." Peeta smiles.

„Okay, if you won't make me to choose the colors." I smile.

„No, I've already done that. I have warm orange in combination with grass green. And yellow for the kitchen." he smiles.

„Ohh." I smile over his idea of combining our favorite colors. „That sounds nice." I smile and give him a soft kiss.

The next day, we started painting the rooms and surprisingly it turned out to be fun. In two days we painted Peeta's office in both green and orange. Two walls are orange and two are green. The kitchen is painted in warm yellow and now we're finishing the customers area. This part of the bakery is in warm orange color, with a green line on the bottom and another green line on the top of the walls. It looks great by my opinion.

I don't have to point out, that after a day of painting, we both look like a big mess. My braid is messy, a lot of hair is sticking out of it and all my hair is covered in smudges of green and orange paint. There is paint on all my clothing too. There are some smudges on my hands and face, but not many. We are finally finished and we're standing in the middle of the room and we're looking at our job.

„I think it looks good." Peeta smiles contently.

„Good?" I ask „It looks great Peeta!" I smile. He smiles at me and suddenly I can see amusement in his eyes.

„What?" I ask as I see how he holds his laugh in.

„Nothing. You just... look cute." he smiles at me and he pokes my nose with his finger. It is covered in green color, so he smudges it on my nose too.

„Well I think I will make you look cute too." I smile and run my orange finger over his nose. He laughs and this is how it starts. We attack each other with our colorful hands and in the end we're all green and orange and we're laughing out loud, lying on the wooden floor. And because it's evening already, we clean up the mess we did, we lock the bakery and head home.

It's still not dark outside so everyone is looking at us as we pass them in the town. Well who would not look at two laughing maroons covered in green and orange paint. But we don't care. We walk home, one small colorful hand in the other bigger and stronger one. We smile and I must admit, that even I feel happy today. Being with Peeta makes me feel happy.

When we arrive home, I immediately go to my bathroom while he ends up in the one for guests. It takes us about an hour to clean our bodies and especially my hair. I have to wash it for like fifteen minutes until all the paint is away.

When I step out of the bathroom, Peeta enthusiastically volunteers to dry and brush my hair. So eventually we end up, sitting in the living room, in front of the fireplace. Today the weather was a little colder and it's raining now so we made a fire. I'm sitting cross-legged in front of it and I'm silently watching the flames as Peeta sits behind me and brushes my hair carefully. He's a perfect hair brusher. He does it gently and even though my hair is tangled, he doesn't tug. He patiently and carefully brushes every knot out. Maybe he's being too patient and too precise, because it is hour and a half since he started and even though my hair is perfectly brushed now, he keeps running the brush through it. I guess he likes it and I don't mind it so I let him play with my hair.

Finally he puts the brush down and he dives his hands into my hair for a change. He keeps playing with it for a while, but in the end he draws my hair aside over one of my shoulders and he hugs me tightly.

„I love you." he whispers into my ear as I close my eyes.

I don't know how it is possible, but every time he says these three words I feel how my heart gets warmer. My heart has been injured badly with all the losses I experienced, with his hijacking and mostly with losing my dad and Prim. My heart is full of deep scars just as my body is. Sometimes they open up and it hurts so much, that I can't bear it. It used to be like that every day before. But when he says _I love you_, it's like a salve for my broken heart. It's like he puts a medication right on those deep scars and the pain coming from them vanishes. Because I know he will stay with me. Always. No matter what happens, he will always be here to say _I love you._ So I started to get used to it. My head is not going crazy when he says it. I'm not counting my breaths. I'm not feeling anxious about it anymore.

„Katniss?" his soft voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

„Do you want to go to bed?" he asks. His arms are wrapped around me tightly, I feel warm, I can feel his steady heartbeat and I feel really tired. Actually I'm already falling asleep in his arms.

„I guess so." I whisper tiredly closing my eyes again. He laughs softly.

„Okay." he whispers and suddenly I have a feeling like I'm flying. After some time of flying through my house, I land in soft blankets and his arms embrace me again.

„Night night, sweetheart." he whispers and then I'm flying into my dreamlands.

So in the next days I help Peeta to furnish his office (which is quite quick) and to equip the kitchen (which takes forever!). There is quite a lot of modern stoves, ovens and different machines for making dough or mixing the creams. I help him with placing everything. He also accepts Bill as his worker so he comes to help us too. There is a huge metal worktable in the middle of the room and there is a huge number of different counters and cupboards all around. There is also many shelves filled with different ingredients, herbs and spices. There are huge bags of flour and sugar and there is also a huge refrigerator. It takes us almost two weeks until it is finally all done and all the ingredients and tools are on the right places.

Then one day, as I come to the bakery after my morning hunt, Peeta runs out of the door and he turns me around with a huge grin. Suspicious grin.

"Hey Katniss." he says.

"Hey." I say and eye him suspiciously. He seems nervous.

"I have a little request." he says.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Could you stay out of the bakery for a few days?" he asks.

"What?!" I ask puzzled. Why should I stay away?

"Well don't take it personally." he says concerned. "You said, you are terrible in designing things. So I would like to arrange the customers area with Bill. I would like you to stay out so you would see only the final version. I would like to get your honest reaction." he says. I think about it for a while. It sounds crazy, but whatever.

"You know I would like to see a reaction of someone before I open the bakery and you're the only one who can see it before the opening." he says. "By the way we have a date of the opening." he beams. "It's 1st September." he says. Well that's in ten days.

"Okay, whatever, I don't mind." I say. He smiles widely.

"Thanks."

"How long will it take you?" I ask.

"Well three four days I guess." he says. "Then I promise you can criticize it as much as you want." I laugh "Oh and I have one more new worker. Mark. He's from Seam." he shouts behind me as I head home.

I spent next four days in the woods, because every time I get to town, I feel so tempted to look into the bakery. But I want to keep my promise so I just go to the market to trade and then I head home. Peeta is unusually secretive about how is it going. But after the fourth day I can't stand my curiosity any more.

"So are you done? I can't stand this waiting anymore." I complain as he comes through the door. As a greeting he hugs me tight with a smile.

"Ohh, I see that someone is curious." he says playfully. I give him a glare.

"Okay, okay" he laughs. "We finished it today, tomorrow I'll show you okay?" he smiles. That's good enough for me.

In the morning I wake up early. The sun is not out yet. Usually I would go hunting, but today I'm going to see the bakery. I don't feel like sleeping any more so I get up quietly and decide to make a breakfast for Peeta. Once in a while I can be the nice one in our relationship. So after a half an hour, I'm back in the bedroom with a wooden tray. There is some hot chocolate, eggs, waffles and some bread and buns of course. To my surprise Peeta is still calmly asleep. I lay the tray on a bedside table and sit next to Peeta. I lean down and plant a light kiss on his lips. A smile appears on them immediately.

"Mmmm." he purrs like a happy cat. He puts his arms around me and he pulls me down to him. He hugs me tight and kisses me.

"What smells so good?" he asks and opens his eyes finally.

"I made you a breakfast." I say and give him a proud smile.

"You did what?" he asks and looks at me in disbelief.

"I made you a breakfast." I say clearly again. "And surprisingly I did not burn anything." I say proudly.

He pulls me to his chest again and hugs me tight.

"I love you. You are so perfect!" he says happily.

"I'm not. You just overlook my mistakes on purpose." I say and hand him the tray. He laughs and shakes his head over my statement. When he finishes the breakfast, I start to pull him out of bed because I can't wait to see the bakery. It's funny because it used to be Peeta who always pulled me out of bed.

"Why are you so eager?" Peeta asks amused.

"Well you don't say a word about it and I'm so sure it is amazing in there. I have a suspicion that you're up to something and I want to know what it is." I say. He just laughs loudly.

"What if I just didn't want you to help me because I knew you would disapprove of the things I put in there?" he asks with a smart smile. I reward him with an angry scowl, which makes him laugh even more. He puts his arm around my waist and kisses me.

"I'm just kidding. I wanted you to be surprised with it. I want to see your honest reaction." Peeta says. After twenty minutes we finally come to the square and Peeta blindfolds me.

"Ohh come on." I say annoyed.

"Don't be like that, a true surprise needs the first impression and you will get that only like this." he teases me. He takes my hand and leads me. After a while we stop and I can hear the clinking of his keys as he unlocks the bakery. He leads me in and then we stop as I hear him close the door. He stands behind me and he runs his hands over my arms.

"Ready?" he whispers into my ear and I get goose bumps from his breath on my bare neck.

"Yes." I say.

Then he removes the blindfold from my eyes and I just stay in awe not able to move for a while. The bakery is absolutely changed and its beauty and charm leaves me speechless. After a few seconds I look around.

On my left, there is something like relax half of the bakery where people can stay for a while. Furthest from the entrance, there is a couch with a coffee table, a big lamp standing next to it and by the wall there is a big bookcase, which is half full with books. And to my delight on the left from the bookcase, there is an old wooden piano. I softly run my fingers over the keyboard and I can't wait to test it. On the right from the couch by the wall, there is a green rug with orange flowers on it. On this rug, there is a tiny table with papers and color pencils. There is also a wooden chest and when I open it, there is a huge number of toys and stuffed animals.

There are also Peeta's paintings. Above the sofa there is a painting of the lake during sunset and behind the tables, there is a painting of district 12 morning panorama. The other half of the bakery is for selling goods. By the further wall, there is a long counter, with glass showcases, where different pastries will be. There is also a cash register and behind the counter, there are many shelves with baskets, where breads and rolls will probably be. On the wall behind the counter, there is a huge painting of Peeta's family – his parents, him and his brothers. They all smile happily at the customer.

Finally on the right side, there is a huge window into the street. It is a display case for cakes and specialties. I have a strange feeling that I will love that place. Everything inside the bakery is harmonized in a combination of green and orange color. I just feel how my heart beats with love for this place already.

And finally I notice the last of Peeta's paintings. It's on the right wall between the cake display case and the counter. It is a big painting of two girls. One of them is smaller and has blond hair in two braids. The bigger girl has dark brown hair and it falls down over her right shoulder in one long braid. They are standing in front of the cake display case and they are holding hands. The smaller one is pointing at a beautiful cake and her expression is enthusiastic and happy. The other one is smiling slightly and seems happy too. I know it's me and Prim. I know it and it makes me feel terribly sad and impossibly happy in the same moment. Sad because I miss her so badly and happy because this will be a reminder of her forever. I stare at the painting for quite a while and I feel how my throat tightens and my eyes water. Two tears escape from my eyes as I blink. Peeta examines me carefully.

"Katniss...?" he looks worried. I look at him with my wet eyes and give him a huge smile.

"I love it." I say quietly and I hug him tight. "It's so beautiful and charming and everything is just perfect in here." I say enthusiastically and now he's smiling at me too. "It feels like..." for a while I look for the right word. And then I get it. "... home." I finish and smile up at him.

"And the painting..." I add quietly and look at it again. "It's beautiful and so true. Thanks Peeta." I say moved.

"I thought you would like it." he smiles at me and hugs me again.

"So you like it in here? You like the idea that people can stay here for a while and eat in here?" he asks enthusiastically.

"Yes, that's an amazing idea. Maybe you could also serve some beverages! Like hot chocolate, coffee and tea. Maybe some water or juice too." I suggest.

"That's a great idea Katniss! I haven't thought about that! I have to order the machines today so it would be here before the opening. It is in six days." he says enthusiastically and I'm sure he will be choosing the machines all evening. He shows me the kitchen too, but there's not many new things for me since I've help him with that.

In fifteen minutes, we hear the doorbell and find out that Bill has come to see us. And together with him another guy, who is from Seam I'm sure. He has dark brown hair and darker skin. The only unusual thing about him are his eyes. They are brown like chocolate. I guess that's the new worker Peeta found three days ago. He seems same age as Bill, who has just turned fifteen a month ago. He used to go to Prim's class at school.

"Hey guys! Hear what an idea Katniss had! I'm surprised we haven't thought about that before! She suggested that we should buy some beverage machines. So we could serve hot chocolate, coffee, tea, water and juices!" They are also taken by my idea and for the next few minutes they discuss the options enthusiastically, absolutely ignoring me.

"I'm Katniss, by the way." I say with a smirk and I extend my hand towards the new guy, while they keep ignoring me. All three of them stop in their discussion and look at me. And in the next moment we're all laughing and he shakes my hand.

"Mark." he grins. "Of course I know who you are." he says. "I was admiring you in the Seam even before the Games." he smiles.

"Hey, watch your tongue, buddy." Peeta warns him. "She's taken." he says in threatening voice and I blush slightly. Mark just laughs.

"I didn't mean it like that." he says. "Most of the Seam people admired her for her courage and independence. We envied her, that she hunts and have enough food for her family." he says more seriously.

"Really?" I am surprised.

"Yeah. Most of the people knew you even before the Games. But after you volunteered you were almost like a martyr for us. No one celebrated in Seam that night." he says and it amazes me. Peeta looks amused though.

"She has no idea, what effect she can have on people around her." he says to Mark. They both laugh and Bill laughs too.

It takes another half an hour until they agree which beverage machines they should buy. Meanwhile, I examine the relax part of the bakery more closely. I examine the books and take a colorful one, which is full of fairytales. I sit down on the couch and I look through it. I like the pictures and sometimes I read a favorite part of some tale. I'm startled by a doorbell as Mark and Bill go back home and we're left alone with Peeta again.

"So do you like Mark?" Peeta asks me.

"Yeah, he's nice." I say with a mischievous smile. "I like people who compliment me." I say and I see a smile on his face too.

"Ohh yeah, that's the only thing you care about, isn't it?" he smiles while he wraps his arms around me. I like being wrapped in his strong arms. It's the safest place in the world.

When Peeta has done everything he needed, we lock the bakery and take a walk around the town before we head back to victor's village. We visit Candy Man and we buy a big chocolate. His shop is smaller so he has already opened it a week ago. Some of the other smaller shops are open too, but most of the others will open during September or October.

We eat few pieces of that chocolate while we walk home and I'm surprised, how happy I am. Only six months ago, I would not believe that I could ever be happy again. When I turn around, I can still easily see the wooden sign saying "Mellark's Bakery" painted in sunset orange with forest green edges and letters. My smile widens as I realize that I love it already. His own bakery. Our bakery. I'm the only family he has now. And secretly deep in my heart I'm thinking about the option that one day even I will carry that name.

_Katniss Mellark. It doesn't sound so bad huh?_


	17. The Big Opening

Chapter 16: The Big Opening

The last week before Peeta's bakery opening feels so short. He got the beverage machines so now he can serve both cold and hot drinks, but to Haymitch's disappointment, no alcohol. Last days are hectic and busy. Cressida is supposed to come with her crew and I prepare some rooms for them in Peeta's house. He's at the bakery all day and we see each other only during the dinner. We're so exhausted, that we head right into bed.

Today is a last day before the opening. Peeta goes to the bakery of course. He'll be working on cakes and some other pastries with Bill and Mark. He was teaching them how to bake different things all the last week. They will bake bread tomorrow morning so it would be fresh for the opening. The camera crew should come today too. And that is my task. I should pick them up on the train station, show them their rooms and then we'll go to the bakery so Peeta could give them a walk around it and they will also interview him during this. I'm a little anxious about cameras coming Exactly at 9 a.m. a train stops on the station and I can easily spot the camera crew, because they have a lot of stuff to take out.

"Katniss!" Cressida exclaims as she sees me. "Nice to see you again."

"Nice to see you too." I smile at her.

"Ready for cameras?" she beams at me.

"I hoped that Peeta will be the main object today." I say.

"Well, yeah, he is, but you are his girlfriend and you are victor from District 12 so don't think that you will escape us." she gives me a strict look. "But we'll focus on Peeta more." she gives me a wink and I smile at her. I hug Pollux as he comes and he gives me a big smile.

The crew is finally out of the train and they have everything they need, so we can go to the victor's village. They quickly accommodate in there, prepare their cameras and other stuff and we head to the bakery. Before we leave, I give Peeta a quick call, that we're coming so he could prepare for it.

Cressida stops the crew for a moment and does some shots of the bakery from distance, then focuses on the wooden sign and we continue to come closer. When Peeta sees us coming, he comes out and greets everyone enthusiastically. First, Peeta shows them the bakery without the cameras on. They are all enraptured and charmed by this place and I'm not surprised. Because I have seen it already, I sit down on the couch and I occupy myself by looking through the fairytale book again. I like it. It reminds me of my dad, who used to read me fairytales. It was one of the few books we had at home. My favorite one was Cinderella. I don't know why, I just always liked that prince who chooses the poor servant girl over all the princesses. He didn't care about who she is. I just like that. I smile for myself as I realize that Peeta is kind of my Prince Charming. He could have every woman in Panem, but he still chose me. As I think about it, I smile widely until I realize everyone in the bakery is looking at me. My smile freezes.

"What?" I ask.

"Cressida was asking you if you don't mind they filmed you right now as they did the shot of the relaxing part. Apparently you didn't even know about it." Peeta says and laugh quietly. Then Cressida shows me the shot, where the camera shows the tables and moves slowly to the piano and library and finally the couch. There I sit cross-legged, reading in a fairytale book and smiling for myself. Probably imagining my Prince Charming.

"It looks just perfect Katniss. It captures the atmosphere perfectly" Cressida beams at me and I have a feeling that she would not delete it even if I would mind. Then they spent an hour by interviewing Peeta about different things, he shows them some pastries, breads and cakes and talks about the bakery. He shows them the relax part and explains that people will be able to stay here if they want to eat their pastries or just to talk with a friend. He's walking them around in his work clothes and in his apron, his hands still dirty from flour. I'm sure Effie would give him a lecture about proper clothing for interviews, but I think it's cute. And it is perfectly Peeta. I can't imagine him, being proud about his bakery in some Capitol suit. No, true Peeta is the one in his apron with flour on his hands.

When all of this is done it's time for lunch and Peeta happily feeds us all with sandwiches. The crew tells us about their experiences and filming in other districts. They tell me, that they met with my mom in 4, when they were filming the new hospital. In the afternoon it's my turn to be in the spotlight. I promised to do some kind of update coverage about new buildings in our district. Thanks to this, we will be left alone by cameras for some time I hope. So I walk them around our new square, I show them the new justice building and new shops. This takes an hour and a half so when we arrive back at the bakery, Peeta is almost done with everything. Still we have to wait for him about half an hour, so I allow myself to test the piano. It sounds beautifully as I try to remember some melodies Madge taught me.

We eat the dinner in our house. Our usual quiet evening routine is changed into dinner for a big party. Haymitch comes by to say hello and drink a few glasses of vine. We talk and laugh and I have to admit that it is quite nice evening. But because Peeta will get up so early tomorrow, we say our goodnights very early.

"So tomorrow is the big, big, BIG day." I say when we finally lie next to each other in the bed. I look at him. He surely seems tired, but happy. He gives me a smile.

"Yeah another of those big, big, BIG days." he says.

"I think this is one of the biggest." I smile. He pulls me closer to him and I don't protest. I like his arms around me.

"Thank you." he says quietly and he plants a kiss into my hair.

"For what?" I ask.

"For helping me fulfill my dream, for facing the cameras for me and for being my best friend and my girlfriend." he smiles happily at me. I smile back at him.

"You're welcome." I say and give him a soft kiss. Then I lay my head on his chest.

"Do you want to know what I found out today?" I ask.

"I'm all ears." he smiles.

"I found the Cinderella story in the fairytale book you have in the bakery. It used to be my favorite fairytale, when Dad read me before sleep. And as I look at the pictures and read the story again, I found out that we are like Cinderella and her Prince Charming a little." I say. He raises one of his eyebrows.

"In what ways?" he asks.

"The thing I always liked about Cinderella was, that the prince chose her over all the other princesses even though she was just a poor servant girl." I explain. "Isn't it the same in our case? You, a townie, chose a poor seam girl instead of some rich merchant daughter." I say and he inspects me with a serious look. "And you also look like Prince Charming." I say with a serious tone and look him in the eyes. "Soft wavy blond hair, blue eyes, charming smile, strong and tall, always gentleman and true and tender lover." I finish my sum. "Every princess could envy me." I give him a wide smile.

"Well you summed me up pretty well, but you forgot about some important things, like unstable mind, too talkative sometimes and too fond of beautiful things as you once said." he says. I just give him a smile.

"That doesn't change my opinion." I say stubbornly.

"Okay, let's go to sleep or we will oversleep tomorrow and that would be a disaster." he says and I lay my head down on his chest again. He turns the lamp off and the silent dark surrounds us.

"Good Night, Prince Charming." I whisper.

"Night Night, my Seam Princess." he answers and I smile widely as I close my eyes.

Even though the big opening is at 3 p.m., Peeta has to get up soon, because he has to bake a lot of things before it all starts. When I wake up, he's already away. The only thing I find is a plate of cheese buns and a note written in his precise handwriting.

_I didn't want to wake you, when you were so beautifully asleep. Come to help me when you're up._

So I eat the cheese buns and get a shower and my last task is to choose some clothes. I'm not sure what should I wear, but I think it should be something nice. Finally, after inspecting all my closet, I decide for a dress in some shade between yellow and orange. It's one of Cinna's dresses. It's simple and comfortable to wear. Even though I don't like to show my scarred legs, I think this day could be an exception. I put on some sandals and I think about my hair. Usually my prep team took care about these things. For a while, I try different things – my usual braid, pony tail, loose hair. Finally I decide for keeping the hair loose. To my own surprise I find a hairband which can hold them back and it is matching with the dress color perfectly. I'm quite content with myself as I look into the mirror. I'm still scarred and there's no make-up on my face, but I feel better that way. No masks today.

"Ohh, why are you so dressed up, sweetheart?" I hear a surprised Haymitch as I pass his house. He's just feeding his geese. Guess he run out of liquor.

"Come to the bakery at 3 p.m. and you'll see." Is the only thing I say, I give him one smile and head to the town. As I walk to the bakery, I notice, how strangely people look at me and I start to be nervous. Do I look bad or something?

"Is there something strange about me?" I ask angrily as I walk through the back door of the bakery. "Why is everyone looking at me so strangely?!" The only response for me is silence as Peeta, Bill and Mark are all looking at me in awe.

"Oh man, Katniss did you look into the mirror?" Peeta asks with a wide grin. I'm confused.

"Is anything wrong about me or the dress?" I ask looking at my dress. It seems clean and normal.

"Nothing's wrong, but if you consider, that in public you mostly appear in some shirt and pants, hunting boots with bag over your shoulder, you can't blame them for staring at you when you go out like this." I still don't get it so I keep staring at him. He laughs. And I know he laughs at me so I scowl at him.

"Katniss you are beautiful." he says cheerfully coming to me and taking my hand into his. "You can't blame people from starting at you when you go out as beautiful as this. They are not used to see you in dress, with your hair loose." He says and he runs his hand through my hair leaving a white flour track in there. "It's unusual to see you like this even for me, so imagine their shock." he jokes and goes back to baking.

"So you wanna tell me, that they're staring at me, because I look nice?" I ask.

"Not nice, but beautiful." he corrects me with a smile. I finally give him a smile back but I still don't want to believe this.

"So what can I help you with?" I ask.

"Well since you're not so eager to bake" he says and gives me a knowing look "you could do some decorating in the customers part of the bakery okay? I'll show you." he leads me to the counter and gives me a few tasks I should do.

After the lunch, I help them put all the pastries and baked goods into the showcases and baskets around the counter. Peeta shows me how to handle the beverage machines so I could help him, when the bakery is open today. As our time for preparations is shorter and shorter, we all become a little nervous. An hour before the opening a knock on the door surprises me. But the real surprise is revealed when I peek behind the curtain on the door to see who's standing there. It's my Mum.

"Mum?!" I say surprised when I open the door. I can't erase a smile which crept up my face. "What are you doing here?" I ask surprised. She just gives me a wide smile.

"How could I miss such a day?!" she says. "Peeta is opening his business, of course I had to come. He sent me an invitation." she says and beams with happiness as she hugs me. As she releases me from her hug, she eyes me from ankle to head.

"I can't believe it." she says and shakes her head with a smirk on her lips. "You look like a girl." she says and I laugh.

"What is...?" Peeta starts, but never finishes his question. Obviously he's surprised too.

"Mrs. Everdeen?" he says and smiles. "Why didn't you tell us you're coming?" he asks and comes to greet her. She gives him a tight hug.

"It is more fun, when I can see your surprised faces." she smiles and looks around. "It's really beautiful here." she says. Peeta gives her a short walk around, he shows her the kitchen and he introduces Mark and Bill too. When he goes back to work, she stops at the painting of Prim and Me. She's obviously touched by it in a same way I am.

"It's nice isn't it?" I ask staying next to her.

"It's perfect." she smiles at me. Because everything is ready, we test the hot chocolate machine and we sit down at one table with cups of this sweet smelling drink. We talk about everything, sipping it slowly. But I'm still nervous around her. I feel guilty for how I treated her before in my life. I would like to apologize, but I don't know how. Fifteen minutes before three, I help Peeta to stretch a bright orange ribbon in front of the door so he could cut it during the ceremonial. Cressida and her crew are already here and they are setting everything to take the best shots. Then, back in the bakery, Peeta changes into a yellow shirt and some clean pants. He looks a little nervous as I try to straighten the collar of his shirt.

"This is it." he says nervously looking into my eyes. "We will open the bakery today. I hope they will like it." he says and looks concerned.

"Oh, come on Peeta, they will love it." I ensure him. "People will travel from Capitol itself to visit your bakery." I say. He rewards me with a nervous smile.

"Thanks, sweetheart." he says. He hugs me for a while and plants a kiss into my hair.

"Let's go out and get it over." he smiles and hand in hand we go out. At 3 p.m. exactly, Peeta steps in front of the bakery and clears his voice.

"Hi everyone!" he waves friendly, but I can still see his nervous expression.

"You're here today, because you wanted to see our new bakery. We worked on it hard and I really hope you will like it." he continues. "I don't want to prolong it much, I would just like to thank few people." he says.

"Firstly I would like to thank all the Capitol shops which equipped my bakery and all the workers who helped with the rebuilding under a strict eye of my supervisor Liam Moor." he says and points at Liam. He gets huge applause.

"Then I would like to thank Mark and Bill, who helped me with equipping the bakery, baking for today and who will work in there with me." he points in their direction and they both just smile and wave.

"And of course my biggest thanks go to my patient Katniss, who spent nights and days helping me with everything, arguing about decorating the bakery and who kept encouraging me all the time. Without her I would not be able to do this." he says and he beams at me while he pulls me by my hand until I stand next to him. I put on shiny smile for the camera. I suspect him that he just wanted someone to hold onto, because of the last thanks he will say.

"And in the end..." he says, his voice trembles a little and his grip on my hand gets tighter "I would like to thank my family." there's a quiet pause and I hear him take a short breath.

"Even though they are all gone, without them I would be nothing. They raised me in the bakery, teaching me everything about baking. So big thanks to my parents and brothers, may they rest in peace." he finishes.

"And thanks to all District 12 for their support." he smiles in the end and gets huge applause. Then he makes me to help him cut the ribbon and the bakery is finally open.

Customers go in and I go behind the counter with Peeta to help him with selling. They have agreed with Mark and Bill, that Mark and Bill will keep baking and Me and Peeta will be selling. Peeta gives me an apron, which is certainly too big for me, but I don't complain. There is so many people that we don't have time to stop even for a second. After some time, Mum is given an apron too and she takes care about the beverages, while I help Peeta with selling baked goods. The goods sell so quickly that even though Mark and Bill are baking like crazy, it's not enough, so Peeta leaves the selling on me and Mum while he goes to help Mark and Bill. I have not expected so many people coming.

Finally around 6 p.m. things start to be calmer. There are fewer customers and most of them are chatting, sitting around the tables or standing, admiring Peeta's paintings or looking through the bookshelves. At 6:30, there is only like ten people left and we can finally get some rest with mum. I peer into the kitchen to tell them that they can take a rest. As the door open again, I see Greasy Sae coming in with her granddaughter. The eyes of the little girl look so excited, exploring everything around, but they finally lock on beautiful cupcakes which are displayed close to the cash register.

"Would you like one?" I ask her with a smile.

"Ohh, that's too expensive for us." Sae says and I see the sad look in little Marry's eyes. I give Sae a knowing look.

"With everything you've done for us, I think you have baked goods for free for the rest of your life." I say and take out two cupcakes. I hand one to little Marry and another one to Sae. She just gives me an honest smile.

"It's nice in here." Sae says while Marry runs towards the bookshelves and takes out the fairytale book.

"Well they have worked on it hard." says Thom, who just appeared by the counter. He was elected the new major in 12. I saw him sitting by the table and chatting with Delly before. This by the way confirms Leevy's theory that they like each other. She told me this a week ago. Delly came back from 13 and now she's working in the justice building with Thom. She's doing mostly paperwork.

"Well yeah, it was long and hard, but if you saw the smile on his face, it's worth it I would say." I smile. "Do you want anything Thom?" I turn to him.

"A cupcake." he smiles.

"Which one?" I ask. There are still quite plenty of them with different frostings, many of them with different flowers or just swirls. He inspects them closely.

"I think Delly likes lilies." I whisper with a knowing smile so only he could hear. He looks at me and I can see a blush coming to his face. I just take out the one with lily and he hands me the money with a shy smile. Then he turns and goes back to accompany Delly again. Secretly I watch her reaction and I'm satisfied, that I remembered it well, because she looks happy and almost sorry to bite into the beautiful frosting.

"How does it look?" asks Peeta who just came from the kitchen.

"Well I think." I say smiling at him. I lean closer to his ear.

"Thom is just chatting Delly up, but don't stare at them." I warn him before he can do that. Even though he looks in their direction by the corner of his eye. A smile creeps up his face.

"He's a good guy." he says "she would be lucky to get him." he considers the situation.

"Sshh." I hush him and give him an angry look. "No one knows so please don't tell it to anyone." I say. "He seemed pretty shy as I made fun of him so please leave them alone." he looks at me.

"You made fun of him?" he raises his eyebrows.

"Well he was choosing a cupcake and I said 'I think Delly likes Lilies'". I explain. Peeta can't stop the laugh coming from his mouth.

At 8 p.m., we finally close the bakery. The last ones to leave it are Sae and my Mum, leading Haymitch to his house. Then all four of us collapse into the chairs around one of the tables. I have still enough energy to get up and bring four cups of hot chocolate.

"Isn't that apron too big for you?" Mark laughs at me.

"Stop making fun of me." I punch him with my elbow and he shuts up.

"What a day!" Peeta says tiredly.

"I think it was a big success buddy." Bill pats him on his back.

"Yeah, success for sure, but I realized, we will need someone else to help us in here. Katniss can help us in the beginning, but she can't be here every day. I will have to find someone else, maybe even two people." he considers it.

"Okay, but think about it tomorrow okay?" I say putting my arm around his shoulder. He gives me a light kiss and smiles at me.

"Yes, My lady." he says and Mark laughs at us.

"You're a weird couple you know that?" he says "Weird, but perfectly fitting." he adds and smiles at us.

"So I guess we go home too?" he looks at us.

"Yeah I guess so." Peeta says. He gives both of them some money for today and they head home. I take the empty cups and other dishes which were left on the tables and I put them into the washing machine. It's so strange when you don't have to do the dishes. Suddenly as I'm turning on the machine, two arms embrace me from behind.

"I love you." Peeta says and hugs me tight. I just smile.

Eventually we lock the bakery and head towards the victor's village. This autumn evening is beautiful. As we walk silently I remember, how we started our evening strolls after we came back here. How I enjoyed it and I smile over the memories.

"What are you thinking about?" Peeta asks noticing my smile.

"I'm remembering how we started to do these evening strolls around the town." I say. He's quiet for a while. When I was in my thoughts I didn't even realize where he leads me, but now I see, that we're standing in the Meadow.

"Why did you lead me here?" I ask and look at him.

"I thought you like it here." he says sitting down into the grass. I lie next to him and put my hands behind my head. I stare at the stars for a while, wondering if Prim and Dad are both watching over us. Prim would love the bakery. Peeta looks at me.

"Katniss may I ask you something?" he says quietly.

"Anything." I smile.

"Are you happy with me?" he asks. Why, on earth, does he need to ask such a question? I look him in the eyes and see concern in there.

"Yes, I'm happy, when I'm with you." I smile. "Why are you asking such a question?" I ask.

"I don't know." he says and downcasts his eyes. "sometimes I think you would be happier with someone, who is normal and not some mutt maniac." he says sadly.

"Oh, come on Peeta, you're not mutt maniac." I say angry with him. I take his hand firmly.

"Maybe you are kind of wounded from before, but I am too. Don't forget about that. I screamed at you without purpose so many times and I still hide in closets sometimes. Is that normal?" I ask looking at him. "No one else can understand me as well as you do." I say quietly making him look me in the eyes.

"I could not be happier with anyone else." I say finally.

"Really?" he asks looking at me.

"Yeah, really." I confirm and I give him a soft kiss to prove it.

"Not even Gale?" he asks with doubt in his voice and I see the anxiety in his eyes.

"No." I say firmly looking him in the eyes. This answer slips out of my lips so quickly and so surely, that I'm surprised myself. This was always the hardest decision for me, but now it seems that my heart has decided it for me. And I'm happy for that. Finally I can be with Peeta and not feel guilty about Gale. He's far away in district 2, probably already found some girlfriend. It would not be hard with his rebel fame and handsome face.

"Okay." he says and wraps his arms around me.

For a while we stay at the Meadow, gazing at the stars, but then we stand up and head to our house. When we arrive home, we're so tired, that the only thing we do is taking a shower and then we both collapse into the bed. We end up in each other's arms and we fall asleep happily.

Next day, we see the spot about the bakery opening in the TV. It's quite good. Peeta is marvelous of course, speaking about everything he has in the bakery, thanking to people who helped him. I appear on a few shots. Once as I'm sitting cross-legged on the couch, reading the book. And second time as I'm playing the piano (I even didn't know they filmed that...). Then the bakery is full of people. Sometimes you see a glimpse of Peeta selling something, me serving beverages, later even my mum. We also see the covering I did about the news in our district. Peeta says I was dazzling. I think he's overestimating me, but I'm okay with it.

**Hey guys! Thanks so much for all your reviews, favorites and follows! I'm always so happy when I see a new one and it always encourages me to keep writing so please keep posting reviews :) Next chapter should be out soon. It will be a BIG one! Best one, one of my most favorites, because an important thing will happen ;) Next chapter is called "My Fire, His Bread" 3**


	18. My Fire, His Bread

Chapter 17: My Fire, His Bread

The bakery is opened for a week now and Peeta is really overworked. He's in the bakery every day, from early morning to six in the evening. In the afternoons I come and help them, but even though all three of them are not enough for running the bakery. Peeta needs to find at least two more people for working in there. And luckily after the first week he's successful in that.

"I have two new workers." he says enthusiastically as he comes home on Friday.

"Really? Who is it?" I ask as he sits to the table in the kitchen. I place the dinner in front of him and wait for him to tell me.

"Well it's Gina and Henry. I met them just today. It is a married couple, they are both around forty. They came from 13 but originally they are from district 8. They don't have any kids. They used to work as cooks in 13 and they are really nice." he says tiredly and I can see how heavy his eyes are. He needs to sleep.

"That's good." I smile at him "You'll finally get some days off."

"Yeah." he smiles tiredly. "But not tomorrow yet, tomorrow I'll show them the bakery and how it goes in there. I'll be there with them all day. I'll let Mark and Bill have a free weekend and I'll get some days off during the next week."

"Okay." I smile at him.

"How was your day?" he asks as he eats his rabbit stew. _Yes, I learned how to cook stew. What a miracle._

"Quite normal." I say and tell him all about my day in the woods, then how I was in the market and how I had to help Haymitch with his geese, because they escaped from the pen again. We had to run after them around the entire Victor's Village. The image makes Peeta laugh.

When he's done with his dinner, I take the dishes and wash them in the sink. He doesn't help me as usual. I don't mind though, because I know how tired he is. As I turn around, I see that his head rests on the table, lying on his hands and his eyes are closed.

"Hey." I say quietly and run my fingers through his hair.

"Hmm?" he hums not even bothering to open one eye.

"We should get you to bed." I suggest.

"Hmm." he hums again, but he still doesn't move.

"Well I need you to move, I can't exactly carry you to bed like you do it with me." I say with a quiet giggle as I tug on his sleeve.

"Okay." he says sleepy, he tiredly stands up, puts his arm around my shoulders and I'm able to get him to our bedroom somehow.

"Won't you change into your pyjamas?" I ask as he collapses into the bed. He just groans, strips into his shorts and climbs under the blankets. It just makes me smile.

I decide to go to sleep too. I take a shower and change into my pyjamas. It must have been really hard day for him. He seems like dead, lying under the covers, his arms stretched in opposite directions, his eyes shut and his breathing slow and steady. I quietly lie next to him and I hope I will not wake him up. Well I guess he would not wake up from this state even if Haymitch's geese would run into our bedroom. To my surprise, he's obviously at least half-conscious, because as he feels me next to him, he turns on his side and envelops me in his warmth tightly.

"You smell so nice. Like pines and fresh grass." he says sleepy as he rests his face in my hair and I have to smile.

"I love you." he mumbles his last words in his sleepy voice.

I smile happily with my eyes already closed. _I love you too._ I hear an echo in my head. _Wait! What?!_ I snap my eyes open. What did I just said in my mind? At first I'm confused. Mostly about how easy it was to say it. How my mind answered immediately and easily to his words. When did I come to this statement? I don't remember! Well I guess my heart decided this for me too. For a while, I'm puzzled by my feelings, but deep in my heart I know that it is true. Deep in my heart, I know I really do love him and I can't resist it. Deep in my heart I know, that I loved him for a long long time. It all started on one rainy day, when he gave me two half-burned loaves of bread.

When I wake up in the morning, I'm a little confused. My head is not on my pillow. I'm not lying next to Peeta, but over him. My head is resting on Peeta's stomach and my arms are wrapped around his body. My legs are stretched and they are sticking out from under the blankets, over the left edge of the bed. There's a red sock on my right foot, but the left one is bare. _Oh Katniss, what have you been doing in your sleep?!_ I feel his hand softly stroking my hair. I open my eyes to see his chest and his curious and a little amused blue eyes on me. He smiles happily.

"You know, I was always amused by your sleeping positions Katniss." he says in amused voice. "I admire how you can end up with your head next to my feet." he laughs a little "Or like this." he smiles. I can't blame him for making fun of me. I was always doing crazy things in my sleep. Even when I used to sleep with Prim.

"I don't know what are you talking about." I say sleepy, while moving to lie next to him. He wraps me in his arms as a soft laugh escapes from his lips. For a while, we're just lying in silence, enjoying the quiet.

"I should get up." he says still sounding sleepy.

"Nooo" I plead him and lock my arms around his body more tightly. He laughs quietly again.

"I have to go to the bakery. Henry and Gina will be waiting for me." he says.

"They can wait a little longer." I mumble into his neck.

"It's not nice to let people wait." Peeta says as he slips out of my arms. I just groan in disagreement.

"You can still sleep for a while." he says and I can hear a smile in his voice.

"Not without you…" I mumble into a pillow.

"Yes you can." he kisses my cheek and starts to put his clothes on.

"No I can't! My pillow is just abandoning me." I mumble. He laughs.

"It will come back in the afternoon." he says and sits on the bed looking down at me. I look up at him and smile.

"I'll come to help you if you need." I say.

"You can come. At least you'll meet Gina and Henry." he smiles at me.

"Okay." I say and close my eyes again. For some reason I don't feel like getting up.

"Nice dreams, sweetheart." he whispers as he plants a light kiss on my lips.

"You have a nice day, blue eyes." I mumble and I hear him laugh as he closes the bedroom door.

That day, when I help in the bakery, I meet with Henry and Gina. They are both very nice people and I have to say, that they are good choice. They kind of put the teenage boys in line. Bill and Mark are sometimes hard to handle when they start arguing or just making fun of each other. During the lunch break, Peeta comes to me and hugs me from behind.

"So how do you like Gina and Henry?" he asks.

"They're great." I smile. "They'll be good workers."

"What do you want to do tomorrow?" Peeta asks.

"I don't know." I admit. "Do you have some plan?" I turn to him.

„You know I was thinking..." he starts „could we go to the lake again?" and he gives me a pleading look.

„I liked it so much in there. You could teach me swimming again and we could do a picnic lunch. Besides I would like to paint it in autumn colors." he says.

„It's too cold for swimming I think" I say with a smile. „But if you want, we can just walk there and have a picnic and you can paint it." I say looking at him.

„Okay" he says with a smile. „ I will have time to bake something good. In the morning we can leave early so we would have more time by the lake." he says enthusiastically and I can just smile over him.

„Okay." I say, smile still on my mouth, because I'm looking forward to it. But I have no idea what a day it will be.

Next day we get up early. When we reach the meadow sun is starting to rise and in a cold morning breeze we head into the woods. I take the lead, even though Peeta would be able to find the lake too. When we finally see the lake, sun is up and it is coming high. The sky is blue and it's warm. We set the blanket on the grass by the lake and for a while, we just sit and watch the beauty around us. The leaves on the trees are in many colors now – red, yellow, orange. It's a beautiful view.

"I love this place." I breathe out quietly, charmed by the beauty of the view in front of my eyes.

"I can see why" Peeta smiles at me. For a brief moment, he looks intently into my eyes and I have a feeling that he's going to kiss me fiercely. But he gives me just a light kiss.

I lie down on the blanket and we are silent for a while. Enjoying the calmness of this place. After a while, when I look at him, I find out that he's lying on his side and his bright blue eyes are looking intently at me again.

"What?" I ask. He smiles that special sweet smile, which he has only for me.

"You're so beautiful." he says quietly. Even though he said it so many times, something about it makes me blush a little in this moment. But it is interrupted by my stomach which grumbles loudly and Peeta chuckles a little.

"Seems like your stomach is calling for something." He says and as a respond he opens the basket.

I'm surprised how many things Peeta has brought. Of course there is bread, but he also brought some dried meat and onions. After a while I'm surprised that there are two kinds of bread. The other one is with raisins and nuts. Exactly the same one he gave me when we were kids. He keeps me away from it telling me we'll save it for afternoon snack. Even though it is quite a feast to be honest. And as a dessert he pulls out few cupcakes with flower icing. When I bite into it, it is so soft and sweet and the icing melts in my mouth and I feel like I'm in heaven. Peeta is observing my content face with an amused smile on his face.

"I'm glad you like what I brought." he says. I reward him with a long kiss which tastes like sugar and frosting.

"Mmm" he hums quietly as I break away. "So sweet..." he adds and smiles at me.

We spent the afternoon relaxing around. After everything we've been through, we deserve at least one day of happy memories. At first we're just lying on the sun than we move our little picnic under the big oak. Peeta takes out his sketchbook and starts to draw something with his color pencils. For a while I watch him, but then I remember something.

When I was small and I used to go here with my father, I loved to pick flowers and make flower crowns. We would always sing songs and laugh together. For a short moment I feel a bit of sadness, but then I stand up and smile. Why should I not do it now? Dad would be happy to see me like this. And I guess Prim would be happy too.

So I walk around the place, looking for yellow and orange flowers. I start humming a song. Quietly at first, but slowly I started to sing the words and in the end I'm singing it out loud and I even don't know about it. Singing makes me smile wide as I imagine my Dad running through this meadow with me. Chasing me, catching me and scooping me up. Then spinning around with me until I screamed that I'm dizzy. Singing together out loud and dancing around in these flowers. Eventually we would fall down into the soft grass, looking at the blue sky and looking at the clouds, telling each other what shapes they have.

As I sing, I come back to Peeta with my hands full of flowers. I sit next to him cross-legged and start making a flower crown from my flowers and I also add some orange maple leaves into it. All that time I sing, now I sing out loud from all my heart. I don't care if Peeta hears me. I'm so happy and I know my singing will make him happy too. It always had. By the corner of my eye, I see him looking at me with an inspecting look. Probably surprised by my singing I guess. I give him a happy smile and he smiles back at me.

When I'm finally done, I unbraid my hair so it is loose and it falls down my back in waves. I place the flower crown into my hair and I finally look at Peeta, only to find out, that he's not drawing any more. His sketchbook is lying next to him, he's leaning against the tree trunk and he's looking at me with admiration. I don't know why, but suddenly my senses are much stronger. I feel the breeze, I smell the cupcakes and I can hear the silence around me. Even though I know that I heard birds singing before. Now they are all silent. I even see a few mockingjays sitting on the lowest branches and looking in my direction.

"You see?" Peeta says with a smile. "They fall quiet when you sing. In fact everything and everyone does I think." And he's right. I can't hear anything than a rush of leaves in the breeze and water. I smile at him and I walk down to the lake and sit on a large rock. The sun is warming me, when he sits next to me and puts his strong arms around me. For a while we're silent and I can see that there's something in his mind.

"Katniss I have to tell you something." He stands up and in front of me, so he could look at me while he speaks. But it is the moment when he tenderly takes my hand into both of his, when butterflies start fluttering frantically in my stomach. I can feel it coming. I can see it in his loving eyes and I'm sure my eyes go wide in that moment of realization.

"I don't know where to start, but I guess it would be best to start from the beginning. As I already told you, I first saw you when I was 5. And as I already told you, I fell in love with you right that day. But I had no idea what a future is waiting for us. When you volunteered for Prim, it felt like a cold dagger was stabbed through my heart. I thought I will never see you again and that I will never tell you how I feel about you. But then Effie took my name out." He smiles at me now. I know where this is leading. I know it very well and that's why I breathe slowly and try to calm down. I knew this will come someday.

"Then, my only wish in our hunger games was for you to survive. I had no idea, that you could really fall in love with me, but now I know you did. You really did." he says that as if he still can't believe it.

"Then when we finally had some peace between us, they punished us with another hunger games. And again I thought I will lose you forever. In those you gave me hope. Hope that you love me too. Showing that you would give your life for me again. One thing I remember clearly. That kiss on the beach. That was real and I knew it. But odds were not in our favor again. We ended up on opposite sides of Panem, not knowing what they do with us. I wanted you and you wanted me. Unluckily, they made me hate you. I will never forgive myself that I could forget my love for you. That I could ever hate you and want to kill you. But even though you came to me. Slowly and fearfully, you showed me that you want me back. When we were in the Capitol during war, you saved my life again." He breathes out slowly and takes a deep breath in. His eyes are looking into mine and I can't look away from them.

"And here we were again. Back in 12 and alone in our madness and grief. And even though I was the terrible mutt being, you came back to me, helping me to remember and helping me through my bad days. Instead of running away, when I had flashbacks, you hugged me and sang to me until I was back again. You're so brave Katniss. After all you've been through." he says and the admiration in his eyes is almost unbearable for me.

"Even now, I'm sure you know what I want to ask, I know it's freaking you out and you want to run away, but instead you're still sitting here and waiting for my question. I fell in love with you again. I can't imagine what would my life be without you. So I have one question for you Miss Everdeen." and now a sweet smile is on his face.

"Would you like to spend the rest of your life with a crazy man like me? Would you like to be my only beloved wife?" he looks expectantly at me and I can see the happiness in his eyes as he kneels down in front of me. It's quite a while since my eyes got teary, but now I can't hold it in anymore and one tear is streaming down my face. I climb down the rock and kneel into the grass in front of him so our faces are on the same level.

"Now, before I give you my answer, I have something to tell you Peeta Mellark." I say with a teary smile and I decide to be brave. I decide, firstly in my life to be absolutely honest with him. I decide to express my feelings without any fear. Because he deserves it. I take a deep breath.

"Maybe you don't know that, but I knew you even before the hunger games. Since you have saved my family and my life I could never forget you. Secretly I was watching you sometimes. Seeing you at school, during wrestling, at market or in the town. When Effie reaped your name, my first thought was 'No. Not him.'" I can see surprise in his face.

"I admit that at first I was only playing our romance. But already in the first hunger games I have felt something special with you. Something I have never felt with anyone else. I didn't know what it is, but now I know it was love. I was feeling it even more intense in the second games. I'm sorry that I did not tell you, but I was so scared of it. I was scared they could use you to punish me. And in the end they did. Those first weeks in 13 when you were in Capitol were the worst in my life. I was going crazy from the thoughts, that they will torture you because of me. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you, but I couldn't. I'm sorry." As I speak about this, tears start to go down my face again and my voice gets shaky.

"When you came back and they told me what Snow did to you, I thought that my life is over. Without your love my life was nothing. I was in never-ending nightmare and there was no one to wake me up and sooth me. But finally we both made it out. And you came back to my life. Annoying me every morning to get out of bed and out of the house." I smile at this. Only now I see that there are tears in his eyes too. He's not even trying to hide them.

"You climbed into closets with me, you had patience to put up with me on my bad days. And you fell in love with me again, even though I have no idea, what do you like about such a terrible person as I am. You have brought me back to life Peeta Mellark. How could I say no to you?" I ask with a smile and I see the disbelieving look in his eyes. And that's the moment when I finally win my inner battle and allow myself to say those three words.

"I love you." I whisper, looking intently into his eyes, which seem so happy now. They immediately widen and there's an unbelieving look in there. And as I say those words, it's like a huge weight goes away from my chest. It feels like I was keeping a huge secret all the time and it feels great to tell him. Finally, I lean in and kiss him slowly and tenderly on his lips. When I open my eyes I see a big smile on his face.

"You really want to be my wife?" he asks again.

"Yes, I want to be your wife and I want you to be my husband." I confirm with the same wide grin.

"Well, in that case I have something for you." he says and pulls out a long velvet box.

"I hope you won't mind it's not a ring, but I know, that you are not fond of rings. I thought this would be better." he says and opens the box in front of me. There is a simple silver string and there is a pendant on it. It is a single pearl, shining on the autumn sun. My pearl. I stay in awe for a while, overwhelmed by the beauty of this thing.

"Do you like it?" Peeta asks concerned.

"I love it." I whisper and give him a smile. He fastens it around my neck and he gives me a happy smile. For some time, we just sit in the grass, looking at the sun which is slowly setting behind the lake. I can't even describe the happiness I'm feeling. I start doubting that I'm able to bear so much happiness in one moment.

Then I get an idea. Idea, which will finish this beautiful day just perfectly. I get up and gather all our belongings and tell Peeta to do the same. He seems sad.

"Do we have to go already?" he asks.

"We're not going home yet." I smile at him. "Come on." I take his hand and pull him behind me until we're in the small house by the lake. Peeta seems puzzled a little.

"What are we going to do in here?" he asks raising his eyebrows at me. I just give him a smile.

I put the picnic basket on the table and lay the blanket in front of the fireplace. Peeta is watching me curiously. Then I come back to the table and open the basket. There is not much food left, but there is one whole bread left. The one with raisins and nuts. What a great coincidence. I take it out and turn around to look at Peeta. Bread in one hand, knife in the other, waiting until it clicks in his mind. And in a few seconds his eyes widen in realization, what do I want to do.

"Katniss are you sure you want to do this?" he asks surprised. I put the bread down on the table and come to him.

"Yes." I say firmly, looking into his eyes intensely and giving him a gentle kiss. He still seems surprised, but a happy smile creeps up his face.

Without any other talking he heads towards the table to slice the bread and I head towards the fireplace to make a fire. The girl on fire and the boy with bread. What a combination. I guess we were destined for each other just from the beginning.

When the fire is cracking he comes and sits next to me. His eyes glittering with happiness, his lips in uncontrollable smile. I can't help then feel exactly the same. And in the next moments as we toast the bread and do the wedding ritual, we forget everything else in this world. We allow ourselves to forget our pains and troubles and we live just for this beautiful moment.

"I, Peeta, affirm my love to you, Katniss, as I take you to be my wife, my best friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you for the rest of my life." he says the traditional vow and all the time he looks into my eyes intensely.

"Always." he whispers with a small smile and he extends his hand with bread towards my lips.

I bite into the crispy slice of sweet bread, closing my eyes. A memory comes back to me. I was eleven, starved and I brought home this exact bread. We ate it all in one evening and it gave us hope. Just like now when I open my eyes and see him looking at me happily, I feel hope. Hope that my life could be happy again.

I take my toasted slice of bread now and I take a deep breath. My heart is beating loudly and quickly from excitement. This is it. Moment, when I will do the biggest thing in my life. And I don't feel anxious about it. The only thing I feel is happiness.

"I, Katniss, affirm my love to you, Peeta, as I take you to be my husband, my best friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. I promise to love, honor and cherish you for the rest of my life." I say in a firm voice, looking into his blue and impossibly happy eyes all the time. I can see they are getting wet a little.

"Always" I whisper with a smile as I extend my hand with bread towards his lips. He takes a bite and closes his eyes too.

I can honestly say, that this is the best and the happiest day in my life. And just as easy as that, we are married. It is not official, but as Peeta once said, this is more important for us than some piece of paper.

When we finish our bread, we just sit facing each other and looking happily into each other's eyes for a while. I can't stop two tears from falling down my cheeks. But for the first time since I came back to 12, today they are tears of happiness. I have never thought they would ever come to me. Peeta gives me a tight hug and I can see there are tears on his face too. Well he's been dreaming about this day for thirteen years so I'm not surprised.

"I feel like we were always destined for each other." I say as this thought crosses my mind.

"What do you mean?" Peeta asks.

"It's like we did this toasting already. That day, when we were eleven and you gave me that burnt bread. That day linked us together and since then we were watching each other all the time. Protecting each other already." I say quietly.

He smiles at me. It is getting dark outside and I don't know how we will get home. But at this moment I really don't care. He leans in and kisses me. Gently at first, but then it turns into passionate and fierce kissing. And I can feel those butterflies in my stomach going crazy, making me feel that strange hunger again. Peeta awakes some kind of fire in my veins and I'm not able to do anything about it. And now there really is nothing that can stop us. Our kisses are full of that hunger and longing we felt so many times before. Eventually, we are not two star-crossed lovers from District 12. We are one. And it is the best feeling I have ever felt. When it's over, he pulls me into his arms and I lie on his chest. I feel so happy, lying here in his arms and I don't feel strange or embarrassed because I'm naked. It feels right to be like this with Peeta. For a long while we're just lying quietly, our eyes tightly closed, just trying to calm down our rapid heartbeats and heavy breathing, I'm just enjoying the beautiful tingling sensation which still remains in my body.

"You love me, real or not real?" he asks quietly after a while. I finally open my eyes and look into his blue ones. They are different than before. I can see something different deep inside them. True happiness and love.

"Real." I say with a happy smile. "Even though I don't know if I can bear so much happiness in my life after all those depressions." I say and look at him. He smiles too.

"Well, welcome to your new life, Mrs. Mellark." he says, gives me a content smile and pulls me closer to him. I thought it is not even possible but, when he calls me like that I'm even happier. And happy like that, we fall asleep in each other's arms. And we sleep happily and calmly all night. No nightmares bothering our first night as Mr. and Mrs. Mellark.

**Hey everyone! Sooo... Did you like it? I just love this one, because I love happy ends. I just wanted to say thanks for your amazing number of likes and follows and for your reviews, it always encourages me to keep writing. I also wanted to say, that this is not the last chapter yet. I think there will be four or five more, I want to end this fanfic with their official wedding. If you wanna see Katniss's necklace, type "Twist Black South Sea Pendant by mikimoto" into google. It's right the second picture. :)**

** Thank you all for reading! :)**


	19. The Memorial Tour

**Hi everyone! Sorry it took me a little longer to upload this chapter... :) I promise, I'll compensate in the next one, because it will be extra long :D The title for the next chapter will be "Travelling" I hope you'll enjoy this one. :)**

* * *

><p>Chapter 18: The Memorial Tour<p>

When I wake up in the morning a happy smile creeps up my face as I feel his arms around my body. He has a day off today, so we can sleep as long as we want. I still didn't get used to this feeling. The feeling of his bare skin on mine. We're cuddled up under the blankets in bed and the only thing I'm wearing is a silver necklace with a single pearl on it. I didn't take it down since he gave it to me. I just love it too much for taking it down.

I can feel his warm breath on my neck, because his head rests on my shoulder. He's still soundly asleep and his lips are curved into a slight smile. I'm glad he's happy. And I still can't believe we did it. I still can't believe we're married. Well it's not official, but who cares. Don't be deceived by this calm morning though. There are still nightmares and bad mornings. Like the one three days ago.

I had a nightmare about Peeta. Usually he was dying in my nightmares, but not this time. This time, he changed into that Peeta from District 13 and he strangled me. Then I woke up into another nightmare, where he strangled me again and it kept going on like five times until I woke up for real. It took so long, because I was not screaming so he didn't know I'm in nightmare in the begining. I couldn't scream. Peeta told me later that I was only thrashing and struggling for my breath.

When he finally managed to wake me up, I was confused as I saw his hands on my shoulders. I started to scream and I jumped away from him, not knowing if it is a nightmare or reality. He just looked puzzled.

"Katniss?" he said softly. I was just desperately trying to tell reality from nightmare. I was scared and I couldn't breathe.

"Breathe, Katniss, breathe!" he told me urgently. I took a deep breath, still not convinced if it is reality.

"Come here." he said and he extended his arms towards me as he walked closer. It was too similar to strangling though. I stepped away from him and he was even more confused.

"What is it Katniss?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"I-I'm not s-sure what's r-real." I whined.

"What do you mean? What was in your nightmare?" he asked. I was scared to say it, but finally I did.

"Y-you strangled me." I beeped. "F-five times." his face changed into sad expression.

"You know I would never do that." he said softly taking a step towards me. I fought the urge to run away and stayed where I was, trembling terribly. His blue eyes were sinking into mine and I was trapped between nightmare and reality. I closed my eyes and counted to ten. When I opened them, he was standing another step closer, his forehead leaned against mine, but his hands stayed down so he would not scare me.

"You love me, real or not real?" I asked looking into his eyes desperately.

"Of course real." he whispers and his hands lock around my waist tenderly as he pulls me into a hug. I let myself relax and believe that it is real. I let out the cries that I was holding in, soaking his shirt wet with my tears, so he has to take it down in the end. My body is trembling and I can't control it.

"I would never harm you, sweetheart." he whispers into my ear. "Never." he repeats in determined voice. I cling to him tightly and I hide my head in his chest, listening to his heartbeats, which calms me down. He got me back to bed, lied next to me and his arms locked around me. Safe. That's how it makes me feel and I finally know that it will be okay.

"I'm sorry" I whisper into his chest. "I just had a nightmare, where you were that angry Peeta again, strangling me and when I woke up, I always woke up into another nightmare about it. I was just not sure if I'm in another nightmare or not." I explain and few tears fall from my eyes landing on his bare chest.

"It's okay." he whispers into my hair. "You're safe. I will not let anyone harm you." he says and like that I fall asleep in his arms.

And that's how we live now. Sometimes having a sweet calm night and sometimes a night full of screams and thrashing. Enjoying the first ones and helping each other through the second ones. I don't think our nightmares will ever go away.

It's the middle of November, days are colder and the weather is getting worse. I guess first snow will come soon. Today I got a good haul in the forest and I'm just sitting in our backyard, cleaning a rabbit, when Peeta comes home.

"Hey." he says and plants a soft kiss on my lips.

"Hi!" I just smile. It's amazing how much he healed. I'm sitting here with bloody hands and knife and he just comes to me and says "Hey" and gives me a kiss. Unbelievable. In the beginning, he would get a flashback only because of the sight of me.

"How was your day?" he asks and sits next to me.

"Quite normal." I say finishing the cleaning. "I have a special dinner today." I say with a smile.

"Oh what are we celebrating?" he asks with a smirk.

"Nothing. I just got a duck in the forest." I say. "So right now, it's waiting in the oven. And I invited Haymitch too." I add.

"Ohh great I haven't seen him in ages. At least we'll know he's alive." Peeta laughs.

We go into the house, I clean up myself and come down just as I hear Haymitch coming in. To my surprise he seems quite sober. We had a surprisingly nice dinner together. But in the end Haymitch spoils it.

"So you did it." he says smirking at both me and Peeta.

"Did what?" I ask. He can't know about anything we did.

"The toasting." he says clearly, his smirk still lingering on his lips. We both stay in awe with Peeta. How the heck can he know about it.

"How.." I start "How do y-you know?" I stammer.

"Ohh come on." Haymitch laughs a little. "I'm living right next to your house!" he says.

"I could even tell when you finally started to kiss in the beginning of June! And this was much more obvious than that." he laughs. I just can't understand how does he know this.

"Do you think that I'm so dumb?" he raises his eyebrow at me. "He's actually humming on his way to the bakery." he points at Peeta, whose eyes get wide after this accusation.

"And you..." he points at me and I dread his words "you with all your smiles when you see him. I have never seen you smile so much!" he accuses me "and I heard you singing too." I don't know why am I angry at Haymitch, but I'm just surprised how obvious we are.

"Okay, you're right, but please keep it a secret." I say a little angry.

"Your secret is safe with me." he winks at me and I just shake my head.

"One would say that in your constant drunken state, you will not remember anything." I say and he just chuckles. They decide to play cards with Peeta and I just watch them until the phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Good evening Miss Everdeen." a familiar voice says. _Ohh, not him._

"Hello Plutrach." I say trying to sound casual and not annoyed.

"How are you doing with Peeta? Any news for us?" he asks and I feel my insides turn as I dread that he knows something.

"Nothing new. Why?" I ask, trying to sound casual.

"I have a little work for you." he says. _Great!_

"And if you will be willing to do it, I'll arrange things, so you could be released from District 12." he says. Well he obviously knows how to make me listen.

"Okay, what should we do?" I ask.

"Well you're surely aware, that in the beginning of December, it will be exactly a year since the end of war." he says. Yes, I'm painfully aware of that. It will be a year since my little sister died.

"I know." is the only thing I say.

"Well we would like to reveal a memorial in every district." he says and I start to feel anxious.

"And we need someone for it. Someone, who was involved in the rebellion and someone who is popular between people." he says.

"You mean me and Peeta?" I ask.

"Yes. Well you were the mockingjay, so that would be just perfect." he says delightfully.

"What would we have to do?" I ask. I realize that both Peeta and Haymitch are watching me carefully as I sit down on the floor, my back against the wall and my hand on my forehead.

"Well you would travel through the districts. You would always spend a day in there. You would have a little speech, maybe something about someone famous from the district, you would reveal the memorial and have a party in the evenings." It reminds me of victory tour.

"That's all?" I ask.

"Well you'll wrap it up in the Capitol, where you would have an interview with Caesar Flickerman and together you would reveal the Memorial in there. And then a party in president's palace. That's all." he says like it is a piece of cake.

"You can discuss it with Peeta and let me know as soon as possible." he says cheerfully.

"Okay I'll let you know." I promise, put down the phone, close my eyes and sigh heavily.

"What is it?" Peeta asks right away.

"Weeee have a jooob." I sing out faking excited voice.

"What job?" he asks. I explain everything Plutrach told me. Peeta seems glad.

"That would be great Katniss! We could visit your mum and next time I go to Capitol, you can go with me." he says enthusiastically. Well Plutrach is good. He knows very well that I'll do the shooting only because of this. So next evening, we call him and agree on this thing. But we demand we can take Haymitch and Effie with us. For exchange he demands that we'll have a stylist and a prep team. Well I guess I can't resist that.

In a week, Cressida and Pollux arrive together with Effie and the prep team. I'm quite curious who will the stylist be. I'm almost sure I'll hate him or her, because they can't be as good as Portia or Cinna. They just can't, so I'm ready to hate whoever it is.

I'm very surprised, when I see a familiar face. Black and gold stripes tattooed on it, flattened nose so you can barely see it and most importantly long whiskers, which makes the woman look like a feline. And she has a tiger tail. There's no doubt about who it is.

"Tigris?" I ask surprised. I did not expected this. She just smirks and chuckles with her strange voice.

"Hey, girlie." she says.

"Well I didn't expect you." I say and to my own surprise, I smile and hug her. She seems surprised too.

"Who else would be good enough for Mockingjay? Those young unskilled stylists, who were not involved in rebellion and Hunger Games?" she asks. "No way." she adds.

"I'm glad it's you." I smile at her.

"Okay, now let's get to work." she says strictly and I'm left in my prep team hands. Fluvius and Octavia are working on me while Venia works on Peeta. He need much less prepping than me, which always annoys me.

Eventually I'm standing in the justice building with Peeta and waiting until they call our names. It's late afternoon, most of the district people are on the square and we are supposed to reveal the district 12 memorial in a few minutes. I'm wearing a dress similar to our costumes in quarter quell. I have a black dress, which flickers like burning coil and Peeta has his suit which does the same.

I'm pacing around the room and my hands shake from nervousness. When Peeta notices it, he captures me into his embrace and holds me tightly.

„Hey." he breathes into my neck. It tickles and it sends my skin into goose bumps.

„It's okay, it's not a big deal." he whispers. „It will be just a few minutes. After your long rebuilding spots, this should be a piece of cake." he encourages me. I just sigh and hide my face in his chest, counting to ten to calm down. And then I hear our names, Peeta takes my hand firmly and we go out into the square. We are greeted with huge applauding and my stomach is in nervous knots. I try to have a huge smile on my face, because everything is shot on cameras and broadcasted into all the Panem.

„Hello District 12." Peeta says cheerfully. He gets a cheerful response.

„How are you tonight?" I ask trying to sound excited. Again, I'm rewarded with cheers.

„Well, we all know why are we here tonight." Peeta says more seriously. „But just to be sure, could you remind us Katniss?" he turns to me.

„Okay." I say and take a deep breath to calm down. „We're here tonight, because in two weeks, there will be the first anniversary of end of the war." I say calmly. „And through these days, we will travel around Panem and every evening we will reveal a memorial in every district." I say. Peeta smiles at me encouragingly.

Then we continue by saying few things about rebellion and war and in the end we finally reveal the memorial which is standing in the middle of the square. I'm very happy we persuaded Plutrach to make the memorial simple. His idea was, that it should be a statue of me, Peeta and Haymitch. But we all agreed that we don't want that. Just imagine, how strange it would be to look at yourself, just ten times bigger. So we persuaded him not to do that. Finally it is just a simple marble rectangular statue, with names engraved in it. Names of all the fallen tributes from district 12 and all the people fallen during the war. Then there is also a text about the victors.

_This statue is also a memorial of our Hunger Games victors._

_Haymitch Abernathy, winner of 50th Hunger Games, who was later one of the main leaders of the rebellion. _

_Peeta Mellark, winner of 74th Hunger Games and survivor of 75th Hunger Games, who was captured and tortured by Capitol, but even though he later fought on the rebels side in the final battle in Capitol._

_Katinss Everdeen, winner of 74th Hunger Games and survivor of 75th Hunger Games, who was the main leader of the rebellion, also known as „The Mockingjay." She led the rebellion, fought in many districts and won the final battle in the Capitol._

When the memorial is revealed, we are moved to the justice building ball room, where the party is held. For me it feels like a goodbye party, since we will be away for almost three weeks. We entre the train around midnight and we move towards district 11.

"So, back in the train, just like the old times?" Haymitch asks with a glass of vine in his hand.

"Well I guess it's better without the ultimate death thread over our heads." I say with a tired smile.

"Very right." Haymitch agrees.

After some time, we all go to our bedrooms to get some sleep before we arrive into district 11. We should arrive tomorrow evening or the next morning.


	20. Travelling

Chapter 19: Travelling

We arrive to district 11 in the morning. We have a free morning and we are allowed to do whatever we want. When we have free time in a districts, we can get a guide, who will show us the most interesting places. We decide to use this option, so we get a very kind man, who shows us around the district. He shows us only around the main town. There is a lot of fields, orchards and plant beds. He also shows us different shops they have in here and surly bakery is the first one we step into. Peeta has made a promise, that he will visit a bakery in every district so he could get tips from bakers and then use them at home.

After the lunch, we are going to our prep teams so they could prep us for the ceremony and for the dinner. After 2 hours of bathing, doing makeup and my hair, I'm finally ready to get dressed. Tigris comes with an amazing dress in her hands. It reaches my knees and it seems like it is made of autumn leaves. There are also little red gems, which look like some kind of berries. It's one of the most beautiful dresses I have ever seen.

When Tigris helps me into it, I find out the dress is light like a feather and really comfortable. And when I look into a mirror, I find out, that My make up is fitting. There are eyeshadows, which starts with orange color in the inner corner of my eyes, but as they continue to the outer corner, they turn into red and there are little red and orange maple leaves drawn to the sides next to my eyes. My hair is loose, falling down my back in waves. It is sprayed with some kind of glitters so it shines with golden sparkles. There is a tiara in my hair, but it is not just ordinary tiara. It is made of yellow maple leaves.

"This is breathtaking Tigris." I breath out as I see all the outfit.

"They all will die of lack of air then." Tigris chuckles and I smile.

Just then Peeta comes in. He has a dark brown suit and warm orange shirt, which will perfectly match with my dress. He just stops in his walking, staring at me shockingly.

"Wow." he breathes out after a moment. "This is just..." he says and looks for the right word. "...breathtaking." he finishes and I laugh quietly. "Great job Tigris." he says and she smiles.

"Well we decided to show them how is it done. We decided Katniss should always have a dress which would be connected somehow with the district we are in." she says.

Then she goes away to prepare herself and she leaves us alone. For a while, Peeta just examines me closely, taking in every little detail of my outfit.

"You're so beautiful, Katniss." he smiles and kisses me softly. "I just love you in these autumn colors."

"I think we should go to find the others, the dinner will start soon." I remind him and we go.

First we reveal the memorial, which is a statue of Rue. I have a little speech about her and to my surprise, I'm able to say it all without mistake. Then there is a big party, we eat, a lot of people talk to us, if we want a break, we dance or just go out to a garden for some fresh air. Around midnight we board the train and we move towards district 10.

I would describe district 10 as huge meadows, a lot of cattle and you can hear lowing all the time. We spend all the morning with our guide around the town. Her name is Celestia. She seems really nice to me, she's honest and does a lot of jokes.

She shows us everything about the city and about their industry – livestock. She shows us, where the cows are being held, also how to milk them and how to get them into the pen and how they move them riding horses. She shows us their sheep and how they shear them to make wool. She also gave us a lesson of horse riding and I just love it. Suddenly it becomes my secret wish to get my own horse and have it in district 12. While Peeta is having a lesson, I just stand with my horse, pet him on his neck and give him an apple. He apparently likes me, because he keeps putting his nose into my hands so I keep petting him.

"He likes you." Celestia says.

"I like him too." I say with a loving smile into his big brown eyes. She smiles at me.

"I love horses, I don't know what would I do in another district without them."

"Is it possible to get a horse into another district?" I ask innocently, but both Celestia and Peeta know pretty well why I ask.

"Very hard." Celestia says. "Usually it's not possible for normal people, but since you are a VIP loved by Capitol people, I guess they could allow it if you insist on it." she finishes. I just smile at the horse and pet him again.

She also shows us a little foal which was born just a few weeks ago. I just can't get away from it and keep petting it and Celestia lets me to feed him from the milk bottle.

"Oh my..." Peeta says with a smile. "I think I've finally got a competition in love." I just turn back to him and give him a funny grimace. "Than be nice to me because he's cute, he doesn't argue or speak and he's able to just love me and nothing else." I say happily stroking him.

"Ohh you speak like I was not like that too." he says offensively and I can't help than laugh. I turn around and kiss him lightly. "You're my number one, but he's so cute and adorable." I say and they finally managed to get me away from the little foal.

Finally Celestia invites us for a lunch on their ranch and we accept it happily. Later she shows us all the other animals they have and I'm really impressed by the size of their ranch. Then it is time for us to go back to our prep teams. We say our goodbyes and we agree that if we would like to visit 10 again, we will stay at Celestia. The evening goes without a problem and at midnight we're heading into district 9.

Peeta is of course eager to see 9, because their main industry is Grain. And that means that we're gonna see how they grow it and process it. And of course how they make flour which is an essential thing for every baker. When we cross their borders, we see only a huge fields of yellow grain. In one moment, we go through the place, where there are only factories, I guess they are for processing the grain and making flour. We arrive into the town just at 9 in the morning.

Of course our first stop is by the local bakery. Peeta with his easy and friendly personality, has no problem making friends of this bakers in every district. Usually they agree on a phone call when we're home and they agree they will exchange some tips and maybe send some samples. I'm starting to be annoyed by this, but I don't tell him. I love him and I have to accept his love for baking. So I usually admire the products of every baker, mostly cakes, because I love frosting almost as much as Peeta. But in this district bakery is of course the biggest one I have ever seen.

It is quite a big shop, full of many different kinds of bread, cakes, cupcakes and many other kinds of both sweet and salt pastries. I love the smells in the bakeries though. When Peeta is having a conversation with the local baker, I am admiring his work. His cakes are like a highest art pieces. I stand by them like 10 minutes admiring every little detail. Peeta and the baker accompany me and I can see that Peeta has the highest admiration for them too. The bakers name is Martin and we find out, that he is our guide for district 9. So he takes us around the town, giving us a quick walk around.

Firstly he explains us, how the grain is seeded and how the farmers have to care about it. Than he continues to explain how the harvest is done and what they do with it. Then he takes us to one factory, where they make flour. He gives us a tour around it and explains us, what processes they do with grain and how they finally turn it into flour. It's hard to remember everything, but I try to remember as much as I can. It is very interesting, but my head seems to explode soon with so much information. Luckily we finish our tour around the factory and he invites us for a lunch with his family. They are pleasant people and again, we promise them that if we're in their district again, we will visit them and maybe even stay in their house.

Then we come back to majors house and we're left with our prep teams again. Tonight my dress is made from a golden silky material and on this material there is a lot of straw and grains. It's all over it and I feel a little strange, but it looks really cool when I see myself in the mirror. They put some grain straw also into my hair. Peeta has a tuxedo made from the same gold material and it is also complemented by some grain straws. The revealing of the memorial goes well, we enjoy the dinner and start moving towards 8.

I'm not very excited by going into district 8. I don't have a good memories of visiting it. Last time I was here, I was walking through the hospital full of dying people and then I saw how they blew it up with bombs. Not nice memories. Besides, this is a really urban district. There is only a few place where you could see grass or trees. Well and I kind of need trees and grass for my live. I love nature and my freedom in there.

We spend our morning off with a guide again. It's a young women called Teri. She shows us the city, which doesn't make a big impression on me, because as I already said there's almost no green in here. We also see that this is one of the poorest districts and people are living in not a good conditions in here. Then she takes us to the factories for processing textiles and finally to some cloths designers. She shows us newest fashions in the capitol and newest orders from Capitolians.

When we're back in the majors house in our prep team hands I admit that I feel relieved. I don't like fashion very much, I always had Cinna for that.

Since their industry is textiles I have now idea how could Tigris do my dress somehow special. She just decided to make it just in actual style to show, that I know the latest fashion. In capitol the latest fashion are feathers now. So my dress reminds me of the mockingjay one Cinna have made for me. It is shorter, the feather skirt ends right above my knees. But she has inspired the sleeves by Cinna so again, I look like a bird with my own wings. If only I could fly too. Peeta appears in an elegant dark tuxedo, with white gloves and as a fashion symbol, he has few little brown feathers in his heart pocket. He obviously likes my dress.

"Ohh my little mockingjay has her wings again" he exclaims and hugs me carefully, so he would not damage it.

"If only I could fly too." I say my wish to him and he just smiles. "I think you can." he says with an 'I'm up to something' look. He grips my hips firmly and start to spin with me. My legs go of the ground and I scream a little. Then he carefully puts me down again.

"See?" he says "You can fly."

I just laugh, check my dress if it is not damaged and we head to the square. We reveal the memorial and then we enjoy the party. Then we move towards district 7.

Well I was really looking forward to this. District 7 is practically just one huge forest. Their main industry is lumber and paper. And of course I'm looking forward to see Johanna. As Effie informed us, she will be our guide in here. As we cross the borders of this district in the morning, I'm just sitting by the window and looking into those huge forests. Full of high trees with large trunks. What a great trees for climbing I think for myself. Peeta sits next to me and just enjoys my expression.

"This would be like a paradise for you wouldn't it?" he says after my ten minutes staring out into the woods.

"Yes exactly" I say hypnotized by the green color, not even looking at him. He just laughs at my obsession. When we arrive to the town, we are surprised by our guide right in the station.

"Hey you!" I hear behind me, when I get out of the train. The voice is unmistakably hers, so I just turn around and she's there. I give her a tight hug.

"Hey you!" I say while hugging her "I miss you a lot."

"Okay enough of this hugging" she says with an irritated voice and I have to laugh. She hasn't changed at all. Peeta hugs her too and we talk for a while.

Firstly Peeta takes us to the bakery. What a surprise! The baker in here – Lionel – happily shows us his work and tells Peeta some of his tips. As usual he gets a phone number and they agree on calling each other and consulting baking. I wonder when Peeta will call them all. If there will be 12 of them, he would be calling all day.

Johanna is a good guide in here. She shows us everything around the city, she shows us the best shops. My favorite one is a small shop of a man, who carves out many things into wood. Finally I buy a wooden tree with mockingjays on it and I also buy a little bird sculpture for my mum. After this, Johanna shows us something from their work. She walks us through the paper factory and explains us, how they make paper. She also gives me some useful tips about keeping paper in a good shape for our family book. After the lunch she shows us their school and how they teach lumber. Finally at 3:00 we say goodbye and she promises us to come to the party.

I wonder, what has Tigris prepared for me this time. I remember Johanna complaining that no designer made a good costumes for their district. Again Tigris comes out with an amazing outfit. It is a dress which looks like the corset is made of bark and the skirt is just a bunch of green leaves. It is dark brown and if you look at it you would say that it is bark. When you look really closely, you can see, that it is some special material sewed in small curves which looks like bark. It is the same with the leaves.

"Wow!" I say "This must have taken so much time to make!" I look at her astonished. She just smiles at me and helps me to fit in. I feel perfect in it.

"I feel like some forest fairy." I say finally looking into the mirror at myself.

My makeup is harmonized into green color and my hair are just fasten behind and they fall down in amazing curls. Then Tigris glues little green diamonds under my eye lines and she makes my lashes extra long and brown. I really feel like a creature from some other world. Again I look just amazing.

"I surely want to keep this ones after the tour Tigris! And the feather ones too!" I say excitingly.

"You can keep all of them if you want." she says with a smile.

When Peeta arrives, he stares at me for like a minute without a word.

"Wow" he says just as I did "She looks so amazing Tigris! How do you do this?" he looks astonished at her.

But Peeta looks great too. His tuxedo is all in bark style. His shirt is made of leaves. We match together perfectly. I think that this is one of the most amazing outfits I have ever had on me.

Then we go down and wait at the justice building entrance, until they call our names.

"I can't wait to see Johanna's face after how much she has complained that her district has never had a good clothes in games." I say that in such an excited voice that he has to laugh.

"Keep your mind up so you don't trip over a stair and fall down." he says

"You would not let me." I say surely and look at his laughing face. "Would you?" I say with a worries.

"Of course not!" he assures me and gives me a kiss.

Then we are finally called, we walk into the spotlight and put our usual camera smiles on. When we're up on the stage I finally find Johanna. She looks at me angrily and when our eyes meet she makes an angry grimace at me. I can't help than smile widely until we're arrived at our spot and we get a huge applause. We reveal the memorial and continue to the party. We join Johanna for the dinner. When I sit next to her, she just gives me an angry look.

"I hate you for these!" she points at my dress. I pretend to speak superior

"Who said that district 7 could never have a nice clothes for games?" the moment she looks at me I can't stand it any more and burst laughing. She just smiles widely.

"If you want, Tigris can make one for you too." I say.

"Really?" she looks at me happily. "Is it possible that I could finally have our district dress which doesn't look silly?" I smile back at her and we continue in our dinner. We talk about what we've been doing and how we are. Half an hour before midnight, Effie directs us out of the building and we're supposed to be transported to train station in cars. But as I go down the steps of justice building, Peeta two steps behind me, I accidentally miss one step. For a moment I feel like my heart has stopped and I'm falling down, then I'm lying on someone on the ground and after a few moments I recognize Haymitch.

"Haymitch! Thanks, you saved me from some bruises and scratches and maybe a broken leg." I exclaim happily. He just growls angrily something and I offer him a hand to stand up. He gladly takes it, scowls at me and says to be more careful and he disappears in the car.

"Katniss!" Peeta says angrily. "Watch your steps more carefully! If it wouldn't be for Haymitch you could broke your leg." he says.

Johanna just laughs above us when she's watching it all.

"So I hope we'll see each other again." she smiles at us.

"I hope too." I say and hug her tight. Peeta hugs her to and we sit into our cars. Finally at midnight we board the train and continue towards district 6.

To be honest, districts 6 and 5 are not my favorite. District 6 main industry are means of transport. That made them really important during the rebellion. District 5 main industry is making power for Capitol so they were pretty important too. But to me both of these districts are not very important. The are ugly urban areas without greens and I don't feel good in that. So I'm pretty grateful that we easily go through revealing the memorials and parties. But the mornings with our guides are really boring for me, because those industries are to complicated for me.

I like my dress for district 5 a lot. It's dark blue, like night sky. But all over it, there are little light diamonds, which makes lightning shapes. So finally, when I move, it seems like I'm in storm, lightnings all over my dress. They also made my hair special, again they are falling down my back in curves, but this time, they applied some sort of glitter spray on it. When I move it sparkles and glitters looking like electricity sparks.

At midnight we're heading to district 4, where my Mum is staying. To be honest, I can't wait to hug her. But It's not only her. I'm looking forward to see Annie and little Finn. Yes, she already gave a birth to her son in September. He's 3 months old now. And I quite like this district because they supported us so much during rebellion. And because of Finnick. And because I can't wait to see the ocean again. Located on a seashore, their main industry is fishing. It is one of the rich districts, because Capitolans loves sea food. That's also why they used to train their kids into careers. So they would have a bigger chance to get home from hunger games.

When we step out of the train, my Mum is standing there. I hug my Mum tightly with a big smile.  
>"I missed you so much!" I say honestly still hugging her.<p>

"I missed you too." she replies with a smile. Peeta gets a hug too and we are transported to the square, where our guide will start. It's early morning, so at first mum takes us to her place. She lives right next to Annie and she helps her with Finn a lot. At 8 a.m. we go to Annie's to greet her and little Finn.

"Peeta! Katniss!" she squeals as she sees us and she hugs us both tightly.

"I've missed you so much! I hope you'll come more often." she says and beams at us.

"We'll certainly try." I promise with a smile.

"Okay, come on and meet little Finn." she takes my hand and leads me towards a little net which is hanging in her living room. a little baby is laying in it. And just after the first look I see that he's so much like Finnick. Bronze hair in curls on his head, deep sea green eyes and wide smile. I can't help than smile at the little baby.

"Ohh, hi Finn Junior." Peeta says in that funny voice he has for little babies. "How are you doing hmm?" he asks and he tickles him lightly with one of his fingers. Finn catches it and wraps his tiny fingers around it. For a moment Peeta looks mesmerized and then a huge grin comes to his face.

"Hi little one." he says with such a sweet smile, that I have to smile too.

Then Annie, takes Finn out of the net and she cradles him for a while.

"Come here Katniss, do you want to hold him for a while?" she asks. I'm not sure. I'm not very good with little babies. "I need to go and ask your mum something." she says quietly and I finally oblige. She carefully places the little baby in my arms and I hold him. It's amazing, that my arms wraps around the tiny baby in the blankets almost automatically and I hold him close to my chest.

"There you go." Annie smiles. "You are natural." she says and goes out of the room.

I look down at little Finn, who is grinning up at me. He's so small, but he's already so much like his father. I trace my finger around his cheeks and chest carefully and he catches it just like Peeta's before. It causes my heart to miss a beat when he wraps his fingers around one of mine and as he squeezes it lightly and it makes me smile wide.

"Hi Finn" I say quietly. "How are you doing huh? Already catching fish in the ocean like your daddie?" I smile and he answers by spluttering which makes me giggle. Only now I realize how closely is Peeta watching me. He stands next to me, looking down at Finn in my arms. And as I see the soft expression on his face I know exactly what is he thinking about.

"Don't even start to think about that." I say in a warning voice. He just chuckles lightly.

"About what?" he asks innocently.

"Having a baby with me." I whisper.

"Why not?" he asks with puppy eyes.

"Because I'm not ready for that yet." I admit quietly. I don't know why, but it causes a huge smile on his face.

"So are you telling me, that there could come a day, when you will be actually ready for it?" he asks matter of factly, arching one of his eyebrows. _Damn it he got me again._

"Well maybe." I say and look down at little Finn to avoid Peeta's look. Luckily just in that moment Annie and Mum comes in and I'm spared from our conversation.

"So how do you like Finn?" mum asks, smiling at me.

"I think he's just adorable." I smile at him and he replies with a wide grin. "He's so much like Finnick." I say quietly.

"Yes he is." Annie smiles at me.

"Well we should go and I should give you a walk around the district." Annie says "Your mum will stay with Finn."

"Okay" I say and give Finn to my mum.

"Have fun." she says as we are leaving the house.

We find out that Annie really likes history and knows a lot about their city. I like the architecture in here and I also like the fact that you can see green in here. First she shows us the docks, there we meet a young guy called Liam, who willingly shows us different techniques of fishing and hunting other sea food. It's really interesting for me, because I'm a hunter too. Peeta is a little annoyed by him, because Liam gives me too many shining smiles and winks.

"He seems like he likes you a lot." he says in annoyed voice and Annie just laughs. "I bet on it. Don't worry Peeta, boys in 4 are a lot like this, it's just fun." That doesn't seem to convince Peeta.

Than she tells us about how they process the food and how they make different things of ropes and shells. She shows us a really special shop full of these things of shells and ropes. I like it very much. Finally I buy a little wooden treasure chest full of beautiful seashells and conchs. It's so cute and I'm sure it will remind me of my friends in district 4, when I'm home. I also buy a seashell earrings, which I put on myself immediately.

By lunchtime, we visit my mum again to have a lunch together. And we decide with Peeta, that we should tell them our little secret.

"We have some news we would like to tell you." Peeta starts and gives me an encouraging smile. They both look up at us with curious looks.

"What is it?" mum asks slight smile already on her face.

"Well, Peeta proposed and I said yes." I smile and wait for their reaction. They both squeal and hug us both happily

"That's great!" my mum says "I was not even hoping, that you could persuade her so fast Peeta!" she laughs and Peeta laughs too. Our lunch is all about the wedding preparations then.

Since we still have some time, mum gives us a walk around the hospital they built in here. It is an interesting walk, but since I don't like seeing ill people it's kind of hard for me. At 3:00 we head back to the majors house, Annie and mum promise to come for the party and we are prepped for the ceremony.

Tigris brings a beautiful dress again. The corset looks like made of sand and in a down part there are white diamonds, which makes it look like the water spume. Than the skirt is blue, light in upper part and getting darker down. But there is something special about the material. When I move the skirt it seems like waves. It seems like real water moving. I'm taken by that and I try it for like five minutes in front of the mirror. My makeup is in blue shades so finally I feel like some mermaid. My hair are again falling down in big curls on my back. On one side I have a starfish accessory and my eyelashes are silver tonight. Peeta is again excited about my appearance. I was a little afraid, that Tigris will make him wear something like Finnick did in quarter quell, but luckily she did not. He has a yellowish shorts and white shirt. He seems very hot to me and I'm a little worried that most of the girls on this party would happily agree with me. Luckily we both wear sandals tonight so I don't have to be worried about high heels.

We head down towards the entrance of the justice building and I'm extra nervous today, because I have something special prepared tonight. About Finnick. Because the memorial is the statue of him. I'm also nervous about Peeta looking so damn good and all the girls flirting with him.

"Be careful about your easy speaking to girls tonight." The moment I say it I hate myself because it sounds silly.

"Why?" he asks with a grin.

"Because tonight, in these clothes, you are..." I hesitate a little.

"I'm what?" he pulls his face so close to me that our noses are almost touching and he gives me deep look in Finnick's style and blinks with his long golden eyelashes, his blue eyes with a seductive sparkles. Well now I feel how all that girls must have felt about Finnick when he did this. Suddenly I feel like a little dizzy and I trip a little over something which is behind me. He notices that and puts his arm around me to hold me on my legs. I'm still not able to speak and his seductive face turns into wide grin. I hate myself for showing him this weakness. He just stands next to me again holding my hand.

"So?" he says looking at me "What is so special about me tonight that I should avoid talking to girls?" he finishes and I hate him for grinning again.

"Well you just look extra cute tonight." in my mind I say 'hot', but I'm too shy to say that so openly. He just gives me a soft kiss and looks me in the eyes. "Don't worry about me." he says standing back straight because it almost our time to go. "I already have my dream girl." he finishes.

"Yes and that will certainly stop them from seducing you." I say sarcastically. He just smiles at me happily.

"Ohh you're so cute when you're jealous sweetheart." he says and I hate him for that, but just in that moment we step up the stage so I have to smile widely at the audience. The square is crowded with people from 4 and they are all obviously happy to see us.

"Hello District 4!" Peeta exclaims. I breathe deeply to calm down my nerves.

"How are you tonight?" I ask and they answer by excited yell.

"That sounds like you're having fun." Peeta says "District Four. What comes to your mind Katniss, when you hear about this district?" he looks at me.

"Fishing I guess. Kids with tridents and nets, swimming in the sea to catch their pray." I sum it in one sentence.

"Good description." Peeta smiles. "But it's not only fish I guess. All the sea food we ate in Capitol, by the way they love seafood in Capitol, that's why your district is so rich." he smiles at the audience and he gets an applause.

"Anything else?" Peeta asks and again looks at me. I know he wants to move towards Finnick. We have agreed on this. My fingers start to tremble a little, but I take a deep breath and play my role.

"Well.." I start and look at him. "To be honest the first thing that comes to my mind with district four is one person Peeta." I say and look down.

"Really?" he says pretending to be surprised. "Who is it?"

"Who else than Finnick Odair." I say and smile. That detonates a huge applause, yells and screams between the audience.

"I see" Peeta says with a smile "well we were asked to reveal a hunger games memorial in here and Katniss has something to say about it, don't you?" he turns to me and gives me an encouraging smile.

"Yes I do. I would like to share something about my friendship with Finnick." I confess and my heart starts to beat with nerves.

"Go ahead, we're listening." Peeta says and leaves it all on me.

"Before I met him personally, I thought that he's only a good looking, vain woman chaser." I say and look nervously at the audience. They are silent and listen carefully.

"When I first met him, he didn't change my opinion about him yet. When he came to me, he offered me a sugar cube and with all his beauty he tried to get out my secrets. In that moment I called him a jerk in my head." I swallow hardly and continue.

"But then I got to know him better during the training, I even let him teach me how to use trident in exchange of me teaching him archery. But it was in the arena, where he came into my heart as a good friend. He even saved Peeta from dying, so I owed him a lot and I feel that I still do." I say with sad eyes. The audience sympathizes with me and they still listen to me.

"But our friendship got the right depth in district 13. We were both considered to be mad and we were in their hospital. We spent a lot of time talking and comforting each other. We were so close, because we had a same pain. Peeta was captured in Capitol, tortured a lot. And so was his Annie. We both knew whatever we do, they will take it out on them, and we were slowly going crazy together because of it. He thought me how to knot nets to get my mind away of worries. During the time when they bombed us, we usually spent all night sitting next to each other and knoting. We were so close because we understood each other. I learned to respect him a lot because he told me how Capitol used him and how they hold him to ransom. I found out that he's not a beautiful women lover at all. I knew that in fact he loves only one woman with all his heart. And then after the bombing there came a breaking moment for us. And since it is indescribable, I have to show you how deep our friendship was. These shots were never aired. No one has ever seen them except those who were there during the filming."

I start to fear the moment when I will see that memory again, but I have to share it with them. For Finnick. The big screen lights up and there it is. Even Peeta haven't seen it. My terrible memory, caught on video. I'm standing in a ruined 13 and staring into the camera, trying to hide my shaking hands.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what to say." I say tragically. I can't miss the fact that I'm trembling and my eyes are scared. I remember why. I was scared by Snows roses on the ground.

"You're feeling okay?" Cressida asks me and walks up to me. I nod.

"How about Questions and Answers thing?" she asks softly.

"Yeah. That would help." I say.

There is a shoot from another camera which shows Finnick. He looks terrible too, but he gives me thumbs up and a shaky smile. Everyone in the audience is silent now. The video is back on me and Cressida is asking me how I felt about the bombing.

"Well we were so far underground, there was no real danger." I say "Thirteen is alive and well and so am-" than my voice cuts off suddenly.

"Try the line again. Thirteen's alive and so am I" Crassida encourages me.

I take a deep breath "Thirteen is alive and so-"

Now there is another shot of Finnick. Looking at me, and he seems worried and scared. He's shaking a little too and his fingers are moving nervously.

"Katniss just this one and you're done today. I promise." Cressida persuades me.

I must admit that I look terrible now. My face some shade between green and gray, My eyes nervously quickly moving around, my hands shaking. I apparently try to calm down, but I'm not successful. I open my mouth, but instead of speaking I start crying. I fall down on my knees and I can't control myself. I hear Cressida call "Cut" but the camera still works.

"What's wrong with her?" I hear Plutarch's voice. Then in that moment Finnick appears on the screen.

"She figured out how Snow's using Peeta. She knows whatever she does, Snow will take it out on him." he says with trembling voice and sits next to me. He strokes my hand but that didn't help me. They are all around me now. Looking at what's left of me. Suddenly I raise my arms towards the camera

"Haymitch" I say with a trembling voice between my sobs. He doesn't hesitate even a second, kneels next to me and put his arm around me.

"It's okay" he says "It'll be okay, sweetheart."

"I can't do this any more" I sob while he sits me down on a pillar.

"All I can think of is- what he's going to do to Peeta- because I'm Mockingjay." Haymitch tightens his arm around me and gives me a pity glance.

"Did you see how weird he acted? What are they- doing to him? It's my fault!" There I gasp for air between my sobs, but it seems really tragic. Than there is Finnick sitting next to me with his head in his hands.

"I'm sorry about Annie, Finnick" I sob "I'm sorry." than he starts to shake and cry to.

As I see it now, I see we're just two tragic hysteric people on the edge of madness. Than Haymitch shots something into my arm and I fall unconsciousness into his arms. They do the same with Finnick and they carry us away. That's the end.

Right now, you could hear even the smallest sound on the city square. Everyone is looking at the screen and many of them are teary too. I myself have to take two breaths to control myself. Even though two tears are coming down my cheeks.

"I didn't want to upset you." I start with a little shaky voice. "I just wanted everyone in Panem know, that Finnick Odair was not some shallow woman chaser. He was a good man and a good friend and I will never forget him in my life." I say and I have to take another two breaths to calm down while another two tears go down my face. The crowd rewards me with a happy yells and applaud for what I've said.

"Since this should be a show of fun, I don't want to finish this with such a tragic memory." I say and I get myself a little up.

"I want to show you one more memory of him. The very first time I started to feel as friends with him." I smile a little when I remember it and I give a nod to major to turn on the screen again.

This shot is from the quarter quell. We're sitting on a beach and Finnick looks at me.

"You know, if you'll scratch you'll bring on infection."

"That's what I've heard" I reply and go into the water. When I come back and sit next to Finnick, I turn my face to the sky and scream " Hey, Haymitch! If you're not too drunk, we could use a little something for our skin!" everyone laughs in the square, when almost immediately a parachute appears above me.

I put the oilment on my legs and when I toss the tube to Finnick he looks almost disguised.

"It seems like you're decomposing." he says. But after a few seconds he can't resist it and put it on his skin too.

"Poor Finnick" I say in pretended pitying voice "Is this the first time in your life you haven't looked pretty?"

"It must be" he says with a grin "The sensation is completely new. How have you managed it all those years?" he asks and his grin is wider.

"Just avoid mirrors. You'll forget about it." I reply with a smile.

"Not if I keep looking at you." he gives it back. Than we rub each other with the oilment and enjoy our relief from pain.

"I'm going to wake Peeta" I say and stand up

"No wait." says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his." he says with a rascally smile on his face. Same one appears on my face. Than we quietly kneel next to Peeta and put our bloody greeny greyish faces only inches above his own. I give him a shake.

"Peeta, Peeta wake up." I say in a singing voice, with a wide grin on my face. When he opens his eyes, he jumps up and screams like a girl. Finnick and I fall back into the sand laughing our heads off. We try to pull ourselves together, but when we see Peeta with his disdainful face, we're laughing again. The screen goes black again and the audience is laughing. Even Peeta is smiling at me.

"Well this is the true Finnick Odair." I say and get a huge applause. Then we ceremonially reveal the statue of Finnick and we go to the party.

During the party, we have been separated with Peeta, which I don't mind usually, but today, I see it being very dangerous. My fears are confirmed, when I see him in the middle of 6 girls, saying something obviously funny, because they are all giggling and of course I can't miss how they look at him and some of them also dare to touch him! He catches my eyes and I just give him one angry look, turn around and head away from him. I almost crash into Liam, who appears to be the major's son, so he's on the party too.

"I'm sorry Liam" I say quickly.

"It's okay I'm fine. But your starfish has almost fall down as I see." he says and gives it back into my hair like it was before. I can't miss that he has the same way of speaking like Finnick. We start to talk and I find out that he's really nice guy to meet. I find out that he loves nature and doesn't like urban things. I agree with him about this and I tell him about my struggles in districts 6 and 5. We talk about Finnick for a while and I must say that he's really cool and funny. I'm sure we could be good friends. Finally we end up by the dance floor, having fun when he teaches me their district dance from district 4. Just in the moment he says I learned it well Peeta shows up.

"Hey!" he says with a friendly voice "Having fun?" he asks. Liam seems a little worried.

"Don't worry I was just teaching her our national dance." he says also friendly.

"Yeah nothing wrong about that Peeta" I say with a smile. "Look at me." I say and show him how I learned their dance. He tries to look pleased but I can see the truth in his eyes. He's jealous.

"Okay I think I will go now." Liam says "It was nice to get to know you Katniss." he says with a smile. "Bye." he says and goes away leaving us there staring at each other. A slow romantic song starts to play, Peeta puts his arms around me and we dance slowly. I lean my head over his chest and I can feel his heart beating. A little faster than usual.

"So..." Peeta starts and I look at him "you warn me not to talk to girls and than you learn dances with the hottest guy of all?" he looks at me and tries to do an angry look but he's not good at being angry when he's not really.

"Well you were too occupied with a bunch of six girls, giggling around you, touching you and seducing you. I just didn't want to interrupt you when you had so much fun together." I say with an angry voice. The anger in his eyes melts into amusement.

"Well obviously, you were right about my super cute appearance tonight." he smiles even more. I just avoid his smile angrily and look down. Still a little jealous.

"Okay here's the deal." he says "We will not break apart if we really don't need to and we'll promise not to flirt with anyone here. Deal?" I look at him. His expression is gentle now.

"Deal." I say and finally smile at him.

"And just for the record." I say "I was not flirting with Liam at all. We were just talking. But he has a same way of talking like Finnick had. I think we could be good friends. You would like him too I'm sure." I finish.

"Well it seems that you are pretty fond of him." says Peeta and looks at me suspiciously. I just give him a smile and try to look superior.

"Is famous Peeta Mellark jealous about me?!" I say surprised.

"No. He just doesn't like you to hang out with hot seducers." he says.

"That's pretty the same thing." I say and we both laugh. When we leave the party, it's after midnight and we head towards district 3.

We're eager to see Beetee in 3, but to be honest that's all I'm eager about. Beetee shows us mostly different shops with many mostly technical things. Of course we have to stop at the local bakery for like half an hour. Peeta gets some tips and phone number of the baker and we can go on. I'm surprised, how many things is made here. Different technical devices and things I have never seen or used. Then he's showing us a factory, where they make different technical things – chips, computers, televisions, CD's, music recorders... A lot of things I have never used and needed for my life. It's interesting, but in the end I feel like my brain will burst with information. This is also one of the districts where you don't see a lot of green which doesn't support my good mood very much.

The evening ceremony and party go as usual, without any big problems and at midnight we board our train again. When we're back in our bed, I'm starting to be very nervous. Tomorrow morning, we're gonna be in district 2. That means meeting Gale. I planed to find him there and to apologize for how I treated him, but now I feel really nervous about it. What will he do? Will he forgive me or will he be still angry with me? Well soon I will get to know.


	21. Old Friends

Chapter 20: Old Friends

It's Saturday, 09:00 in the morning, when we arrive to district 2. We are welcomed by the major on the train station, there is many people, but no sign of Gale.

"Welcome to district Two!" the major shakes our hands enthusiastically and I try to seem happy, even though I'm nervous.

"Your guide should be your old friend Gale Hawthorne. Unfortunately he had to go to the factory, where was some emergency. If you want you can wait for him there, it shouldn't take him long. Also we had a little accident and the memorial was damaged. We will repair it soon, but you will have to stay here until tomorrow. I hope you don't mind. You have a free day today." he says. We are escorted in front of the factory and I start to be nervous. I start pacing in front of the main door and my hands start to shake. Peeta of course knows what I'm nervous about.

"Hey!" he says embracing me "Calm down. It'll be okay." he whispers into my ear. I want to believe it.

"I tell you what." he says and looks me in the eye. "I go and spent some time in the bakery, while you find Gale and you talk to him okay? Then come for me." he says looking at me concerned.

"Okay." I say and take a deep breath. He smiles.

"Everything will be fine, he will forgive you. You're like his sister. Do you think he could ever by unforgiving to Posy?" he smiles at me. That coaxes a smile from me too.

"See you soon." he kisses my cheek lightly and goes towards the square while I head to the factory.

I ask for Gale in the factory, but they tell me that he went away just like ten minutes ago. Then outside, when I don't know what to do, I meet Rory.

"Katniss!" he exclaims and hugs me.

"Hi Rory." I smile and hug him tight. "How are you all doing?" I ask

"Great! Finally we have enough money for not being hungry." he smiles at me.

"Do you know where Gale is?" I ask him immediately. He smiles a little.

"He's not at the factory?" he asks. "No." I say

"Than he'll be there." he says and points towards the forest on a hill in front of us.

"You see that big tree on the edge? That's his place. He often goes there." he says

"Okay thanks, I hope I will find him there." I smile. We say goodbye and he goes another direction.

So I head towards the forest. I'm surprised I haven't thought about that. Gale loves forest as much as I do. It takes me fifteen minutes to get up on the hill towards the edge of the forest. Slowly I take off my shoes and walk in the grass because I love to walk on bare feet in grass. And finally I can see him. He's sitting in the grass under a big oak and looking towards the town. There is a nice view in here. Slowly and quietly I get as close as I want and than I want to say something. But suddenly I don't know what should I say.

"Hey" is the only thing which goes out of my lips. He even doesn't turn around.

"Hey Catnip." he says and keeps staring ahead.

"May I sit down?" I ask carefully. I don't know if he's angry or not.

"Why not?" he says still not looking at me. So I sit next to him. For a while we just sit in silence. And since I'm the one who came to say sorry, I force myself to speak first.

"I wanted to say sorry Gale." I say quietly, my voice sounding sad. Finally he looks at me, with a calm expression in his face.

"For what?" he seems a little surprised.

"Well.." I start, looking down. "I was treating you badly when we saw each other last time. I was shouting at you and I was blaming you for Prim's death." I say finally with painful voice.

"You don't have to say sorry for that." he says firmly "I knew that you didn't mean it. That you were only angry and desperate." he says still looking at me. Finally I look at him too and I see that he's smiling. I smile a little too and suddenly I hug him tight and long.

"I miss you so badly Gale." I say sadly. He just laughs.

"Really? Gale Hawthorn, fierce, angry, rebelling and arguing Gale?" he says with a doubt in his voice. I just give him a smile.

"Yes."

"I miss you too Catnip." he says after a while. "Forests here are not like in 12. These are smaller and it's much harder to hunt animals in here." he says.

"So how are you?" he asks looking at me again. "You finally got over all those terrors?" now he's looking a little worried.

"Yeah." I say "First two months I was like an empty body. Only eating and sitting in a living room. When Peeta came back, it got a little better, but it took a lot of time to get back into normal live." I confess. "But when I started to go hunting again, I was feeling much better." I finish with a smile.

"That's good." Gale says "And what about Peeta? Is he all back again?" he asks.

"Mostly." I start. "It's good old Peeta again. Loving every little bit of me." I say with a smile "But he still has little flashbacks sometimes. Sometimes he's just not sure about reality, sometimes he just sees some bad memories." I explain.

"But he's not dangerous for you is he?" Gale asks, now he looks directly into my eyes to see the truth.

"No he's not" I say "He has hurt me only once and that was my fault." I say finally. He looks at me firmly. "How could it be your fault?"

"Well he told me to go away from him, but I did not. I thought that it will help him when I'll be there. I didn't want to leave him alone." than I retell the story of what happened.

_ One morning, I went downstairs to look for Peeta. I was sure I would find him in the kitchen. But as I was on the stairs I heard him scream a little. I run down to the kitchen to see what happened, but I stopped at the door when I saw him. There was a knife next to his hand and blood on it. He has certainly cut his finger but that is not what stopped me. He is looking weird. He's holding the chair and his grip was really firm, he looked into the floor with a faraway look and all his muscles were tense. He seemed like he was having some bad flashback about torturing by Snow._

_"Peeta..?" I said calmly "are you alright?" he didn't respond and just raised his head slowly and looked at me. The look in his eyes only confirmed that he had a flashback. He looked angry at me. Like he used to in district thirteen. I hesitated a little but I decided to use love as usual._

_"Peeta it'll be okay" I said and went towards him to hug him. But he went behind the table, like he was afraid of me. _

_"Go away from me" he said in a terrified voice._

_"What? Peeta I will not leave you alone." I said firmly and took his hand. "I'll stay with you, remember? Always..." I tried to calm him, but he started to tremble._

_"No!" he got his hand out of mine. "Leave me alone and go away Katniss! I don't want to hurt you!" Go away!" his words were more urgent, but I still went closer to him, but that was it, I probably broke some invisible line. _

_"Are you deaf Katniss?!" he shouted angrily. Now it was him who was coming to me. I was standing right in the kitchen door when he reached my wrists. _

_"Go away! Now!" he shouted at me. _

_ I was still hesitating. Something in me wanted to stay with him, but my instinct was telling me run. His grip has became so firm that it hurt and I hissed a little. But he didn't care and still looked at me with those eyes which were so full of anger. Than he pulled me out of the door and let go of my hands, I tripped over something behind me and fell down. I hit my forehead into something and I felt a little bit of blood going down my face. As quickly as I could, I stood up and run away from kitchen, watched by his furious eyes. In the bathroom I grabbed some bandage and I went out of the house. I headed to the backyard to the apple tree. _

_ I sat under it, and touched my forehead. I found the place of the hit, cleaned it and put a bandage in there. It was not a big deal. I looked at my wrists. I could see red stripes on the places where he griped me. I knew there would be bruises and I was sad about it cause I knew he would feel sorry for it so much. Than I carefully looked towards the kitchen window. I could see him. Still going around the kitchen in anger. I knew that the only thing I could do was waiting. So I reached to my pocket, pulled out a long string and started to make knots as Finnick has once taught me. Sometimes I looked up to see, if he was still in the kitchen. Finally after like ten minutes, he was sitting down by the table with his head in his hands. I wanted to go there and hug him, but I decided to wait until he comes to me. I kept knotting and for a while I got lost in memories of Finnick and what we've been through together. _

_ Than I looked up again and it almost made me jump when I saw Peeta standing by the window and looking directly at me. I looked down again and waited what will happen. After a few minutes I heard a door open and I heard footsteps towards me. I knew it was him. I But I didn't look at him. I was afraid of that angry look. He sat next to me and didn't say anything for a while. Finally he spoke._

_"Katniss.." he said and I was relieved from my fears. His voice was his again, full of regret and trembling. Finally I looked at him. He had such a terrible look in his face that I couldn't bear it. Immediately I hugged him tight and I could feel him trembling. _

_"It's okay Peeta. It's alright." I whispered into his ear quietly. "It was just a bad memory. Not true!" I said firmly. I realized he was really crying on my shoulder and that scared me even more. Was it that bad?_

_"I'm sorry Katniss." he said with a trembling voice and tears on his cheeks. "I'm sorry I didn't want to hurt you." and he hugged me as much as he can. _

_"I'm okay Peeta, you haven't hurt me badly. Just a little scratch on my forehead." I kept stroking his back and finally I pressed my lips to his neck which made him stop trembling. When he released me, he looked at my forehead with teary eyes. He got the bandage away and looked at my wound. I really knew it's nothing, but he had to assure himself. And he looked scared. Than he looked terrified at my wrists which were really getting some shade of purple. _

_"Katniss I should not be here with you." he said scared. "What if I will kill you once?" he said with a scared voice._

_"Come on, you would never kill me Peeta. If you would like to, you could do it today, there was a knife right next to you." I said and smiled at him. He looked at me considering if I was right._

_"You love me, real or not real?" he asked with a trembling voice and terrified look._

_"Real." I said with a sad smile and hugged him again._

_"And you'll stay with me? Even after this?" he asked again. I looked him in the eyes so he would be sure that I answer true._

_"Always." I said firmly and finally he smiled at me. _

"How do you know that he won't kill you one day?" Gale asks frowning a little.

"Come on Gale. He would never kill me. And if he would like to, he would do that, cause there was a knife on the table." I say. He still doesn't seem to be convinced by my arguments.

"Once he had a similar flashback while drying dishes, he had a knife in his hand. He was afraid he will harm me so he run the knife over his hand instead. To stay in reality." I say and give him a serious look and it seems he is finally convinced. After a while I see that he's staring at my necklace.

"Is that the pearl from the quell?" he asks with a curious smile.

"Yeah." I confirm.

"So are you two a couple, or engaged, or married already?" he asks and to my surprise his voice doesn't sound painful or jealous.

"He proposed to me, it is three months ago now. But please don't tell anyone, we want to announce our wedding when we're in Capitol." I say. He just nods. And I find out he's smiling.

"Are you laughing at me?" I ask a little confused about his smile.

"I'm happy for you Katniss." he says finally and I can't believe it. After a very very long time I hear him say my real name. That means he is serious.

"Really?" I ask surprised.

"Really." he confirms. "When you're happy it's enough for me." he says with a smile.

"We're planing to have an official wedding" I start. "And I have one request for you." I say and look at him. I have been thinking about this thing and I haven't found anyone better than Gale for this.

"What is it?" he asks.

"Would you be our best man?" I ask with a smile. For a while he stares at me astonished.

"Are you sure it should be me?" he asks

"Yeah I'm pretty sure. I don't know who else could do it. Neither me nor Peeta has brothers or very close friends." I say

"What about Haymitch?" he asks.

"He's already walking me down the Aisle." I say "He can't do everything." I smile.

For a while he's just looking at me, considering it and then he smiles "Okay, I'll be your best mad then." and I feel relieved. After a while I realize that he's not jealous any more and the reason why is obvious to me.

"Did you found some girl in here?" I ask. His smile widens so I'm sure he did and I'm quite sure he loves her by the expression on his face.

"Yeah I did."

"A girl who would be patient enough to put up with you?!" I ask again now with a smile too.

"Well if you were able to find a boy like that, why I could not find a girl." he says and we laugh together.

"What is she like?" I ask curiously.

"Well. She's the most beautiful creature I have ever seen." he says and the expression on his face is enough for me to know that she's the right one for him.

"Something more specific?" I ask giggling about his answer.

"Well. She has long curly red hair. And most beautiful green eyes." he says "She is a little taller than you I guess and she's the kindest person I have ever met. And I don't deserve her at all." he finishes and smiles at me.

"Will you introduce us?" I ask.

"She would like to meet you." he says with a smile. "But I'm afraid about you meeting her." he says with a smart smile.

"Why?" I say offensively.

"Because you used to scare away all the girls from me back in 12. They all liked me but they were afraid of you." he says with a smile.

"Were they?" I ask with a content smile "I don't see a reason why I should scare your girlfriend away. Since you look happy with her, I will be happy to meet her." I say and give him an honest smile.

For a while, we're just watching the town below us. Then we hear something at the forest and we instinctively jump up looking in there. There is a young woman standing and looking at us. She seems shy. The moment I see her I'm sure it is the girl Gale was speaking about.

"Marianne!" he says quietly. "You pretty scared us." he says and smiles. "What are you doing here?" he asks

"There is some problem in the factory, they need you there." she says and looks at me nervously. Gale just rolls his eyes annoyed.

"Okay well, I'll just introduce you." he says looking at me "Marianne this is Katniss. Katniss this is the girl I was talking about. Marianne." I smile at her and shake her hand.

"I better go back quickly." he says "Marianne could you walk Katniss back to the majors house?" he asks and she just nods with a smile.

"Thanks. Than see you later Catnip! I'll give you a walk around the district." he smiles at me and runs away. I feel a little awkward, alone with his girlfriend, who I don't know at all. We head back to the town slowly in silence for a while. Then she starts to ask me different things and we talk all the way down. By the time we reach the town square, I feel really good with her. She's quite talkative and really kind.

"Thanks for the walk" I smile at her in the end.

"It was a pleasure for me." she says with a smile. "Would you mind if I would accompany you when Gale will walk you around the district?" she asks "I would like to meet Peeta too." she adds.

"No that would be great. You surely know it here better than Gale and I'll be happy to spent time with both of you."

"Thanks." she smiles.

"So let's go and find Peeta, I bet he's still stuck in the bakery." I chuckle and she leads me to the square.

We find him there, in a conversation with the local baker. I introduce Marianne to him and they like each other just from the beginning. Then we head to the factory, where we wait for Gale. Since we know a lot about mining, they decide to take us into the factory where different weapons are invented and produced. The one where Gale works. They also show us Academy for Peacekeepers and they show us where the Hunger Games memorial will be. During the day we stop for a lunch at Hawthorns. I'm happy to see them all and little Posy almost make me fall down when she jumps into my arms and hug me tightly. I must admit she's not that little as she used to be. She's growing pretty quickly.

"I miss you so badly Katniss." she says with her cute voice and I have to smile widely.

"I miss you all too." she stays in my arms as long as she can.

I like her. She's like a little puppy. Loving everyone and everything. I'm happy to see them all. I also have one little request.

"Well we wanted to tell you, that we're going to get married with Peeta, but please keep it a secret until we announce it in the Capitol." I say. The all congratulate us and hug us, but I'm not done.

"AND we need a flower girl." I say and give an important look to Posy. Her eyes go wide.

"Could it be me? Could it be me?" she squeals and jumps up and down from joy.

"Why else do you think I ask?" I laugh. "Do you think I want Rory or Vick as a flower girl?" They all laugh and Posy jumps into my arms again hugging me tight. "I will be the best flower girl ever, I promise!" she squeals and smiles wide.

"Okay, I believe you. I would not choose you if I would not think you're the best." I smile.

We have a nice lunch together. When we have to leave, Gale and Marianne promise to come for the evening party. Gale is kind of VIP in here.

In the evening we go to the party and enjoy every moment. My dress has a grey color and looks like stone. I have a stone tiara in my hair and silver harmonized makeup. Everyone admires us as we enter to justice building ball room. It is full of people and full of tables with different food. We enjoy this party together with Gale and Marianne. I must admit, that Gale really fell head over heels in love with her. And I'm really happy for him. In the middle of the night he comes to me and extends his hand towards me in a gentleman-like manner. I have never seen him behaving like this.

"May I ask you for a dance?" he asks with a wink.

"If Peeta doesn't mind." I smile and Peeta just smiles and nods encouragingly. Gale takes that as a yes, pulls me up and leads me in the middle of the dance floor. After a moment I notice, that Peeta asked Marianne for a dance too.

"So how do you like her?" Gale asks me while we're dancing slowly.

"Marianne?" I ask and look at him.

"Yeah of course Marianne." he smiles.

"She seems nice." I say "And you seem you fell head over your heels for her." I add in a teasing way.

"I did not." he says defensively.

"Ohh, yes you did. I have never seen you acting so kind and nice." I laugh quietly. "I remember you all fierce, arguing and annoyed." I say.

"Okay, I admit she has changed me a little." he smiles and looks over at her. She's laughing probably over one of Peeta's jokes. Gale frowns a little and I have to laugh out loud too.

"Ohh come on, don't tell me you're worried." I say and he looks at me.

"I don't know. He's famous, handsome and funny." he says and looks at them again. "I'm only famous and handsome." and I have to laugh again.

"If she really loves you, she's safe. If she doesn't it'll be better if you find out as soon as possible." I say and he smiles a little.

"I believe she truly loves me." he says surly and I feel happy for him.

"Good." I say "If she's just playing with you, I would have to shoot an arrow through her eye." I say seriously and he bursts out laughing and everyone around us looks at us. Then the song ends and we come back to our table where we meet Peeta and Marianne again.

"It seemed you enjoyed the dance." Peeta says.

"Yeah we did" I smirk at Gale who chuckles a little.

We spent the other day with Hawthorns again and in the afternoon, we ceremonially reveal the memorial. In the evening we're escorted to the train station again. Gale and Marianne go with us to say their last goodbye.

"I hope to see you visiting 12." I say as Gale hugs me.

"Maybe we will come and visit you." he says "but no promises, I'm not sure when I will have some days off at work." he says.

"Okay, take care both of you." I say and we board the train. As we start to move towards district 1, we look out of the window and wave to our friends one last time.

I'm happy that we finally arrived to the last district. That means only few days in the Capitol and then we go home. We go through everything in district 1 without a problem. We are walked around, they show us how they make diamonds and other luxury goods and of course we visit the local bakery. We go through the memorial revealing and party without any problems. At midnight, we finally move towards Capitol. One more memorial to reveal, one interview with Caesar and one more party in the presidential palace. Then we go back home.

We arrive to Capitol in the morning. On the train station we are welcomed enthusiastically by crowds of crazy looking people. They haven't changed at all. I'm a little nervous. Last time I was here, I came to end the war, to kill Snow. And my sister died. We are escorted into our old rooms in the old training centre and we're told, that tonight our interview will take place in front of the training center. Tomorow, we will reveal the Hunger Games and War memorial and we will go to the president's party.

"It's almost like the old times!" Effie exclaims while we have our lunch in the training center.

"Yeah, only better, because we are not going to die." I joke and to my surprise everyone laughs, including Effie.

In the afternoon, we are left with our prep teams. They clean us, do our make ups and our hair. I will be in my mockingjay dress again. Light skirt made of black feathers and sleevs looking like a wings with white paches near the tips of the wings. My makeup is harmonized into black colors and my hair is loose and wavy again. It's only fastened by some clip on the back so it won't fall into my face.

Five minutes before three o'clock we're standing under a temporar stage and we're waiting to be called. I'm nervous and my hands are shaking. I don't know if I'm ready for Caesars questions about the war and about our relationship. But I remember how kind he has always been to me and how he always helped me and that calms me down a little. When the anthem starts to play, Peeta takes my hand firmly and gives me a reassuring smile.

"We'll be fine." he says into my ear and he kisses me lightly. Then we hear Caesar speaking on the stage.

"Hello everyone! We're here today to meet our old friends! Our star-crossed lovers from district 12!" he says and people start to scream and applaud.

"Do you want to know what are their lives now?!" Caesar calls and people start to scream in agreement again. My heartbeat is getting quicker and quicker in every second.

"Let's invinte them on the stage then! Let's welcome them in the Capitol again! Let's welcome star-crossed lovers from district 12! Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark!" he screams and the crowd screams and applauds.

My heart seems like it wants to jump out of my chest. Peeta holds my hand firmly as we step up on the stage and put on our camera smiles and wave for the crowd. Caesar kisses my hand and to my own surprise I hug him lightly. He hugs Peeta too and then we're seated into a small sofa facing Caesar's chair. He gives us a dazzling smile and a wink before he starts speaking.

"So! Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark. Back in the Capitol. How do you feel?" he says. I surprise everyone when I speak first.

"Excited." I smile.

"I must agree with Katniss, I'm excited and happy to be back." Peeta smiles.

Our interview goes on for a long time. Caesar is asking us about the war, about our lives after we came back to 12, about our tour around the districts. Then he asks us about our relationship and I notice, that he's looking at my hands, probably looking for an engagement ring. He realizes, that I see him looking and I slowly move my hand towards the pearl which is on my necklace. I rub it between my fingers and give Caesar a little smile and a wink. His eyes go wide in realization.

"So Katniss." he says when Peeta finishes his speaking. "I see that you have a nice necklace. May I ask, is that THE pearl? The one Peeta gave you in the quell?" he looks at me expectantly.

"Yeah it is." I smile "He didn't want me to lose it so he made a necklace of it." I smile. We share one quick look with Peeta and we both confirm, that now is the right time for our announcement.

"Well this necklace was made for one special event." Peeta says with a secretive wink towards Caesar.

"Ohh, tell us everything Peeta. What special event was it?" he asks already having the right idea.

"Well, I wanted Katniss to have this necklace, to remember my proposal for the rest of her life." he says and gives everyone one shining smile, then taking my hand and kissing me softly. I can't help then smile wide too. Not a camera smile, but a real one. The audience is excited and it takes Caesar a while to calm them down.

"Well this is not so unexpected. Katniss tell us, how he did it?" Caesar asks.

"Umm, he took me for a picnic by a lake in our forests and there he declared his love to me and I said yes." I smile and everyone cheers again.

"So you're actually already planing your wedding?" Caesar asks.

"We have not planned it a lot, we've been too bussy with the tour so the planing will start when we come back home."

Our interview takes time until the evening and then we're left in the training center again. We have a dinner together with the others and we decide to finally ask for their help with our wedding. So when we're eating the dessert, I turn to Haymitch first.

"Haymitch we have a little request for you." I say and he turns his attention to me.

"What is it sweetheart." he asks.

"Well you know we wanted to ask you, if you would walk me down the Aisle." I say. An unexpected silence falls at our table, everyone looking at Haymitch who stays staring at me with his mouth open and his fork with meat stopped halfway towards it.

"You want me what?" he asks unbelieving.

"I want you to walk me down the Aisle." I repeat clearly. "You know, my father is not here anymore and I don't know who could be more apropriate for this job than you." I say. To my surprise, Haymitch stands up, walks around the table and pulls me up into a tight hug.

"Of course I'll do it sweetheart!" he says and I can see that his eyes are wet. "It will be an honor for me." he adds and hugs me again. I smile and thank him, while he sits back down. Then I ask Tigris and my prep team for help and they eagerly agree. The only one left is Effie. Right now, she's quietly sitting next to Haymitch, picking at her food, not looking at me.

"You know we will still need someone, who will plan everything. Someone very responsible, with a good sense for schedules and planing. Someone who would be able to force me to do what is needed even though I scowl and growl." I say not looking up. By the corner of my eye I see Effie looking up in disbelief.

"I think we have just the right person in here." I say and look up at her and smile. For a second she still looks unbelieving and then she squeals in happines. She hugs both me and Peeta and she starts babbling about it all the time, which gets very annoying. Tigris promises to give me some magazines with wedding dresses and I will be supposed to choose.

We spent the rest of the evening on the roof with Peeta. Gazing at stars, enjoying the quiet around us.

"Prim would be so happy about the wedding." I say in a dreamy voice. I find the star constelation of the old healer Peeta showed me. There shines one bright start which I always link with Prim. I stare at it and imagine how happy she would be about me.

"Yeah she would." Peeta says and he pulls me closer to him "She is." he whispers and I smile.

In the morning, I find myself siting in the middle of a huge pile of magazines with wedding dresses. I'm supposed to go through it and mark the ones, which I like. I'm supposed to circle the element I like about the dress so that Tigris could make something I will like. Peeta is supposed to help me to. I find out I like the simple gowns more than the complicated ones. I find one gown which has a laced top part with short sleeves. I like the idea, because lace looks nice and it would mask my scars easily. So we spent almost the entire morning going through the magazines, circling things we like and discussing it with Tigris.

In the afternoon we reveal the Memorial, which is in the City Circle. Than at six o'clock, we entre the presidential palace and we are welcomed on one of the most important parties of the year. Again I'm mesmerized by the amount of food, number of people and by the magnificence of the presidential palace. After almost three weeks of travelling, cameras and parties, I feel really exhausted. I keep dozing off on Peeta's shoulder as they transport us to the train station at midnight. There we say goodbye to Effie, Tigris and ou prep team, promising we will call them and start the wedding preparations soon. As soon as we're in the train, I fall into the bed and imediatelly I'm asleep. And in the morning, we arrive back to District 12. No cameras, no parties... Home, sweet home.

* * *

><p><strong>Hey guys! Thanks for reading another chapter and thanks for your patience with my story :) I hope you liked how meeting Gale turned out. I'm not on team Gale, but I don't hate him. I think he's a good guy and he deserves to be happy too. Again thanks for your views, favs, follows and reviews, it encourages me so much. I'll try to update faster :) There will be three or four more chapters. Next one will be a christmas edition :D<strong>


	22. Christmas Time

**Hi guys! Sorry that it took me so long I'm really trying but I'm so busy these days... Well enjoy some Christmas Time with Katniss, Peeta, Haymitch and Mrs. Everdeen in this Chapter. I hope you'll like it :) Thanks for favs and follows and please review, I really appreciate feedback :)**

* * *

><p>Chapter 21: Christmas Time<p>

Days are cold now, freezing nights and the first snow has already came. It's half of December and Christmas Eve is coming soon. We have never done anything very special on Christmas Eve. We had a nice dinner if we could afford it and that was all. Maybe some little present from dad, but that was very rare. For Peeta, Christmas time was different though.

One afternoon, I'm lying on a couch in my living room. I don't know exactly why, but today I have a really dark mood. I'm depressed and right now, I trace Prim's pictures in the memory book with my fingers, while quiet tears run down my cheeks. I miss her so badly. During Christmas, we always liked snow fights or building a snowman. Or making ice-cream from fresh snow and sugar. I miss her so badly! And when I'm in this terrible dark mood, Peeta cracks my door open enthusiastically. He drops a few creates in my hall and goes away again. Than he comes with more creates.

"What is it?" I ask annoyed.

"We're going to decorate the house for Christmas." he says with a huge grin on his face. "And you should find some tree in the forest." he adds.

"Tree?" I ask, not knowing what he means.

"Yes, a Christmas tree. We will bring it into the living room and decorate it. And on Christmas morning there will be a present for you under it." he says and gives me a charming smile.

"Why?" I ask annoyed even more. "Why would I put a tree into the house?" I'm starting to be angry.

"It's a Christmas tradition. We used to do it every year. It's fun." he says still all enthusiastic and happy.

"I don't want it Peeta. Take it to your living room, I don't care about traditions." I say angrily. His smile slowly fades away.

"Katniss it will be fun I promise. Christmas can't be without a tree." he pleads. But he is unlucky that I am in such a terrible mood today.

"I don't want fun Peeta! I don't deserve it and I don't have any family left to celebrate with!" I argue.

"All the Christmas of my life was without trees! For me Christmas was happy when we have enough food!" I continue in my fury "Leave me out of this, please!" I shout at him. And immediately I can see it in his eyes. He's not angry but sad and disappointed. Which is the worse option. He turns on his heel and goes away. Right back into his house. Leaving me with a pile of creates full of Christmas decorations.

I know it wasn't right of me to be angry with him. It takes me exactly five minutes of deep breaths to clear my head. I know I should apologize to him and also probably do the decorating so he would feel better. I take a deep breath and slowly go towards his house. The back door is slightly open and I hear voices. I stop for a moment.

"What happened Peeta? This is not our usual time for a call." a familiar voice of Dr. Aurelius comes to my ears, he's on the loud speaker of the phone. Suddenly I feel that I should not listen, but I can't stop myself from going quietly into the kitchen. Peeta is in his living room so he won't see me.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I had a hard time today. I wanted to cheer Katniss up and decorate her house for Christmas." he starts. "You know I also wanted to do it, because we used to do this with my family all my life. I always feel so lonely without them, so I wanted to do this with Katniss. She is my only family in here. But when I came there, she only screamed at me. Probably has a bad day, but she practically screamed me out and I don't know what to do with it. Part of me wants to scream back, but I don't want to do that. It would destroy our relationship I'm sure." His voice is sad and it is starting to be desperate.

"Peeta did you tell her, how much this means for you? You know I think this is your problem. You care only about her and don't tell her about your needs or desires. She would do it if you would tell her what you just told me." doctor says.

"I'm not sure she would care. She's not caring about me when she is in such a dark mood like today." he adds and I can't miss that his voice is even more disappointed right now. I feel worse and worse with every word he says. I want to run away, but it seems that I'm glued to the spot.

"Peeta she cares about you a lot. Maybe she's not telling, because she's afraid, but I'm sure she cares about you as much as you do about her. She told you she loves you, didn't she?" he adds. My heart beats fast and hard. I think that my legs won't support my body for long.

"I'm not so sure about that doc. Maybe she just likes a babysitter like me and don't care about me at all." I know that Peeta said that, but it was not his voice. The sound was cold, hurt, disappointed and angry. Accusing me, that I don't have any feelings for him. It sounded like that boy who came to 13. And suddenly I see a memory in my head. Sitting in a room with angry Peeta, listening to his cold questions and not knowing what to say. Sitting with him at dinner, he seducing Annie and arguing with me. My head feels dizzy and I suddenly don't know where I am. And that's the moment when my legs can't hold me anymore. I fall down, trembling, leaning against the door frame. My breaths are quick and trembling and I don't know what to do. A quiet sob escapes from my lips together with quiet "No." I want to run, but my legs seems not working. I'm sure Peeta heard me, because in a second I hear his voice.

"Wait a moment doc, there's..." he trails off when he looks into the kitchen.

"Katniss?!" his face is disbelieving now, scared too. I'm not far from tears and I know that I can't stay here. I take a few sharp breaths. For a few seconds I just stare into his eyes and in the end I just slightly shake my head.

"Not real" I whisper quietly to myself. That was not my Peeta. He would never said that.

I'm strong enough to get up and run away. As fast as I can I run into my basement and lock the basement door behind me. I hear him calling my name, but I don't answer. I'm crying and trembling in the closet, but I want to stop. After five minutes I'm composed enough to think clearly. I realize that I should be better in our relationship. I have to be the strong one this time. I have to make him feel better. And if I want that, I have to go to the forest now and I have to find some nice tree. But his voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Katniss?" I'm quiet. "I know you're there, open the door please." he says in a worried voice.

"Please, Katniss, I'm sorry." he pleads.

"You don't have to be, it's all my fault." I say in a shaky voice and look for an axe. When I find it, I attach it to my belt. Now, how will I get out of the basement? He's quiet which is suspicious. I quietly open the window and start to climb up. Unfortunately I knock down some vase, which he hears of course.

"What are you doing there? Are you okay?" he's worried "Katniss open the door." he insists.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be back before dawn." I call at him. "Go and bake something good." I say my last words and I'm out of the window.

I run as fast as I can and ignore Haymitch, who looks at me like I'm crazy, when he sees me going out of the window with axe at my belt. But I don't care. I think I heard Peeta calling my name again when I was at the entrance of victor's village, but he's not running after me.

In a half an hour, I'm in the forest, walking slowly and enjoying the fresh air. I collapse on one of the rocks and fall deep into my depression. I'm such a bad companion for Peeta. I don't understand why he puts up with me. He deserves someone who will care about him, not scream at him. I'm deep drowning in my guilt, when a rabbit runs right in front of me. Unlucky that I don't have my bow. And then I see a beautiful tree. It's exactly perfect high and shape. I smile and take out the axe. I chop it down and put the axe back to my belt. Then I take the tree and pull it out of the woods. It takes me almost an hour to pull it into the victor's village. When it is in front of my house, I take a deep breath and head towards Peeta's. When I enter the back door, he's there. Baking cookies in the kitchen and when he sees me, I can recognize guilt and worry in his eyes.

"Hey" I say and my eyes go down to my feet.

"Hey" he says "Katniss I'm..." he starts, but I interrupt him.

"Could we please leave that conversation for later? I need your help." I say nervously and wait for his answer.

"Okay, what do you need?" he asks but still looks worried.

"Come with me, you'll see." I say and take his hand. I lead him to my door, where the tree lies on the ground. He looks at it with open mouth.

"You didn't have to..."

"I wanted to." I interrupt him again. For a long moment he looks intently into my eyes and then he smiles a little at me.

"Okay. I'll help you." he takes the down part and tries to pull it to the house, while I take the top part and push the tree towards him. It takes us fifteen minutes to take it in the living room. Peeta installs it into the tree stand, while I collapse on the couch and close my eyes. This was a hard day for both of us, but I hope my effort will help. When I open my eyes again, he's standing over me and inspects me with his impossibly blue eyes. I stare back at him for a while until he looks away and sits next to me.

"Soo..." he says quietly and looks at me nervous.

"I'm sorry" I look down again, avoiding his gaze. "I'm sorry, I'm such an idiot. You deserve so much better than me." I admit hopelessly. I wanted to continue speaking about my guilt, but he puts his hand at my cheek and I look up at him. He smiles at me. Two tears escape from my eyes and his expression changes into pain and sadness.

"It's okay." he soothes me and hugs me tight. I cuddle up to him and hold him as close as I can.

"You know I didn't mean what I said?" he whispers into my ear. I can hear fear in his voice.

"I know." I whisper back. "I know you had a bad day too. Because of me." I continue and now it is me soothing him. He squeezes me and for a while we just stay like that. Enjoying each others arms.

"But doctor Aurelius is right Peeta." I say and look him in the eyes again. "When you have a bad day, when you need me to be with you, when you are sad or need anything else, you should tell me. I will be happy to help you, but you have to tell me, not hide it." I stare into his eyes and he stares back at me.

"Okay, I'll try." he promises and a slight smile flies across his face.

"And just for the record." I say in a more playful voice. "You're the most important person in my whole life and I do love you." I say urgently and keep looking him in the eyes. In the end I prove it with a soft kiss on his lips. "Always." I add when we break apart. His face lights up with the warmest smile he has only for me.

"I love you too." he says and hugs me again smiling even more if it is even possible.

"So how do you decorate that tree?" I point toward the fir tree which is standing next to the fire place. A big smile comes to his face.

"I'll show you. You have to start with the lights." he stands up and heads to the hall, where the boxes are.

He brings them all to the living room and I see the enthusiastic boy again. Same one who entered this room after the lunch. Than we spend the entire evening decorating the tree. First we put yellow lights on it, making nice lines of lights around all tree from top to the bottom. When Peeta is content with it, he pulls out some boxes with different Christmas decorations. We take out a lot of golden and red glass balls, some of them are just plain, some are shiny, glittering and some have different ornaments. When they are on the tree, he takes out a golden chain made of some shiny paper. We wrap it around the tree just like we did with the lights. In the end, he gives me a package of shiny golden paper strings, which we are supposed to throw on the tree, so they would lay on its branches.

In the end, he opens a box which contains big and really beautiful glittering golden star. I'm sure, that it should go to the top of the tree, but I suppose that's Peeta's work, because I'm too small to do it. But instead of doing it himself, he wraps his arms around my waist and he lifts me up so I could put it in there. When he puts me down, he hugs me, but suddenly he starts tickling me and we end up lying on the floor both laughing uncontrollably. At first I thought, that this will be boring and without any sense for my life, but it's quite the opposite. All the time we laugh so much and I'm really feeling happy. A feeling which is not so frequent in my case, but as I think about it, in the last weeks it comes more often than before. I guess I know who is the cause.

"It's really beautiful." I admit, sitting on the couch and looking at the tree. Peeta just set a fire and turned off the lights in the room. In the night dark, the tree looks so beautiful. Its lights are like a lot of lightning bugs right in our living room. He sits down next to me and looks at the tree happily.

"I'm glad you like it." he smiles.

"It's like many lightning bugs right in our house..." I say in a dreamy voice. He gives me a smile and examines my face for a long moment.

"Are you happy?" he asks with a concerned face. I think about it for a while. And finally I smile.

"Yes I am happy." he smiles at me. "Only..." I trail off and his face turns to worries.

"Only what?" he asks.

"I miss Mum." I admit and suddenly I feel how my throat tightens and one tear escapes from my eye. "I would like her to come. At least for Christmas." I say sadly. He puts his arms around me and he pulls me into his chest.

"You can always call her." he says in a calm voice. "You could call her and ask if she would like to come." he says.

"I'm afraid that she will say no." I admit. "She's afraid to come here... It will remind her Dad and even more Prim." I say.

"Well I still think you should try." he says "you never know, maybe she will fight it for you." as I think about that I smile for myself. She must feel lonely too. Maybe she would like this.

"Okay I'll try." I say, stand up and pick up the phone. Peeta seems surprised by my immediate reaction. I dial the number and wait if she answers the phone. And suddenly my heart runs fast. What if she doesn't want to come?

"Hello?" she answers the phone.

"Hi Mum! It's Katniss." I say

"Hi Honey, how are you doing? Why are you calling? You already called me this week." she says.

"Well I need to talk to you." I start.

"Today, Peeta made me to decorate our house with Christmas decorations." I start.

"Ohh nice. So you two are doing well together?" she asks innocently.

"Yeah we're fine. But I wanted to ask you." I say nervously "Would you like to come and visit us during Christmas?" it seems that my heart will jump out of my chest right now. Suddenly I almost jump, when I feel Peeta's hands on my arms. He came to calm me down. I didn't realize it, but I'm trembling.

"Well I'm not sure if they will give me some days off work, but if you want me to come, I could. I was thinking about visiting you for some time, but I was not sure if you would like me to come…" she says and I feel like I will faint soon. So she will come.

"Really? Of course, I would love to see you." I say in a trembling voice.

"Okay Honey." I hear a smile in her voice. "I would like to see the rest of the district rebuilding in person and I would really love to see you two. I miss you both." she says in a sincere voice. "Tomorrow I will find out, how many days I could be off work and I will let you know in the evening okay?"

"Okay Mum. Thanks." I say still unbelieving.

"Okay have a nice rest of the day and say hello to Peeta. I'll call you tomorrow." she ends.

"Bye Mum!" I say my last words. I remain standing in there not believing what just happened. Peeta who's now behind me, puts his arms around my waist and rests his head on mine.

"See?" he smiles. "I told you she will fight it for you. She's just as strong as you are." I smile and hug him close.

"Thank you." he kisses my hair and we continue in our quiet evening. We have our usual dinner routine and then we end up in the living room, watching news from Panem, which is quiet boring so I just lay my head in his lap and I just stare at the Christmas tree. It's so relaxing for me that I start to feel sleepy. When he turns off the TV and puts his hands into my hair, I smile happily and then I fell asleep right there.

Next day, Mum lets me know, that she will come for a weekend, exactly for Christmas Day. So I have exactly one week to prepare for it. I don't know if I'm more nervous or excited. Nevertheless, I clean up all the house, prepare a room for her and with a little bit of help from Peeta, we prepare for Christmas dinner. On December 23, cold Friday morning, I walk through the fresh snow towards the train station. It's 9:15 when I arrive to the station. I still have ten more minutes until the train comes, but I wanted to be here in time. So I pace down the platform, sit for a while, pace it down again... I'm nervous. That ten minutes feels like an hour. Finally I hear the rumble of the train as it arrives to the station. I stand up and cross my arms nervously. The train stops, the door are open and only a few people go out. Including my Mum. She looks different. Her hair is longer, she has nice clothes and there is a smile on her face as she comes to me.

"Hi Mum." I say, looking nervously at her. She smiles at me widely.

"Hi Honey!" she hugs me tight.

"How was the journey?" I ask.

"Long" she says tiredly "But fine." she adds with a smile. " So will we go through the city center? I would like to see it all." she says excitingly.

"We can if you feel for it." I say and smile too.

"And where is Peeta?" she asks.

"He's at home, he's baking." I smile.

"Oh yeah, what else could he be doing." she jokes and laughs.

I must admit that my mum has changed too. She has got over Prim's death well and she is living her life well too. We go through the city center, I tell her about the new buildings, still remembering the lines from our TV shot. We visit the sweets shop, where we say hello to Edmund, we visit new clothes shop and I show her the new pub, where Sae is working now. It's not a big surprise, when we meet Haymitch in there. She's excited about everything and she looks content. If she's nervous about coming back, she hides it really well.

Finally we come to Victors Village and we come to our house. To my surprise, Peeta is waiting there, with a warm loaf of fresh bread and rabbit stew.

"Oh hi Peeta!" my Mum exclaims as she notices him. She comes to him and hugs him too. He seems a little surprised by that.

"Hello Mrs. Everdeen. There's some meal for you both, I thought you could be hungry." he smiles and we both thankfully sit down to the table while he serves the meal for us.  
>In the afternoon, we go to visit Sae and on our way back we also stop at Haymitch's. I needed to tell him that tomorrow is Christmas day and he should come for a dinner to our house. I told my mum that she doesn't have to go to his house with me, but she felt brave enough to go. In the evening, we all sit by the fire and we show her our memory book. She likes our idea very much and spends like hour and half reading through my writings and exploring Peeta's drawings. To my surprise, she adds a few memories about my Dad and Prim and surprisingly about Peeta's Dad from their school days, when they were good friends. At first Peeta wanted to go to his house for night, but my mum surprises both of us, when she says her goodnight.<p>

"I think I'll go to bed. So good night." she smiles at us. "I hope I will not wake you two in the morning, I usually get up early. Work habits." she smiles and goes upstairs to the room I prepared for her.

"Does she know that I sleep here with you?" Peeta asks surprised.

"Yeah she does." I answer sleepily, again I'm dozing off in his lap.

"And she's okay with that?" he asks worried.

"Obviously." I mumble "She said that we're eighteen, grown up and that it is our business." I add and I really can't hold my eyelids up any more.

"Okay, I think we should go to bed too if you don't want to sleep in here." he smiles at me.

"I don't care where I sleep since I'm with you." I mumble. "We have slept in much worse places. Like stone floor, jungle, District 13, Capitol or hunger games arena." I'm half asleep when I realize he carries me up into our bedroom.

"Sweet dreams" he whispers into my ear and before I finally fall into my dreams, I can feel his arms around my body. I smile and let the sleep overcome me.

When I wake up, I'm alone in our bed. Peeta is probably up already. I head downstairs only in my nightgown, when I hear a piece of conversation.

"Thanks. Where did you left Katniss?"

"She's still sleeping." Peeta says.

"Really? That's not usual. She's usually up early too. Either because of hunting or her nightmares."

"Yeah, it's not usual, but she still needs sleep so much that I don't want to wake her, when she's so calmly asleep." he says sincerely.

"That's right. How often does she have nightmares?" she asks. A little quiet pause is there until Peeta speaks.

"It depends on a day." he says "Sometimes she doesn't have any, like today and sometimes she has even six in one night. But that is not so often now, only on her worst days. Not like after our first hunger games, those were worse. During the victory tour six nightmares were her usual number." he says and I guess he didn't realize what he's saying.

"During the victory tour?"mum asks. There's a tense quiet pause. "I guess that's when you two got used to sleep together huh?" She says with an amused voice.

"Well, yeah, kind of. We both had nightmares from hunger games memories and she was even more scared because of Snow" Peeta says nervously "I'm sorry, you probably shouldn't know about this." my mum laughs.

"Ohh it's okay. I'm glad that she had someone who took care about her. I can't imagine what terrible things must be in her nightmares. When you came back it was normal that I woke up at night, hearing her scream and cry. But I didn't know how to help her. When we were in 13 she started to sleep in another room from me and Prim, because she didn't want to wake us up, when she screamed." she admits. "I always said that love is the best treatment for every illness or pain."

"Yeah my recover from my terrible state after Capitol capture is a very good example" Peeta laughs.

"So you are better?" Mum asks "No more flashbacks?"

"Well I'm not that lucky." he admits "I have them like once a week, sometimes more often, when I meet some trigger. But it's not as bad as it used to be. Since Katniss started to help me with them it got much better and they are weaker. If it happens, while you're here, call her, she knows what to do." After a few moments of silence, my mum speaks again.

"So I guess it will not take much time until you two do the toasting." I hear Peeta cough "If you have not done it yet." she adds. Okay, that's enough, I should save him from this conversation.

"Good morning." I say and look at them. Peeta is drying the tea he spilled and my Mum has an amused smile on her face.

"Good morning honey." she says.

We all go for a walk this morning. Mum goes to visit some friends of hers in the town and we just want to have a walk so we accompany her on her way there and then we head back to victors village. We have fun, throwing snowballs into Haymitch's windows until he's up and he opens one of them, which is a mistake, because my next snowball hits him right in the face.

"Good morning Haymitch!" I shout at him and he screams at me. During the afternoon, we prepare for the Christmas dinner. We roast a wild turkey I shot in the forest few days ago. When my mum comes back at four o'clock, we are almost done. Haymitch arrives at 4:45 and we can start our Christmas celebration.

Peeta makes a toast, we eat as much as we can, but we still have some left overs. After the dinner we go to living room. I make tea and Peeta brings his cookies. There is a small pile of presents under the tree.

"What's that." Haymitch asks pointing at the presents.

"Presents" I say with a smile. "But only for those who are well-behaved." I add.

"Then I'm sure they're all for Peeta and your Mum." Haymitch says with a laugh and I have to laugh too. He's so right.

"Well maybe you should look at the name tags first." Peeta says and gives him a package with his name. I smile widely when I remember what is in there. We have picked this for him a week ago and I'm sure he will love it. It's a package made of three things. A twenty-five years old whiskey, a book called "Chess for dummies" and a photo in a frame. Photo of him with the two of us, which was taken in the Capitol after we won our first Hunger Games and we wanted him to have it so he would remember that he has a family in us. He really seems pleased by everything but the book. We gave it to him, because he wanted to move from playing cards with Peeta to playing chess. He thought he will finally beat him in something but it seems that he's even worse in chess than cards.

"This is offending, but thanks." he smiles at us and thumbs through the book.

My mum got a new dress from us. A blue one with yellow flowers. It was very similar to ones she got from my Dad, but those were lost during the bombing of 12. She seems excited, which is enough to make me happy. My mum gives me a little present, which contains earrings with conchs.

"Thanks mum." I smile and hug her. "I hope you will remember me when you see those conchs." she smiles.

"I surely will mum. And Annie and Finnick too." I say a little sadly.  
>Peeta got a book from her. A book about District 4 cooking and baking traditions with special recipes. He was really excited about it and promised to test the recipes soon.<p>

In the end there are only two more presents under the tree. My present for Peeta and his present for me. For me I'm pretty sure what the present is. At least it looks like a painting. When I unwrap it, my suspicion is confirmed. It is a painting and the moment I set my eyes on it, I know I love it absolutely. There are two people sitting in the grass and watching beautiful sunset. There is a lake in front of them. The one on the right is a woman, with long wavy hair and a yellow/orange flower crown with autumn leaves in it. On the right there is a man with blond wavy hair. They are sitting close and holding hands. And if you look very closely, you can see a silver necklace with a single pearl, which is entwined between the girl's fingers. It is the painting of the day, when we got engaged. I'm overwhelmed and I just hug him tight.

"Thank you" I whisper into his ear and he smiles at me warmly. Glad that I like his present.

Last present is for Peeta. I bought him a set of special color pencils for his painting, they are extra-large and they should last for a long time. He's excited about them and promises me to use them tomorrow and do me the honor of drawing me as his first subject with these. After some time, Haymitch says good night and heads to his house.

Later Peeta takes me and mum upstairs, saying that he has one more present for us. To my surprise, he takes us to Prim's bedroom. I don't go there very often. When he opens the door, he reveals a new big painting, which is hanging on the wall above her bed. It's Prim. She's just perfect. Standing there in a warm summer light on the meadow, smiling happily, holding a bouquet of dandelions in her hands, with her blond hair in two braids and her blue eyes laughing. She's wearing a simple blue dress, which makes her look very nice. She seems happy. Both me and mum look at it in awe as Peeta watches us.

"I hope you will like it. I'm sure, wherever she is now, she's happy." he says quietly. "And when you miss her, you can talk to her, I'm sure she'll hear you. I do it with my dad's painting and it really helps." he admits.

"I think I'll leave you alone." he finally says and he goes out of the bedroom. An uncomfortable silence falls between me and my mum. I guess I should at least try to make our relationship better so I turn to her only to see tears going down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry." I whisper, wiping my own tears.

"What for?" she asks looking a little surprised.

"Everything." I say quietly. "How I treated you since dad died, how I kept pushing you away, how I didn't want to trust you any more..." I say quietly "That I didn't save her." I whisper in the end as another tear rolls down from my eye. Mum is looking at me with a sad expression.

"I understand why you did all of that. I just wish we could change that sooner." she says. I sigh and look at her only to see her smiling.

"So are we on better terms now?" she asks. I reply with a smile and I hug her tight.

"I hope so." I whisper.

"Good" she says also smiling. Then her face gets a serious expression again.

"You couldn't save her Katniss. You did everything for her. You volunteered for her, that's something no one else ever did in 12." she says and looks me in the eye. "Coin sent her there and you couldn't do anything. I'm sorry that you saw it, I'm glad I didn't." she trails off.

"But please don't blame yourself, honey." she says and hugs me again "It was not your fault." then we go downstairs and accompany Peeta in the living room again. I'm glad we talked about it all. I feel much better and like a huge weight went away from my chest. I'm tired and later I'm lying on the couch with my head in Peeta's lap as usual, while he talks with my mum. My eyelids are getting heavy as he calmly brushes my hair with his fingers. For a while they are both quiet.

"Thank you Peeta" my mum says quietly after a while.

"For what?" he asks.

"For taking care of her. For healing her and for making her happy." she says and I'm sure she's smiling.

"I don't think it's only my doing." he says modestly.

"Maybe not only yours, but I'm sure it's mostly your doing. Your love has a very positive effect on her." she says and he doesn't protest.

"Well I will go to bed. Good night." Mum says and I hear her walking upstairs.

Peeta remains quiet and keeps brushing my hair with his fingers. It's so calming.

"I love you." I whisper, half asleep and happy. When I half open my eyelids I see him smiling over me.

"I love you too, my little mockingjay." he says, scoops me up and in a moment he lays me down into bed. Another calm night without nightmares.

Next morning my Mum boards a train back to 4 and I find out that I'm really sad about that.

"I would like you to stay longer" I say at the platform.

"I'm sorry, I have to go back to the hospital." she says also sadly. "But I promise I'll come again." she smiles at me.

"Okay." I say and hug her tight "Have a good journey and call me when you're home."

"I will" she says and goes to hug Peeta now "You two take care of each other and let me know if you need anything." she smiles at both of us. "Thanks for beautiful Christmas." she finally says, when she has to go to the train and the door close behind her. We wave for a while and then we slowly head back to victors village.

"I miss her already." I say sadly.

"She'll come back again." Peeta soothes me and I'm sure he's right. As usual.


	23. Lace And Tulle

**Hey guys! I'm so sorry it took me so long! Really I was so busy during Easter. This chapter is basically about Peeta and Katniss preparing the wedding. I hope you'll enjoy it. Next chapter is the last one :) Finally! But don't worry I'm already planning another fanfictions :)**

* * *

><p>Chapter 22: Lace And Tulle<p>

The winter has come with its freezing temperatures and inches of snow. I generally like winter, but it makes hunting much harder. I'm very cold when I come back to town so usually I'm very grateful for the warmth of the bakery when I come there. Today, I spent extra long time in the forest, so when I finish my trades in the market and come to the bakery it's almost five in the evening. When the little bell at the door announces my arrival at the bakery, I get a shiny smile from Peeta, who's behind the counter. I'm very pleased by the warm air in the bakery and a smile creeps up my face too.

"Hot chocolate time?" Peeta asks with a smile.

"Yes please." I smile and lean over the counter to give him a kiss. He smiles lightly.

"How was the hunting today?" he asks.

"Freezing." I say. I still feel cold and my fingers are numb.

"Ohh, come here then, I'll warm you a little." he goes around the counter and he extends his arms in an offering of a hug. I don't hesitate to accept it. It feels nice when his strong and warm arms pulls me into a tight hug. It doesn't help my numb fingers though. I have a perfect idea how to warm them up. I carefully slide them under his shirt and I press them to his warm back. I feel him jump under their coldness and he yelps.

"No, no, no, get your hands off me." he pleads me and I just laugh and press them to his skin even more. It is so nicely warm.

"Please." he thrashes but I only laugh and hold onto him as much as I can.

"I hope you two are not doing anything improper in there! It would scare away the customers." I hear a yell from the kitchen. That's Mark.

"I doubt he would be calling 'Get your hands off me!' if they would do anything like that." Bill calls and they both laugh out loud.

"Shouldn't you two be working?" I yell back in the direction of the kitchen. They both come out and look at us, standing in front of the counter and hugging tightly.

"Come on, Katniss. It's five and we close in an hour. There is no one coming and actually we're just finished cleaning up." he says. "And Peeta instead of helping us is making out with his fiancé on the counter." he adds with a smirk.

"Watch your tongue or you'll get some extra shifts." Peeta says and we all laugh. Then they go back to kitchen, I sit at the couch and Peeta brings two cups of hot chocolate. I gratefully wrap my fingers around the warm cup and I sniff the sweet smell.

"Mmmm." I hum as I take a sweet sip. "This is the best thing for cold winter evenings." I say and I see Peeta smile.

"Effie called me today." Peeta says and the tone of his voice hints that I won't be excited about it.

"Ohh, God do I want to know why?" I ask a little annoyed. An amused smile plays on his lips.

"She asked where the heck is the future bride, that she's not answering her calls all the day. She asked if you are still hunting and she said that it is not proper for future Capitol bride number one to run through forests and shoot animals with bow and arrows. She said you should pick your dress, or flowers and you should discuss the decorations with her since we finally settled the date." he says and that amused smile still lingers on his face.

"Yeah you laugh at me?" I say annoyed "Wait until she starts with you, that smile won't be on your face any more." I threaten him and he laughs.

"I'm lucky that grooms don't have many things to choose or do." he says.

"Don't worry I'll find something for you." I say with an evil laugh. He just laughs and shakes his head while he goes towards the counter because Thom and Delly just came for their evening visit. It's their habit. When they finish work, they go to the bakery and get something good and hot chocolate. They are officially dating and it seems that they're pretty fond of each other. They sit by the table which is nearest me and they both smile at me.

"Hi Katniss!" Delly beams. "How are you today?" she asks.

"Well it was pretty freezing out in the forest, but I'm fine. How are you lovebirds?" I ask with a smirk. Thom hates that nickname and Delly loves it. As usual he gives me a glare and she gives me a smile.

"We're great." Delly beams and she looks at Thom "Aren't we?" she asks him.

"Yes we're great." he says and finally smiles too "But we would be even better if Katniss would stop with her silly nicknames." he glares at me again and I laugh.

"Sorry I can't help." I smile "I don't mean it any badly, you're really cute." I comment.

"Okay so you would be okay if I get you a new nickname?" he asks and an evil grin appears on his face.

"What would that be?" I ask curiously.

"Capitol Bride." he smiles. I glare at him. I hate when anyone links me with Capitol.

"Okay let's make a deal, I'll stop calling you lovebirds and you promise you will never call me that nickname of yours." I say.

"Deal." he smiles contently.

I like these quiet evenings in the bakery. There is not many customers so Peeta can sit with me, the usual evening customers are my friends so I can talk easily with them and sometimes, when there is both Bill and Mark, there is a lot of fun as they tease each other. Sometimes there are other reasons too, just like today.

For a while Bill was talking with me and Peeta in the front of the bakery and Mark was in the kitchen alone. Then after like ten minutes, Bill went back and in a second we heard him yelling.

"What are you doing?! That's my sister!" then we heard just Mark saying something, then they started to argue, when to our surprise Leevy's voice joined their arguing.

"Bill I'm OLDER than you! I can do whatever I want and I can date whoever I want! You're not even 18!" she screams at him.

"If I will see him doing that again, I swear...!" he starts but a loud slapping sound hints that he was interrupted by Leevy.

"You leave us alone, it's none of your business who am I dating! He's your friend and you know he's great so I have no idea what's bothering you so much!" she screams again and then we just hear a slam of the door. Then when we come to the kitchen we find only Bill with a red mark on his face.

"Why does he do this to me?" he asks turning to us.

"Maybe because he likes her?" Peeta says. "Bill, she's right, he's a good guy. She could end up much much worse." Peeta says quietly. Bill just looks at him unconvinced.

"Do you think he just wants to get into her panties?" he asks.

"Bill!" I yell at him "Don't talk like that, you know Mark is not that type!" I say "He's nice and kind and I'm sure he will be a great companion for Leevy. You don't want to see her happy?" I ask him. He thinks for a while.

"Yes I do." he says quietly.

"Then leave them alone. Let them date and let's see how it ends up. They could break up, which would be painful, but they could also fall in love for each other and end up marrying..." I say.

"Okay, but they better get out of my sight when they're dating." he says annoyed and we laugh with Peeta.

At 6:30 we close the bakery and slowly we head towards the Victor's Village. When we're inside, Peeta makes fire in the fireplace in the living room while I warm up our rabbit stew and slice bread. We dine and we are going to spend a calm evening in the living room. Just as I sit on the couch, the phone starts ringing.

"Oh no, please don't answer it." I plead but Peeta just gives me a knowing smile and he picks it up.

"Hello?" he says. "Yes, you're lucky, she's here." I just sigh as he puts the phone in my hand.

"Effie is calling for the Bride." he gives me a shiny smile and I shoot him a death glare.

"Hello?" I say annoyed.

"Katniss! Finally! I've been trying to reach you all day!" she complains.

"Sorry I was in the forest." I try.

"Oh, stop going to forest and start planning your wedding! The only thing you did so far was the date" she exclaims. "We have only three months to go!" she whines as if it was the worst thing in the world.

We have settled the date of the wedding for 3rd June. That's what we've done about the preparations. And we've done it only to calm Effie, because she was getting unbearable. It's end of the February now so we have only about three months.

"Yeah, yeah, only three months I know." I say annoyed and Peeta gives me a smile. As much as he tries to make me be nice to Effie, he sympathizes with me. He knows I'm not very girlish person. "What do you need from me now?" I ask.

"Well you still haven't told me how do you imagine the decoration? What kind of flowers would you like? In summer, there are many kinds of flowers, do you have some special requests? I also sent you some bouquet photos, you can inspire from and tell me how you would like your bouquet." she continues in her monologue. I just listen and let her talk as usual.

"You still didn't chose the place too." she says in reproachful voice. "That's an essential thing for the decorations. Will it be outdoors or inside? I guess you would prefer outdoors wouldn't you?" she stays quiet and I realize she's waiting for my response.

"Yes, definitely outside." I say.

"Great! That's a progress! Do you have some ideas about where in your district?" she asks. It was three weeks ago when we negotiated with Plutarch. The wedding will be held in district 12, only people who are invited can travel in here, but there will be a camera crew, who will shoot the entire wedding and then it will be broadcasted into the entire Panem. I guess that was a good negotiation. Better then having a fancy wedding in Capitol.

"I don't know Effie, don't you think that I should discuss this with Peeta too?" I ask, I'm really getting annoyed.

"Well you should, but you will not if I won't make you. Should I maybe come to see you and make sure we could discuss this details?" she asks innocently. _God, she knows how to make me move._

"No, no, that's not necessary." I say quickly, dreading her visit. That would be a long evening.

"I promise, I'll discuss it with him." I say

"You will call me until the end of the week?" she asks suspiciously.

"I will, I swear." I swear blind.

"Okay, discuss the place, the flowers and the place for the party! I want to know all those things on Sunday." she says in a threatening voice.

"Okay, okay, we'll call you." I promise. "Is that all?"

"Yeah, if you discuss all those things I'll be happy." she says.

"Okay, then bye." I say

"Bye Katniss, say hello to Peeta." she says.

"So?" Peeta raises his eyebrows at me as I collapse on the couch next to him, put my head into his lap and close my eyes.

"We have to find the place for the ceremonial, the place for the party and we have to figure out some flowers until Sunday. If I won't call her she will come and make me discuss even more things." I say. He laughs softly running his fingers through my hair.

"She obviously knows how to make you move." he laughs.

"Hmm." I hum and a smile creeps up my face with the nice feeling he makes in my body by stroking my hair. It's always so calming.

"So have you been thinking about it?" Peeta asks. "Where should the wedding be?"

"To be honest no I've not been thinking about it yet." I say.

"Well I have." Peeta says. "Since you want it outdoors, I thought about the lake, but that is too far I think. Then I thought about our garden, but that just doesn't seem very special. Third place that came to my mind was the Meadow." he says. "That is a special place, it's big enough and I think it could work out." he says quietly. The more I think about his idea, the more I like it. Just imagining how will the meadow look like in the beginning of June, full of dandelions and other flowers, it will be beautiful.

"Katniss..?" Peeta asks unsure if I'm awake.

"It's perfect." I say quietly opening my eyes and smiling up at him. "I think Meadow is a perfect place for our wedding." he smiles back at me.

"Then the party." I say " I guess the only place where we could fit so many people is the ball room in the justice building. Bart's Pub could provide food and drinks, I'm sure we'll be able to find some musicians and well that's it, what else do we need?" I ask. He still smiles and doesn't answer. He seems zoned out.

"Peeta!" I call and wave my hand in front of his eyes. He snaps out of his dreams and smiles at me.

"I can't believe we're actually planning our wedding." he whispers into my ear making me giggle.

"I can't believe I'm getting married." I laugh. "That was the only thing I was sure I will never do in my life."

"I'm glad you changed your mind." Peeta smiles and hugs me. There is quiet for a while until he speaks again.

"What about the flowers?" Peeta asks. I sigh.

"Definitely not roses." I say with a sarcastic smile.

"Definitely not." he chuckles. I think about the flowers for a while. Of course primrose comes to my mind, but I don't feel that's right. It was not even Prim's favorite. Her favorite was another one and I immediately like the idea.

"Sunflowers." I simply say and close my eyes. "With something blue or purple." I add.

"Sounds nice." Peeta smiles.

"I'll talk about it with Leevy. She's making nicest bouquets in town, she'll know better." I say.

"See?" Peeta smiles at me "It's not that hard is it?"

"I guess it's not." I smile "For now. I'm sure Effie will get only worse as the wedding will be approaching." I say.

Next day I have a long talk with Leevy, where she offered me some ideas about the bouquet. She's good at drawing and when I told her I would like sunflowers in combination with blue, she started drawing her ideas down. Finally we settled for Sunflowers with Blue Agapanthus, mini Narcises and Muscaria. Her drawing looks really great and she promises she will make me one in April when the flowers will finally be in bloom. I'm looking forward to it. Flowers are actually one of the few things I like about the wedding. When I come to the bakery and show Leevy's drawing to Peeta, he's excited about it and he likes it a lot.

On Sunday, we call Effie, she's delighted by my progress. At first she tries to persuade me to hire a flower designer from Capitol, but I'm uncompromising. If I'm hiring flower designer, it's Leevy. I will rather give my money to her than some Capitol person. In the end Effie gives up and a victorious smile plays on my lips while Peeta shakes his head amused by my stubbornness.

"Okay, don't you think you're done young lady." Effie warns me. "You and Peeta discuss the dinner and all the courses. And the cake! Discuss the wedding cake!" she says urgently. "We have to order it in the best Capitol bakery." she says. Right in that moment Peeta snaps his head up as his attentions caught.

"Hold on Effie!" he says "We're not ordering the cake, I'm baking it." he says. It's not negotiating, it's a statement.

"Come on Peeta you'll have other things to do than bake." she persuades him, but I know this is a lost battle for her.

"I'm not arguing about this Effie. I'm doing the cake. Period." he says. She is quiet for a while.

"All right." she sighs annoyed. "You bake the cake."

"So Katniss you said you already have the best man and the flower girl right?" she asks.

"Yeah I do. Gale and Posy." I say.

"What about Bridesmaids and Groomsman?" she asks.

"Well we will think about that. How many of them it should be?" I ask.

"Three at least." she says.

"Okay, I'll think about it." I say.

"Well, then that's it, you discuss the dinner, bridesmaids, groomsman and don't forget that in the beginning of March, Tigris will come to discuss the dresses. She already showed me some of them and they are all amazing. Whatever you chose it will be a new fashion in Capitol." she's so excited. How can anyone be more excited than Bride? Well maybe there's some mistake in the bride then. We hang up and I smile for myself?

"Ohh is that smile a mistake or are you actually excited about the wedding?" Peeta teases me.

"Well I think that both cake, groomsman and dinner are yours, that leaves only bridesmaids on me and I already have an idea about who I want it to be." I smirk.

"Ohh and how come dinner is only my responsibility?" he asks "I understand about the cake, I'll keep that a secret from you, but what about the dinner?" he asks.

"Well you're the one who can cook, not me." I say.

"Well I don't think it will include cooking." he says. "we only have to plan what would we like to eat, someone else will do the cooking." he smiles.

"Okay, okay we both do the dinner, you keep the cake and groomsman and I keep the bridesmaids." I compromise.

"Deal." he smiles and seals it with a sweet kiss.

"Who do you want as your bridesmaids anyway?" he asks after a while.

"Ohh, I'm sure I want Johanna and Annie." I say "And probably Leevy and Delly too." I add.

"I can just imagine how Johanna will stick out of that group." Peeta laughs and I laugh too, because he's so right.

"What about groomsman?" I ask him.

"Well, Gale will be one of course. And I guess I will ask Mark and Bill" he says. I smile. What a great group of friends.

Next day Peeta tells me that Bill and Mark both agreed to be his groomsman. Also we cleared that as a major, Thom will be the one to lead the ceremony. Delly and Leevy accepts the offer to be my bridesmaids immediately, they are both excited about that. Then in the evening I call Annie first. She's excited too and she happily asks about all the details of the wedding. She says that even now she can tell it will be the most beautiful thing she will ever be at. Then I call Johanna.

"What?!" she yells. "You want me to be a what?!"

"Bridesmaid!" I yell back. "Are you deaf?"

"No I'm not, I'm just not the bridesmaid type I think."

"Come on, it will be fun. You will be in a fancy dress, you will get a bouquet, you will be famous and shoot on camera to remember the moment forever..." I say.

"Hmm, sounds terrible." she says annoyed.

"And you could pick up any guy you choose from the party." I tempt her.

"Really?!" she asks.

"Except Peeta!" I say "And Gale!" I add.

"Why not Gale? He's hot and he likes me." she complains.

"I'm not sure about him liking you, but he's got a nice girlfriend and he's my best friend. I don't want you to ruin his life." I say sarcastically.

"Thanks for the trust brainless." she replies.

"You're welcome." I say "So what's your answer?"

"Okay, I'll do it. But no heels and no speeches!" she threatens me.

"No promises about the heels." I yell as she says bye.

That's it. I guess my wedding is planned. I realize how mistaken I am in the beginning of March as Tigris arrives. I would not mind Tigris, but to my 'delight' Effie decides she has to come and supervise everything. The minute they enter the house at eight o'clock in the morning, my day is only getting worse. Peeta is lucky. He has to work in the bakery today so I'm left alone with Effie and Tigris.

We have spent most of the morning going through Tigris's sketches of my dresses. She has gone through the magazines and saw what we liked with Peeta. She has made some combinations of those dresses and now she came up with fifteen best dresses. Around lunch, we're just over the half, when I can't stand it anymore. If it would be only me and Tigris, it won't be so long, but Effie keeps discussing everything and it gets long and tiring. Just as Effie disappears to go to the toilet, I use this opportunity to grab a phone and disappear from Tigris's eyes. Well maybe she saw me leaving. Maybe she even gave me a wink. I curl up in a closet in Prim's room and dial the bakery.

"Mellark's Bakery, how can…?" I hear Peeta's voice. I don't let him finish the sentence.

"Save me." I say desperately.

"What? Who is there?" Peeta asks confused.

"Three guesses who." I say sarcastically "How many people you know, would call for a help like this?" I ask.

"Ohh, Katniss." He says "What happened?" he asks.

"What happened?" I say angrily "She is driving me crazy! She keeps babbling about every dress for like an hour! There is fifteen of them and we are just over a half!" I almost cry.

"How come she let you call me?" he asks suspiciously.

"She went to the toilet and I used my opportunity." I say.

"Where are you?" he asks.

"In Prim's closet." I admit quietly.

"Katniss." He says sadly. "Is it that bad?" he asks concerned now.

"I guess I've been through worse things…" I consider "I guess I would rather choose this than fighting with Cato and Mutts again." I say and he laughs quietly.

"Should I come home earlier?" he asks.

"Pleeeease do." I whine. "Maybe they would leave me alone for a while."

"And Effie started to bug me about rings, so prepare for choosing rings in the evening." I inform him.

"Well we couldn't avoid it forever." He says a little cheerfully. Right in that moment I hear Effie screaming.

"Katniss! Wherever you are, come back here!" I have never heard her so angry.

"Wow, was that Effie?" Peeta asks. "She really sounds pissed off."

"I guess she is." I say quietly.

"Peeta! Would you stop chit chatting with Katniss and come to help us?! There are customers!" I hear Bill call.

"Bill sounds really pissed off too." I chuckle. "Seems like we're both troublemakers." I add. He just laughs.

"Well I guess we both go then."

"I don't want to." I plead.

"Katniss…" he starts but he's interrupted by Effie's yelling again.

"Katniss Everdeen! If you don't want me to choose your dress, come back here! NOW!" she screams.

"Wow you really should go." Peeta says.

"Okay." I sigh "You promise you'll come as soon as possible?" I ask.

"I promise. I'll try to come until four." He says.

"I love you." I say.

"I love you too sweetheart." He says and I can hear the smile which is on his face. Than we hang up and I crawl out of the closet. I take a deep breath and go down to the living room.

"Katniss!" Effie exclaims. "Where have you been, we have to continue."

"Ohh, can't I even talk to Peeta for a while?" I ask her annoyed.

"You talked to Peeta? Did you tell him about choosing the rings?" she asks.

"Yes I have, he'll try to come home earlier to do it." I say.

And so we continue in going through the dresses and discussing them. When we have only the last one left, there is four of them I choose. I'm happy that the dress in front of us is last and I don't think I will give it much attention. Until Tigris really shows me the sketch. Just from the first second I lay my eyes on it, I know this is it. This is the dress I will have on my wedding.

"Wow." Is the only thing I'm able to say.

"I thought you will say something like that." Tigris says with a smirk.

"Tigris this is it. This is the dress I want." I say mesmerized by its beauty.

"But… There are no feathers… It won't be fitting the current fashion." Effie says concerned.

"Ohh Effie. I don't care about fashion." I say a little annoyed.

"It doesn't matter if she wears feathers. She will make the new fashion whatever she will have." Tigris adds and I realize she's right. Whatever I will wear, people in Capitol will love it and they will try to wear similar things.

"It's just perfect." I whisper as I can't tear my eyes away from it.

The dress is simple yet beautiful. The upper part covering my shoulders and cleavage is made of light transparent fabric and lace, which is sewed into floral patterns which are also continuing into the simple white corset. There are short lace sleeves and a lace collar. There are also lace gloves, which are fastened around my middle finger and they cover half of my forearms, effectively hiding the big scar on my wrist Johanna made in the quell. The lace is beautiful and it seems more like a plant wrapped around my forearm. There is a white ribbon around the waist, which is separating the corset from the skirt. Then there is the skirt. Simple and light. There is a white smooth and light skirt and there is another layer of thin, light and transparent tulle above it, which also makes a little transparent train behind me. It looks amazing and it's still simple. And I forgot to mention, that it reaches just about centimeter above ground, so it's easy to walk in it. Just what I like. Now I only have to persuade Effie not to put me into hells and I'll be content.

"Okay, I will make these five and I'll come in two weeks so you could try them and choose the one." Tigris smiles.

"Could my mum come to see them too?" I ask.

"Of course! More people more ideas." she smiles.

I'm luckily left alone until Peeta comes. Then we choose the wedding rings. We don't want anything fancy. We both agreed we want it simple. So in the end it is just a golden ring with a floral pattern engraved in it. And in the inner part of the ring, we want them to engrave the word _Always_.

In two weeks, Tigris is back with five wedding dresses. Even though Peeta has a day off, he's kicked out of the house by Effie and he has to spend the day in his old house. My Mum came for two days to help me choose. Even though I think I already know which one will I choose. The last one. Tigris helps me get into it and I must admit I feel well in it. It is not heavy or tight, it feels light and I can move very easily in it. Also the skirt is not as wide as the others. Tigris helps me to the shoes which has only a little heel. I'm grateful for that. Then she just fastens a thin veil into my hair, which falls down to the half of my back. When I look into the mirror I really like it. I'm almost sure if Effie, Mum, Delly and Leevy will like it. I forgot to mention that Leevy and Delly came to help me too. Finally Tigris puts the lace gloves on my forearms and it is finally done.

When I step into the living room, Effie, Leevy, Delly and Mum are fiercely discussing something so they don't notice me at first. I cough lightly as I walk slowly across the living room in a most lady-like manner I can master, leaving a light tulle trail flowing behind me. All four of them just stare at me with open mouths, not saying anything. I take that as a good sign. Leevy is the first one to recover.

"Definitely the favorite ones." she says in a dream like voice. "They fit you just perfectly."

"Yeah and Peeta will love the little lace details." Delly adds, coming closer to me and examining the beautiful work. "He will just love to draw it." she beams at me. Well I haven't thought about that, but I'm sure she's right.

"Mum?" I turn to hear her opinion. She hasn't spoke yet and as I look at her I can see, that her eyes are wet.

"It's just perfect, honey." she says and a single tear slides down her cheek as she stands up, comes to me and holds my hands.

"You look beautiful and it's perfectly you. Nothing fancy you would wear because of Capitol. It's you." she smiles as she looks at me again and I hug her tight.

"Thanks mum." I whisper, while hugging her.

"I choose these." I say merrily and they clap and cheer for me.

When I lie in the bed that night, Peeta puts his arms around me and I can't stop thinking about what Delly said. I'm sure he will just love the dress. Without knowing it, I have a huge smile on my lips.

"What?" Peeta asks.

"What?" I ask him confused.

"Well, why are you smiling so much? To be honest I thought you will be annoyed and grumpy after day of trying these dresses." he states and looks me in the eyes. The only thing I can do is widening my smile.

"You will love it so much." I say.

"What?" he asks a little confused.

"The dress. That's what Delly said. 'Peeta will love it, he will enjoy drawing it so much'" I quote her.

"Really? Why? What are they like?" he asks with an innocent smile. I smirk at him smartly.

"I can't tell you." I say playfully and poke his nose with my finger.

"Please tell me." he pleads.

"No!"

"At least a little hint?" he says hopefully and he looks at me with best puppy eyes he can master. I think for a while.

"Okay, there are two things I can tell you." I say.

"I'm all ears." he says putting hie ear close to my lips. I smile.

"Lace and tulle." I whisper. He closes his eyes and a happy smile creeps up his face. He's probably trying to imagine it.

"What did the others say?" he asks.

"When I walked in, the very literally speechless." I smile.

"I don't doubt that." Peeta laughs softly.

"Then Leevy spoke first and said they are definitely her favorite ones and they fit me. Delly added that you will love the lace details and you will love drawing our day. And then I turned to mum to hear her opinion." I say and hesitate for a moment.

"And?" Peeta asks.

"She was crying." I asy quietly.

"I hope it was happiness crying." he says concerned. I smile at him.

"Yes it was. She said I looked beautiful and they are perfect for me. She said that for the first time I won't wear anything fancy because of the Capitol, but I will wear a dress which is like me." I tell him.

"Good." Peeta smiles and he pulls me closer to his chest. "I can't wait for 3rd June." he whispers into my ear which sends chills through my body.

"Me too." I smile. "Finally all the preparations will be over and Effie will leave us alone." I laugh quietly. He laughs with me and after a quiet while we both fall asleep happily. Only two months to go now.

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading and thanks for follows and favorites! I'll really appreciate your reviews! :)<strong>


	24. Always

**Hey guys! Last chapter here! It was so hard to write this! It's the longest one in this story. I hope you will enjoy the wedding as much as I did while writing it. And I kind of hope, that at least one tear will fall down from your eye, because every good author can make the readers both laugh and cry. Thanks for reading!**

* * *

><p>Chapter 23: Always<p>

I thought that two months are a long long time, but obviously it is not. As we stayed busy about all the wedding preparations, two months are over and it feels like only a few days for me. It is evening before the wedding and I'm just doing the dishes after our dinner with mum. She helps me and surprisingly we remain quiet.

Everything is prepared and everyone has already came. Cressida and her team are accommodated in an empty victor's house, Effie stays at Haymitch's (even against all his arguments and complaints) and Hawthorns are in another empty house in Victor's Village. Johanna, Annie and Mum were supposed to be in our house, but they all rejected to stay in our house during our first night after the wedding. So they are staying in Peeta's. The other guests who were invited will come in train tomorrow morning. And I had to do all of this alone, because Peeta spends his time in the bakery. Last two weeks, he was there all days long, making up our wedding cake. I honestly don't know what's so hard about it that it takes him so long, but I guess he's just making it perfect. After all it's Peeta. He's not satisfied with less than perfect, when it is about our wedding.

Today was really busy, but I can't even imagine, how busy tomorrow will be. The prep team is supposed to start prepping me at eight in the morning. Peeta will be going into his house at that time and we will not see each other until the ceremony then. All the morning is reserved for my prepping, maybe some lunch and then dressing me up and doing my hair. The ceremony will start at three in the afternoon and after we will have the party and who knows how long will that take. And then finally it will be over and we will be left alone and we will live happily without cameras. I hope.

"How are you feeling?" my Mum's voice gets me out of my thoughts.

"Tired." I say tiredly "and nervous." I admit. She smiles slightly and sits me down at the kitchen table. She makes a hot chocolate for both of us and sits across from me. That smile is still on her lips.

"That's normal." she says "I remember the night before my wedding with your dad." she says and she gets a dreamy look.

"I was so nervous. I tried my dress two times to be sure I did not get fatter and that it still fits." she laughs and it makes me smile too. "I couldn't sleep, because I kept thinking about how will it go and if there won't be any problems." she adds.

"You know my parents were not very excited about me marrying a man from Seam, but they still wanted me to have a proper wedding which was not so usual in here." she says.

"Than I woke up at five in the morning and I was so nervous I vomited two times." she smiles again.

"Oh God, Mum, it was just a wedding." I laugh "Or were you already pregnant and it was your morning sickness?" I ask amused.

"Katniss." she says in a pretended angry voice. "What do you think of me I was a respectable bride, I have not been with your father like that before my wedding." she says.

"Okay, I hope I won't vomit in the morning then." I say.

"I can't believe it." she says and looks me in the eyes.

"What exactly?" I ask smirking.

"Well everything." she laughs. "That you both survived, that you got over it and you're able to be happy. That you, with all your anti-marriage thoughts, will be Peeta's wife since tomorrow." she smiles at me.

"I guess I changed." I say quietly.

"He changed you." Mum smiles "Love changed you. It happens when you meet your true love." we're quiet for a while.

"I'm sorry Prim isn't here." I say. "She would love it all."

"Yeah she would." mum smiles, probably imagining it. "But she will be here Katniss. She will be looking at us and I'm sure she actually is happy about it."

"I believe so too." I smile.

"Okay I think it's time to go to bed." Mum says and she heads to Peeta's house leaving me alone.

I don't feel like sleeping though. My mind is too occupied to sleep. And so I take a soft blanket and sit in the swing in our garden and I watch the stars which just started to appear on the night sky. All the time I think about tomorrow, about our future with Peeta, about Prim and Dad and I get a little sad that they can't be here. Dad to walk me down the aisle and Prim to be my maid of honor. I find their stars and I imagine they are looking down at me, smiling and happy about tomorrow.

"I'm getting married tomorrow, Dad." I whisper quietly looking at the bright star at Orion's belt.

"I'm sorry you can't walk me down the Aisle." I say sadly "But I'm sure you would approve of Haymitch for that. After what he has done for both me and Peeta... Even though it's hard to admit it, he's the closest person to a father for me." I say. I have never said it out loud, but it is true. No matter how drunk he is, he's almost like my father. I know that deeply in his heart under all that alcohol, he loves both me and Peeta. For a while I'm quiet, thinking about all of this and how unbelievable it is.

"Could you imagine, your little flower getting married? Could you believe I'm already nineteen and it's eight years since I saw you and talked to you?" I smile as I remember him. He always used to call me "my little flower".

"It feels like eternity. I still keep your hunting jacket and your bows. They were our life-savers. Thanks to them I could keep mum and Prim alive. And I went to hunger games." I continue in my little monologue imagining he's sitting next to me.

"But I'm sure you saw that. I'm sure you were watching me and I hope you were proud of me. That's where I met my future husband Peeta. That's funny isn't it? To find your future husband in hunger games arena. What an irony." I quietly laugh over that thought.

"You would like him, Dad. He's nice, reliable, he built his own bakery and he's the kindest person I have ever met. He's strong and he makes me feel safe. To be honest he's the only one that makes me feel safe and sound in this world. He also makes me feel happy and loved. No one has done that to me since you were gone." I take a deep breath as my throat tightens and one tear streams down.

"And he loves me." I whisper quietly. "I don't know how it happened, that he fell in love with such a person like me or why he did, but I totally don't deserve him. Ha, I know you would not agree with me, but luckily you can't argue with me about this." I smirk a little.

"I hope you would approve of him." I say quietly.

"I hope so too." Peeta's voice startles me and he sits down next to me putting his arm around my shoulder.

"Did you hear all my talk?" I ask him.

"Maybe" he smirks. I just shake my head with a smile. I'm not angry with him.

"Did you really mean what you said about me?" he asks. I give him a questioning look, asking if he really means his question. He remains quiet so I speak.

"You think I would lie, speaking to my dead father?" I ask. He smiles slightly.

"No." he says.

"Why are you asking such a question then?"

"I just can't believe this is really happening." he smiles at me happily. "I can't believe tomorrow is our wedding. It sounds too good to be my life. My life was always going some wrong direction, but this wedding seems right. And I keep worrying the something bad will happen in there or you will run away or something." he says.

"Well after the hell we've been through, we deserve something good and happy in our lives. Maybe this world is not so unfair." I say. Later we go back to the house and we go to sleep, because we really need to be rested for tomorrow. Because it is the big, big, big day.

When I wake up, it's still before dawn, but the sky is already getting lighter. The window is open and the fresh summer air has a beautiful smell. I don't feel like sleeping any more so I get out of Peeta's embrace carefully and I walk to the window to look out. As I look at the right, I can see the first yellow sun beams appearing behind the hills of the forest. The sky is clear and blue and it seems that it will be a perfect day.

The summer breeze softly tickles me on my cheeks and the beautiful smell of evening Primroses, hits my nose. They are in full bloom just under the window. It makes me smile. I'm sure Prim would be up already and excited about everything today. She would be running around me, helping with everything and loving everything. She would be my braid of honor. Well since she can't be I have to be content with Johanna being my maid of honor. Peeta's growling gets me out of my thoughts.

"Why is my bride up so soon?" he mumbles into the pillow as he realizes that I'm not there.

"I just can't sleep any more." I say with a smile. I lie back next to him and cuddle up to him.

"Too excited about today I guess."

"Are you really?" he asks opening one of his eyes and looking at me with a slight smile. "I thought you don't like attention of many people, fancy dresses and big weddings." he smirks.

"Well I can tolerate those things for one day, because the main thing of this day is, that you're becoming my husband." I smile "And that's something I can't miss." he smiles and hugs me tight.

"Sleep, I'm going to drink some water." I say and I untangle myself from his arms. He closes his eyes again with a content smile and that is enough for making me happy.

I was planing only to drink, but as I'm in the kitchen seeing all the food and Peeta's bread, I decide to make some breakfast. The clock says it's five thirty, so we still have a plenty of time before they separate us. So I quickly made some mixed eggs with bacon, pile of waffles, I make two big cups of hot chocolate and I also add some bread and rolls on the tray. It's six when I'm done which leaves us two hours.

I bring the tray into our bedroom and sat it on the bedside table quietly. Peeta obviously fell asleep again. I lie next to him and just watch his calm face as he sleeps. I love to watch him asleep. He always looks so happy and content. And beautiful. His voice gets me out of my thoughts.

"You're doing it again." he mumbles without bothering to open his eyes.

"What?" I ask innocently.

"You're staring at me, when I sleep." he mumbles again. Yeah, I tend to do that when I'm up earlier than him and for some reason it's making him uncomfortable.

"No I'm not." I say.

"Yes you are. I can literally feel your eyes staring at my sleeping face." he says annoyed. I giggle a little. He's funny when he's annoyed.

"I can't understand what's so interesting about my sleeping face." he says.

"Everything." I smile. "You just look so..." I can't seem to find the right word.

"So..?" he asks and opens one of his eyes.

"Happy, calm and beautiful." I say.

"Happy and calm maybe, but beautiful?! Nah." he growls.

"Yeah you do." I state.

"I'm giving up this argument only because I know I don't have a chance to win." he mumbles.

"Good." I smile contently.

"Do I have a brain tumor or do I really smell bacon and eggs?" he asks.

"I hope for the second." I say. He finally opens his eyes and stretches his arms with a big yawn.

"You made breakfast?" he asks eying the tray.

"I did." I smile "I thought we could enjoy our last two hours before all the rush comes." I say.

And so we do. We stay in our bed and enjoy our breakfast. Stuffing with food, sometimes feeding each other or making fun of each other. We stuff ourselves as much as we can, because we know we won't have much time for lunch. When we're full, we lie back to bed and cuddle up. We stay silent and just enjoy each other until Effie's frantic knocking jerks us up.

"Wake up you two! It's here! The big, big, big, big day is here!" she exclaims. "Be down in ten minutes or I'll come and drag you out myself!" she adds and we hear her stomp down.

"We really should go, you know she's capable of dragging us out." I joke. Peeta chuckles and kisses me softly.

"I will miss you." he says sadly.

"Don't worry." I smile "I'll call you if I get a chance. And if that's not enough, just think about our next meeting. Next time you see me, I'll be walking down the Aisle, you will finally see my dress and I will become your wife." I say. He seems even happier if that is even possible.

"I can't wait for that moment." he smiles.

And so we go and I even don't bother to change from my nightgown, because I know they will strip me down and clean me first. We greet with everyone and Peeta has to go to his house. He seems sad a little but I cheer him with a soft kiss.

"See you later my handsome groom." I smile.

"See you later my beautiful bride." he whispers and kisses me once again.

"Okay, enough of kisses, you'll have plenty of time for those after the wedding." Effie says impatiently and she gets Peeta out of the house.

And that's the end of my quiet morning. Right then my prep team and Tigris arrives and the prepping begins. I even don't know what things they do to me. I have learned in my first games that it's better not to ask. They will do it even if you don't want to. So they wash me, clean me, they wash my hair several times. Luckily we agreed with Tigris, that I should look natural today. No tons of makeup, just some light version. And so my body is spared from any powder, or glitters and my hair is also left as it is naturally.

When washing my body is done and I'm in my undergarment, Cressida and Pollux arrive and they document all my prepping. After a while, I get used to them. Sometimes Cressida asks me some question and I answer it honestly, but most of the time, I'm silent. Many people come by during the morning to see me. Gale to say hi and to make sure I'm okay. Like a true older brother. Posy to show me her beautiful dress. Delly, Leevy and Annie to wish me good luck. Johanna to complain that her dress is not seductive enough. Some time around lunch, I'm finally allowed to walk to the kitchen to get a rest from prepping. Mum made us some sandwiches and I thankfully grab one of them. Then I secretly take the phone and disappear into Prim's bedroom and dial Peeta's number.

"Hey beautiful." he says softly.

"How do you know it's me?" I ask surprised.

"I just do." he says and I hear a smile in his voice.

"So how is it going so far?" he asks.

"It's not so bad. You know, it's like prepping for hunger games. Maybe even better, because Tigris wants me to look natural. No powder or glitters all over my body." I say.

"Good. I like you more like that." he says.

"What about you?" I ask.

"It's fine. As you said it's like prepping during hunger games. I usually don't have so many things to prep as you."

"Katniss Everdeen! Where the hell are you again?!" I hear Effie's voice shout through all the house.

"Sounds like you're in trouble." Peeta says amused.

"God, I'm glad the wedding is today. One more day of this and you would have to send me to Doctor Aurelius for a therapy." I say annoyed and he laughs.

"Go on then." he says "see you at the ceremony."

"See you there then." I smile and hang up.

"I'm coming Effie!" I yell loudly.

After the lunch, they work on my hair. My hair is naturally wavy, so they leave it like that. Tigris makes a small braid at one of my ears and then she attaches it into the hair by my other ear so it makes something like a hairband at my head. She leaves my fringe out as it is and she also leaves a few wavy strands of hair falling around my face, while the rest of my hair is simply pinned back. In the end she decorates the braid-band by little primrose flowers and little green leaves.

Then I'm led to Prim's bedroom, which has turned into my temporary changing room. There it is. Waiting for me on a plastic figure, there is my beautiful wedding dress. I smile as I look at it. It is just so perfect. Now there is only Tigris and my mum. The others went away to prepare themselves. My Mum and Tigris are already dressed up. My mum is wearing a knee long dress in soft yellow color and her hair are also just simply pinned back. She looks beautiful and much younger.

They help me into the dress and they secure everything in the right ways. They adjust all the details and when I look into the mirror, I can't believe I'm looking at myself. The person in the mirror it's not just some girl any more. It's a woman. Looking natural and as myself but still very beautiful I would say. Yes, there are some visible scars on my arms, but I don't care. The most creepy ones are hidden by lace. I don't even realize, that Tigris left me alone with my mum. As I look at her I see tears on her face.

"Don't cry mum." I smile. "I thought that wedding is a happy event." I joke. She smiles.

"You're just so beautiful, dear. I can't believe you're all grown up and you're getting married." she says. I hug her tight for a long moment.

"We should go." she says. She's right. We have only half an hour until the ceremony starts.

"Wait." she says suddenly. "We should not forget the veil." she says and she fastens it into my hair. I smile.

"Thanks mum. Thanks for everything." I say and hug her again.

As we're coming down, I notice, that Haymitch, Effie and Tigris are the only ones left in here and they all silently watch me walking down the stairs. To make Effie happy and proud I try to look as a lady all the time.

"Katniss you're the most beautiful bride ever." Effie says and I see a tear on her face too.

"Oh, don't cry Effie." I say and to my own surprise hug her tight. "It's mostly your doing, that everything will be perfect today." I smile. "Thanks for everything." I add. She just smiles and hugs me again.

"It was an honor to plan your wedding Katniss." she says and goes out of the house to the car which is waiting for her, Tigris and mum.

"Don't forget to smile, girly." Tigris says "That's the most important part of every wedding gown."

"Thanks Tigris." I say and hug her too. Then she goes to the car, which leaves me only with mum and Haymitch. Mum comes to me and hugs me tight.

"I'm really proud of you, honey." she says. "And I'm sure your dad and Prim would be too." she adds and looks me in the eyes. "I'm sure they're watching you all the time and they are happily celebrating this day with us too."

"I believe it too." I smile.

"Good luck honey." she says finally and she turns to Haymitch.

"Thanks for giving her away Haymitch." she says and I see how soft her eyes are, but then suddenly they change into playful "Don't you dare to let her fall." she threatens him and he just chuckles.

"Don't worry Iris, I won't" he says. She pets his shoulder and goes out to the car too. As soon as she's in, the car drives away and I'm left alone with Haymitch. I'm surprised that his eyes seems wet when I look into them. And I'm even more surprised that he's absolutely sober, clean and nice smelling today.

"How do you feel?" he asks in almost concerned voice.

"Nervous." I say. "But happy." I smile slightly.

"That's good." he says.

"I never imagined this situation could come." I laugh quietly. "You, giving me away for real."

"Yeah, who would imagine that huh?" he smiles. "You're lucky, sweetheart."

"I know." I say with a smile. "I can't believe he really wants me to be his wife." I admit.

"He always did." Haymitch adds. "I remember that day as yesterday. Hour before the opening ceremony he said he needs to talk to me. I went there and he just said. 'I want to make a deal with you. I want you to choose Katniss.' I thought he is crazy." he says with a smile.

"I still think he kind of is when he wants to marry me." I joke.

"Come on, we should go." Haymitch says.

We go out, where a white car is waiting for us. Everyone is at Meadow now, we will be the last ones to come there. To my surprise, Haymitch opens the door for me and he offers his hand to help me in. He helps me to stuff my gown in there and then he closes the door. He sits next to me from the other side and the car moves. As we are closer and closer to the Meadow I'm more and more nervous. I know that marriage is a good thing and I want it with all my heart, but I can't help it. When the car stops, Haymitch helps me out of it and we go into a house which is right next to the meadow, that's where we will be coming out to the ceremony.

Posy is standing there nervously, gripping her small basket tightly. It is full of sunflower petals, which she is supposed to throw down on her way to the wedding arch. As she sees me, her face lights up.

"You're so beautiful Katniss." she says and she hugs me carefully.

"You're beautiful too." I smile. "Like a little princess." she smiles.

In a few minutes, Effie comes to inform us, that in a minute, the musicians will start playing and that's when Posy is supposed to go out and walk down the Aisle while throwing the petals around. She looks nervous, but she nods. When she will be done, the musicians will start playing the wedding song which should be a signal for me and Haymitch to come out. Then Effie runs back to the Meadow and takes her place in the front row.

The music starts playing in a minute and Posy nervously steps out. We watch her approach the aisle with a wide smile on her face. As she starts walking it down she disappears between all the people who are sitting there. I'm really nervous now. My heart is beating like crazy, my breath is shallow and rapid and my hands are shaking. It must be really obvious, because even Haymitch notices.

"Calm down, sweetheart." he says with a smile. "You were in much worse situations. This is supposed to be a happy moment." I give him one nervous smile.

"Just take a few deep breathes." he says and takes my hand into his. I close my eyes and do as he says.

_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten._

I finish counting my breathes and when I open my eyes I see that Haymitch is holding the door open for me and I step out. He eyes me from ankle to head and smiles. Then he reaches to my hair with his hand and he adjusts my veil.

"There. Now you're ready." he smiles. I must still look nervous because he takes my hands into his.

"I'm proud of you Katniss." he says seriously and I can see in his eyes that he's speaking true. "And I'm sure your father is too." he adds. "What you've gone through in three years of your young life is something that most of the people couldn't survive in all their lifetimes." and then he kisses my forehead softly. I don't have time to think about his words, because the wedding song starts playing.

Haymitch offers me his arm and I take it while holding my flower bouquet in my right hand. He walks me to the beginning of the Aisle and suddenly my legs feel weak.

"Don't let me fall." I whisper desperately towards his ear.

"Don't worry. Just breathe." he whispers back as we make the first step into the Aisle and towards the wedding arch.

In one quick glance I take in my surroundings. There is many snow-white chairs, decorated with sunflower yellow tulle ribbons. The ones by the Aisle are decorated with little sunflowers too. The aisle is just soft green grass sprinkled with sunflower petals and it looks just perfect. the edges of the Aisle are lined by a layer of yellow petals too. All the chairs are occupied, there is many people, but I don't care about them much. In the front, there are my four bridesmaids in a line and three groomsman on the other side. The bridesmaids have yellow dresses reaching their knees and there is a blue ribbon tied around their waists. Each one of them has their own little sunflower bouquet. The groomsman all have just white shirts and light grey trousers and waistcoats. They all have a little sunflowers in their heart-pockets. They all look amazing to me. All my best friends together.

And in the middle of these amazing friends, there's a wedding arch. It is decorated with greens and same flowers as my bouquet, mostly sunflowers. It seems amazing and I keep wondering how long it had to take Leevy to create it. And right there, there is the best part of this day. Peeta.

He's standing under the arch, looking towards me. If I would not be so nervous, I would laugh over his face. His mouth is slightly open and his eyes go wide as he sees me. His face looks so serious. I can literally see how he holds his breath in the moment he sees me for the first time. Than after we do one step closer with Haymitch, I see Gale leaning forward and whispering something into Peeta's ear. He closes his mouth, releases his breath and smiles shyly. I have to smile widely when I see it. What else do I need to be happy than this? My family, my friends and Peeta. That's all I need.

Slowly, we make our way towards the wedding arch with Haymitch. People stare at me, but I remember only a few glimpses of them between looking at Peeta most of the time. Plutarch smiling widely (probably already happy about the success of this shooting), Sae giving me a happy smile, Edmund the Candy Man giving me a cheesy wink which makes me smile wide, all Hawthorns family and Marianne smiling widely in the front, Posy giving me a shiny smile revealing a big hole, where her front teeth fell out just few days ago, Effie tapping the napkin under her eyes in the front row, Tigris giving me an approving nod and content smile, all my bridesmaids beaming happily (even Johanna) and all the groomsman smiling happily too and in the end I share one quick look and smile with Gale. And finally there is my mum standing in the front row, holding little Finn, who's dressed up too. She has a wide happy smile on her face and by her eyes I can see how touching this is for her.

Despite all of this, most of the time I look at Peeta. He's looking amazing. He has a light gray suite and waistcoat in the same color and white shirt. There is a little sunflower in his heart-pocket too. His hair is combed back in a elegant wave and I must admit he really is handsome. But it's not his clothes or hairstyle that makes him look handsome. It's the happy expression which is on his face now. And I'm sure same one is on my face.

Finally after what feels like eternity, we reach the wedding arch with Haymitch. Peeta gives me a wide smile and I smile back as Haymitch raises my hand up towards Peeta. Then he looks at him with a smirk on his face.

"Take a good care about her." he says quietly. Peeta just gives him a smile. Then Haymitch turns to me with a real smile.

"And you take a good care about him." he smiles and then he gives me one more soft kiss on my forehead. Then he gives my hand into Peeta's and he goes to the front row to stand next to my Mum. She leans closer to him and whispers something and he just smiles and whispers something back.

Peeta holds my hand firmly almost like he wants to tell me. _I'll never let go of you since now._ We share one happy smile and we turn to Thom who is standing in front of us. He smiles widely and starts his speech.

"Welcome ladies and gentleman. We gathered here, to celebrate love of this amazing couple. Their love is inspiring all the Panem and now, they want it to be official. Could you imagine this day, four years ago, when you were reaped?" he asks us with a smirk. We both shake our heads with our own smirks. Who could imagine it on that day. I was sure I'm going to die.

"Well believe it or not, it is here. And now I ask you if you have something you want to tell to the other before we continue to the official part." he says and looks at us. We both nod. We have written down our vows. I have learned it by heart. Well it was not that hard, it is written in my heart all the time.

"Okay, as Effie used to say, ladies first. Katniss, you may say your vow." Thom turns to me. My hand shakes a little, but Peeta gives it a squeeze and I smiles. We turn to face each other and Peeta takes my other hand into his too. And as I remember the words of my vow, it's like nothing else exists. Nothing than him and his beautiful loving blue eyes.

„_Peeta." _

I start a little shakily.

„_I can't believe I'm standing here today. With everything we faced I never thought I will live to be here. To be honest, just from the beginning you were somehow special for me. Our friendship was not usual but extraordinary. That's no surprise if you consider the circumstances which put us together. I was always surprised by your kindness to me and I have never thought you could love me. But slowly you showed me that you do. Unconditionally."_

His soft and loving expression almost makes me cry now.

„_Whatever happened, you were there for me. When I was scared, you made me feel safe. When I was happy you laughed with me. When I was nervous, you gave me confidence. When I was crying, you held me in your arms and soothed me. When I was mean, you were always loving. Which is impossible for normal people, so you must be some kind of superhero."_

I hear a soft laugh from the guests and he smiles too. But my face goes serious as I remember the next line, which I heard so many times, usually from Haymitch. And it's so true.

„_Even if I would live a thousand lifetimes, I would never deserve you, Peeta Mellark. I don't know, why you choose me, but I'm happy you did."_

His eyes get wet by now as I say my final line._  
>„You baked your way into my heart and you filled it with so much love that it's hard to bare it sometimes."<em>

Now two tears escape from his eyes and it's so emotional for me, that I have to put a lot of effort to say the last sentence. We agreed we will say the same promise in the end.

„_I love you and I promise to love you whatever happens to us. Always."_

I take a deep breath as I finish my vow and a smile creeps up my face as I look at him. Thom just gives Peeta a nod and a nervous smile appears on Peeta's face.

"God, you make it hard to speak clearly now." Peeta jokes with a shaky voice and the guests laugh too. He takes a deep breath and he wipes his tears away.

„_Katniss." _

He takes a deep breath and he looks me in the eyes.

„_Everybody knows how I fell in love with you. We were five and you bewitched me with your singing. You looked at me and gave me one smile and that was it. With that one heartfelt smile, you shot an arrow right through my heart and I was lost forever." _

I knew I can't avoid tears, but so quickly?! What happened to me? I used to be tough. That is my thought as I feel tears sting in my eyes and I already feel one of them slide down my cheek. I have heard his love declarations many times, but when he says it like this, here and now, it is just so different.

„_Honestly I have never thought you could love me back. But when we became friends I realized I don't need you to love me back. It was enough when you let me love you, but deep in my heart I knew you're not indifferent."_

His voice shakes a little in the end and I know that he fights tears too. He takes another deep breath.

„_You have risked your life for me so many times. You flung yourself towards deadly mutts just to catch my hand and save me. You have healed me when I was half dead. You rejected to kill me in the end of the games. You wanted to die together with me instead. And that was the biggest declaration of your love." _

I just can't stop another tears from falling down my face and by the corner of my eyes I can see that most of the guests can't resist it too. My mum has tears on her face, Effie's napkin is already soaked, I can see some tears even on Haymitch's face. God, even Johanna has tears on her cheeks! Peeta looks me deeply in the eyes and he gets a serious expression.

„_Some people may say you are plain and deformed by scars. But not for me. For me you're the most beautiful woman ever. Your scars are not ugly. To me they are reminders of your bravery and sacrifice."_

As he says this sentence, he slides one of my gloves down a little and softly trails his fingers over the ugly scar on my wrist. His face looks sad for a moment. Then he looks back up into my eyes and smiles again.

„_There is no one who could make me happier than you Katniss Everdeen."_

He says truthfully and by the happy smile on his face I know he's speaking true.

„_I love you and I promise to love you whatever happens to us. Always." _

He says in the end and then there is absolute silence around us. Until Thom brakes it. I don't miss the fact that he's wiping something away from his face too.

„Well." he starts with a shaky voice. „That was amazing. Let's move to the official vows and exchanging your rings." he says and nods to Gale. Gale steps in front of us. He gives me a smile as I wipe my tears away and take a deep breath.

"Do you, Peeta Mellark, take Katniss Everdeen as your lawfully wedded wife to have and hold from this day froward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish and obey, till death do you part?" he asks in a clear voice. Peeta looks me in the eyes.

„I do." he says clearly and a smile creeps up his face as he keeps looking at me. Now Thom addresses me.

"Do you, Katniss Everdeen, take Peeta Mellark as your lawfully wedded husband to have and hold from this day froward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish and obey, till death do you part?" he asks. My heart is beating fast and I keep looking into his eyes. There is no one else in this word, whom I would allow to be my husband. I have never thought I will be standing like this, promising this. But I am and I do.

„I do" I say clearly.

„You can seal your vows with your wedding rings now." he says.

Gale who is standing next to Thom is holding a little velvet box with two wedding rings. Peeta takes the smaller one and he carefully puts it on my ring finger. Then I take the bigger one and put it on his. We stay like that, holding both of our hands as Thom finishes the ceremony.

„Peeta and Katniss, you have expressed your love to one another through the commitment and promises you have just made and you have sealed those promises with your rings. It is with these in mind that I pronounce you husband and wife." he says with a big smile.

„And now..." he says and smiles even wider.

„We all know you have kissed a thousand times, maybe more. But today it is no ordinary kiss. You're no longer simply partners and best friends. You have become husband and wife and you will seal that agreement with your first kiss as a married couple. Today your kiss is a promise." he says.

„Peeta you may kiss your beautiful bride." he says and Peeta doesn't hesitate to do so.

I expect ordinary soft kiss and it looks like that in the beginning. We look into each others eyes and as our lips touch, I close mine and he closes his. It is soft, sweet and perfect. Then I feel his arms wrap around my body and then he suddenly bends me to the side. I feel like falling down, one of my legs goes up, my hands goes around his neck instinctively, but he holds me firmly as he gives me a dip kiss. I smile against his lips as I hear cheers, whistles and oohs from the guests. When we break apart we stay in our position and stare into each others eyes.

„Show-off." I whisper with a smirk.

„You like it." he smirks confidently and he gets me back up into stand position as I smile widely. Well he's probably right.

„Ladies and gentleman, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Mellark." Thom exclaims happily. Everyone cheers and I can't help than smile. We're supposed to walk back the Aisle, but Peeta decides otherwise.

He shoots his fist into the air with a victory smile and „Yes!" Then he scoops me up and carries me back the Aisle proudly, beaming at everyone around. They all just laugh and I can't do anything else than laugh too. When we're almost at the end he smiles down at me, he puts his lips close to my ear and whispers.

„Now you're mine. Forever." His breath on my ear sends chills over my body. I smile up at him too.

Everyone is supposed to go to the party in the justice building ball room, so that's where the car takes us.

Everyone is seated at the long tables, there is a lot of delicious food, drinks, everything you want. There is also a chocolate fountain and a huge pile of fruits which you can dip in it. I love that thing so much. When everyone is in there, Gale stands up to have his speech.

"Hey everyone. I'm best man, so I' supposed to have a speech about these two. I can tell you that usually I'm not very good with words, but I'll try today." he smiles. Then he turns to us.

"_Well Peeta and Katniss what to say about you two._

_ The first thing which comes to my mind is Star-crossed Lovers, which they really are. Just imagine the luck they have that they're both here today. Their first date started, when they were reaped for their first hunger games. Who could have expected that. They made a hot entrance at the opening ceremony. Then their dates were just full of trying different weapons and learning how to kill each other. And then they were in the arena. First separately, but then they got another date. Well actually a series of dates in a dim cave. And instead of enemies, they became allies. And in the end, they showed us all their undying love for each other when they wanted to commit a suicide together. _

_ Well they were saved, but not for long. Just as they thought they will get married, another hunger games came and they were back. And that's where the nightmare started. Because in the end of those they were separated. I was in 13 with Katniss so I know how terrible it was for her. She was slowly falling apart and going crazy without him and I'm sure so was he. _

_ When he came back hijacked and hating her, I thought she will never heal from that heartbreak and I thought he will never come back to his old self. Well luckily they both did. Slowly, they came back to each other. Fighting their fear, anger, pain, confusion and heartbreak, they got closer and closer again. Even though we were in the final battle in the Capitol, people dying around us, they still protected each other. Against all the odds, they decided to love each other again and give their lives for each other. _

_ And now, look at them. A year after the end of the war, they're back in their old love and they are getting married. I know Katniss for a long time. I met her in the forests and since then we were helping each other. Our families were like one and she was and still is like my little sister. She was never a romantic soul, but since Peeta bewitched her, she is absolutely different. As Haymitch was walking her down the Aisle today, I was seriously doubting if it really is her. We all saw that Peeta couldn't recognize her either, I had to remind him to breathe so he would not faint because of lack of air." _he jokes and everyone laughs again.

"_I got to know Peeta during last two years and I must say that I have really never met such a person. His kindness is unlimited and his love for Katniss unconditional. I'm pretty sure she's in good hands. You both have already shown us, how big fighters you are. I'm sure after all you've been through, a marriage will be a piece of cake."_ he smirks.

"_But as her older brother, I must say this. Remember Peeta, if you hurt her in any way, I'll kick your ass for that." _he threatens him and everyone laughs.

"_So I now ask you all, to stand and rise your glasses for the Bride and Groom."_ he says and everyone stands up.

"Peeta and Katniss" he rises his glass in our direction and smiles widely. We rise our glasses too and everyone cheers for us. Then we have a dinner and everyone is chatting about today.

When most of the people is done with eating, the musicians start playing, Peeta stands up and he extends his hand towards me.

"May I ask you for a first dance, Mrs. Mellark?" he smiles sweetly and I smile back. We go into the middle of the dancing floor and everyone is watching our slow romantic dance. It's nothing fancy, just a few basic steps we know since victory tour. Peeta looks down at me and smiles happily.

"Did I already tell you how beautiful you are?" he asks.

"Not today." I say with a smirk.

"Then I'm telling you now. You look beautiful Mrs. Mellark." he says, putting emphasis on my new name. I smile.

"You're stunning, splendid, outstanding, striking, gorgeous, magnificent and glorious." he says in one long sentence and keeps staring into my eyes.

"You're all of that and much more, there is just not enough words." he says and there is such a loving expression in his eyes, that it is almost impossible to look into them.

"Please stop, you'll make me blush." I smile and look down.

"I won't stop, I'll tell you every day." he insists. "I'll just keep looking for new words to describe you." he smiles and he keeps babbling about it. There is only one way how to silence him. I kiss him and he finally shuts up.

"I love you." I whisper as we break apart. Our foreheads still lean against each other.

"I love you too." he smiles and he pulls me closer to him. I lean my cheek against his chest with a content smile and that's how we finish our first dance.

And since then it seems that I won't stop dancing. Everyone apparently wants to dance with the bride. Second dance is with Haymitch, third one with Gale, fourth one with Edmund then I lost count. Finally I'm saved, when someone announces, that it is time for the cake. I almost forgot about it. Now I'm curious, how does it look. It's Bill and Mark, who brings it and sets in in front of me and Peeta. And I just stand there and keep looking at it with my mouth open.

It's the most beautiful cake I have ever seen. It has three round tiers. The base color is soft green. And on the base color, there are different floral ornaments in yellow color. At least I think it's just ornaments, but as I look closer, I recognize everything. On the bottom, there is tiny grass and many flowers growing up around the first tier. They are fluently growing into tree branches in the second tier. There are leaves and you can also see mockingjays in there. The third tier is dotted with tiny stars. Most of the people would not see it, but I do. They are constellations. Orion and Ascelpius. And in each one of them, one of the stars is bigger. Prim and Dad. And on top of all this, there are two tiny figures standing on the top. You would expect beautiful bride and groom. No, not here. On the right, there is a young blond boy. He's in his apron, holding a loaf of bread, with a little rolling pin in the apron's pocket. His other hand is linked with hand of a girl standing next to him. She has a green shirt, brown hunting jacket, black pants and high boots. There's bow and quiver over her shoulder and she holds a hunting pouch with her other hand. The thing which is same for both of them is the happy expression they have on their faces as they look at each other.

I turn around to look at Peeta only to find him looking at me in concern. Could he really be concerned if I like this. I flung myself into his arms as tears stream down my face. I hide it into his waistcoat and let them fall silently.

"I love it." I whisper into his ear, when I'm finally able to. He gives me a soft kiss and I'm almost sorry, that we have to cut that cake. But finally we do and it is delicious. I have never ate anything like that.

The party lasts for long. Different people congratulate us and give us gifts. Mark and Bill give us matching aprons. Peeta's is orange with green edges and mine is green with orange edges. There is something written in the front. Mine says Mrs. Mellark in orange letters and Peeta's says Mr. Mellark in green letters. Finally I'll have a fitting apron which won't be big on me.

In the end my Mum finds us, hugging both of us and ensuring us how happy she is. She has to board the train to 4 early in the morning so she's already going home to get at least some sleep. She only gives us her little present. It's two train tickets to district 4 and back. She tells us to visit her whenever we want. And we surely plan to do so for at least a week after our wedding.

It's two in the morning and that is when it finally ends. I'm extremely tired and my feet feel sore from the heels. Peeta as a true gentleman scoops me up and gets me into a car which drives us home. He brings me to our bed and I fall into it tiredly.

"You should get out of that gown." he advises me as he strips down from his clothes.

"I'll do it in the morning." I mumble almost asleep.

"Come on, you can't sleep in it." he says and pulls me up from the bed. "I'll happily help you." he smirks at me.

"I don't doubt about that." I smile. So I just stand while he removes my gloves and veil. Then his tender fingers untie the corset carefully and the gown slips down from my body, leaving me only in my white lace undergarment. I can't miss how Peeta stares at me.

"You seem like you never saw me naked before." I comment with a smirk.

"Well I did, but it is different today." he smiles "You are my wife." he whispers into my ear and as his hands tenderly slide around my waist chills run through me and I breathe out loudly. Suddenly I'm not sleepy any more and I feel a flock of butterflies flying around my stomach as he starts showering my neck with kisses and his hands free my breasts from my bra. Then he lies me down on the bed and with one fluid and deliberate motion, he pulls my panties down.

"Since today, you're mine and I'm yours." he whispers against my skin.

"Always." I breathe out into his neck. And that's the last word spoken before we loose ourselves in our love.

* * *

><p><strong>Wow! :) I can't believe I finished this and that it is over (for now ;) )! Final number in my computer is 24 chapters and 150 pages! I had no idea I'm capable of writing such a long story. :) I just want to thank you all so much for your support. Thanks for all the favorites, follows and especially reviews. They encouraged me all the time and I must admit I didn't expect my story to be this popular. I surely plan to do a sequel about Katniss's first pregnancy and about their first kid growing up, but not immediatelly. I think I need a rest from Hunger Games world so right now I plan to write a modern day fanfiction about Peeta and Katniss (without hunger games). I hope you will like my new stories at least as much as this one. I guess that's all from me for now. I'll try to start the modern day fanfiction soon. Once again big thanks to all of you! :) <strong>

_**And may the odds be ever in your favour!**_


End file.
